Moshi Moshi, Minna! I just got back from physical therapy (for my back. Long story…VERY long story…) Mou…I hate wearing this backbrace… _ Hopefully it'll be off by February. Hopefully…if not…March…
Kai: Don't gripe, Rumi-baka! Although, watching you tumble down the stairs and get concussion as well was quite hilarious…I really wish Tala and Bryan were there too…they would've had a good laugh…
*glares* You're such a good friend, Kai…
Kai: Anytime…
Alrightie then…on with the fic!
DEDICATIONS:
This ficcie…erm…one-shot is dedicated to my two of my favorite angst writers!
-CCPhoenix
-Vialana (update "Damnation" onegai! I listened to the CD and I loved it! Go Opeth! The songs really fit the fic! ^^)
Thank you for writing your lovely ficcies full of angst! You have inspired me to write this angst fic…er one-shot! Enjoy reading this!
WARNINGS:
Okie, folks…this is dark, death, and angsty…and dark, death, and angsty…and…dark, death, and… you know what I mean. Once again…it's a Tyka. Tyka=yaoi/shounen-ai. This means boy on boy love. Don't like it…then don't read, plain and simple…
However…it's a dark Tyka… yup…really dark…
Yes, there is violence and mild sexuality…and death (won't tell you who dies). Oh, yeah…and lots of OOCness too!
However, if you are a rabid Tyka fan *cough hack like me hack cough* and check fanfiction.net (_) every day or almost every day (guilty as charged) just to see if another Tyka writer has updated their story, then go straight ahead!
SUMMARY:
Tyson muses over his up and down, off and on, almost broken relationship with Kai. Kai has become abusive, and Tyson ruefully asks himself why he even stays by Kai's side. He has a confrontation with Kai, but things don't turn out the way he wants. Suddenly, Kai does something that he'll regret for the rest of his life.
DISCLAIMER:
I don't really want to do this…but, because I don't want various lawyers to use the Plushie Shredder 4000 on my plushies…so…I must do this… I don't own Beyblade or any of its characters. Another thing, I don't own the song. The song "Faint" belongs to Linkin Park's newest CD Meteora. It's number seven on the CD.
BUT I WISH I DID!!!!
Kai: Yes…wish being the key word…
*glares* You're awfully snippy today…did Ty-kun make you sleep on the couch again?
Kai: *flips off Rumi* Shut up, wench…
*raises an eyebrow* So how long are you going to have to sleep on the couch this time, Kai? Three days? One week? Two weeks? A month?
Kai: *growls* Shut. The. Hell. Up!
Meh…shutting up…shutting up…
On with the story!
~*~
Faint
A One-Shot by Rumi-Chan
Lyrics: italics. Important parts of the song are in bold.
Flashbacks: bold italics.
(A/N: Here are some complementary flashlights, lanterns, spotlights, etc. This fic is dark…and I mean dark. Dark with a capital D. You're going to need all the flashlights you can get… *hands out flashlights, lanterns, spotlights, etc.* Oh yeah, and to make this one-shot seem more realistic…listen to the song while reading the fic. I did, and I began to cry.)
~*~
Tyson's POV:
I am
A little bit of loneliness
A little bit of disregard
I'm lonely, I'm cold. You have no regard for me. I used to be your lover, your friend. I used to be someone whom you could trust, someone you could rely on.
What happened to you?
What happened to me?
You're different…you've changed…something has taken my place in your heart. Money, power, alcohol, greed…what the hell is it, Kai? I'm no longer your lover…I'm your screw toy, your bitch, your slave.
When we make love…I don't even believe that we make love anymore…your caresses and touches are no longer caring and gentle. They're harsh and nail scraping. You leave bruises everywhere, cuts and scars, yet you still claim to love me. You whisper "Aishiteru" every time after we screw around…but is it just an empty phrase that just happens to roll off your tongue? Is it, Kai?!?
A handful of complaints
But I can't help the fact
That everyone can see these scars
I know I complain, and I know I bitch. But, really, am I that irritating? If not, why do you hit me? If I speak back, you slap my face. If I refuse to submit myself to you every night, you beat me until I am helpless, defenseless, and regurgitating blood.
