Disclaimer: Obviously, I don't own the Matrix, Trinity and Ghost. [Though I wish I owned the latter :P] So don't sue me. Rather than this, please Read and Review.
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The Choice
Day 1
Dear Trinity,
I cannot help but wonder, now, as I finally sat down and let my thoughts run all over my head… After all that time, I feel that I can't hold them within anymore. I tried, dear god I tried, but they keep coming back, in dreams and when I'm awake. And even though I know nothing that surrounds me here is real, but god, I know all too well that everything that is burning now inside of me is more real than the most biting reality. It's amazing… if all of that is believed to come from the heart, how come that there is no escape for me, not in reality, where both my mind and heart dance a gentle ballet of affection around you, nor in here, where it's only my mind, and my mind alone. The more days pass, the more I realize that I had left my heart on that ship as it left, into darkness, into the unknown. I left it there, willingly, I let you take it with me. After 12 years, I finally gave up. God, I would have given it to you in my hands, if only you would accept it. I would have given you more than this, on this journey, and on any other. I would have given you all the love of this world, how little of it there's still left in this cold and unwelcoming place. No… It's never really been like that to me, neither cold, nor unwelcoming. Not since from the very first day, you were near, even when we were at a distance, I had you in my heart, the sweet memory ever alive in me. And damnit, Trin, you left more warmth in there than there had ever been before you came. But now… now, it's slipping through my fingers. Still strong enough to keep the one inside going, but it's begun to let the outside slowly die. And if it's to come, let it come soon, because every day without you is pain.
Ghost sighed, and slowly put the snow-white sheet of paper, now marked with small black letters away on the bench. Leaning back, he closed his eyes and squeezed them tight. He held his breath. All of a sudden, a strange feeling came over him. He felt that if he opened them, she would be there, standing in distance as she used to in the past, watching him with that mischievous grin she could never help when she came to his virtual asylum.
They would just sit and talk, for long hours, forgetting both time and place; or spar, arguing who this time would take one hell of a beating. He recalled her asking once, if he didn't mind her interrupting his moment of peace. God, he didn't mind, he was always awaiting it. Each time he jacked in, he hoped she would come. Even if he knew all too well that she was far away, the hope was there, burning somewhere deep in his heart. The only moment of privacy he could get, with her, when no eyes of another would watch.
--
"Ghost?" she asked, pulling him out of the well of thoughts that seemed to have swallowed him as soon as silence had fallen between them.
He raised his head and watched her a rather absent look. He hoped she couldn't read on his face what was going on in his mind. The sound of her voice caused yet another sensation running through him, overwhelming, and so sweet that he felt as if he could fly. For real.
"Now what?" he asked back, mocking her tone. He couldn't let her know that each word she spoke remained, imprinted, deep in his mind. She couldn't know. In all those long years, he could share everything with her – everything but this. What good would it bring, it would only complicate things even more. The last thing he wished for was to make her life even more complicated than it was.
"You seem distant." She spoke quietly, watching him a serious look. "I mean…" she paused, narrowing her eyes a bit, "more than usual. You okay?" with that, she placed her hand on his and squeezed it gently.
Ghost made what effort it took to remain calm, while all of his being was trembling. He forgot that this wasn't real. Each and every minute spent with her _was_ real, whether in the virtual, or the real world. He shook his head, forcing a smile. "Of course I'm okay." He looked at her, his eyes meeting hers. Oh, god. He could drown in them; the never-ending depth was swallowing him, calling to him. He looked away. "Got lost in thought. Just a bit."
"Your mind seems to wander a bit too much." She said worriedly, but a smile bloomed on her face as soon as she finished, and the sound of her voice faded. Ghost's face brightened, and he looked back at her.
"So does yours."
She smiled. The sweet, warming kind of smile only she could give him. And yet, he could see sadness hidden behind that smile; as if some sudden realization dawned upon her. What it was he could not tell, and he dared not ask. She sighed.
"Tell me something I don't know. There's a whole lot of crap going on out there… hard to keep a happy face all the time." she replied after a short moment of silence, trying to make the words sound lightly, but they didn't. Ghost knew they weren't spoken lightly.
"It's not just that, is it?" he asked, not looking at her.
"Hey, wanna play Q&A?" she said, laughing. A rather forced laugh. The unnerving game continued. Ghost shrugged.
"Not in a lifetime." He glanced at her. "Not after you put it _this_ straightforwardly."
"Why?"
Only that. A simple question came from her, and Ghost found himself caught off guard. Such a clear-cut question, and he pondered a long while how he should answer. There was never an easy answer to such questions when they came from her.
"Because some things should remain unsaid."
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Ghost shivered violently as he jacked out. He looked around his small quarters; the authenticity of the place immediately brought him back down to earth. He leaned back and lay on his cot, staring at the pipes running across the ceiling. He knew he had not much more than three hours of sleep before it was his turn to take the shift, but he couldn't care less. Sparky believed the watch was needless anyway; the war was over. Or so it seemed, though for Ghost it made little difference. Since Niobe had insisted that they kept the watch on the sewers, just in case, he chose to remain on the ship. Strongly advised by his friends, how few of them lived out the Sentinels' attack, to stay out of this, stay in Zion, he was going crazy as soon as he sat idle for more than a few hours. When the time came to make a choice, it was either the ship, or the end. He chose the ship.
Slowly, Ghost put his hands under his head and lay still, his eyes focused on a small breach in the tube just above his head. If asked, he could precisely tell what he was looking at, and yet his mind kept displaying strange images. His lips narrowed to a thin line, and Ghost shook his head. It was no use to lay awake here, when he could as well do something productive.
He forced himself up and pulled on a sweater. Silently he was hoping that he wouldn't come across Niobe on his way to the core; she was giving him strange looks ever since they set off from Zion a little less than three weeks before. Sometimes he had a feeling that there was something she wanted to talk about with him, but she would always just sigh and go back to her chores. He made a mental note to ask her about this some time, as it was getting a bit frustrating. For both of them, he was sure of this.
Ghost came up to the door and slid it open, listening to the sounds outside. Nothing unusual. No one was near. He looked sideways, and sneaked out of the room. He headed straight for the core, climbing up the ladder, when a distant sound of muffled voices reached his ears. He halted abruptly, listening.
"The air's heavy on this ship. Few more weeks and we'll crash land at the very bottom of these sewers from all this heaviness. Can't say it's fun, Captain. The war's over, can't we just chill out?"
"Have mercy and shut up, Sparks." Niobe snapped quietly. "Not everyone was as lucky as you to come out of that with an unscratched butt."
Ghost let out a small sigh and looked down.
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So, here comes nothing. I finally decided to give it a shot. Not hard to tell I'm all the way for Ghost/Trinity pairing, and besides that, I'm completely in love with Ghost myself, eh? More to come… if anyone would like to read more after that little piece. Please review.