Disclaimer: Not mine.
Dedication: To all my reviewers because you're all so awesome!
The Misted Glass of an Angel
Life had gone by real quickly for me during the past year. One day I was this unhappy girl living with a broken family and the next day I was this happy, smiling girl with a glued-back-together family. One day I was a single girl with a best friend and the next day I was an un-single girl with a fiancée.
Eight months after Kitsune left for Japan, I received a box. It was light and when I shook it, I could hear things moving around. Taking it inside, I ripped off the envelope and opened it. It was from Kitsune.
Dear Haruka,
I have the feeling that I'll be gone soon so I've decided to write letters to everyone in America that I love and know. In the box you'll find one letter each for all your family members and close friends. The other mass of letters are for Koan and Ai, who'll stay in Japan. I would really appreciate it if you could send Ai a letter every time her birthday (June 8th) rolls around. I've marked on the envelopes, on what birthday they should be sent. The same goes for Ko (November 15th).
I wanted to tell you thank you. You've done more than what a best friend would ever do. You're an angel and I hope that you and Seta will forever be happy. But I have no doubts about you marriage. I mean, I'm the sexy genius who devised the sexy genius plan to get Haruka and Seta together. So be happy and don't think about me too much. I'll be happy where I'm going and I don't think that you worrying about me every minute of your life will make you any happier. And happiness is fun.
My hand is really hurting right now. Do you know how many damn heartfelt letters I've had to write? Even Ko is tired of them because they interrupt our nightly activities. I don't think you wanted to know that but deal with it. I saved your letter last because I know that I needed to do two things. One, make you laugh because I know you're blaming yourself for not "catching the signs," and two, because I know that in your letter, I can tell you the truth.
I didn't get a transplant, something which I never mentioned in the other letters, so they'll be asking about it. When I'm gone I want you guys to remember me. This is going to sound selfish because everyone else says to be happy during funerals because the person would have wanted you to be happy. Yes, I want you to be happy but it's my funeral and I'm too young. So be sad during my I'm-too-young-to-die funeral. Too young to leave this place and too young to not be able to see my daughter grow-up and too young...I'm just too young Haruka! Dammit all! I used to have faith in a higher being but now I'm not so sure. Because of that higher being my daughter isn't going to have a mother because Ko said he'd never marry again.
I hate it Haruka. I really do. I don't want to die. I just wish someone else was in my place. It's selfish but knowing that you're going to die is not the best experience you can ever have. Nobody should have to deal with it. But then again it's good. I can live my life and get spoiled like no other. Look at this letter. It's all about me. That's not how it's supposed to be.
Haruka, have fun in life and don't ever doubt why you're here on Earth. It's a short time that you have here and every moment is yours. Every single one. So don't dwell on me (except at my funeral) and go live life to the fullest. Why? Because life is a misted glass and you don't know what's going to happen tomorrow. Look (or read). Now I'm crying. Stupid letters.
I heard that you might be pregnant. Eight months into the marriage and you're already giving Seta the no-sex pregnancy thing? You're good. But I suppose that's to be expected because you learned from the Master. Life is fun. Tell that to your kid.
Love, Kitsune
P.S. You're my best friend and I hope that you know that I'll be watching over you and everybody. Thank you for letting me do my ranting thing on a letter that was supposed to be all about you. Sorry. But know that I love you and you're my sister. Love Seta with all you heart and be happy.
I folded up the letter and gently placed it back into the envelope. I called to Sarah who was upstairs and opened up the box. By the time Sarah was downstairs, I had her letter from Kitsune in my hand. I handed it to her. She looked at who it was from and ran back upstairs. Everyone else would get theirs later.
Two months later and we were all in Japan. The funeral was that of a typical Japanese one and so it took quite some time. I couldn't bring myself to cry right then. Not during the earnest eulogies and not during the pushing of the body into the crematorium. But when the key to the crematory was given to Ko, I felt sick. I felt as if my sparse meals from the many days before wanted to come hurling out. It wasn't because of the pregnancy.
My best friend was being cremated. During the whole cremation, I watched with wet eyes. I had finally broken and couldn't stop the torrent of emotion. I just couldn't help it. There she was, three years younger than me with the flesh and marrow burning in the evil fires. I turned into Seta and let his shoulder muffle my sobs. My whole body was shaking and my knees felt weak. She was dead and she was lying in that oven over there, being burned by the fires from Hell. Hell that took her away so early and that made it so that the one person who truly appreciated life couldn't. But why did she have to die? Why?
I watched the body come out and saw with a horrified wrenching in my stomach as her bones were picked out of the ashes with chopsticks. It wasn't the custom that bothered me. Once the chopsticks reached me, I took hold of them and let out a quiet moan that shook my whole body and left me weak. Emotion could dry a person up. I quickly picked up a bone from her burnt body and placed it in the urn. This wasn't how it was supposed to be. This wasn't how it was supposed to be.
