*Ryou Bakura's POV*
That stupid school clock. Always there to torment me in this classroom. Leering from its perch on the cinderblock wall. The minute hand jumps closer and closer to one thirty-three PM. So very close, now. So very close.
"Bakura? You feelin' alright?" The voice snaps me out of the hypnotic arc of the second hand. It's Joey Wheeler. Should I answer him? What would I say? No Joey, I'm not okay. If anyone ever knew me, they would know that I AM DEFINITELY NOT OKAY. Especially not today. Not now.
"Hm? Oh, hi Joey. Yeah, I'm fine. Why do you ask?" Tell me Joey. Tell me. Stop me from doing what I am about to do. Tell me I look awful. That I look like I haven't been sleeping for the last two days. That I haven't smiled in a month. Tell me.
"Oh," Joey broke into a wide grin, "s'nothin'. You looked real intense, staring at the clock like dat."
Too late. Lost your chance.
"Actually, Bakura, you look sort of out of it. Are you sure you're feeling okay?"
I turn.
"Hello Yugi. And yes, I'm sure." I can hear myself saying in a calm pleasant voice. My eyes plead with the violet pupils that stare at me concerned. Can you hear me Yugi? Have you ever been able to hear me? Can you make out the lie? Can you stop me? Can anyone?
"How's Yami Bakura doing?" I stare at Yugi incredulously as he asks me this. I didn't know "the gang" was more interested in my yami than me. Quickly, Yugi adds, "Yami wants to know if he can duel him sometime this week."
"Oh- he's doing okay. I guess." I answer quietly so the other students would not hear. The teacher had left to the bathroom and the kids were fooling around like there was no tomorrow. If only they knew. . . my eyes glance to the clock. It's one twenty-six. In order to lessen the fear starting to take hold of me, I mull over my answer. Was Yami Bakura doing okay?
Uh-huh. Sure. He didn't seem too okay when I pushed him down the basement stairs and shoved his unconscious body into the washing machine. I must admit, I was rather proud of being able to stop the infamous Tomb-Robber. Even if he had never really harmed me, as Yugi and the gang had thought. I overheard them once worrying that my yami abused me. I could laugh. The worst I had ever gotten from him was a couple of insults. Sticks and stones. Of course, there was the whole mind control thing a couple months back, but he was better now. He even listens when I talk to him. Most of the time anyway. Which made me feel a little guilty for shoving the dryer on top of the washing machine door. The fact that he was warming to me did not explain why I was about to do what I was about to do.
Partly, his presence encouraged me to go through with what I had planned to do since two days ago. I did not want to face him again. I would not return home. I did not want to die by his hand. And luck seemed to be on my side for once, the bond between us was still fuzzy, which meant that my yami was still unconscious. Fortune has a dark sense of humor.
Wincing inwardly, I remember my dark side's outburst that morning. He had discovered my plans and shook me out of bed. Then he proceeded to scream phrases at me, like "What the hell were you thinking???" and "I can't believe you, of all people!" and other such nonsense. I think that he thought I wasn't being serious. Maybe he even thought it was all just some joke. That's probably why he looked so surprised when I shoved him down the stairs. The last time I will ever look into my other half's eyes will be remembered as a look of betrayal.
Betrayal.
Oh God. Why am I here anyway? Why couldn't I do this quietly? Alone?
Why? Because I wanted to go out with flair. I didn't want to be remembered as some silent nobody. I did not want people to think of me as the tragic loss to be a lesson to others. I wanted people to know my name. I wanted them to feel pain as I had. I wanted to taste my fear. Just experience it. I wasn't going to hurt anyone. Not for real. Life was a game, as Yami would say. I just got tired of playing.
I fingered my jacket pocket. The gun was there, waiting, ready. I had purchased it two nights ago and hid it at the bottom of a drawer. Two nights ago, I had planned this all out. To the last detail. Another quick glance at the clock, one thirty exactly.
