Title:
Healing of the mind
Summary: sequel to Aftermath. Estel
(Aragorn) was hurt terribly by a human and now he fears to trust other Men. Will
the arrival of a certain ranger change that?
Disclaimer: not mine… never will be. They belong to J.R.R. Tolkien. I just take
them out to play with once in a while. :)
A/N: Sorry I left AP hanging again, I just couldn't focus on it until I had
written this one – I will return to it as soon as I have finished this – tops:
end March, I promise. Wow man – I intended to post this nearly four weeks ago,
but I just didn't find time to finish it! But anyhoos – I was reading Aftermath
and Friends of old the other day (I should say month by now) and I thought –
hmm, I always leave them with sort of a sad feeling. So I then decided to write
a last part to Aftermath – the sequel in which things will brighten up for our
young human (or will they?). You might want to read those other two stories if
you haven't already, or it may be confusing to read. Thanks to all those who
replied to certain questions I had – hope you enjoy the story!
Oh yeah – I had intended this to only be one chapter, but there was so much I
wanted to put into this, so it has been divided into two chapters. Part two is
written for about 80%, I just need to find time to finish it.
Thoughts
or emphasis are in italics – it
should be easy enough to figure out what's what.
Warning: only a small one I guess – this deals with emotional stuff and refers
to rape, but that's all…
~~~
Chapter 1
Time had passed slowly ever since the day that had ruined the trust of a young
man. It was nearing summer now and the days grew longer and warmer… the cling
of winter to the morning air had faded and the trees proudly showed off their
new leaves in full glory.
For a long time, Estel couldn't appreciate the singing of the birds in the
morning, or the singing of the elves that lived in Imladris. Dark thoughts often
invaded the boy's mind and it was only by talking to his family and friends
that the menacing voice in his head stilled its taunts and accusations.
Estel often sat in his room, sitting near the window with a book in his lap and
reading… At the urging of his father, Estel read books on the history of men
and the Dunédain – telling the boy that goodness was in human's nature as well,
not only the evil of a few. Sometimes, his gaze would stray outside and he
would remain like that for some time. At least once a day an elf would enter
the room, usually Legolas, and ask him to join him and the others. The human
would then slowly turn his gaze on his friend and blink several times before
moving from his place and following him – sometimes choosing not to follow at
all though.
Today Estel was sitting in his room and staring at the far horizon again. He
just had one of his talks with his father and he was mulling things over when a
knock sounded on his door. Softly calling an 'enter', the twins and Legolas
entered.
"Are you ready, Estel?" Elladan asked. They had been planning to go outside and
enjoy the weather, but seeing the dark mood their little brother was in both
the twins feared he would not want to join them.
Seeing Estel slowly shake his head confirmed that fear and concerned, Elrohir
sat down on his haunches before him with his hands on his knees – careful not
to touch his brother since Estel did not want that.
"Come on Estel! It would do you good to go outside with us." Elrohir said.
"You cannot spend these wonderful days reading in your chambers! Or staring
outside the entire time… You need to go out and feel the sun on your face
again!" Elladan said.
Estel snorted. Wonderful days! But then he thought about it… He wanted to go
outside, he really did. He wanted to visit the place where he always found
peace when he needed it. Where he could sit beneath the trees and look at the
water with no elf in sight – only the sound of the woods and its inhabitants
keeping him company. Estel clenched his jaw tightly. That place had been stolen
from him. Never would he feel that peace again, not there… not anywhere else
for ever would he dread being taken by surprise by a human.
"Practice sword fighting?" he asked Elladan – his voice only just above a
whisper. Estel didn't care that it sounded too much like a plea; he wanted to
practice until he was the best swordfighter in Middle Earth.
Elladan nodded, but his gaze strayed to the sword next to the chair (it never
left Estel's side anymore) to the boy's boot where the elf knew he had hidden a
small knife that was easy to reach if it was needed. Not letting his thoughts
show, he quickly responded. "All right, let's practice today then."
Elrohir smiled slightly that they had managed to get Estel to leave the house,
even if it was to practice. The sun would do his little brother good. Estel had
grown too pale and though he ate he had not gained back the weight he had lost,
but he was slowly healing. The youngest twin needed to see his brother getting
better, for he himself still suffered from the memories he had seen… The things
that bastard had done to his little brother… how the older human had left him
behind… Elrohir sadly shook his head and cursed the fact that the memories of
elves were long and sharp.