The rest of the funeral was a blur. I cried throughout all the proceedings, on that day and all the days afterward. Kitsune was now gone and in a better place. She was a true angel now.
One day my best friend was living life like there was no tomorrow and the next day she didn't have any tomorrow's left.
When my baby girl was born, Seta and I named her Kitsune.
That's it. It's done. I couldn't make this long. It wouldn't have been right and I figured that this fic has been long enough. I've really enjoyed this fic, as troublesome as its been. It made me realize a lot of things about myself when it came to writing and life itself, cliché as it may sound. So thanks ahead of time to all those who will review this last chapter and I hope that you truly enjoyed it.
Jerails- Yup. Emotion is fun. I love all those lovey-dovey romantic comedies that people write but sometimes, angst is the way to go. Thanks for the compliment! I hope that I can get this much emotion out of some other people out there! I tried to make it so that you'll have to bring a tissue but...I'm not so sure. When I type it I feel heartless because I'm like "So now she sobs. What's another word for sobs?" Ai's actually been one of my favorites because she's one of those little innocent kids who is completely lost. But that's fun.
HinaGuy749- Aren't bittersweet endings good sometimes? I thought so too and I felt that keeping Kitsune alive would have just ruined everything that I was building up to. This fic was based on the movie Kal Ho Naa Ho. If you watch the move, you'll notice a lot of differences at the end because I've switched the gender of a lot of characters and overall, made it extremely confusing. I can't believe I forgot to add what the title meant! It pretty much asks "What is the raag of the heart beat?" You have to know a little bit about Indian music when you translate this because raag doesn't really translate into English. I can't explain it because it's one of those things you understand but can't explain. If you want a good site to look it up on, it's called "Fundamentals of the Indian Rag (Raga)." Thanks for all your compliments!
Althesushilovingfanficsage- I kept this short because your excellent advice told me so. Plus, I really didn't know how to drag it out. No problem about not reviewing. I do it all the time. But thanks for being there when I needed advice on my story! I really did appreciate it (and still do appreciate it!).
KylaranAeldin- I don't know what that really meant but thanks anyways!
Digibaka- No problem about not reviewing! Hands you a big Band-Aid I hope your head is okay! Kitsune really is married because I thought that Priya and Aman should have been. Plus, they need a kid to carry on the Aman line right? Was this less drawn out? I sure hope so! Thanks for reading and being my Indian buddy on good and bad Bollywood films! It's been fun! Hands you a Kleenex Don't cry! It's not that bad! ;)
Dedication: To all my reviewers because you're all so awesome!
The Misted Glass of an Angel
Life had gone by real quickly for me during the past year. One day I was this unhappy girl living with a broken family and the next day I was this happy, smiling girl with a glued-back-together family. One day I was a single girl with a best friend and the next day I was an un-single girl with a fiancée.
Eight months after Kitsune left for Japan, I received a box. It was light and when I shook it, I could hear things moving around. Taking it inside, I ripped off the envelope and opened it. It was from Kitsune.
Dear Haruka,
I have the feeling that I'll be gone soon so I've decided to write letters to everyone in America that I love and know. In the box you'll find one letter each for all your family members and close friends. The other mass of letters are for Koan and Ai, who'll stay in Japan. I would really appreciate it if you could send Ai a letter every time her birthday (June 8th) rolls around. I've marked on the envelopes, on what birthday they should be sent. The same goes for Ko (November 15th).
I wanted to tell you thank you. You've done more than what a best friend would ever do. You're an angel and I hope that you and Seta will forever be happy. But I have no doubts about you marriage. I mean, I'm the sexy genius who devised the sexy genius plan to get Haruka and Seta together. So be happy and don't think about me too much. I'll be happy where I'm going and I don't think that you worrying about me every minute of your life will make you any happier. And happiness is fun.
My hand is really hurting right now. Do you know how many damn heartfelt letters I've had to write? Even Ko is tired of them because they interrupt our nightly activities. I don't think you wanted to know that but deal with it. I saved your letter last because I know that I needed to do two things. One, make you laugh because I know you're blaming yourself for not "catching the signs," and two, because I know that in your letter, I can tell you the truth.
I didn't get a transplant, something which I never mentioned in the other letters, so they'll be asking about it. When I'm gone I want you guys to remember me. This is going to sound selfish because everyone else says to be happy during funerals because the person would have wanted you to be happy. Yes, I want you to be happy but it's my funeral and I'm too young. So be sad during my I'm-too-young-to-die funeral. Too young to leave this place and too young to not be able to see my daughter grow-up and too young...I'm just too young Haruka! Dammit all! I used to have faith in a higher being but now I'm not so sure. Because of that higher being my daughter isn't going to have a mother because Ko said he'd never marry again.
I hate it Haruka. I really do. I don't want to die. I just wish someone else was in my place. It's selfish but knowing that you're going to die is not the best experience you can ever have. Nobody should have to deal with it. But then again it's good. I can live my life and get spoiled like no other. Look at this letter. It's all about me. That's not how it's supposed to be.