Three more minutes. Three more minutes.
I can't do this. I shouldn't be doing this. I can't-
But I am. I can't turn back now. In too far. Gone too long.
Two days ago. Just two days ago at one thirty-three PM. What drove me to the edge.
Let all your demons out, or they will consume you. I wonder who said that.
The seconds tick by. Tick by.
Now, I'll never find out.
One thirty-one.
Two more minutes. Two days ago. Too far gone. Too deep to wade.
Again, Joey interrupts my thoughts. "Hey, Bakura! Wanna come to a little get-together at Yug's place? C'mon, you gotta come. The rest of the gang's goin'"
"Joey." I speak the word. Slowly. Tasting it for the last time. "I can't go."
"Why not?" his happy demeanor deflates.
"I'm sorry." I whisper as I look over his head at the clock. One thirty- two.
"I'm so sorry." I can't help it. I feel like crying. Thirty more seconds.
Joey panics as he sees a tear rolling down my cheek. "Hey, Bakura, I didn't mean- I mean, its okay if-" He flusters on, babbling an apology I can't hear.
One final look at the clock.
It's time.
One thirty-three PM. Monday. Domino High.
My name is Ryou Bakura.
I am fifteen years old.
I pull the gun from my pocket. It's warm and bitterly hard. I lift it, aiming for Joey's face. My thumb takes off the safety with a loud click.
It takes a while for the room to notice. Longer than one would expect.
"Bakura?" Yugi was on the other end of the room, and I heard his light footsteps heading towards me.
I don't dare look at his lavender eyes. I don't want to see his realization that the Bakura he once knew, is dead. "Bakura, what are you doing?"
His voice isn't angry. It isn't even sad. It's pitying.
It's humiliating.
Joey looks from me to the gun. Maybe he's hoping I'll lower the thing and laugh that it was all a joke, and oh- you should have seen your face!
The whole class is in shock. I guess they didn't expect shy, angelic Ryou to pull a stunt like this. Joey doesn't move. Good. I had hoped he wouldn't.
"Don't take one more step Yugi." I myself am surprised to how harsh my voice sounds. So cold. So distant. I'm a star about to explode. Go out with flair.
I hear his footsteps stop. "Yami Bakura?" Yugi asks fearfully in an agonizingly innocent voice.
I shake my head. For the first time in weeks I smiled. The smile didn't feel like it was my own. It did not fit on my face and was uncomfortable to hold. A low laugh escapes me. The harsh grating chuckle sounds remarkably like my yami.
"No, Yugi." I say a little above a whisper, "He's not here. It's just me. Just me."
I raise my voice to the teacher-less class. "Everyone. Please, sit down. In your respective seats."
I glance around as the class slowly lowers themselves into the plastic chairs.
"Thank you." My voice, I don't recognize. "This is a real gun. So I recommend that no one tries any heroics." I turn to Joey, who is the only one not sitting, "Go lock the door."
He does as I say. Almost drunkenly, he dazedly walks back to his seat.
"Try nothing. Die nothing." I continue. "I don't have anything holding me back, so I will not hesitate to shoot anyone if they give me reason to do so."
The class watches my every move. The attention leaves me feeling trapped by all their fearful gazes. I feel a bit vulnerable. I tighten my hold on the gun.
"The teacher will be back at any moment." I speak softly, in order to have the entire group of students strive to catch every word. "So I want all of you to remain completely silent as she comes in."
I turn to Yugi, but take care not to stare into his eyes. "Yugi, come here please."
Joey regains his senses. He looks up at me from his seat, his brown eyes pleading with me.
I embrace Yugi with my free hand. I pull his back to my chest. The gesture would have seemed loving if not for the gun resting behind his head. At the base of the skull, where it meets the neck.
The tri-colored hair boy makes no sound.
A light knock on the door lifts my head. "Okay," I look directly at Joey, "Open the door."