Everyone's been noticing my scars, I'm forced to wear long sleeves because I don't want to show Max these purplish splotches that adorn my once tanned arms. I have to make up lies to cover up for your mistakes, your sins. Max is worried. He saw the bruise on my wrist when I helped him wash the dishes. He's on to you Kai. Everyone can see my hurt, my pain, and my anguish…even though I cover it up with a false smile. This facade I put on… it's so disgusting. It's not even me anymore. I'm afraid should I look in the mirror, I'll puke.
And you don't just leave physical scars, you leave emotional ones too. I am still trying to mend my wounded spirit, striving to stitch it up…but, I'm breaking at the ends. Every time I mend one wound, you rip open another one…
I am
What I want you to want
What I want you to feel
I want you to feel love again like you used to, Kai! I want you to actually love me for me. Love me for my heart and soul, not for my body! I need you to want this radiating love I still feel for you, even though you probably don't have that love for me.
This is why I try so hard to be optimistic around you. Maybe if I don't show my pain and sorrow, then you'll return to the Kai whom I once knew. But my attempts are futile…you probably won't change.
My cheerfulness, my sincerity, my passion…I want you to feel that. I want you to recognize these feelings like you did when we first got together.
I sigh and turn my head to the window. It's a cloudy and bleary day. The first of the raindrops appear, and I sigh. Even the heavens are mourning for you.
But it's like no matter what I do
I can't convince you
To just believe that this is real
Every little thing I do, I do it for you, Kai. I try to rekindle your old spirit in your heart. I try to convince you that my love, my anguish, my sorrow, my tears, and my everything…are real.
I'm real, Kai! I have a broken body that is covered with bruises and scars, a heart that is wrenched with pain, and a soul that is shattered. I am living, breathing, and loving for you! My broken body slowly heals, my pain-wrenched heart still beats for you, and my shattered soul continues to mend itself over and over again for you.
This reality isn't fabricated, Kai…it's real.
Me and my compassion. Me and my soul. Me and my love…
Everything I have is real…
So I let go
Watching you turn your back like you always do
Face away and pretend that I'm not
But I'll be here 'cause you're all that I've got.
I don't know why I'm letting my taut grip on you become loose. What has become of us? Our once unbreakable, unshakable bond has now become severed. You come home late almost every night, reeking of sake and other types of alcohol. You call out for me, and I quickly rush out to greet you, for I know the consequences should I not. It's time for me to pleasure you again, ne? I do so, and I receive a rough kiss on my lips and a punch to the stomach before you collapse over and fall into a deep slumber.
So much for a good night…
After scenarios such as these, I head to the bathroom, and turn on the taps on the bathtub to a scalding hot. The water nearly burns my skin, and it stings against my cuts. My normally tanned skin is similar to that "fire engine red" colored lipstick my mother used to wear on her lips before she died. I cry softly and I ponder about that one nagging question in my head, "Why am I still here?"
I dry off with a fluffy blue towel and change into my night clothes. I go into the living room and find your slumbering form still on the floor. My heart tightens, and I cover your muscular body with a soft blanket before cleaning up the mess we made.
Now I know why I refuse to leave…
You're all that I've got left, Kai. Grandpa died a while back, and Ren and Otousan (means "father" in Japanese) were killed in a fatal car accident. You're the only one I have left, Kai! Please don't turn your back and desert me now! Please Kai, please! Don't face away from me!
If you can see my brokenness and pain, why ebb it more? Don't pretend that my feelings don't exist! Don't pretend that I'm not…
I can't feel the way I did before
Don't turn your back on me, I won't be ignored
After five months of this hellish torture, I am finally taking a stand. Hiwatari Kai, I will no longer be your fuck toy or your punching bag. I can't feel the way I did five months before when I was afraid, intimidated, weak and insecure. I've grown stronger and wiser. I know that if you and I want this relationship to last, then you're going to have to revert back to your old self.
You won't ignore me anymore…I refuse to let myself be trampled on like a doormat.
I won't be ignored.
Time won't heal this damage anymore
Don't turn your back on me
These wounds can't be undone. What is done is done. I refuse to be ignored. I will not let myself be pushed aside. You will not pull me down. You will not turn away and shun your eyes.
I won't be ignored.