~~~
The four walked to the gardens in silence. The easy banter that had taken place
in the past had been absent of late, for Estel wasn't ready yet. The elves
talked to the boy quietly when they sat with him in his room, trying to
understand his feelings and hoping that by talking about it to them, the burden
of his memories would become easier to bear. Outside these talks, they didn't
really know how to act towards the human for he no longer acted like the Estel
they remembered.
It had become obvious to the elves that Estel blamed himself for what had
happened. They sometimes heard him muttering 'stupid' over and over again
before one entered his room. When Elladan had questioned him one day, the human
had replied that he felt stupid to have put his trust into someone he didn't
know. That the man in question had been counted a friend of his father didn't
seem to matter to the boy and no matter how often the other elves would tell
him he was not to blame, Estel was obstinate in his resolve.
Estel walked further into the garden and closed his eyes as he let the sun's
warmth caress his face. He hadn't realized how much he had missed to be outside
again and deep inside he was happy that neither his brothers nor his friend
would give up on him.
"I missed her warmth…" Estel said, meaning the sun that was still on her way up
in the sky, "I missed the wind moving through my hair…"
Legolas smiled gently at that as he looked at the unruly locks dancing in the
wind. Estel still kept his hair short, though not as short as it had been when
he had cut it several weeks ago. The Man's hair was about one inch in growth –
longer than Estel would really want, but Elrond and he had reached a
compromise.
They had all been shocked when Estel had entered the dining room that day with
his hair closely cropped. The being before them had seemed a different person,
but now it seemed as if the old Estel was emerging again. Not only in looks,
but in character as well; it just would take some time.
Estel turned towards Elladan. "Shall we start?"
Nodding, Elladan unsheathed his own sword and waited until Estel was ready.
They sparred for quite some time, Elrohir and Legolas sitting in the shade of a
tree watching them.
~~~
"He has improved, has he not?" Legolas more stated than asked, referring to
Estel in general and not his skills with the sword.
Elrohir looked at his little brother and saw the way he fought. "He has," he
confirmed, "though it will be a long time before he will break down those walls
he has put around himself. Look at the way he spars with Elladan…"
Legolas looked more attentively, trying to figure out what Elrohir tried to
tell him. Then he noticed the difference: Elladan's moves were swift and
calculating, whereas Estel's moves were hasty and powerful. "He is striking out
in anger, using strength more than tactic to try and win."
Elrohir nodded. "He cannot vent his anger on the one who deserves it, so he
uses Elladan as a surrogate."
"But he is not aware of it; if he was he would stop immediately!" Legolas came
to his friend's defence.
The Noldor elf smiled slightly. "And that is why Elladan allows him to do it.
Estel needs to expel his anger so the next stage can begin."
Seeing the confused look, Elrohir explained, "Healing comes in stages that need
to be conquered, my friend. First denial, then sadness, anger and last… fear."
The young twin clenched his jaw, his hands balled to fists, "Amme could not get
over her fear and she chose to leave us."
Legolas gently clasped his friend's shoulder. "Estel will not leave us,
Elrohir. Have faith in him."
Elrohir didn't reply to that. It wasn't that he didn't have faith in his little
brother, he was afraid to trust that faith again after it had deserted him with
his mother…
In silence, the two continued watching the pair sparring.
~~~
"Very good, little one, now see if you can block this one!" Elladan exclaimed,
raising his sword to strike again.
At hearing those words, Estel stumbled backwards. Raising his eyes to his
brother, for a small moment, he saw Nemo standing before him and grinning
evilly.
Elladan halted his blow just in time thanks to his elven reflexes, a
questioning look in his eyes. Yet when Estel looked back at him, a scowl had
replaced the absent look.
Legolas, realizing something had upset the boy, stood up from his spot under
the tree and walked over to his friend. He moved to rest his hand on the
human's upper arm… silently asking the same question as Elladan, but Estel
recoiled from the elf's touch even before the hand had touched his skin. He did
not like to be touched… every time someone did or tried to it made his skin
crawl… he could feel invisible fingers tracing his arms and moving over his
entire body. No – he didn't think he could stand being touched ever again!
Well, that was not entirely true. There was one person whom he didn't shy away
from; his father, but that was only because the elder elf moved slowly around
his youngest son – making his intentions clear to the boy.
Yet to hear those words coming from his brother's mouth was too much! Angry,
Estel pushed Legolas away and took up the sword fight, his strokes getting
desperate and more forceful. Elladan had to quicken his own pace so he didn't
get hurt.
"Estel." Legolas called. When there was no answer, the blonde elf shouted,
"Estel! Stop it!"
