The rain had been falling steadily all evening.
A distant rumble of thunder rose Kaoru from her slumber, her tired limbs snaking under the sheets to gather them at her throat. She curled into a little ball, intent on finding her lost comfort and return to sleep. Finding she still shivered at her new position, sleep slowly fading away, she opened one eye and found herself staring at the darkened wall.
Kenshin was gone.
Her eyes focused on the scattered sheets before her. Rubbing sleep out of her eyes, she sat up and looked around the room. "Kenshin?"
No sound, no distant noise met her inquiry. She rose, wondering where he could be. Could he be starting chores early? Possibly doing something with Kenji? Or perhaps…
In her haste she had forgotten to roll the futon. It sat with sheets tangled along its length, faint sunlight beating down atop it from the open door.
Even though it had been years since Kenshin had last been in a real fight, he had always practiced in a clearing only several feet away from the dojo. Tsubame had once mentioned she had found him there, training and strengthening his chi while keeping his technique in top form. It had startled her at first, but when Kenshin explained what he was doing, she felt as ease knowing he was doing all he could to protect them.
Kaoru would never admit that she was slightly jealous that she hadn't found Kenshin out first, but no one needed to know that.
She reached the clearing just as the rain began to sprinkle, the droplets seeming to gain new life when the sun touched them. They moved across her line of vision, much like Kenshin did before her, his actions graceful and every bit as sharp as they were when she first met him. It was strange to see him without his sakabatou, his movements limited because of it, but at the same time it seemed he was able to do the same amount of practicing without it. His arms cut in sharp angles and swooped in wide arcs – he surprised her a moment later by doing several consecutive flips, each wider and higher than the last. He was still in top shape, it seemed.
His movements slowed a moment later, a cool-down from the intensity of his workout. When he stilled completely she could see his profile, small beads of sweat mixing with the drizzling rain as it landed on his form. His breaths were deep and long, his eyes closed.
When she shifted a branch broke beneath her feet. She caught every trace of the smile that formed on his face.
"You don't need to go." He said quietly, his voice hoarse like he hadn't used it yet. "Yours was always a comforting presence."
She stepped through the brush, following him to a rock where he had discarded his gi. It stuck to him a bit when he put it on, but he didn't seem to mind. "Did I wake you?"
She shook her head, adjusting the collar around his neck. "You never have before. I wasn't expecting you to be here."
"It's merely to clear my mind, that it is. I'm sorry if I worried you."
She took one arm and linked it through his, the other brushing away the comment. "I'm used to it by now." She stared at his face, watching his eyes scan the woods as they made their way back to the dojo. "How are you? Are you okay?"
He gave the question serious consideration before answering. "I'm not sure. I do feel better knowing that I've told him everything, but at the same time it's strange to think he knows."
"At least there aren't any more questions, right?"
A memory from the previous evening flashed in his mind. "You're going to tell me everything? Nothing held back?"
"No, Kaoru. There will always be questions."
Kenji's questions had been one of the most intimidating moments he could remember in his life. It was strange to think that simple thoughts could jar him, but then again Kenshin had never credited himself to being able to keep secrets, especially ones that involved deep scars he never wished to reveal. Kenji's thoughts were only valid, but it was the ice behind them – the monotone and bluntness when spoken – that made it harder to answer them. He almost felt like a small child being questioned once again by Master Hiko on a poor decision he had made that resulted in a fatal mistake – had the scenario been real.
"You can't hold anything back, Baka Deshi, but at the same time you must think. Plan ahead! If you can't execute an attack with proper intensity, there's no way you're going to have enough time to counter once the enemy knows your mistake! Think before you attack. Know your enemy!"
Kenshin could only wish he had listened to his master's advice sooner. Maybe then life wouldn't be the way that it was. Maybe Kenji wouldn't hold so much hatred.
His thoughts made him stop suddenly, the realization stabbing him in the heart.
Would he really trade everything that he had for another chance to think things through? Would everything be worth it – thinking through Tomoe's final hours, not wandering, settling in somewhere other than Tokyo, never getting involved with Aoshi or the Oniwabannshuu, avoiding Makoto Shishio's plot, ignoring Enishi's thirst for revenge – if he could think through it a while longer?
"Think ahead, Baka Deshi! What's your next move?"
"Kenshin?"
He looked down. Blue eyes filled with curiosity looked back at him. "Are you sure you're okay?"
A home, a healthy son, a loving wife, and friends who would come when he called were more than he could ever dream he would have. He took her hand and set it back to its place on his forearm, smiling at her. "I'm sure."
He wouldn't trade anything at all.
"You're back early."
Kenji paused a moment, letting his eyes adjust to the low lighting in the small hut. He found the large form by the fire as expected. "There was nothing left to discuss."
