Love's a funny thing don't you think?
I mean - we all envision our perfect mate. The tall strong silent type, the bubbly, friendly type, the gentle lover, the frisky lover, the sexy one, the loyal one.... well, the list goes on I suppose. Dreams are the one thing that are not limited by how much money you are worth - achieving them maybe, but the dream itself, in it's purist form? Even street orphans can achieve the greatest heights - or win the heart of the dashing prince.
My perfect mate was rich beyond my wildest dreams. He had fine clothes and fancy foods and a house big enough so the whole orphanage could move in with us. And water, lots of it. Not just for drinking mind you - but for real showers and baths, and even a pool to swim in! Nothing could be better than having an unlimited supply of water I always thought. It was rationed during the war you have to understand, while the wealthy could often buy the supplies they needed this was often at the expense of those who couldn't fight back.
"and never kick a dog because he's just a pup you better run for cover when the pup grows up!!"
That was always my favourite part. Sister Helen always used to sing - for a religious woman she sure knew her music. That particular segment came from the song "Little People" from some old French musical. I've always been small, and when I was young this song became MY song - When I got older all those rich people who had abused the system, abused US would pay - except for my perfect mate of course, he was the exception to the rule. I didn't care about Oz or what they were doing - when you are concerned about whether there is going to be enough food on the table the next morning or if the kid next to you is going to die from some disease that should be curable - or if you are going to be the next one to catch it, the enemies are the one who lives around the courner, not on some far away planet. Dying was only a small problem compared to living.
Funny. The kid in the musical who sang my song died fighting in some pointless battle, for some unachievable cause. I don't want to be that kid.
My perfect mate didn't come and rescue me, or the other orphans - but I guess you realised that. After ... what happened, I guess I should have lost the naiveness associated with searching for the perfect mate - but is there anything, any disaster, any possible horrific event that can control, contain a dream? After what I've been through, I doubt it. My perspective changed however - I was fighting against Oz by this time, the last thing I wanted was to swept off my feet by someone like Relena. God - the thought alone makes me shudder. This time my perfect mate was someone who could make ME laugh, instead of it always being the other way around. Someone who could be light and happy throughout all the hell we were going through - and actually mean it. Someone who would hold me and whisper sweet nothings in my ear, and brush my hair, just like Sister Helen used to.
I got Heero.
I feel short changed.
Of all the people I had to fall in love with it had to be the most coldest, sullenest, down right annoying person I had ever met. That's love for you - it doesn't play fair.
Sometimes I don't understand this ... this pull I have to him. I feel like a moth drawn to a light - in the end you only get burned. There isn't anything in him that is remotely human - so how can I of all people be drawn to him? But that is only sometimes. Other times I understand painfully too well why I fell in love with that baka. A slight twitch of the lips, a gentle look - if I'm lucky he might even sit down and talk, and I mean really talk. Yes, there is a lot love behind that cold 'perfect soldier' mask of his. It's amazing how similar we are under our masks. Both lonely, both lost. Both madly in love with each other.
Surprised? So was I. Oh, I knew by then that Heero had feelings, just not that any of them were directed towards me. He doesn't whisper sweet nothings, nor has he ever brought me flowers of chocolates. Frankly, if he did I'd have him booked in a mental institution.
He does brush my hair though.
It's funny, when I think about it, how I've found peace within myself during such a time of turmoil, love during a period of hate and fear. Heero might not be the 'perfect mate' - but I guess he'll do.
I still think he got the better end of the deal though.
Fini.
Cairnsy