Joey looks at me, horrified. A look that plainly asks 'why?'
Because my name is Ryou Bakura.
And I am only fifteen years old.
Because of what happened two days ago. Which I do not have the time to think about right now.
"Open the door." I repeat. I swear, my yami would be proud if he could hear me with that tone of voice. It matched his almost perfectly.
Another few knocks, they sounded angrier and more insistent.
Joey stands up achingly slow and steps gravely to the door.
"Are you really going to kill me Bakura?" Yugi voices this loudly.
"No." My answer throws off everyone in this room. "But do not force my hand, Yugi."
Joey fingers the locks, then starts to twist them. His hand quivers slightly as he reaches to turn the doorknob.
The door opens. And Yami Bakura steps into the room.
Identical to me. Most members of the class widen their eyes in alarm. His disheveled white hair and wild brown eyes contrasted to my reserved features. Blood stains strands of hair, and a huge bruise melts darkness unto his left cheek. He scans the room, frantically.
His desperate eyes find mine and hold them.
//Ryou. . .//
My name is Ryou Bakura.
I am fifteen years old.
Two days ago, merely two days ago- I don't have time to think about that. That's the whole problem. I don't have any time left.
//Ryou, think this through.// Funny. He doesn't sound angry.
"I have." I say it aloud. Maybe that way it would seem more definite.
//Please,// I don't think I have ever heard him use that word before //Please, aibou// His last word stuns me. Was this really Yami Bakura I was talking to?
//Don't do this.//
"Why?" I feel another insane smile lift my lips. "Why not? I'm going to die anyway."
The class appeared seriously confused along with seriously scared, as they could not hear one side of the conversation. It was quite amusing actually.
"Two days ago, two days ago." I taunted him with the riddle.
//Why are you doing this, aibou?//
"Dying stars go out with flair." Mocking him with what he could not know, could not guess.
His eyes are gentler than I have ever seen them. //Come back to me, aibou. Come back to me.// He opened his arms for an embrace.
Then, three things happen all at once.
Yugi's millennium puzzle starts glowing like mad. I glance down over Yugi's hair.
Yami begins to appear and stares at me in utter disbelief. Several of the students gasp.
As I stand frozen, my yami tackles me to the ground, and slams the gun from my stiff fingers. As the gun spins across the room, I kick, scream, and claw at my yami, hoping to throw him off of me. The gun is two feet away from me. If I could just get a hold of it, it could all end. So I reach for it. My pale fingers stretching from the cold, cold floor. Just a little further and it could be over. Just a little further. Then I receive a quick blow to the head from the heel of Yami Bakura's hand.
As my head reels back and the world spins into confusion, all I can think is one thing:
I have failed.
And I'm still going to die.
Two days ago. Two days ago.
My name is Ryou Bakura.
I am fifteen years old.
Two days ago, at one thirty-three PM, I was in a hospital.
It was there they had diagnosed me with AIDS.
***
*Author speaking*:
I'm pretty sure this idea is overused.
Personally, I have never really attempted suicide, so I wouldn't really know what goes on in a person's mind when one is trying. Sure, I've thought of it, planned it out once, but never went through with it. Never took it farther than the blueprint of my mind.
And no, being diagnosed with AIDS is not the only reason Bakura wants to die. That would be pretty stupid. And pointless. Not to mention boring.
Okay, so I need some feedback. Feedback would be very nice.
Should I write another chapter? Or should I go back to the caves from whence I came and tweak my ears for this dribble? Or you could just say that this was wonderful but never write anything again. I do have more though. I'm in the process of revising it because my stories have a tendency to not make much sense. So I'm fixing it a little. Okay, fine, I'm fixing it a lot. Pretty much rewriting it. Under some heavy construction. Working with expensive and mayhem-causing machinery. Laughing insanely whilst wielding these. Watch yourself. And duck.
One last thing:
Disclaimer: I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh!