It didn't seem that Estel heard him or if he did, he paid his friend's call no
heed. Elladan swiftly distanced himself from the attacking human and called for
him to stop as well. It was only when Elladan managed to knock Estel's sword
out of his hands that Estel did as he was told. Puzzled, he watched the elves
watching him. Elrohir looked saddened, Elladan confused, but Legolas… Estel
couldn't figure out which emotion ruled the prince at the moment.
"What happened just then, Estel?" The prince demanded, his hands on his hips
like he was a mother scolding her child. Several times before Estel had lashed
out at them using hurtful words, as if he wanted to push them away, but never
before had he attacked in this manner. Something had set the boy off and
Legolas was determined to find out what that was. "Tell us… so it will not
happen again, my friend." The fair haired elf's voice had quieted and he held
out his arm imploringly.
"Do not call me that…" The human whispered, his voice trembling.
This confused the elves even more. Seeing the bewilderment in their eyes, Estel
sighed deeply before explaining.
"Little one. It is… he…" Breathing in deeply, he forced himself to say it, "He called me that, as he… t-touched…
m-me… I cannot bear to hear his mocking words!"
Elladan turned his gaze to the ground in shame. Before this all had happened,
his little brother hadn't liked to be called 'little one' either and yet every
time he had continued harassing him. Now he had gone too far. "Forgive me, Estel."
A sad smile appeared on the boy's face then as he reached out to his oldest
brother. As long as he initiated the contact, he could bare to touch others.
Lifting his brother's chin with one finger, he eased the elf's mind, "It is
alright now Elladan… you did not know. I was wrong to take out my anger on you.
I am sorry."
The older elf smiled slightly. It seemed that Estel was ready for the last
stage now: conquering his fear. "You are forgiven."
Picking up his sword, Estel asked, "Shall we finish this? The right way this
time?"
Elladan merely raised an eyebrow before bringing up his own sword again.
"Certainly…"
~~~
Some time after, Elrohir was sparring with Elladan. Estel sat next to Legolas
on the ground, watching the quick movements of his brothers. The young Man
remembered the times when he was still a child and had watched them. He had
marvelled at their speed and their graceful movements. They had seemed to
dance, not fight, but Estel was not fooled anymore. He watched them and
memorized their movements – he could use them himself if he got involved in a
fight.
"The twins have taught you well, Estel. I would say the student has grown
better than his teachers."
Estel snorted. "I have a suspicion that when I win, it is only because one of
them decides to let me. You should know not to be fooled by their antics and
their behaviour. They are great warriors with even bigger hearts."
"Do not be so certain that they let you win, Estel. I am sure that when you
were younger they indeed decided to let you be the victor, but now that you
have grown they would not have the heart to trick you like this, causing you to
misjudge your skills. Belonging to the Eldar does not mean that they cannot be
beaten by a human…"
Estel bit his lip, hating to be reminded that he was exactly that – a human.
The sparring stopped all of a sudden and the twins turned their heads towards
the gates of Imladris. Estel followed their gaze and saw a rider trotting up to
the front doors. He squinted, trying to make out who it was, but his eyesight
was not as good as his companions'.
Wondering what had made the brothers stop their sparring, Legolas turned around
as well. A rider in a grey cloak was slowly trotting up to the doors of the
Last Homely House. Once there, the figure dismounted and threw off his hood.
Legolas saw that it was a human and distrust replaced the look on his face. He
looked at the twins, wondering how they reacted to the intruder.
Elladan and Elrohir didn't seem disturbed with a human entering their home. Their
eyes even seemed to light up in recognition. Seeing that the twins seemed to
trust this human, Legolas mentally shrugged his shoulders. He would wait and
see.
Estel realized by the looks on the faces of his elven companions that the
person was no elf – that left it to be a human. His grey eyes turned cold as
they followed the figure entering the house. What was a human doing within the
borders of Imladris?
~~~
After the arrival of the Man, the four decided to return inside. Elladan and
Elrohir had seemed joyful by this unexpected visit, so this led Estel to
believe they knew the person. He didn't ask anything and they didn't think to
tell him anything either, seeming to forget it in their excitement. The young
Man sighed – would his father want him to meet this friend as well?
The four split up – Legolas, sensing that Estel would want to be alone for a
while, joined the twins to Elrond's study as Estel returned to his room. He was
not ready to face the Man. If he was summoned he might come, but now he first wanted to
change into fresh clothes and soak in warm water for a while.
