EPILOGUE

::DRACO::

He stood on the roof of the castle, looking down at the ground below, his heart racing.

It wasn't even as if he were scared. He knew this had to happen before he got hurt in the end. Or worse - Hermione got hurt in the end.

The pain she may or may not endure from his suicide would be nothing compared to the things that the people in Hogwarts, and the Death Eaters, and the Dark Lord would do to her later on.

And it wasn't even about loving her anymore.

Sure, he loved her, he knew that now. He knew it when he wrote it down on his suicide note. Not that she would love him anymore . . . When the sun rose all of the feelings of love she'd had for him would be gone. She would know what had happened, and that she had once loved him, but her feelings of love would be completely erased.

And Draco only wanted to help her.

True to his fathers word, he would be leaving her.

In fact, he'd be leaving a future filled with pain easily. They wanted him to become a death eater. To murder small children, and people - just for the fun of it. His father had threatened him many a time before. There was no going back now, he'd already mailed the letter to his father.

And if he refused to kill himself that night, his father would kill him the next morning. And that death wouldn't be graceful - not like he wanted. If he had to die by murder - he would murder himself. Nobody would be the one to do it for him. He wouldn't be wasted - just not alive any longer.

After all, he had been planning this all along.

Since he entered the sixth year, he had always said - he would end all of his pain and suffering then. Maybe Hermione had reminded him that his time was limited, or maybe she was just nothing. Maybe he had decided his fate for him, and not leaving it up to a lousy Mudblood.

Mudblood. he thought bitterly. Even now that's all I can think about with her. True, he'd never given much thought to the matter. Hermione had always just been there. She'd never really been an important factor. He'd taunted her for years, because he always had. Because she was Muggle-born, and that was wrong.

So, he'd contaminated himself.

He had to choose between a life of pain and suffering, or no life at all.

With a deep breath, he slowly lifted one leg off the edge, and held it in mid-air, hesitating.

And then, he through his goodbye note into the castle, and jumped into the water below, the force of the hit breaking his bones with a sick crunching noise. And then, he was floating.

::HERMIONE::

My legs felt sweaty.

I was sitting down in my room, and my legs were folded underneath me.

They'd been in that position for a long time, and oh, they were burning and numb, all at the same time.

Draco's suicide letter was something I couldn't stop reading over and over again.

The day his owl had delivered it to me, I had neglected it.

I mean, come on, Draco Malfoy? Why the bloody hell would that narcissistic fool send me a letter? All he was good for was tormenting me, Harry, and Ron. I wouldn't read something he wrote, because there would probably be a poison in it or something.

He hadn't shown up for class the following Monday, and nobody in his dormitory's had seen him since that Friday. There wasn't really a school-wide search, after all, when your a Malfoy nobody even cares if you're gone, because he'd made it that way.

I was slightly worried about failing the project, I thought, but maybe there was something more to it.

Draco's sudden disappearance had scared everyone. Most people thought he was kidnapped by Voldemort or something, but I think I knew.

The sick bastard had raped me, and for that he deserved every bone on his body broken.

I wasn't pregnant, which was both a blessing, and a curse. The good side was I wouldn't have to worry about being a young-mother, and maybe leaving Hogwarts. But the bad side was I'd never have a child as beautiful as the one that someone like Draco could produce. The child's beauty would be noticed by everyone and anyone.

However, there wasn't a child, and there wouldn't be a child.

Was I grateful?

Hermione,

I know you hate me. You're probably wondering why the hell I wrote you, right?

You probably haven't even read this far. You probably threw it away. Maybe that's for the best. Maybe it isn't. Maybe I shouldn't even be writing this letter because I don't really have anything to say to you. Or, if I do, then I really don't have a real way to say it...

More days had gone by. Draco's picture was posted in the paper. Nobody knew quiet where he was. Me? I knew what had happened, and I knew what he'd done.

Was I worried?

Hell yes. I was worried for his sake.

Nobody but me and Luscious knew his death was a suicide. God, nobody but Luscious and I even knew he was dead! I couldn't tell, though. Somehow, it would be like I'd been deceiving Draco. I never wanted to deceive him.

After all, there had once been feelings for him that I had. I had once loved the bastard.

It's weird, I guess, to be writing you. I just mailed my father. He's going to go bloody insane. There is no backing down, because he'll kill me himself if I live through this. I don't want to die, but that doesn't mean I don't want to keep living. There is nothing for me, in life. I fucked that up like I fucked up everything else.

I don't seem to notice I've screwed up until a few hours after I've fucked up.

I wish I had never cast that spell on you.

