Chapter Twenty-Two: Keep Your Peckers to Yourselves --- LAINA-CHAN

Kagome sighed as she walked down the hall beside her three best friends. "I don't know what I would have done if you guys hadn't have saved me… I was starting to think I was insane."

"Well technically you are insane…" said Miroku. "I mean you did jump on Gloria-Sue and… what kind of a name is Gloria-Sue? Its like Gloria and Sue… whoa… trippy. Miroku-Sue. Ha ha it sounded cooler in my head."

"No one's even listening to you," Sango said as she rolled her eyes.

"Uh well you were." Miroku raised his eyebrow at her. "You just love to hear my voice don't you."

Sango looked at him with a queer look. "In your dreams sunshine."

"Aww a nickname? For me? Oh my, I think I'm going to cry… better yet… I'll give you a nickname… umm… Hot Stuff, Feisty, Fire Baby? Anything catching your fancy? Oh how about PochaHOTness? Wait that was the name of that sl – "

"That what?" asked Sango as she brought her hands to her hips.

"Slot machine."

"Slot machine?"

"Yup, slot machine. Oh boy did I have a good time on that slot machine."

"I hate you."

"And I love you."

The two turned to face the direction they had been walking in only to meet the eyes of Inuyasha and Kagome. Both were looking at them like they had pink flamingos on their heads.

"Oh man, did anyone else eat the cafeteria food here?" Miroku asked, obviously oblivious to the stares he was receiving as he rubbed his stomach. "It isn't sitting too well."

"Can we go back to that place for the insane?" asked Sango. "I think I'm going to qualify for it soon."

"Oh but Sango," began Miroku. "A life without you would make me insane. Come to think about it… that's not a bad idea! Sango you're a genius! Ok, here's the plan. We both go insane."

"Sounds good so far," said Sango sarcastically.

"And then we get accepted into the looney bin society or whatever they're calling themselves. And then… here's the best part… we get served by hot nurses every day and never have to ever lift a finger. Oh man Miroku old boy, you still got it."

Silence followed as everyone looked at Miroku, who was too busy praising himself mentally to notice.

"So my Grampa?" Kagome said finally.

Inuyasha and Sango both agreed to her question and began walking faster. Eventually Miroku realized he had been left behind and caught up.

- - -

The group reached Kagome's grandfather's room about five minutes later as Miroku sang 'Wild Thing' complete with his own interpretations of a guitar and drums.

"Gramps…?" Kagome inquired as she slowly opened his door. She was surprised to see him sitting on his bed, reading his favourite magazine, Sushi People.

"Kagome, about time you got here," he said smiling.

"You're okay? What happened?" she said as she ran over to him.

"Well it's a long story but in the end it turns out I just had gas."

"Oh don't you hate that…" Miroku said as he rubbed his stomach again. "Maybe it's contagious."

Sango slapped him, leaving a handprint. "It's going to end up being tattooed on to me soon," he sighed.

They all jumped slightly as the door opened behind them and in walked Kagome's mother and brother.

"Mom! You're okay too!" Kagome noticed her mother looking over at Inuyasha and Miroku. "Uh Inuyashia and… what was Miroku's name again?" Kagome whispered to Sango.

"It's Ginger! Gees Kagome, get it right!" Miroku put his hands on his hips and flipped his hair.

"Inuyashia and Ginger g-got into the uh dress-up box… ha ha… don't they look funny as guys? Very unattractive… they should uh stick to being uh ladies don't you uh think m-mom? Heh heh… heh…"

"Inuyashia buddy," said Miroku. "Your girlfriend called us unattractive."

"She isn't my girlfriend Miroku."

"Ginger."

"What?"

"My name's Ginger Inuyashia."

"Oh… right."

Mrs. Higurashi sighed. "Kagome why would I believe some silly little story. That's obviously Inuyasha and… I'm sorry what did you say your name was?"

Miroku's lip quivered. "Mi-miroku…" He had never had to tell people his name before. He had always automatically assumed everyone knew his name.

"Miroku… what an… interesting name," Mrs. Higurashi said with an obvious forced smile, making Miroku even more upset. "Honestly Kagome, after you told me that dream about that old shrine well do you think I would believe anything you tell me now?"

"Dream?" asked Inuyasha.

"Oh please no Mom – "

"Yes, Kagome has the weirdest dreams. She told me she dreamt that a giant bug came and pulled her down the well on our shrine and that she was taken to feudal Japan. And then I believe you came Inuyasha and went all savage like, killed the bug and tried to kill her."

