Enter Narrator (who just happens to be George Bush)
"Ah my fellow readers this wonderful tale has come to an end. It is sad that it has…"
"Urm excuse me, what are you doing here?" Asked a confused Emily.
"Well I am narrating the Epilogue." Grinned the President.
"Why?"
"Well it said in the advert you wanted someone important to narrate the epilogue."
"Wow! You can read!" Laughed Emily. "Well I am afraid we have found someone else, go away."
"Whines"
"Fine then, my team of 'Fear of a Fruit Bat' members shall have to dispose of you"
Enter George, Lauren and Becca armed with Turnips and flyswats.
A bloodbath ensues.
"Well now that's done." Sighed George. "Please welcome our narrator, the wonderful Orlando Bloom."
"Hey man! Right well, on with the Epilogue…
Emily's ultimate two dreams were fulfilled. She became Princess of Mirkwood much to Thranduil's dismay. However, he soon warned up to her when she introduced him to the wonders of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. Her second dream was implemented on a visit to Rivendell where she wrote 'Your Ad Here' on Elrond's forehead. She also was reacquainted with Elladan and Elrohir but that's another story…
George went on to rule in Gondor until his eightieth birthday where he handed the crown over to his pet monkey Lincoln McCraken the third (The first and second died in a mysterious shrimping accident off the coast of Valinor). George returned on one final trip to Earth only to discover that earth no longer existed. Apparently, the strawberry trifle had not been completely eaten and in it's maladjusted and slightly off state believed the world consisted of yogurt (a rival pudding) and set off on a quest to destroy it all. It succeeded. What it didn't realize is that the earth is really made of Hobnobs, which it destroyed in turn. However, the dairy product that is the moon launched a massive counter attack that still rages to this very day."
"Orli stop digressing." Snapped George.
"Sorry. Where was I?..
George also discovered that his body was rejuvenated back to what it was when he left Earth in the first place, resulting in a discovery of immortality and his long lost sex drive. He immediately returned to Middle-earth bearing the good news to Emily who immediately returned to Earth and arrived back in Mirkwood where Legolas and her disappeared for a weeks.
Gimli discovered he had a talent for juggling axes and now is an entertainer for the children of Middle-earth.
Boromir and Haldir married in Lothlorien and introduce the elves to the wonders of Saturday Night Fever.
Lord Elrond got his dream when George agreed to call him Dad, on the proviso that he say 'Mr. Anderson.'
It turns out Aragorn the Zombie's only use was to collect mushrooms for Frodo but Arwen still loved him so all was still sweet for them.
Merry and Pippin started their own hash bar, which was extremely popular with the drifters of Middle-earth.
Sam as we all know married Rosie, what we didn't know was that he also married Daisy, Lily, Pansy… Turns out he had a penchant for flowers.
Gandalf was banned from Mirkwood by the Princess; 'he had scary eyes' she quoted. Funnily enough everyone agreed and Gandalf soon found himself banned from everywhere and had to flee to Valinor for company.
And here ends the tale we have all come to love I hope you have enjoyed this master piece which in about one hundred and fifty pages has destroy a magnum opus."
A/N: Emily and George: Thank you so much to every single person who has ever reviewed this…Keep em' coming!
Thank yous…
Pretendingtobesane – Emily the Princess – hard to imagine!
Limpet666 – Yay for Absinth! Remember to have your daily intake of calcium goodness.
LeaRobins Leana Scarlette – Yummy Prince Legolas is my hubby!
Voyd – Another story?! Well we have been thinking… Maybe the adventures of Emily and George!
Shadowz – We got the 'Mr. Anderson' in! Yay! I know last ever chappie – I'll hug you tomorrow after the Math exam.
Ayiicaalimé – Ned Kelly eh? I like your style!
Tidus'Luvr99 – All things must end. Oh great Emily is crying now! Oh well! I hope you have been to the toilet by now!
Random-Shiny - I love all things random and all things shiny so that must mean I uber love you! Especially since you finally reviewed!
Lil'Smartass – Always nay saying! You and your smegging comas! Here you are ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, a load of fricking comas for ya!
Hyperactive-frogchild – Hope the ending was good enough for you! Love the name!
A:N Emily: Hey new author note just to say thank you to all the reviews for the Epilogue! Oh and we got our first flame! Yay! As I said Legolas would be made hot and sweaty with these! I have the image of sweaty Orli in Troy now! Yum. So to Marpessa; as for FILTH as you call it, this fic is rated R, but I guess you would have to be able to read to notice that, as you obviously can't because then you would know that I have read the books from the Prologue. Hope you have a nice life degrading people's work with your rather unconstructive criticism!