My legs finally began to swell, so I moved them back to the ground, cringing at the painful tingle that overtook my lower body. God, I hate it when body-parts fall asleep. I thought, wetting my lips casually, and moving my hair out of my forehead, which was sweaty, and making my hair stick to my scalp.

I liked that feeling - you know- when we rode on the broom together? I thought it was great to have someone depend on me that much.

I almost wanted to drop you, just because that feeling in my gut was a little too difficult for me to comprehend at the moment.

I'd probably never learn to accept that.

Draco's note was wet and smeared. I couldn't remember if it was from the tears I had cried on it, or tears of his own. Maybe it was both.

All I knew, was my room at my house didn't feel like my own.

We had left school for the summer, and Draco had been buried bodiless, considering it was never found, and he had been gone long enough to be proclaimed legally dead.

His funeral was something I'd moved to the back of my mind, but kept remembering at odd moments at the day. All the time.

I was wearing a black dress, and a small black hat, standing beside Harry, who was standing beside Ron. They had no bad comments to make about Draco, for which I was grateful, because I wouldn't be able to handle it if they had. Harry's arm was rubbing my back sympathetically, but I felt nothing from it. It was like numbness had taken over my entire body, and all I could feel on me at that time was Luscious's eyes that were burning a whole straight through me.

I thought he was going to threaten me after the funeral was over.

He didn't.

I wonder if this suicide note is as good as the others.

Ever wonder who wrote the most emotional suicide note?

There have been a lot of them during my lifetime.

I really don't want anyone to know this was suicide, so don't tell anyone unless you feel you have to. My dad already knows, but I don't want anyone else to think so. Maybe when they find me, they can assume it was accidental.

Whatever.

I don't even care if I'm forgotten.

I'm sure Potter will be pleased.

I had loved Draco for a lot of reasons, but none of them seemed to matter after he'd gone.

He was a part of my past I would have rather forgotten, but couldn't seem to do it. I couldn't picture what my life had been like while I was in love with him.

I remember some feelings for him, but nothing really strong came to me until I re-read my journal.

Journal Entry

Draco Malfoy.

What do I say?

He's undesirably beautiful.

And soon... he's going to be mine.

Well, maybe not. But a girl can dream, right?

In my dreams Draco is riding to me on a white horse with wings, that fly us away into the sunset. Oh, and I forgot the rose. He has to have a rose between his teeth and be wearing shiny silver armor. Good God, I'm pathetic.

I'm sure if Draco ever found out my dreams he'd be seriously insulted.

Oh well. Like I said...

Draco is hot.

End Journal Entry

And throughout all this time, I never seemed to give up on the selfish jerk.

I dunno. Maybe I was the insane one after all.

Weasely will be pleased as well. It seems you have two other guys dying to win your affection. I say go with the redhead... you know what they say about them...

I'm trying to liven this up with humor.

Is it working?

I've never been one for humor. I guess I'm more angsty then anything else. That's not bad, however. The chick dig it. Well... I think they do. I really haven't been paying attention to any girls except for you for the last couple of months.

So... I'm going to have to end this note soon, but I'm waiting until a good ending comes to me. You know how it is.

The day that Hogwarts started back I was sitting beside the lake with the Giant Squid, and that was when I saw it.

A figure, floating head-down into the water a few yards away. Drowning, it seemed.

I told someone to call for help, and swam out into the freezing water, to get the body, and struggled long and hard to make it back to shore, where a lot of people were waiting, and where Dumbledore stood in front of them all, mouth half-open.

When I pulled the body onto shore, Harry grabbed me into a tight hug, and Madame Pomfrey wrapped me up in tight blankets.

And that was when I really noticed the body I'd taken out of the water.

Draco.

He was swollen, and white, except for his lips, which were blue.

He looked like a bruise in some spot, and bones were poking out of his skin in weird angles at others. He was dead.

And he had been dead for a long time.

Not being able to contain seeing him any longer, I screamed until my throat had gone sore, and didn't even stop then.

I guess this can't go on forever, as sad as that sounds. Maybe not to you but it means a lot to me. My final goodbyes are to nobody in particular. I'm only writing you to say I'm sorry. You probably don't even care that I'm gone. I guess I'm okay with that. It won't matter, anyway. I'm dead. If you received this letter- then I already jumped.

God, this is so weird. I can't stand this powerless feeling I have in the pit of my stomach.

After all that we "had"... this shouldn't have ended this way.

But it did.

I love you.

-Draco

[End]

-Author's Note-

Thanks to all my reviewers and... er... sorry about this cheesy ending. I'll write a re-do later. hugs and kisses to everyone who has been faithful to the story, and slams everyone else with a hammer

-Superficial