That stupid school clock. Always there to torment me in this classroom. Leering from its perch on the cinderblock wall. The minute hand jumps closer and closer to one thirty-three PM. So very close, now. So very close.
"Bakura? You feelin' alright?" The voice snaps me out of the hypnotic arc of the second hand. It's Joey Wheeler. Should I answer him? What would I say? No Joey, I'm not okay. If anyone ever knew me, they would know that I AM DEFINITELY NOT OKAY. Especially not today. Not now.
"Hm? Oh, hi Joey. Yeah, I'm fine. Why do you ask?" Tell me Joey. Tell me. Stop me from doing what I am about to do. Tell me I look awful. That I look like I haven't been sleeping for the last two days. That I haven't smiled in a month. Tell me.
"Oh," Joey broke into a wide grin, "s'nothin'. You looked real intense, staring at the clock like dat."
Too late. Lost your chance.
"Actually, Bakura, you look sort of out of it. Are you sure you're feeling okay?"
I turn.
"Hello Yugi. And yes, I'm sure." I can hear myself saying in a calm pleasant voice. My eyes plead with the violet pupils that stare at me concerned. Can you hear me Yugi? Have you ever been able to hear me? Can you make out the lie? Can you stop me? Can anyone?
"How's Yami Bakura doing?" I stare at Yugi incredulously as he asks me this. I didn't know "the gang" was more interested in my yami than me. Quickly, Yugi adds, "Yami wants to know if he can duel him sometime this week."
"Oh- he's doing okay. I guess." I answer quietly so the other students would not hear. The teacher had left to the bathroom and the kids were fooling around like there was no tomorrow. If only they knew. . . my eyes glance to the clock. It's one twenty-six. In order to lessen the fear starting to take hold of me, I mull over my answer. Was Yami Bakura doing okay?
Uh-huh. Sure. He didn't seem too okay when I pushed him down the basement stairs and shoved his unconscious body into the washing machine. I must admit, I was rather proud of being able to stop the infamous Tomb-Robber. Even if he had never really harmed me, as Yugi and the gang had thought. I overheard them once worrying that my yami abused me. I could laugh. The worst I had ever gotten from him was a couple of insults. Sticks and stones. Of course, there was the whole mind control thing a couple months back, but he was better now. He even listens when I talk to him. Most of the time anyway. Which made me feel a little guilty for shoving the dryer on top of the washing machine door. The fact that he was warming to me did not explain why I was about to do what I was about to do.
Partly, his presence encouraged me to go through with what I had planned to do since two days ago. I did not want to face him again. I would not return home. I did not want to die by his hand. And luck seemed to be on my side for once, the bond between us was still fuzzy, which meant that my yami was still unconscious. Fortune has a dark sense of humor.
Wincing inwardly, I remember my dark side's outburst that morning. He had discovered my plans and shook me out of bed. Then he proceeded to scream phrases at me, like "What the hell were you thinking???" and "I can't believe you, of all people!" and other such nonsense. I think that he thought I wasn't being serious. Maybe he even thought it was all just some joke. That's probably why he looked so surprised when I shoved him down the stairs. The last time I will ever look into my other half's eyes will be remembered as a look of betrayal.
Betrayal.
Oh God. Why am I here anyway? Why couldn't I do this quietly? Alone?
Why? Because I wanted to go out with flair. I didn't want to be remembered as some silent nobody. I did not want people to think of me as the tragic loss to be a lesson to others. I wanted people to know my name. I wanted them to feel pain as I had. I wanted to taste my fear. Just experience it. I wasn't going to hurt anyone. Not for real. Life was a game, as Yami would say. I just got tired of playing.
I fingered my jacket pocket. The gun was there, waiting, ready. I had purchased it two nights ago and hid it at the bottom of a drawer. Two nights ago, I had planned this all out. To the last detail. Another quick glance at the clock, one thirty exactly.
