Chapter Four
Summary: Angel talks about Buffy while she's sleeping in his arms.
Author's Note: The song, "I Know What Love Is" is by Celine Dion.
"I was forgotten until you
called my name. Lost in
the shadows until you
shined your light my way.
Now I believe again."
I can see her pain. I can feel it and taste it and hear it. Her eyes scream with the hurt though her lips are silent. I reach out to her and she clings to me so tightly I can feel her tremble. Fear has latched onto her heart and I can do nothing to quell it. I don't know how because she won't let me try. Always so strong she keeps pushing me away when I try to help but she's holding me to close to her I'm never truly far from her. It still amazes me that someone so strong can be so vulnerable; that someone forced to grow up so quickly beyond her age is still only a child inside. And it's me that she turns to for comfort.
"In all my dreams again I'm
wide eyed and innocent. Those
doubting days are so far
away and I will fall and you
will you will catch me always
time has taught me this."
Lying in my arms I listen to her breathing. She came to me in tears and wept while I cradled her. So much is stacked on her shoulders and the weight was starting to push her down. There is such expectance placed upon her and her duty, her destiny is almost more then she can bear at times. She is a girl whose mind should be occupied by shoes and makeup not demons and apocalypses. How unfair it is for her. My heart aches alongside hers and my tears have become hers. There is nothing I wouldn't do for her, nothing I wouldn't sacrifice, but this – her destiny – is the one thing I can not change and my heart bleeds to know it.
"I will fly and you'll be there
to guide me. Straight up to
me hearts highest wish I feel
you close to me and I know
what love is. Now there's no
mountain too high for me to
climb. No ocean so wide that I
could not reach the other side."
Her tiny hand wrapped in mine, her eyes looking into mine. No words are spoken. All is said in our silence. Silence is the voice of the heart. Her fingertips brush my cheek and trace my lips. Her smile sparkles and I am in awe of her beauty – knowing I don't deserve such an angel in my life. When she kisses me I feel the passion in our touch and taste her love. Warm tears streak her eyes but that smile still shines. They are tears of joy, she tells me. She is happier then she ever thought possible, she confesses, and she never wants me to let her go. How could I ever let her go when she is a part of me?
"Now I believe in me 'cause
you live and breathe in me and
nothing can come between.
We are one star no night can
darken. I will fall and you will
catch me always time has
taught me this. I will fly and
you'll be there to guide me."
To say goodnight takes all the strength I possess. To let her go is something I can never do. In her hands she holds my soul. She is my salvation, my redemption, my eternity. Slowly she walks away but I still grasp her fingertips. She laughs and kisses my cheek. Tomorrow night, she whispers, shall be ours. Her touch lingers on my skin long after she's gone and she is all I dream about. I need her always and forever. What light could exist in the world without her smile to create it?
"Straight to my hearts highest
wish I feel you close to me and
I know what love is. It's an
unspoken thing, a quiet opening.
There's no words that can go that
deep but I know. I will fall and
you'll catch me always time
has taught me this. I will fly and
you'll be there to guide me.
Straight up to my hearts highest
wish I feel you close to me and
I know what love is."