Estel entered his room and looked in his mirror on his way to fill the tub. He
didn't like the figure that stared back at him, the person he saw was weak… yet
he tried, he tried so hard to overcome his weakness. The dark mood that had
been lifted after sparring with his brother had returned and he silently
reprimanded himself again for having been so stupid.
He quickly filled the tub with warm water and locked the door to his room. He
didn't use to lock it, not even when he had feared that his brothers had been
up to something, but now the action had turned automatic. It made him feel
safer while he was at his most vulnerable. Once filled, Estel carefully lowered
himself into it. One hand unconsciously went to his shoulder, where a scar
would ever mar his skin.
When the water grew cold Estel quickly got out of the tub and dressed. After
unlocking his door, he seated himself in the chair near the window, gazing out
at the far horizon once more and waiting for someone to knock on his door…
~~~
The three young elves had moved directly to Elrond's study where they suspected
to find both the newcomer and the elder elf. They were not disappointed as they
opened the door.
A smile broke out on the twin's faces. Elrohir held out his arms and the human
stepped into them, returning the hug.
Elladan clapped his shoulder as if he had known the human for some time. "Well
met! I am glad you decided to come and visit us!"
Legolas remained at a distance, watching the twins and the human. It was a
young boy – only slightly older than Estel perhaps. Legolas frowned. Those eyes… The Man nearly had
the same grey eyes Estel did. When the twins released the newcomer, their eyes
met and Legolas froze. The eyes indeed were nearly identical – even taking in
the slightly haunted look that lay carefully hidden.
Elrond stepped between them, giving the introduction. "Legolas, meet Halbarad,
ranger of the North. Halbarad, meet prince Legolas of Mirkwood."
Halbarad touched his fist to his heart and swept his arm out in front of him,
bowing slightly to show his respect. "I consider it an honour to make your
acquaintance, my Lord. Halbarad – at your service."
Legolas raised an eyebrow. This human certainly showed he had manners, but
until he knew more about him he decided to remain distant. "Well met." He
replied instead, not giving the right reply.
Halbarad nearly rolled his eyes at the distrust he could feel emanating from
the blonde elf.
Sensing that Legolas would not respond well to the human unless he had been
informed who he was, Elrond decided to send the human off to his chambers.
"Surely you must be tired, Halbarad, for you have travelled far to answer my
summons. Refresh yourself in your chambers if you like – a servant will show
you the way and bring you whatever you wish. Join us in the evening meal…"
Realizing that he was being dismissed, Halbarad bowed slightly to Elrond. "Then
I will take my leave of you, Lord Elrond." As he left the room, he smiled at
the twins and hesitantly nodded at Legolas.
As soon as the door had closed behind the human, Elrond gently scolded the
younger elf with a look. Seeing the distrust in the clear blue eyes, he thought
it was time for Legolas to know who Halbarad was…
~~~
Estel snapped out of his trance like state some time later and realized he
missed something. He hadn't been summoned – yet – to meet the human and for
that he was thankful. He needed some time to come to terms with this new
intruder. He stood up and not really knowing where he was heading, his feet
started moving him from the room and brought him to the small library. The big
library was in his father's study, but Estel knew that the human would most
likely be there right now. The small library however contained books from the
twins' and Estel's childhood. But there was one book in particular that he had
set his mind to get…
Estel quickly entered the library, hoping to avoid the others and quietly
closed the door. Like he had done so many times when he had been a small child,
he walked to a low shelf. His eyes searched the old books until he finally
found a small, relatively new book. Smiling slightly, Estel picked it up and
held it tightly. It contained stories written by a Hobbit… When Estel had been
ten years old, Bilbo Baggins of the Shire had entered Imladris accompanied by a
number of dwarves. That his father had allowed the dwarves to enter his house
still astonished him to this day – elves were not known to suffer the company
of the stunted people, as they sometimes called them.
Late one night, when a little boy should have been in bed, Estel had visited
the Hall of Fire and heard the Halfling singing funny songs. They had been so
different than elvish singing – even the ones the fair beings sung in jest.
Elrond, having seen the hidden boy and the happy smile, had asked Bilbo to
write them down for his youngest. Happily, the Halfling had complied – he had
even written down small stories with pictures on the side to entertain the child.
Now Estel needed the light heartedness of a people so different yet similar in
a way to the ones he was in between. He wanted to seat himself in the chair in
the corner to read his favourite story, when he noticed the dark silhouette
across from him.
Heart in his throat, Estel drew his sword from his side and held it towards the
form.