Inuyasha couldn't help but give a laugh as Kagome covered her face with her hands. "Sounds about right."

"It was a long dream. Eventually though she falls in love with you."

"MOM!"

"Ahem…"

Everyone looked over at Grampa. "Sorry… bit of flam in the throat."

"Umm eww…" said Miroku. "Okay if everyone will excuse me… I need to use the facilities."

Sango rolled her eyes as he dashed out of the room. "What an idiot."

"So do you want to tell me how you guys are all okay?" Kagome asked as she pretended the conversation that just happened didn't happen.

"Gas."

"Gas."

"Gas."

Kagome starred at her family. So everyone had gas. The hospital had kept them and even performed surgery on one of them just to find out that they all had gas.

"But enough about us," said Kagome's mother. "What did you guys do?"

"Did you have SEX?"

"GRAMPA!"

"What? Self-Esteem-Xylophones. They can really help you find each other if you get lost. Just play your xylophone and if you hear another one you'll know a friend is near."

"Okay…"

"Did you know about the birds and the bees?"

Kagome looked at her grandfather with a twitching eyebrow.

"What are you staring at Kagome? My favourite type of bird is the hummingbird. Bees are just basically bees. I don't really like them too much… I actually really like woodpeckers which are obviously known for their – "

"Hotdog anyone?"

Again, everyone jumped as Miroku suddenly appeared beside them carrying a tray of hotdogs.

"Where did you come from?" Sango asked.

Miroku stared at her. "Well Sango if you must know, I went to the bathroom and a hotdog vendor was in there. I thought I would be nice and bring everyone back a hotdog. What are we talking about? Woodpeckers? Don't they use their – "

"Johnson?" said a doctor as he peaked his head in the door. "Nope not in here."

"Yes Miroku, woodpeckers use their – "

"Big Daddy," said Souta suddenly.

"What?" Kagome asked, looked at her brother like he had gone crazy.

"Big Daddy. It's on TV," he said, pointing to the television.

Grampa changed the channel. "What do you know there's a woodpecker documentary on…"

"…woodpeckers use their – "

Suddenly the power went out, turning off the TV. A red light on the ceiling flashed on and an announcement came on the intercom.

"Sausage. Sorry… Sango, would you please come down to the lobby please."

Sango began walking to the door. "Want me to come with?" said Miroku.

"I think I can manage," she said sounding exasperated as she left. Miroku followed anyway.

"Peckers. They use their peckers." Grampa nodded into the red light.

"So what did you guys do?" Mrs. Higurashi repeated the question to Inuyasha and her daughter as if they had not just had a long discussion regarding woodpeckers. The power flickered back on again.

Inuyasha and Kagome looked at each other. "Oh nothing really. Just sort of hung about."

Mrs. Higurashi stared at the two teens with curious eyes. Kagome could feel the palms of her hands begin to sweat under her mother's stern look.

"Okay," Mrs. Higurashi said with a smile. Kagome nearly fell over in shock. "So I suppose we should all go check out now shouldn't we? Don't tell your friend Sango this but, this hospital has the worst service ever." She shook her head. "Not too long ago when Souta and I we're trying to leave our room, no one would come unlock the door. It was crazy. They said there was some disturbance down in the mental health section or something and that there was some crazy girl running around the hospital."

Kagome let out a loud, high pitched laugh. "Ahaha… crazy. Heh heh…"

Mrs. Higurashi looked at her daughter with wide eyes. "Yes… well anywho, we should get going."

"Hold your cows ladies…" said Grampa. "My show is still on."

"Horses."

"What are you babbling about?" he asked his granddaughter.

"You mean horses right?"

"Kagome if you wanted a horse you should have asked Santa last October dear."

"Decem- oh never mind."

- - -

You guys are probably on the verge of killing me I know… I meant to update sooner, a lot sooner. The problem is… I've gotten out of watching Inuyasha. It just doesn't fit into my life anymore. As long as you guys truly want me too, I will finish the story soon simply relating the knowledge I still remember from the show into the story. But if there is little support, I won't bother. I have no problem with writing this story and I know most of you enjoy reading it. Please review with your responses.

P.S. I hope the humour didn't sound too forced… I was reading over it and well… sometimes I just type whatever pops into my head, no matter how random it is.

Laina-chan