It's almost two a.m. You stagger into the slightly dimmed room. Your trench coat reeks of cigarette smoke and a can smell sake in your breath. I fight the urge to wheeze the moment the pungent aroma fills my senses. I send up a silent prayer to the gods in heaven, praying that we will not fight again. Praying that all will be well…
I am
A little bit insecure
A little bit unconfident
I hear you yell out my name. My mind tells me to go to you…but why won't my feet move?!? Why won't I move?!? I'm insecure, unconfident, and scared. I fear that if I don't move and answer you now, we might have another fist fight again. You yell out my name, grab the glass vase on the kitchen counter and throw it at me. I quickly duck and the vase shatters against the wall. I look at you, terrified, as you stagger towards me. My once built up security and confidence just vanished. I step back a few steps. You give me a lop-sided grin. Apparently, my fear seems to amuse you.
"What's wrong, Ty-koi?" You say. "I just want to hug you."
I shake my head slightly. I'm not going to fall for that again. You used that exact same trick on me before and I ended up getting thrown against the wall. No more tricks, Kai. Please! My heart can't take it!
Your eyes narrow dangerously and voice becomes incredibly soft. "I said come here, Tyson."
I'm frozen like a deer in headlights. I can't move and I can't speak. Your domineering figure casts a shadow over me. I don't know what to say or think. I just stand there, my mouth slightly agape.
You suddenly grab my nightshirt and pull me towards you. "When I say, 'come here' I mean come here! Now let me give you a hug, damnit!"
I squirm around as you put your arms around me and squeeze me tight. "Kai," I gasp, "Y-you-you're squeezing too tight! I-I-I- can't breathe!"
You don't release me. Instead your hug tightens and I fight the urge to scream. My lungs are wanton for air. You're hurting me, Kai! Finally, I let out a shill scream of pain. Luckily, our neighbors are on vacation so they can't hear us. You let go and raise your hand. Just as I bring my hands to my chest to catch my breath, you palm connects with my cheek in an angry smack.
"Why did you scream," you hiss. "Why the hell did you scream?!?" You swiftly punch me in the gut and I sink to the ground, coughing.
'Cause you don't understand
I do what I can
But sometimes I don't make sense
My vision is becoming blurry. Hot tears are stinging against my eyes. I'm gasping for breath, sunken on the ground. Your muscular form towers over me. "No, please stop. Kai…please…please stop!"
You bend over, and tug on my bangs, "Look at me, Ty."
No. Please….please don't call me that anymore. I can't bear to hear it anymore. Please, Kai, just…just don't say it anymore! I refused to look up. My stormy gray eyes did not meet your wine colored ones.
Your patience snaps and you pull my head up by my front bangs. "I said look at me, you bitch!" You bellow.
Drops of tears run down my face, already scrunched up in pain, flowing in little rivers. "KAI! Itai! Y-Y-You're hurting me!" I squirm and scream. My hands claw at yours, but your grip on my hair tightens. You slap my face again, laughing at my tears.
"Weak," you mock, "Weak! You're absolutely pathetic! I can't believe why I even fucked someone as pathetic as you in the first place!"
I continue to weep silently. I'm not making sense to myself anymore. The pain, physical and emotional, is unbearable. I'm mumbling words, thinking things…I don't know what I'm saying or thinking anymore. Kami-sama…Kai, please stop. Kai, onegai…please…onegai! I'm on my knees now, begging you to stop this! Onegai! ONEGAI!
I am
What you never want to say
But I've never had a doubt
You lick your lips and grin hungrily. "But I like you when you're weak, defenseless, and scared. It turns me on, Ty…it really does…"
I shiver at these words.
You now press your lips to mine in a harsh kiss. Your left hand traces patterns on my back and your other hand is still clenching my hair. No! Stop Kai… It feels so good, but I can't do this! You back me into a wall, and push me up against it.
No…no…this can't go on…
Your kisses move to my neck, and your teeth scrape against my bronze flesh.
This…no…I don't want this… I'm tired of submitting…
Your hand begins to get into my boxers; your fingers almost curl around my manhood.
Stop Kai, onegai! Stop it!
You don't stop. I mumble, "No…Kai…don't…" Yet, you continue with your ministrations. Iie! Iie!! I have…to…stop…must break free…
"STOP IT KAI! I. SAID. NO!"