The figure slowly moved from the shadows, turning out to be the human. The
young ranger held his hands outward, showing he was no threat. "Peace, friend."
He spoke quietly, "I mean you no harm. My name is Halbarad, at your service. I
am a ranger from the North. Lord Elrond invited me and has long ago named me
elf-friend. His sons call me their friend as well as do I them…"
Estel narrowed his eyes and studied the human before him as if he was no better
than an orc. "Friend he calls himself that hides in the dark like a thief," he
sneered.
Halbarad snorted, seeing that this human was just as distrusting as the blonde
elf. "And why do you sneak in here
like one? Avoiding me and the others I would nearly suspect… It was you I saw
with the other elves earlier on, was it not?"
From the stories Elladan and Elrohir had been telling him, Halbarad knew that a
human lived in Imladris – their foster brother. What he saw before him didn't
match the stories however; the stories had spoken of someone full with
laughter, someone who easily trusted others and who would welcome any friend of
theirs. What he saw was a gaunt, haunted looking person that didn't seem open
to meet new people. What happened to you?
The young ranger wondered.
Estel threateningly stepped up to the elder Man, looking into grey eyes eerily
similar to his own. "Do not speak to
me in that tone! You are a 'guest' of Elrond. Act like one!"
But Halbarad, angered by this treatment, would not be quieted. "And you are his son! I would expect some
hospitality from my hosts!"
Surprised that this human seemed to know who he was, Estel stumbled backwards.
"No…" An anguished whispered escaped his throat. Then he ran from the room,
dropping the book to the floor.
The young ranger was left behind in the small library, confused by this sudden
turn of events. He picked up the book Estel had dropped and read its cover, not
really seeing it though for his mind whirled with questions. What
did just happen?
~~~
Estel, hurt by this seeming betrayal of his father (he had, after all allowed
the insolent human to enter), hurried to find the ancient elf. He found him in
the study speaking to the twins and Legolas. The young human stepped up to his
father, betrayal burning in his eyes.
"How could you invite a human, Ada? After… How do you know
he is not the same as… as… him!" Estel could not say the name of his tormentor.
Every night, his dreams were filled with the horrible memories… the touches…
Estel shivered and when he looked his father in the eyes again a different
light blazed in the grey orbs. Betrayal was replaced and the fear Estel felt at
this new intruder was hidden by the fire of hatred.
Mentally, Elrond sadly shook his head at that gaze. He knew that Estel's trust
in humans would have to be restored and that it would not happen in a day or
even a week. And it would take even longer if his youngest didn't meet other
humans, something that would not happen since the boy refused to leave the
borders of his home. Hence the elf lord had thought it a good idea to invite
Halbarad.
The young man had only joined the rangers six years ago when he had been
eighteen years old. The twins had met the Man just before he had joined and
were actually the reason for it. After that they had regularly checked up on
the boy to see if he was all right. A friendship had grown between them and
during one of their talks Elladan and Elrohir had found out that Halbarad's
parents had belonged to the Dunédain.
So few are left… The elf lord
thought. But if Estel will talk to the
boy… listen to him… It was not
his place to tell Estel about Halbarad's past. He had only just now told
Legolas the bare details, but the humans had to talk with each other if they
wanted to know who the other was.
In the summons, Elrond had asked Halbarad to come and meet his human son. He
had only said that the boy needed to meet an honourable human and that he hoped
a friendship would form between them. Had he been so wrong to believe that
could happen?
He was interrupted from his musings when Estel continued his ranting. "What was
that rude person doing in the other library? Why is no one keeping an eye on
him, he could be planning something!"
Elrond looked at the boy before him. "Not all men are like Nemo, my son. Your
brothers and I have known Halbarad for several years now and they have often
visited him or joined him out in the wilds. I invited him and I expect you to
talk with him."
"Just like last time, Ada?" Estel all but
sneered. He immediately regretted it when he saw the sadness clouding the
ancient eyes. Moving closer, Estel hesitantly laid his hand on his father's
shoulder. "I am sorry, I did not mean it. Please forgive me, Ada."
Elrond smiled wryly; Estel might say he did not mean it and the boy might even
believe his own words, but they rang true. This was exactly how it happened
last time, though he hadn't seen Nemo for a much longer time than the young
ranger. "It is all right, Estel. You are right, but we have kept contact with
Halbarad over the years we've known him. He is a good boy and if you would but
speak with him you would see that. Give him a chance, that is all I ask."
