Enter standard disclaimer here. Nope, not mine, not mine at all.damn.
Better Luck Next Time
By: Wicked Innuendo
"It isn't going to work, Naruto." Sakura stood with her hands on her hips, glaring at her yellow haired teammate of four years.
"You're just mad because you didn't think of it first, Sakura," Naruto sassed back, in a childish I know you are but what I am tone.
"Your last plan failed miserably and so will this one." She scowled, her volume rising with each syllable. "Kakashi-sensei isn't dumb enough to fall for it."
Naruto inhaled a deep breath to give Sakura an earful on why his plan was completely foolproof, but the third member of their group arrived at the bridge.
"Did you get it? Did you get it?" Naruto anxiously asked the Uchiha heir, hopping from one foot to the other like a child in urgent need of a potty break.
Sasuke did that half smile he was notorious for, the same smirk that use to make Sakura go weak in the knees and procured from behind his back the most recent copy of Icha, Icha Paradise.
"They let you buy that, you're not old enough to buy that." Sakura gasped, snatching the thick pornographic manga from her gorgeous teammate.
"Aa..I have my ways." He nonchalantly remarked.
Sakura held her tongue, a vein in her forehead twitched to life to the rhythm of the blood rushing to her ears, and Inner Sakura exploded. You flirt! You seduced some saleswoman with your silent but sexy act to sell you smut. Unforgivable!
Naruto grabbed the adult reading material from Sakura and flipped open the book. Sasuke leaned into Naruto's right side and Sakura on his left,the trio skimmed through the hentai manga together.
"The team that reads together, stays together," Naruto sheepishly laughed, his cerulean eyes never leaving the graphic images.
"Somehow, I doubt that applies to porn," Sakura muttered to herself.
A slight blush touched Sasuke's cheeks and Sakura turned her head sideways to get a better understanding of the illustration. "Oh..is that even possible to get your leg behind your neck like that." Naruto thought out loud.
Neither replied, but just continued to allow the smut to corrupt their innocence, skimming through the page after page.
"Does it seem warm out here to you guys?" Naruto asked, pausing briefly to remove his loud orange jacket and then went back to gawking at the pictures of busty blondes with plump little assets.
"Her!" Naruto shouted his epiphany. "She's the one!"
"She kind of looks like Tsunade-sama," Sakura looked closer at the picture, "Your Ero-Sennin that writes this, he grew up with Tsunade-sama, didn't he?"
"Aa.." Sasuke confirmed Sakura's theory, rubbing his thumb over the Brazilian waxed nether region of the girl in the manga.
"Ew!" Sakura screwed her face up thinking more about the author. "Naruto! If I ever found out that you were drawing naked pictures of me, I will beat you upside down your head until the white meat shows!"
Naruto laughed guiltily and quickly changed the subject, "We're sticking to the plan then, you remember to bring your camera Sakura-chan?"
"Yes," she snapped, still angry and contemplating the possibility of any Naruto drawn nudes of her popping up on the internet somewhere and muttered under her breath, "this is so idiotic," while Inner Sakura screamed her trademark, Hell Yeah! About Naruto's scheme to get one over on their Sensei.
Naruto did the hand seals for his imaginative Sexy No Jutso, transforming himself into the girl from the manga that looked too much like their current Hokage, standing naked as a jay bird.
"Well, how do I look?" He winked at his teammates, bending over slightly to make his cleavage look more appealing.
"Anatomically correct," Sakura scowled, while Inner Sakura pouted. G'damnit, I'm the real deal and he's got better boobs than I do.
"How come you're taller?" Sasuke asked, averting his gaze to a tree in the distance.
Naruto giggled as the manga lady then quickly undid his transformation and Team 7 sat at the bridge like they always did waiting for their perpetually tardy Sensei to eventually show up.
Three hours later he appeared in a poof of smoke.
"You're late." They said in unison.
"Today I got lost on the.." the Jounin teacher began.
"On the road to life." Sakura completed for him.
Kakashi scowled at his only female student.
"So what are we doing today?" Naruto beamed at his teacher.
"Today we will be practicing another form of the tree climbing technique," he announced, trying to add enthusiasm to his voice. He knew that his students had been going stir crazy from lack of missions but practice was essential to the ninja in times of peace.
Alas, so Team 7 accompanied by their Sensei made the trip to their usual training area the fast way; via jumping from branch to branch like rabid squirrels on speed.
It was just another training day as usual. He left the trio alone to practice the more advance modus operandi of walking up trees and walls and ponds and mud puddles and such. Kakashi sat down on the lush green grass, opened his beloved manga, Come, Come Paradise and read intriguing continuations of indecent acts of debauchery.
