Title: Drinks With Marty

Author: Evidence

Rating: PG

Author's Notes: Thanks to D and Maple Street.  Eolivet asked for a parody of Martin and Samantha in a gay bar.  So here it is.  If I cause any offense I apolgize.

Martin had weaved in and out of traffic until they reached the bar.  Martin had wanted to take his electric scooter but Samantha nixed that.  If she were to go get a drink with him, there better be plenty of good booze and a car to get her there. 

"The Man's Room," Samantha read the sign outside the brightly lit bar.  "I've never heard of this place."

"Really?  Danny brought me here once and I've been coming ever since.  It's really great here, you'll love it."  He tried to smile but Samantha turned her head so the smile was stopped until scene 88 on page 102. 

They walked inside a nice looking, really pretty bar with a multitude of flowers and clean tables.  "Hey, Josh!"  Martin called to the bartender as they approached the bar.

"Hey, Marty my boy," Josh the bartender said with a wink, "I love you in those slacks."

"Gee thanks!"  Martin said taking a seat on the stool.

"What can I get you and your sister?"  Josh asked barely looking at Sam.

"Oh she's not my sister.  This is like a pre-date."

"Pre-date?"  Samantha said giving him a look.

"Your on a…date?"  Josh looked shocked.

"Yeah, well kinda," Martin said trying to move into Samantha's personal space but her protrayer quickly backed up.

"Oh…" Josh said and left to help another customer.

Samantha scanned the room and noticed she was the only female there.  "Martin, where are all the women?"

"Oh, well it's always just guys here.  It's a single man's bar."

"Don't singles bars want the opposite sex to be there?"  Samantha questioned.

"Yeah but we are all unlucky in love but at least we have each other."  Martin waved to a man just entering.

The man quickly approached giving him a hug.  "Great to see you."

"Yeah you too," Martin said and turned back to Samantha.

The man walked away.

"That guy just hugged you!" Samantha said growing curious.

"Yeah the motto here is give a hug, give a little love.  It makes the world a happier place."

"Oh…" Sam replied frowning.  "Hey those guys are kissing each other."

"Kissing means you care," Martin replied sipping his newly appeared Cosmo.

"You kiss other guys?"  Samantha asked.

"Sure!  Only here though.  I tried to kiss Jack one day and he kicked my ass but not in a good way,"  Martin sighed.

"Well that's …interesting," Samantha got up.

"Where are you going?" Martin asked.

"Martin, I hate to tell you this but this is a gay bar."

"No it isn't, it's a place where friendship and love rules."

"Martin, two guys are necking back there- this is a gay bar."

"But that doesn't make sense.  Why did Danny bring me here then when he said he wanted to show me a good time?"  Martin rubbed his chin.

"You haven't kissed Danny, have you?"

"Oh sure!  And we cut each other's hair but he gets a little crazy with the razor," Martin laughed.  "I told him my hair was too short but he said something like it felt good on his fingers."

"Oh Martin, you need to face the truth," Samantha shook her head.

"What truth?"  Martin asked looking at the door and seeing Danny come in.  "Oh look!  Hey Danny wanna mud wrestle again?"

Danny saw Samantha, sucked in his breath and replied "Um, not tonight."

"Danny, over here honey"' a male voice at the back of the room called. 

"I'll see you later… that's my cousin," he directed the last part at Samantha.

"Okay," Samantha said and then turning to Martin spoke again, "I'm sorry Martin but we lack any chemistry to begin with and you only think you're interested.  So I'm going to pine for Jack and wait till season 5 before he's finally mine.  Bye."

"Bye, Sam," Martin said with a touch of sadness.

From across the room Danny watched Samantha leave.  "Damn it all," he said to his companion, "now I have to hang a picture of Natalie Portman on my cubicle and start talking about Playboy."

The end.