"I do not know if I can do that." Estel whispered as he moved away from the
elf.
"Give it time, Estel. You may change your mind."
Estel left the study without speaking another word, never having acknowledged
the other elves. He returned to his room and only came out when the summons
came for dinner.
~~~
"Do you really think this is such a good idea, Ada? I know Halbarad is a
good Man, but Estel is not yet ready." Elrohir asked, sitting at the dinner
table next to his father – waiting for the humans and Legolas to arrive.
Elrond sighed. His heart wasn't so sure that he had made the right decision,
but his mind told him that inviting Halbarad had been for the best. "The longer
Estel is allowed to get away with avoiding humans, the more difficult it will
be for him to start trusting them. I thought long and hard on this subject and I
think it is time…"
"If anyone can show Estel that there is goodness and strength to be found in
mankind, Halbarad can do it." Elladan was fiercely convinced of this.
At that point, the elves were startled by the silent appearance of the young
ranger. The Man stood at the door entrance with a smug smile on his face. It
hardly ever happened that a human could sneak up on an elf; his time with the
rangers had done him good. Halbarad looked at the Noldor elves and narrowed his
eyes slightly – having overheard the last part. What do they want me to do? He wondered. If they mean my speaking to Lord Elrond's foster son, why the secrecy?
For indeed, as soon as he had entered they had stopped speaking, a shocked
expression on their faces save Lord Elrond, who ever maintained a calm face…
Elrond stood up from his seat and gestured to the seat next to Elrohir.
"Please, be seated. Now that you have arrived, we only have to wait for my son
and prince Legolas to arrive."
The look on the human's face seemed hilarious to the twins and they burst out
laughing. Apparently, Halbarad wasn't all too pleased to meet those two again
after the 'friendly' encounters before. He quickly hid his feelings; Estel had
been right – he was a guest after all
and to speak or even think ill of one of his hosts and their friends would not
be taken lightly. He gazed down at the object in his hands – he would return it
as soon as the others had arrived.
Elrond understood Halbarad's slight displeasure and shot a quick look at his
sons, telling them to be quiet. "You have to forgive Legolas' behaviour. He is
unused to humans save my youngest and…" The elf's voice died as he couldn't
speak of what happened. Not now, not here. "I heard you have already met
Estel?"
Halbarad, glad that his displeasure was not taken as a slight, smiled wryly. "I
did and it was the strangest meeting. If I may –" But whatever he had been
about to say was interrupted as both Legolas and Estel entered.
Halbarad noticed that the human still carried his sword and frowned. This was
his home, yet did it ever leave his side?
Estel hesitated when he noticed the ranger sitting next to his brother and he
nearly wanted to turn around when he felt a slight touch on his elbow.
Flinching from the feather soft touch, his eyes shot daggers at Legolas. The
Mirkwood elf was non-perturbed by his friend's reaction and silently commanded
Estel to sit next to Elladan.
Now sitting directly opposite the other human, Estel nodded his head in
acknowledgement and Halbarad returned the gesture. Legolas seated himself next
to Estel, who again moved away so as to avoid contact.
Halbarad noticed this with interest…
~~~
Conversation was light and mostly held by the Noldor elves and their human
visitor. Estel and Legolas opted to listen, trying to discover any flaws in the
Man's story and trying to judge him. Legolas, who had heard a little about the
ranger, was willing to trust him if he judged him worthy, but Estel would prove
more difficult to convince.
During the meal the elves occasionally glanced at Estel to see how he reacted
to Halbarad. Worry gnawed at their hearts when they noticed he ate even less
than usual – instead moving the food around on his plate. Losing any more
weight was something the young human could not
afford.
Whispering softly, Legolas pleaded with his friend, "Please Estel, you need to
eat…"
Sighing sadly, Estel looked at the prince and whispered, just for elven ears,
"I know, but I cannot. My stomach rebels even seeing the food. I am not at
ease, my friend…"
Smiling wryly, Legolas nodded. "I know… Will you be able to eat later tonight?"
Estel grimaced before shaking his head. "No."
Meanwhile, Halbarad had been stealing glances at the two friends and seeing the
nearly full plate of Elrond's youngest son, raised his eyebrows in question. He
didn't know what to make of his earlier encounter with the human, but the
ranger could see that the human seemed to have a real problem with him being
near. At first he had thought that the young Man suffered an attitude problem, but
seeing the slightly haunted look and the incredibly pale face, Halbarad
realized something was wrong.
Hoping to break the ice between them, Halbarad offered Estel the object he had
brought with him. "I believe this is yours," he said.