I don't know what I did…it all happened so fast. I see my fist embedding itself into your abdomen, I see you let go of me, eyes widened in pain, and a push you away from me and run to the room. I'm fast…but when you're bruised all over, it's really hard to move anything around. You grab me by the waist and throw me to the floor. I think I heard a rib crack.
Your hardened gaze examines my prone form; you drag me by the wrist and make your way to the couch, muttering a string of curses in your wake.
"You…bitch. What the fuck is your problem?!? You never resisted before!"
You're officially pissed. At this point, I can only whimper, weep, and pray that I don't end up dead…
It's like no matter what I do
I can't convince you
For once just to hear me out
Why can't I speak?!? Why can't I tell you how I feel?!? I need you to hear me out, Kai! Please! Just try to listen to what I have to say!
You throw me onto the couch and begin to kiss me. Your velvety tongue runs across my bottom lip, seeking entrance. My lips refuse to part. A growl escapes your lips and you prod my wounded side, and I open my mouth and scream. You take advantage of this and your tongue delves into my mouth. Tears are falling, soul is shattering, heart is breaking. I want to break away, but you're sitting on me so I can't escape. I bite down on your tongue, you holler loudly and withdraw. You raise your hand and ball it into a fist, ready to punch me. However, my arm finally decides to move and out of self-defense, I get to you first. My fist connects with your face as I give you a mean right cross. That punch was enough for you to get off of me.
You threw a punch at me in a drunken rage, but I ducked. As soon as I caught you off guard, I left hooked you. That brought you to your knees.
So I let go
Watching you turn your back like you always do
Face away and pretend that I'm not
But I'll be here 'cause you're all that I've got
I look around, jaded. My eyes look at your prone form; then I look back at my left fist. My body is trembling, my hands are shaking, tears are pouring down my face. What am I doing?
No…this…this…this is what I was supposed to do.
This is what I was supposed to do ever since the abuse started. Fight back. I-I was too scared to fight back, too afraid of losing the only thing left. But, the strange thing is…Heh…
I'm not scared anymore. My courage, security, and confidence has returned and double-folded.
Realize this, Kai. I'm not scared! I'M NOT SCARED!
I can't feel the way I did before
Don't turn your back on me, I won't be ignored
No more, Kai. No more. You knew that your lies and deceit would divide us, but you lied and deceived me over and over again. It's not going to happen anymore. I won't let it happen anymore. Not this time…
Time won't heal this damage anymore
Don't turn your back on me
Nothing you say or do will heal my wounded heart. It's time for you to amend your wrong-doings. Didn't anyone teach you to never hit your loved one? Or wait, do you still love me? I don't know what to do anymore Kai! My heart has been robbed of my trust for you. You've hurt me over and over….so…now, I don't know if you're lying to me or not.
You glare viciously and rise from your position on the floor.
I take a deep breath and swallow…it's now or never.
I won't be ignored
Not this time, Kai. I won't be ignored. Not now, not ever. You can't shut me up anymore. You won't shut me up…ever.
Now, hear me out
You're gonna listen to me, like it or not
Right now
I take a step forward and say firmly, "Hear me out now! You're going to listen to what I have to say, Kai. Whether you like it or not, you WILL listen to me.
You blink once, then twice, before you laugh at me. "What makes you," you pause to catch your breath, "believe that I'll let you win. I listen to no one."
"Then I'll make you listen." I said, challenging your previous words.
What I said was enough to make you shut up.
Now, hear me out
You're gonna listen to me, like it or not
Right now
Your eyes darken. "Say that again, Tyson." Your voice is dangerously low now. I swallow past the ball in my throat and look at you defiantly in the eye.
"Then I'll make you listen. What's the matter, Kai? Do you understand what I'm trying to say?"
You take a step menacingly towards me, but I'm not going to back down now. My courage is overflowing. My voice is soft, but firm. "Hiwatari Kai," I began, " You have hurt me over and over again! I don't know when you're lying to me, or when you're telling me the truth! Hell, I don't even know if you do tell the truth! I-I can't be your screw toy or your bitch anymore, do you understand?!? If you want this relationship to last, Kai…then you're going to have to start treating me with respect."
You just stare at me, you eyes cold and impersonal. I take a deep breath and continue. "Do you love me, Kai?"