"He told you, then?"
"Yes. He told me everything; from training with you to Enishi's revenge. Every detail."
Hiko's gaze continued to stare into the fire. "Good. How did you get back here?"
He could almost see Kenji squirm out of the corner of his eye. "I, uh… took the train."
"How did you get the money?"
Another pause. "From Yahiko."
"Another debt for you to pay, it seems. Fine. It's no concern of mine that you're back so early. It's more time for your training. First get me some water from the river and we'll begin."
He had been angry the last time he was here.
The river flowed as smoothly as it did that last time. The air didn't seem quite as humid, but maybe that was because his thoughts weren't as dark as they were last time. He felt oddly… peaceful, the last thing he expected when he departed to Tokyo behind his father's request.
"You're going to tell me everything?"
His father had told him everything that rainy night, from his adoption with Hiko to his marriage to Tomoe and her tragic death; wandering for ten years before a dojo master was brave enough to challenge him with nothing more but courage and a bokken; fighting off numerous thirsts for his death and nearly facing his own when Kaoru's death had been faked… it was enough to make his head swim but it didn't make him angry.
It had only made him all the more curious.
"Why didn't you tell me earlier?"
The question had seemed innocent enough, but the looks his parents gave him almost made him forget he had wanted to ask. They had promised to answer every question after all, but he had suddenly wondered if that was a good idea. His father's eyes, while clear, fully revealed his reluctance to answer the question.
"Kenji…"
The cool water poured over his hands, startling him out of his thoughts. He blushed momentarily, wondering what Hiko would have said had he spotted his pupil daydreaming.
He would have insulted me to no end. I wouldn't hear the end of it.
He lifted the bucket out of the water and made his way through the woods. The sun, peeking through the trees, only served to make the day warmer. Kenji hated warm days. Hiko would work him until he dropped to his knees and could stand no more.
"Think ahead, Baka Deshi! What's your next move?"
Hopefully, Okaa-san wouldn't be worried that he left so early. Something told him that she was fine with the decision even if she wondered why he would leave so quickly. Perhaps a letter was in order to assure her he was fine and pleased with what had occurred the previous evening.
He paused in his steps, glancing towards the cloudless sky.
"There was nothing but shame in my past. Everything inside me said that you didn't need to know no matter how hard you tried. I couldn't think of any other way to not tell you about who I was. I was trying to help you, Kenji, not frustrate you. I know that in the end it only ended up hurting you, but I hope that after tonight you might see my reasoning and understand it somehow. I never meant to hurt you."
Maybe he would address it to Otou-san instead.
"That's what she did?"
"That's what she did."
"No explanation or anything?"
"Nope. Nothing at all."
Kaoru couldn't help it. She grinned at Yahiko, thankful he was sitting on the step lower than the one she was at. She put her hand on his head. "Yahiko no baka."
"She didn't have to make me sleep outside." He groaned, rubbing his neck when Kaoru removed her hand.
"I didn't know Tsubame had such a backbone."
"I didn't either."
"Well, maybe this'll teach you to tell her everything next time. I recall Kenshin saying something about how you gave him similar advice."
"Did he listen to me?"
"Of course he did. Regardless, he would have told me anyway!"
"How was I supposed to know that was good advice? I've only been married a few years."
"Most people understand something like that by now, Yahiko."
Yahiko ran a hand through his hair. "Fine. I screwed up, okay? I'm man enough to admit it."
"Now what are you going to do?"
"Hope she hasn't locked me out of the house."
"What if she has?"
"I'm gonna wait."
"How long?"
He groaned again. "Until she lets me in."
Kaoru smiled. "Good pupil. You do listen after all!"
"Every once in a while, Busu."
The hand that once rested on his head returned but with more force. Yahiko knocked it away. "That hurts!"
"You're lucky I don't make you clean the dojo floors. Go to Tsubame and get things sorted out. You'll be better for it!"
Yahiko had grumbled when he stood and made his way to the dojo doors, but at least she had gotten her point across. She knew he was aware of what he had to do. He just didn't want to do it.
Lazy. I trained him better than that.
"Has Yahiko left?"
Kaoru stood and turned to Kenshin, swatting some dust away from her kimono. "Just a moment ago. I finally convinced him to sort things out with Tsubame."
"He could have stayed with us."
"Oh, no he couldn't have. He would have been sleeping outside again. He knows better than that."
A small grin formed on his face. "You've got a mean streak in you, that you have."
"Of course. How else could I have dealt with everything I have in my life?"
She noticed the warm spark in his eyes, how alert he looked and brighter his countenance seemed. He was rubbing a cloth over his hands before taking the rope off from his sleeves. "I was thinking about making lunch soon. Is there anything in particular you'd like?"