Estel looked at the object, then at the ranger. All of a sudden, his breaths
came quicker and a cold sweat broke out over his entire body. What meagre food
he had managed to eat this day was working its way back, so quickly shoving
back his chair, Estel ran away.
Legolas shoved his chair back to follow his friend, but Elrond raised his hand.
"Stay, Legolas. I will go to him. I am terribly sorry, Halbarad. Continue the
meal, please." And with that, the elf lord moved towards Estel's room.
Halbarad was confused. "Is he all right, Elrohir? Why did he react like that?
Why are you all so worried about him? I could see that you watched him like a
hawk the entire meal! Why?"
Knowing the boy was not dense, the elves looked wryly as they were finally
confronted with the confused human's questions. It was time to tell Halbarad at
least some of what had happened.
Halbarad, mistaking the looks for disproval, apologized. What was he thinking
anyway? Questioning his hosts on matters most private! "Forgive me, my Lords.
It is obvious that you do not wish to speak of it."
Before an awkward silence could fall, Elladan raised his hand. "No, you are
right that you want to know what is going on. It is only in your nature and
besides, you should know some of why you have been called here. What did our
father tell you?"
Grateful that the elves would finally tell him, Halbarad leaned slightly over
towards Elladan. "Only that he wished for his foster son and I to speak. Lord
Elrond wishes me to show Estel what it is like to be human…"
Elrohir smiled. "I guess you were quite surprised to arrive and finally meet
Estel then? We could see you were not all too pleased about your first
meeting!"
Halbarad's cheeks flushed as he was reminded of his folly. Legolas' ears perked
up at hearing the other human had been displeased to meet his best friend. He
had seen Estel storm in and call this ranger a 'rude person', but what had
happened between them?
Halbarad sat up straighter, a grimace appearing on his face. "Our first meeting
was not as I would have liked it to be, my friends, but I was hoping to break
the ice between the two of us by returning this
to him." And he held up the book Estel had dropped earlier in the library.
Helplessly, he raised his other hand to the door. "As you can see, it did not work
out as I had hoped. His actions confuse me, but I think something happened to
him, something bad…"
"Yes." Legolas said, deciding to explain, "It was his first meeting with a
human… A friend of Lord Elrond," the
prince all but sneered, "It is not our right to tell you what happened, but
just know this: Estel was hurt terribly, both emotionally as physically by that
man."
Halbarad slowly nodded as if having a suspicion. "And now he doesn't trust
humans anymore…" he muttered more to himself. And this elf is his friend… That explained the prince's attitude at
their meeting. The human didn't feel
the distrust emanating off the blonde elf anymore and he took that as a good
sign. Apparently the twins had talked with him about who he was.
Elrohir softly spoke, urging the young ranger to hear the truth in his words,
"It is no small thing we ask of you, but we trust you. If anyone can change
Estel's mind about humans, you can do it."
Cold blue eyes held his gaze as Legolas spoke, "But if he is hurt again, I will
personally kill you."
Halbarad slightly bowed his head. "Peace, prince Legolas. I will prove worthy
of the trust you place in me."
Legolas nodded, "See that you are."
The elves and ranger reluctantly ate their meal in silence after that,
wondering how Estel fared.
~~~
After the meal, Halbarad slowly walked to his room, enjoying the quiet sounds
of the waterfalls and feeling safe; something that was always difficult when
out in the wilds. The ranger was tired of his travels, but smiled as he could smell
the scent of flowers drifting to him upon the gentle wind. A frown appeared on
his face as he remembered what the elves had told him. Estel was hurt by a man… the first human he ever met – no wonder he
doesn't like my presence here! The young ranger closed his eyes as he
thought of what had happened to him six years ago. Grief ate at his heart
remembering the absent looks in his parent's eyes. He also had had a hard time
trusting humans after that. If it hadn't been for the twin sons of Lord Elrond,
he would most likely have become a bitter man himself with no regard for who or
what he killed.
When the twins had brought him to the rangers, they had stayed until he had
felt more at ease with the men. And after that, the rangers had taken time to
ensure the boy trusted them – quietly speaking to him and teaching the boy the
ways of the ranger. Being with them and being turned into one of them had
taught Halbarad that there was always good fighting evil.