You answer, "What the hell do you think? Of course."
I open my mouth to say something, but you cut me off, "But do you love me, Tyson?"
"Yes Kai!"
"Really?" Your eyelids crinkle at the corners. You're up to something again…
"Yes, really."
You bellow something and before I know it, I'm pinned against the wall again. A searing pain shoots up my spine and my ribs. I gasp for breath. Your face. Kai. That look, I don't like that look. Your eyes are maniacal. Not good. I have to get out of the room. I have to get out…
NOW!
I can't feel the way I did before
Don't turn your back on me, I won't be ignored
Time won't heal this damage anymore
Don't turn your back on me
I won't be ignored
I struggle, but my movements are futile. You take out a hunting knife (you always took it with you…for self-defense), and you grabbed my right forearm. "I'm going to teach you a lesson, Tyson," you snarl, "This is the price for not loving me!" You bring the knife closer to my bruised arm.
I'm going into hysterics now. "I do love you Kai! I love you so much!"
You don't listen to me. Instead you laugh psychotically and rest the knife on my skin. "I. LOVE. KAI." You say this over and over again as you carve those very same letters onto my arm. Dark red blood flows from the gashes, and I scream in pain.
You continue to engrave those three words on to my arm and you holler at me, "Shut up! Don't you dare scream! Don't even cry! Fuck…Tyson…don't you dare cry!"
I can't help but sob and scream. The pain is excruciating!
You finish the message and I look at my right arm. Your knife, your hands, and my nightclothes are drenched in blood. I cradle my bloody forearm and wail. This isn't how it was supposed to turn out!
You scream, "I told you not to cry!" You swat my right arm away and plunge your knife deep into my abdomen. "I fucking told you not to cry!"
My pupils dialate, and blood escapes me everywhere. I'm coughing up blood.
You refuse to stop. You withdraw your knife and stab me again. "I," you stab me again, "TOLD" and again, "YOU" and again, "NOT" and again, "TO", again, "CRY!"
I cough up more blood. I try to talk, but only gurgling noise escape my throat. Everything is growing dark. I smile and touch you cheek and I finally manage to speak, " T-t-time won't heal this damage anymore. Don't turn your back on me….I won't be ignored. I-I-I-I l-love you, K-K-Kai…"
My hand slides off your face, and I slump to the ground and breathe my last. Death swallows me whole.
I can't feel the way I did before
Don't turn your back on me, I won't be ignored
Time won't heal this damage anymore
Don't turn your back on me
I won't be ignored
~*KAI'S POV:
What the hell have I done?!? I didn't mean to kill him? What the hell have I done? WHAT THE HELL HAVE I DONE?!? Memories of Tyson flash across my mind…
"Come on, Kai! We can't be late!"
"Kai! Let's go!"
"Kai? Can you carry me, onegai?"
"Aishiteru, Kai-koi. Aishiteru zutto…"
"Time won't heal this damage anymore. Don't turn your back on me…I won't be ignored."
"I love you, Kai."
I grab your corpse and howl. "TYYSSSOOOONNNN!" I kiss every centimeter of your precious face. I cling to you and bury my face in your soft hair. "I'm sorry, Ty-koi. I'm sorry! Aishiteru zutto! I'm sorry."
~*NORMAL POV:
As Kai wept for his lost love, the ghost of a midnight blue haired, stormy eyed boy sat on the windowsill, watching intently.
I won't be ignored…
+Fin+
Rumi: Cries* WAH! I didn't write that, or did I! UWA! Please don't kill me! *ducks a television set, rabid squirrels, rotten food, and whatever else you might throw at me for killing Ty-kun*
Kai: *in shock*
Tyson: *fumes* RUMIKA UEDE! IT'S ALWAYS ME WHO DIES! *tackles Rumi and attacks her* SUFFER!
Rumi: *screams* HELP! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! Gomen nassai! I didn't mean to kill you! I just had to get rid of some pent up depression! @_@
Tyson: I DON'T CARE! _+++++
Rei: Tyson's pissed…
Kai: *nods head* Yup…
Rei: Er…do you think we ought to help-
Kai: No. Ty will be fine on his own…
Rei: Erm…I was talking about Rumi…
Kai: Nah…
Ja ne!
~*Rumi-Chan*~