Team 7 allowed him to read for about 30 minutes, Sasuke gave them the it's time now look and so it began. Sakura and Sasuke pretended to be engrossed in an argument about why he would never agree to have dinner with her and Naruto walked over to Kakashi beaming like the cat that swallowed the canary.
"Sensei, could you explain it to me one more time? Sakura and Sasuke are having another lover's spat." He asked as innocently as a boy with a Nine Tails Kitsune sealed in his navel could.
Kakashi stood up showing the boy the hand signals once again, but going much slower in hopes that the boy would remember the hand signs.
"Oh..I see," Naruto feigned ignorance. "So, if I do my hand seal like this," Only instead Naruto performed the Sexy no Jutso seal, "it should work better."
Poof! Suddenly there was a cloud of smoke, slowly dispersing to reveal the bombshell wet dream fictional character made flesh.
"Oh, what was I saying? Yes, I remember now," he cooed in a voice reminiscent to a 70's adult flick. "Would you like to come, come to paradise with me?"
"Is it really you?" Kakashi's eye glazed over with lust and like all those exposed to the undefeatable Sexy no Jutso he had the mother of all nosebleeds, stumbled back a few paces then immediately fainted. He hit the ground with a loud thud that seemed to echo throughout the mysteriously silent forest.
"Works like a charm." Naruto, the pin-up girl giggled.
Sakura and Sasuke immediately stopped their faux fight and ran to Naruto's side. Naruto was laughing hysterically "Did you see me?! Did you see him?! Sexy No Jutso is the supreme attack!"
Naruto transformed back to his usual teenage self and the three bent over Kakashi passed out form.
"Finally after four years we can actually see what his face looks like." Naruto squealed like a schoolgirl.
"I'm making Christmas cards of it," Sakura announced.
"Aa.." Sasuke tried to appear disinterested
Sakura held her camera over her jade eye; Sasuke's usual half smirk turned up at the corners a fraction to make an honest to goodness smile, while Naruto hooked his index finger into the black cotton mask and began to tug the corner of it down.
Then Poof! Suddenly there was a second cloud of smoke, slowly dispersing to reveal a regular piece of cut wood. The passed out body of Kakashi had indeed been nothing more than a clone.
Sasuke's toothy grin went blank, Sakura got an excellent photograph of nature at its finest, while Naruto screamed, "Noooo!"
"Nice Try," Kakashi said, hopping out of the tree above them. "It's nice to see that you're finally beginning to work on your own as a team. I guess this concludes today's training; you guys and gal go enjoy rest of your day off."
All were silent, neither argued, nor made a peep. They were getting off the hook too easily. So, heads hung low, Team 7 trudged away from the training ground into less rural parts of Konoha Village.
"Yo! Naruto, can I talk to you for a minute?" Kakashi asked in frightening sugary sweet tone.
Sakura and Sasuke turned to Naruto, he simply nodded and the pair understood his unspoken assurance to continue on without him.
Kakashi waited until the Haruno girl and Uchiha boy were out of sight before he reprimanded the boy. Hands crossed over his muscular chest, he eyed the Chuunin, shook his head, and sighed. "Your Sexy no Jutso is slacking, Naruto. Sundae-chan from Ichi, Ichi Paradise is a full D cup, you had CC's. Plus her hair is Platinum blonde not ash blonde and she's 5'9" not 5'11 ½ ." Oh and she has a birthmark in the shape of a kunai on her the left side of her shapelier derriere and she always, always wears strawberry pink lipstick, not that hooker red stuff you had on."
"Ecchi-sensei," Naruto mumbled under his breath.
But Kakashi continued as is if he didn't hear him, "You need to work on paying more attention to detail. Attention to detail is what makes great Hokages. Better luck next time, Naruto." Kakashi ended his speech.
Naruto felt completely disheartened. First the Ramen Shop when Ino got in the way from seeing Kakashi's face and now the Icha, Icha Plan was foiled.
"C'mon Naruto, I'll treat you to Ramen." Kakashi patted the teen on his head, the blonde's entire demeanor changed and he smiled from ear to ear, while Kakashi thought to himself, 'If they'd just ask, I would've shown them.'
A/N: Bad humor & OOCness, inspired by a Kakashi X Sexy Naruto doujinshi cover that I tried to rationalize with comedy. I had fun to writing this; it's a far cry from my typical angst and smut. Was it fun reading? Click the review button and speak your mind. ^^