"And now to show him that as well…"
he mumbled. He remembered how close
minded he had been just after his parents' death and that he had refused to
listen to other people – even refusing to listen to Elladan and Elrohir. He
sighed; this would take some time. Luckily the rangers didn't need him at the moment
so he could spend all his time on Estel…
Entering his room, Halbarad quickly undressed and put on his nightwear. Picking
up the small book he still carried with him, he slipped into bed and started
reading – a smile appearing on his face as he read the jolly verses.
~~~
Elrond had immediately headed for Estel's room where he found his son – hunched
over a bowl in the bathroom. Great heaves shook the boy's shoulders and his
breathing was still too fast. Slowly moving towards the smaller figure, the ancient
elf made sure that Estel heard his footsteps before kneeling next to him – his
hand hovering over Estel's shoulder.
"I am so sorry, my son. I see now that it is too early…"
Estel gasped for air as he tried to calm down, still clenching the bowl tightly
in his arms. Elrond moved around – fetching a cloth and wetting it with water
before kneeling again and gently wiping the cool cloth over the human's sweat
beaded face. A small smile appeared on his lips as the boy didn't move away
from him. His son had improved, but he still wasn't healed yet. Whenever
Legolas touched him, the elf lord had noticed the daggers shooting from Estel's
eyes. At least that reaction was some sort of an improvement – it was better
than seeing the look of fear in those haunted eyes.
"What was Halbarad doing with your book, Estel?" He questioned softly –
however, he received no reply.
Estel blinked his eyes several times and breathed in deeply. He was feeling
dizzy from lack of air and stars were moving in front of his vision. He groaned
softly as he could feel a major headache setting in. The cool cloth on his
forehead felt nice and Estel let his eyes close, safe in his father's care.
Elrond slowly rose, pulling Estel up with him. "Come Estel, let's get you in
bed. This day has been stressful and tiring enough for you, you need to rest."
Estel allowed his father to walk him to his bed, but his head shook in denial.
He didn't want to sleep; with sleep came dreams and with dreams came faces and
touches. No… he did not want to sleep.
"Yes Estel. You need to rest, but first I will make you some broth. You need to
get something in you and you know I will not take 'no' for an answer." The elf
carefully sat Estel on his bed and moved to the clothes drawer, picking out a
sleeping garment. "When I return, I expect you to wear this and be in bed, can
you manage that or do you need my help?"
Estel again shook his head, "Can… manage…" he whispered, his breathing
hitching.
Hoping that his son could indeed manage, Elrond quickly moved to the kitchens
to fetch some broth, making a quick stop in the healing chamber for some herbs
that would calm his boy. He knew about the nightmares – he didn't need to hear
his son cry out in the night; the black circles under his eyes told the elf
enough. Mixing the herbs in the broth, the worried father made his way back to
Estel's room.
He frowned when he saw that Estel was lying in bed, the ever present sword
within hand's reach. The ancient elf had a suspicion that the Man kept a knife
under his pillow as well, but refrained from saying anything about it. Now was
not the time for it.
"Drink this," the elf quietly ordered, "You do not need to fear your dreams
tonight, Estel."
Estel took the cup from his father's hands, but he looked suspicious of it. "I
do not need this…"
Elrond smiled wryly. "Estel, you have not been sleeping well. You need to rest.
This will just calm you for tonight – I promise that you will not dream. Drink
it."
Estel sighed. Who was he kidding anyway? A night free of dreams and full of
rest did seem inviting to the young Man. Knowing that no drinks made by his
father ever tasted good, Estel quickly drank it, hoping his stomach would
forgive him for the rough treatment it had endured. Holding his breath after
that, he waited for it to come up, but luckily, it did not. Releasing a
relieved sigh, Estel sank back in the pillow – nestling comfortably in the bed
with some help of his father. Only minutes after he had drunk the broth, the
boy's mind became fuzzy and his eyes slipped shut in dreamless slumber.
Elrond sat next to the boy, waiting until he fell asleep and stroking the dark
locks for a while after. He missed the comforting touches that they had
exchanged before the incident. Estel found no comfort in them anymore, but the
elf lord still did. It was difficult to see a loved one suffer so and not being
able to comfort him save by using words… Curiously, Elrond lifted one edge of
the pillows and his suspicions were confirmed when he saw the knife there.
"It is too soon…" the ancient elf whispered again and inwardly cursed himself
for his folly, "I am so sorry, Estel."
~~~
TBC
in chap 2
2nd
A/N: I tried to look up how old Halbarad was and I even asked several people,
but none knew it, so I went with the idea that he is slightly older than
Aragorn.
O yeah, if you would please push this little button here below and let me know
what you thought of this chapter? I would really appreciate it!