Haruka, have fun in life and don't ever doubt why you're here on Earth. It's a short time that you have here and every moment is yours. Every single one. So don't dwell on me (except at my funeral) and go live life to the fullest. Why? Because life is a misted glass and you don't know what's going to happen tomorrow. Look (or read). Now I'm crying. Stupid letters.
I heard that you might be pregnant. Eight months into the marriage and you're already giving Seta the no-sex pregnancy thing? You're good. But I suppose that's to be expected because you learned from the Master. Life is fun. Tell that to your kid.
Love, Kitsune
P.S. You're my best friend and I hope that you know that I'll be watching over you and everybody. Thank you for letting me do my ranting thing on a letter that was supposed to be all about you. Sorry. But know that I love you and you're my sister. Love Seta with all you heart and be happy.
I folded up the letter and gently placed it back into the envelope. I called to Sarah who was upstairs and opened up the box. By the time Sarah was downstairs, I had her letter from Kitsune in my hand. I handed it to her. She looked at who it was from and ran back upstairs. Everyone else would get theirs later.
Two months later and we were all in Japan. The funeral was that of a typical Japanese one and so it took quite some time. I couldn't bring myself to cry right then. Not during the earnest eulogies and not during the pushing of the body into the crematorium. But when the key to the crematory was given to Ko, I felt sick. I felt as if my sparse meals from the many days before wanted to come hurling out. It wasn't because of the pregnancy.
My best friend was being cremated. During the whole cremation, I watched with wet eyes. I had finally broken and couldn't stop the torrent of emotion. I just couldn't help it. There she was, three years younger than me with the flesh and marrow burning in the evil fires. I turned into Seta and let his shoulder muffle my sobs. My whole body was shaking and my knees felt weak. She was dead and she was lying in that oven over there, being burned by the fires from Hell. Hell that took her away so early and that made it so that the one person who truly appreciated life couldn't. But why did she have to die? Why?
I watched the body come out and saw with a horrified wrenching in my stomach as her bones were picked out of the ashes with chopsticks. It wasn't the custom that bothered me. Once the chopsticks reached me, I took hold of them and let out a quiet moan that shook my whole body and left me weak. Emotion could dry a person up. I quickly picked up a bone from her burnt body and placed it in the urn. This wasn't how it was supposed to be. This wasn't how it was supposed to be.
The rest of the funeral was a blur. I cried throughout all the proceedings, on that day and all the days afterward. Kitsune was now gone and in a better place. She was a true angel now.
One day my best friend was living life like there was no tomorrow and the next day she didn't have any tomorrow's left.
When my baby girl was born, Seta and I named her Kitsune.
That's it. It's done. I couldn't make this long. It wouldn't have been right and I figured that this fic has been long enough. I've really enjoyed this fic, as troublesome as its been. It made me realize a lot of things about myself when it came to writing and life itself, cliché as it may sound. So thanks ahead of time to all those who will review this last chapter and I hope that you truly enjoyed it.
Jerails- Yup. Emotion is fun. I love all those lovey-dovey romantic comedies that people write but sometimes, angst is the way to go. Thanks for the compliment! I hope that I can get this much emotion out of some other people out there! I tried to make it so that you'll have to bring a tissue but...I'm not so sure. When I type it I feel heartless because I'm like "So now she sobs. What's another word for sobs?" Ai's actually been one of my favorites because she's one of those little innocent kids who is completely lost. But that's fun.
HinaGuy749- Aren't bittersweet endings good sometimes? I thought so too and I felt that keeping Kitsune alive would have just ruined everything that I was building up to. This fic was based on the movie Kal Ho Naa Ho. If you watch the move, you'll notice a lot of differences at the end because I've switched the gender of a lot of characters and overall, made it extremely confusing. I can't believe I forgot to add what the title meant! It pretty much asks "What is the raag of the heart beat?" You have to know a little bit about Indian music when you translate this because raag doesn't really translate into English. I can't explain it because it's one of those things you understand but can't explain. If you want a good site to look it up on, it's called "Fundamentals of the Indian Rag (Raga)." Thanks for all your compliments!
Althesushilovingfanficsage- I kept this short because your excellent advice told me so. Plus, I really didn't know how to drag it out. No problem about not reviewing. I do it all the time. But thanks for being there when I needed advice on my story! I really did appreciate it (and still do appreciate it!).
KylaranAeldin- I don't know what that really meant but thanks anyways!
Digibaka- No problem about not reviewing! Hands you a big Band-Aid I hope your head is okay! Kitsune really is married because I thought that Priya and Aman should have been. Plus, they need a kid to carry on the Aman line right? Was this less drawn out? I sure hope so! Thanks for reading and being my Indian buddy on good and bad Bollywood films! It's been fun! Hands you a Kleenex Don't cry! It's not that bad! ;)