Three more minutes. Three more minutes.
I can't do this. I shouldn't be doing this. I can't-
But I am. I can't turn back now. In too far. Gone too long.
Two days ago. Just two days ago at one thirty-three PM. What drove me to the edge.
Let all your demons out, or they will consume you. I wonder who said that.
The seconds tick by. Tick by.
Now, I'll never find out.
One thirty-one.
Two more minutes. Two days ago. Too far gone. Too deep to wade.
Again, Joey interrupts my thoughts. "Hey, Bakura! Wanna come to a little get-together at Yug's place? C'mon, you gotta come. The rest of the gang's goin'"
"Joey." I speak the word. Slowly. Tasting it for the last time. "I can't go."
"Why not?" his happy demeanor deflates.
"I'm sorry." I whisper as I look over his head at the clock. One thirty- two.
"I'm so sorry." I can't help it. I feel like crying. Thirty more seconds.
Joey panics as he sees a tear rolling down my cheek. "Hey, Bakura, I didn't mean- I mean, its okay if-" He flusters on, babbling an apology I can't hear.
One final look at the clock.
It's time.
One thirty-three PM. Monday. Domino High.
My name is Ryou Bakura.
I am fifteen years old.
I pull the gun from my pocket. It's warm and bitterly hard. I lift it, aiming for Joey's face. My thumb takes off the safety with a loud click.
It takes a while for the room to notice. Longer than one would expect.
"Bakura?" Yugi was on the other end of the room, and I heard his light footsteps heading towards me.
I don't dare look at his lavender eyes. I don't want to see his realization that the Bakura he once knew, is dead. "Bakura, what are you doing?"
His voice isn't angry. It isn't even sad. It's pitying.
It's humiliating.
Joey looks from me to the gun. Maybe he's hoping I'll lower the thing and laugh that it was all a joke, and oh- you should have seen your face!
The whole class is in shock. I guess they didn't expect shy, angelic Ryou to pull a stunt like this. Joey doesn't move. Good. I had hoped he wouldn't.
"Don't take one more step Yugi." I myself am surprised to how harsh my voice sounds. So cold. So distant. I'm a star about to explode. Go out with flair.
I hear his footsteps stop. "Yami Bakura?" Yugi asks fearfully in an agonizingly innocent voice.
I shake my head. For the first time in weeks I smiled. The smile didn't feel like it was my own. It did not fit on my face and was uncomfortable to hold. A low laugh escapes me. The harsh grating chuckle sounds remarkably like my yami.
"No, Yugi." I say a little above a whisper, "He's not here. It's just me. Just me."
I raise my voice to the teacher-less class. "Everyone. Please, sit down. In your respective seats."
I glance around as the class slowly lowers themselves into the plastic chairs.
"Thank you." My voice, I don't recognize. "This is a real gun. So I recommend that no one tries any heroics." I turn to Joey, who is the only one not sitting, "Go lock the door."
He does as I say. Almost drunkenly, he dazedly walks back to his seat.
"Try nothing. Die nothing." I continue. "I don't have anything holding me back, so I will not hesitate to shoot anyone if they give me reason to do so."
The class watches my every move. The attention leaves me feeling trapped by all their fearful gazes. I feel a bit vulnerable. I tighten my hold on the gun.
"The teacher will be back at any moment." I speak softly, in order to have the entire group of students strive to catch every word. "So I want all of you to remain completely silent as she comes in."
I turn to Yugi, but take care not to stare into his eyes. "Yugi, come here please."
Joey regains his senses. He looks up at me from his seat, his brown eyes pleading with me.
I embrace Yugi with my free hand. I pull his back to my chest. The gesture would have seemed loving if not for the gun resting behind his head. At the base of the skull, where it meets the neck.
The tri-colored hair boy makes no sound.
A light knock on the door lifts my head. "Okay," I look directly at Joey, "Open the door."