She didn't answer. He raised an eyebrow. "Kaoru?"
"You've been thinking again."
He wasn't expecting that. "Oro?" he said, amused. "What do you mean by that?"
"You know what I mean. You look different from this morning. You've come to a conclusion, haven't you?"
Her curiosity, amplified by a pointing finger, almost made him take a step back. He raised a hand and set it on hers, pointing the offending finger downward. "About the other night?"
She nodded her head. His expression, though loosing a little bit of the light it held moments earlier, remained the same. "Yes, I have."
"Do you want to talk about it?" she asked, giving him a chance to object if he wanted. She was curious, but she wouldn't press the matter if he wasn't ready to speak about it.
"There's little to talk about." He said matter-of-factly, putting an arm around her shoulders and leading her into the kitchen. "I've just decided that I've done everything I can. There will be questions – there always will be – but those will come later. At the moment the best I can do is hope that Kenji is willing to do something to help rebuild our relationship."
"Kenshin…"
"It's enough for now, Koishii."
While truth rang in his words, Kaoru couldn't help but wonder how he had come up with the decision so quickly. She watched him move the knife across the cutting board, his focused but content expression both pleasing and irritating her.
He must have thought of something while training this morning.
He had said little when escorting her back to the dojo. He had chores to do that wouldn't wait – she noticed later that he hadn't said anything about the laundry, which might have been a good thing – and getting started on them would only help get a start on the day. She hadn't complained; after all, the dojo needed cleaning and a small group of students would be making their way into its doors later that afternoon. It only made her curious that he would give himself so much time to think. All that time and the simple solution was all he came up with?
"It's enough for now, Koishii."
His words startled her. She looked at him and discovered she had been caught daydreaming, a gentle smile on his lips. The man knew her well enough to know what she was thinking. She sighed and smiled back, satisfied with his answer even if she didn't understand it herself. "It's enough for now."
"Kaoru! Kaoru!"
They both turned to the voice growing louder. Footfalls raced to the dojo door, a shoji door slammed open and shut before Yahiko emerged waving a letter in his hands.
"Yahiko? What's wrong?"
He took a deep breath before answering. "I was standing in front of my house like you told me to, and a delivery boy asked me if I knew where this place was saying he had a letter. I told him I knew and I ran it over here."
"A letter? So early in the afternoon?"
"The date is a few weeks old. It's from Kenji."
Kenshin and Kaoru glanced at each other for a moment. With a small shrug, Kenshin went back to making dinner. "Go ahead, Kaoru. I'm sure it's for you anyway."
"It's addressed to you, Kenshin."
The knife on the cutting board froze only for a moment. Kenshin turned, doing his best to hide it. "Really?" he said, cleaning his hands with a cloth. Yahiko held the letter out for him to see. In Kenji's small but neat writing the kanji for his name stared back at him.
Not Kaoru. Him.
A flicker of hope sparked in him. Kaoru put a hand on his arm, waiting for him to open it. "Kenshin?"
Fear gripped him. Kenji had never written to him. Letters addressed to Kaoru only had vague implications of interest in his father's well being. He was sure when he opened the letter he would find it addressed to his wife with a few mentions of his own name.
"Are you going to open it, Kenshin?"
Kenshin looked at Yahiko with a smile, feeling guilty that it felt so fake. "Of course I am." His hands unfolded the paper while his heart beat faster. His eyes met the letters on the page.
Otou-san and Okaa-san…
It was addressed to the both of them. He could feel a genuine smile slowly spread on his face.
It wasn't the answer. But it was a beginning.
Author's Notes: Writing this story over the course of two years has brought to my attention two of many points - that plots can develop a life of their own, and life always steps in the way of bringing that plot to the page. My writing style has changed tremendously from when I graduated, but I look at this story with fond memories. After all, taking myself on an adventure through an emotional world that I had never been to was the purpose of writing this story in the first place. Because of that, there are a number of people to thank.
For starters, anime insomniac, for her courage in taking over the beta job for a story that was already well in progress. I think you were the voice of assurance in those chapters with Hiko. :)
A buddy of mine, S. Y., for telling me day after day, "You know, it isn't as bad as you think it is..."
All the authors who took risks in the RuroKen fanfic world, making my imagination go into overdrive and refusing to let go until I actually wrote something.
A big shout-out also goes to all the reviewers who stayed with me through this writing development in my life. Without your encouragement, I'm sure I would have given up on this story a long time ago. You guys are awesome!
Finally, last but certainly not least, to Jesus Christ, who helped me see, despite how hard it can be to write about something that I don't understand, that this is the profession that I really do want to pursue.
Thank you all again!
Sean Montgomery