Joey looks at me, horrified. A look that plainly asks 'why?'
Because my name is Ryou Bakura.
And I am only fifteen years old.
Because of what happened two days ago. Which I do not have the time to think about right now.
"Open the door." I repeat. I swear, my yami would be proud if he could hear me with that tone of voice. It matched his almost perfectly.
Another few knocks, they sounded angrier and more insistent.
Joey stands up achingly slow and steps gravely to the door.
"Are you really going to kill me Bakura?" Yugi voices this loudly.
"No." My answer throws off everyone in this room. "But do not force my hand, Yugi."
Joey fingers the locks, then starts to twist them. His hand quivers slightly as he reaches to turn the doorknob.
The door opens. And Yami Bakura steps into the room.
Identical to me. Most members of the class widen their eyes in alarm. His disheveled white hair and wild brown eyes contrasted to my reserved features. Blood stains strands of hair, and a huge bruise melts darkness unto his left cheek. He scans the room, frantically.
His desperate eyes find mine and hold them.
//Ryou. . .//
My name is Ryou Bakura.
I am fifteen years old.
Two days ago, merely two days ago- I don't have time to think about that. That's the whole problem. I don't have any time left.
//Ryou, think this through.// Funny. He doesn't sound angry.
"I have." I say it aloud. Maybe that way it would seem more definite.
//Please,// I don't think I have ever heard him use that word before //Please, aibou// His last word stuns me. Was this really Yami Bakura I was talking to?
//Don't do this.//
"Why?" I feel another insane smile lift my lips. "Why not? I'm going to die anyway."
The class appeared seriously confused along with seriously scared, as they could not hear one side of the conversation. It was quite amusing actually.
"Two days ago, two days ago." I taunted him with the riddle.
//Why are you doing this, aibou?//
"Dying stars go out with flair." Mocking him with what he could not know, could not guess.
His eyes are gentler than I have ever seen them. //Come back to me, aibou. Come back to me.// He opened his arms for an embrace.
Then, three things happen all at once.
Yugi's millennium puzzle starts glowing like mad. I glance down over Yugi's hair.
Yami begins to appear and stares at me in utter disbelief. Several of the students gasp.
As I stand frozen, my yami tackles me to the ground, and slams the gun from my stiff fingers. As the gun spins across the room, I kick, scream, and claw at my yami, hoping to throw him off of me. The gun is two feet away from me. If I could just get a hold of it, it could all end. So I reach for it. My pale fingers stretching from the cold, cold floor. Just a little further and it could be over. Just a little further. Then I receive a quick blow to the head from the heel of Yami Bakura's hand.
As my head reels back and the world spins into confusion, all I can think is one thing:
I have failed.
And I'm still going to die.
Two days ago. Two days ago.
My name is Ryou Bakura.
I am fifteen years old.
Two days ago, at one thirty-three PM, I was in a hospital.
It was there they had diagnosed me with AIDS.
***
*Author speaking*:
I'm pretty sure this idea is overused.
Personally, I have never really attempted suicide, so I wouldn't really know what goes on in a person's mind when one is trying. Sure, I've thought of it, planned it out once, but never went through with it. Never took it farther than the blueprint of my mind.
And no, being diagnosed with AIDS is not the only reason Bakura wants to die. That would be pretty stupid. And pointless. Not to mention boring.
Okay, so I need some feedback. Feedback would be very nice.
Should I write another chapter? Or should I go back to the caves from whence I came and tweak my ears for this dribble? Or you could just say that this was wonderful but never write anything again. I do have more though. I'm in the process of revising it because my stories have a tendency to not make much sense. So I'm fixing it a little. Okay, fine, I'm fixing it a lot. Pretty much rewriting it. Under some heavy construction. Working with expensive and mayhem-causing machinery. Laughing insanely whilst wielding these. Watch yourself. And duck.
One last thing:
Disclaimer: I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh!