Well, this is the absolute last chapter of Kikyoku and I procrastinated a lot on this, but I guess it's time…for the outtakes. Yes…the outtakes of DOOM. Anyway, I'd like to thank Kelsey, Shiroi Hikari, and Bara-chan for helping me with some ideas and I guess I'd better get started on this. Try not to hurt me, ne? Let's just hope no one deletes this for being script-style. Sorry, but due to exhaustion, I will not be including the cutting Netami's hair outtake.
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--"Mousie's Revenge"-Densenbyou--
Kia: Hey, did the doorbell just ring?
Suzuki: It's probably the newspaper guy. Shishi, answer it.
Shishiwakamaru: Why should I have to answer it? You're closer!
Kelsey: Shishi, answer it.
Shishiwakamaru: -grumbles, but goes to the door-
Suzuki: How do you DO that?
Kelsey: I am Woman. 'Nuff said.
Shishi: -squeaks are heard- What the--no…stay back! No....NO! I JUST WANTED A CLEAN HOUSE! NOOOOOOO!! -gurgle-
Kia: Funny, that didn't sound very newspaper-ish.
Kelsey: -goes to check- Hey, Kia?
Kia: Yeah?
Kelsey: Remember the mouse that Shishi tried to get rid of?
Kia: Mm-hm…
Kelsey: It had friends. About…5, 693 of them.
Shishiwakamaru: Medic…-twitchtwitch-
--"When Girl Scouts Attack"-Densenbyou--
Shishiwakamaru: -answers door and stares at Binetsu- You're not one of those Girl Scouts, are you?
Binetsu: -giggles shrilly- Of course not! -draws back to reveal army of Girl Scouts, including the Toguro troop- But THEY are!
Army of Girl Scouts: ROOOOAAAAARGHHH! -all hold up canisters of pepper spray-
Karasu: YOU…didn't…buy…my…Thin Mints…that hurts my feelings and upsets me terribly. For that, you must pay.
Toguro: Karasu gets most upset when someone doesn't buy his Thin Mints.
Random Girl Scout: And you ate my Samoas without paying!
Shishiwakamaru: Crap. -runs-
Army of Girl Scouts: YOU SHALL PAY, SAMURAI!! ROOOARRRGHHH!! -pursues-
Karasu: I haven't blown anything up for such a long time…
Kia: Err…just to save our hides, I'll take a box of Thin Mints.
--"Hooray, Fetus!"-Densenbyou--
Kia: -hugging Rinku- Kurama!! We left him--
Chuu: Oh, you mean THIS bastard? -holds up a jar-
Kelsey: What the crap?
Kia: Is that…
Chuu: It's a Kurama fetus!
Rinku: I think he may have O.D.'ed on that youthening stuff…
Director: -raging- I TOLD him only a teaspoon, even if it DID taste like pina coladas!
Kia: Aww, look! It has tiny fox ears and a tail!
Kelsey: -pokes jar- Kawaii!
Chuu: I don't think his girlfriend's gonna like this…
Kia: Normally, this is the time when we harass you to tell you about Chitsuko, but in this case…
Kelsey and Kia: Hooray, fetus! ((A/N: Totally not my phrase.))
--"Cookie Sheet Overenthusiasm"-Kikyoku--
Kia: Oh, there's just one more thing…-picks up cookie-sheet-
Kurama: And that would be…?
Kia: Change back into Youko so I can kick your ass!
Kurama: o.O -runs-
Kia: -runs after-
Keiko: One more pos--erk?!
Kia: -beating poor Kurama into the ground with the cookie-sheet- WHAT NOW, FOX BOY?! WHO'S LAUGHIN' NOW?!
Kurama: x.x
Kia: MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!
Rei: OOH! I wanna help!! -grabs Axe-
Kurama: o.O;; Err, Rei, that's a bit too sharp for my liking.
Rei: TOUGH, FOXY BOY! MUAHAHAHAHAHA!!
Kia: Okay, I forgive you. -wanders off, leaving poor Kurama at Rei's mercies…and we all know she doesn't have any. XD-
--"Dance Fever"-Kikyoku--
Youko Kurama: Kia, I've come to save you from the--
Kia: Da le a tu cuerpo alegria macarena
Que tu cuerpo es pa darle alegria y cosa buena
Da le a tu cuerpo alegria macarena
Eeeeeh, Macarena - ay YA!
Youkai Kidnappers: WHOO! -doing the Macarena-
Youko Kurama: What the hell?
Kia: Some say it's mystic
It's electric
Boogie woogie, woogie
You can't resist it
It's electric
Boogie woogie, woogie
You can't do without it
It's electric
Boogie woogie, woogie
Jiggle-a-mesa-cara she's a pumpin' like a matic
She's movin' like electric
She sure got the boogie
Don't wanna lose it
It's electric
Boogie woogie, woogie
But you can't choose it
It's electric
Boogie woogie, woogie
But you know it's there,
Yeah, here there everywhere…
Youkai Kidnappers: Boogie woogie, woogie! -do the Electric Slide-
Kurama: o.O What the--
Kia: Oh, hey, Kurama! Wanna join us?
Kurama: B-but…I'm supposed to save you!
Kia: You can save me by teaching these guys the Time Warp. They get all confused…
Kurama: Oh, okay. It's just a jump to the left--
Director: CUT! What are you DOING?!
Kia: The Time Warp.
Director: You're SUPPOSED to be doing…-checks-…The Time Warp. But what was up with the other dances?!
Kia: They had YRD! I had to help them become successful in life!
Director: …YRD?
Kia: Youkai Rhythm Disorder.
Kurama: And then a step to the riiiiiiight!
Kia: Put your hands on your hips!
Youkai Kidnappers: And bring your knees in tiiiiiight!
Rei: But it's the pelvic thrust…that really drives you insaaaaaane! Let's annoy the director agaiiiiiin!
Director: …I'm not even going to ask what you're doing here.
Kia: Smart man.
--"Netami and Akumu's Duet"-Kikyoku--(Kia just finished singing her lovely song of Chapter 13)
Past Netami: I'm NOT a whore!!
Future Netami: OR a bitch.
Akumu: There, there, girls. For, you know…
Kia: I sense a song coming on…
Akumu: Wherever we go, whatever we do,
we're gonna go through it together.
We may not go far, but sure as a star,
wherever we are, it's together.
Wherever I go I know she goes.
Wherever I go I know the…err…other she goes.
No fits, no fights, no feuds
and no egos, Amigos, together!
Through thick and through thin,
all out or all in.
And whether it's win, place or show.
With you for me and me for you,
we'll muddle through whatever we do.
Together, wherever we go.
Netamis and Akumu: Wherever we go, whatever we do,
we're gonna go through it together.
Netamis: Wherever we sleep, if prices are steep,
Akumu: We'll always sleep cheaper together.
Kia: -grimaces- Ewww.
Past Netami: Whatever the boat I row, you row.
Akumu: A duo.
Future Netami: Whatever the row I hoe, you hoe.
Akumu: A trio.
Netamis: And any I. O. U., I owe you-oh's?
Akumu: Who, me-oh? No, you-oh.
Netamis: No, we-oh.
Kia and Aiko: Shut-up-oh!
All: Together!
Director: This story has gone to hell.
Authoress: HEY!
--"Vampire"-Kikyoku--
Shishiwakamaru: So, Kelsey, I love you. Wanna get marked?
Kelsey: Ah…sure, why not.
Shishiwakamaru: Bwahahahaha…soon, ze time of ze vampire vill arrive once again! -cackles-
Kelsey: …?
Shishiwakamaru: Step closer, my dear, this vill only take a second…and ve will be together for all time!! -grabs Kelsey by the throat-
Kelsey: -stabs Shishi with a stake-
Shishiwakamaru: Oh, damn. -reduced to a pile of dust-
Kia: What the crap?
Kelsey: Remember the mice?
Kia: Yeah…
Kelsey: They were no normal squeakers. -they look down at the pile of dust-
Kia: How'd you know? Transylvanian accent?
Kelsey: No. But Hiei's currently running around biting people's legs, and Shishi was with him before.
Kia: Legs?
Kelsey: You know the midget. He's too short to reach their necks.
Kia: Whoa. So Insect-Hair was a vamp. I guess this means you can't get married anymore.
Kelsey: It's okay, I'm going to marry Jin.
Kia: WHAT?!
Kelsey: Ze time of ze vampires has arrived! -runs off- ((A/N: I know this is weird…but I don't care. I'm tired.))
--"Finding the RIGHT Weapon"-Kikyoku--
Kanja and co.: -burst in to kill Aiko and kidnap Kia-
Kia: Years of improvisation, don't fail me now…-reaches into cupboard, tosses colander to Aiko, reaches in again and pulls out a…-
Kanja: What is that?
Kia: -looks at the porcelain giraffe candle holder- …Uh…let me try that again. -pulls out a…-
Kanja: Is that…a baseball cap?
Kia: Oops. -puts cap on head and pulls out a…-
Kanja: …O.O
Aiko: O.O
Everyone Else: O.O
Martha Stewart: And once you put the bad guys into the oven, allow them to bake for a good fifteen minutes before rotating them. Once they're nicely done, you can decorate them with my homemade chocolate icing!
Kia: Errrr…-reaches in and pulls out a…-
Pug: Snort?
Kia: AAAAH! SCREW THE COOKIE SHEET, I GIVE UP! GO GET 'IM, PUGGY!
Pug: ROAAAAAAAAARRRR! -inhales Kanja and co. and Martha Stewart-
Kia: Good boy!
Pug: -in Martha Stewart's Voice- And to go with the Baked Bad Guy, I recommend a light salad sprinkled with the blood of innocents…
Kia: o.O
--"Puppies! Or…Not."-Kikyoku--
Suzuki: -answers door- Kelsey? Kia? Could you come here, please?
Kia and Kelsey: -look at each other and join Suzuki. There in a basket, looking incredibly pitiful and whimpering is…the Toguro Girl Scout Troop.-
Kia: …Oh, you've GOT to be kidding!
Bui: Uh…sorry about this. The puppies got lost the day before, so the director asked us to be the dogs.
Toguro: Actually, he's trying to soften the truth. The dogs wouldn't buy Karasu's Thin Mints.
Kelsey and Kia: O.O;;
Ani Toguro: Woof! Woofwehehehehehehehehe!!
Karasu: I refuse to degrade myself and bark. However…if you pet me the right way, I'll purr. -wink-
Kia: …-shuts the door- Nobody ever listens to me…you can't go wrong with sea monkeys!!
--"Father Hiei"-Kikyoku--
Nezumi: Sir? There's a man here to see you…about his daughters?
Principal: Show him in.
Nezumi: -calling out the door- Uh…sir? You can stop flaming the students now…
Hiei: -saunters in- Let my slaves go, you bastard.
Kia and Kelsey: -sweatdrop-
Principal: Excuse me? Are you their FATHER?
Hiei: -shrug-
Principal: B-but…you're a MIDGET!
Hiei: …I think it's time for you to die.
---Six Minutes and 34 Seconds Later…---
Kia: -watching burning office- Wow, Hiei, I didn't think you could GET that angry.
Kelsey: And we're not your slaves.
Hiei: -shrug- Suzuki put me up to it.
Nezumi: Er…ah…students…due to the grotesque demise of your principal, classes have been cancelled today…
Kia: Way to go, Daddy.
Hiei: Hn.
--"DDR"-Touketsu--
Gang: -goes home-
Suzaku and Kuronue: -still playing DDR-
Security Guard: Errr, sirs, the park is closed…if you could--
Suzaku: -zaps him- Shut up, I'm winning!
Security Guard: x.x
Two Weeks Later…
Suzaku: Feel like giving up yet, Bat Boy?
Kuronue: In your dreams, Chicken Feet!
Announcer: Wow…you're DANGEROUS!
Two Years Later…
Kaeru: A-ano…Chuu -san and I are getting married…
Kuronue: Yeah, yeah, mazel tov. I'll beat him yet!
Chuu: C'mon, love, they're already throwing rice and sake bottles!
Fifty Years Later…
Kuronue and Suzaku: -wearing floor-length beards-
Suzaku: Give…up? -cough-
Kuronue: You…-wheeze- wish…shit, my BACK!
DDR Machine: I'm your little Butterfly…
Seventy Years Later…
Rei: Today, we bury the two biggest dancing fools the world has ever seen…
Hiei: Hn.
--"The goat at Maze Castle"-Touketsu--
Suzaku: AAAAARGH! DAMN GOAT! Your time to die is imminent, you impertinent little--
Kaeru: Suzaku-san! Don't hurt it!
Suzaku: Well, what do you WANT me to do?! It keeps eating my pants!
Rei: WHOO!
Kaeru: -sweatdrop- Send it somewhere where it's needed?
Suzaku: Hmmm…actually, that gives me an idea.
---At Maze Castle…---
Byakko: Hey, look, Seiryu! Suzaku sent you a present!
Seiryu: Ah, so he FINALLY acknowledges me as the leader! -rips package open-
Goat: Beaaaaah!
Genbu: …That doesn't look very leader-like.
Goat: Beaaaaah!
Seiryu: GAAAAH! MY PANTS!!
Byakko: o.o Seiryu goes commando!
Genbu: My BURNING VIRGIN EYES!
Seiryu: SHUT UP AND GET THIS BEAST AWAY FROM ME!
Goat: Baaaaah!
Byakko: AAH! MY CLOTH!!
Genbu: Glad I don't wear clothes.
Suzaku: -somewhere- Kekekekekeke…
--"Seeing Things"-Touketsu--
Kuronue: I'm not weak…I'm NOT! -gets tapped on the shoulder-
Martha Stewart: To avoid being weak, I recommend a nice steaming cup of manliness! This can be gained by kidnapping Mr. T and brewing him for several hours!
Kuronue: GAAAAAAH!! YOU'RE NOT KAERU PRETENDING TO BE ZENKAI! -attacks-
Martha Stewart: x.x
Kuronue: B-but…what if that WAS Kaeru??
Kaeru: Kuronue-san…?
Kuronue: GAAAAAH! -whirls around- MARTHA STEWART! You tricked me into killing Kaeru!
Kaeru: …But…I'm Kaeru.
Kuronue: No more of your lies, homemaker!!
Mr. T: Who's kidnapping Mr. T, suckas? ((A/N: Thank you, Mai-chan!))
Kuronue: GAAAAAAH! -runs away-
Kaeru and Mr. T: …
Kaeru: Won't you come in, Mr. T-san? We have cookies.
Mr. T: I pity dat foo.
--"The Return of the Meese"-Many, Many, Meeses-- ((A/N: Kelsey helped a lot on this one…it's practically its own chapter!))
Jack: Yo ho, yo ho, a pirate's life for meeeeee! -drunkenly steering Ship-
Kia: o.o;; What the...
Director: ...What's a drunken half-shaven pirate doing here?!
Kelsey: Well…
Rei: Look, a SHINY! -points at Compass-
Suzuki: I thought I told him to stay with the Pierres!!
Pierre #2: ...well, I don't know, I don't look my best in fins...
Hiei: They're...in the wrong series.
Kelsey: I guess they come with the territory?
Pint: -sloshes- Hey, an island! -jumps on the wheel-
Jack: Keep a straight course, my sloshy friend!
Pint: NEVER! -crashes Ship into the island-
Pierre #5: Look, mommy, I have a bra! xD
Suzuki: Funny, how did that island get there in the middle of my front yard?
Kia: o.o #5! What are you doing wearing that??
Kelsey: -looks at Pierremaid #8-
Pierremaid #8: Why do you always look at ME?!
Mime: -jumps up; mimes being rescued at Jack-
Kelsey: Because it's ALWAYS you.
Jack: What the hell is THAT?
Kia: It's...holy crap, not him!
Pierremaid #4: My, what a delightful fish I've caught! -chews on tail-
Mime: -mimes getting onto Ship with Jack and Pint-
Bats: ...shhhh, we're not here...
Jack: Argh! Off my Ship! -grabs Tarukane-
Tarukane: So, feel like buying mermaid wenches? How about a Mirror Holder or two? Half-price!
Bats #1-234: ...-cluster around sails and wheel- We're still not here...
Pierremaid #2: -bats eyelashes-
Kia: Oh, you're not? Where are you, then?
Jack: -ties Tarukane to Mime and throws them both overboard-
Kelsey: -has vanished-
Mime: -mimes floating-
Director: GET THEM ALL OUT OF HERE! And where's Kelsey?!
Kia: I dunno, but make the Mime go away!
Mime: -slaps Tarukane-
Tarukane: How dare you tarnish my beautiful face! The Meese shall take care of you!
Bats #235-931: -push Ship away- So long, non-suckers! We suckers always win!
House: Hey! Hands off my girl!
Pierremaid #7: Dude...like...whoa.
Kia: Guys, why are you dressed like mermaids?
Mime: -pinches Tarukane-
Tarukane: I am affronted! -slaps Mime-
Pierremaid #5: They gave me underwear with Barbie on it! -
Kia: WHAT??
Yusuke: So the little sucker's finally come out of the closet...
Mime: -mimes catfighting with Tarukane-
Ghost of Pierremaid #3: -sniff- I'm so proud of him...
Tarukane: Bring it on, Mime!
Mime: -mimes hissing-
Jack Sparrow: Pint, my boy! Let's go get drunk!
Pint: Ahoy!
Pierremaid #2: But...you haven't bought a WENCH yet! -sobs-
Jack: Oh, yeah! What've you got?
Director: Oh my god...make them go away...
Pierremaid #2: -very snappy businessman-like- We've got a lovely selection of #2-9, and, of course, the Pierremaid of Angmar.
Kelsey: Hehehe...-smiting random bats aboard Ship-
Rei: -hides behind Director-
Director: Rei, you're a priestess...summon them somewhere else!
Jack: Ooh...I'll take the Angmar lass.
Rei: But...they summoned themselves here...I can't un-summon!
Pierremaid of Angmar: Cuddle me!
Jack: -cuddles Pierremaid of Angmar-
Pierremaid #2: Now, how would you like to pay?
Jack: I'll sell you the two Mirror Holding loves and the psycho lass, along with a Mime and Barbossa's monkey.
Kelsey: You know...-smites bat #92- this would be easier...-smites bat #744-...with HELP!
Kia: I'm coming! -runs in to assist-
Pierremaid #2: Excellent! collects deeds to aforementioned personages
Kurama: I believe the girls have just been sold...
Bill the pony: Rei: -sob- I never had a father! -jumps on Jack-
Jack: I'm too young to be a father!
Stand-In: -rides in on Meese- Greetings to all!
Kelsey: Stand-in-turned-drag-queen! Please help us smite!
Rei: And Pierremaid #5 is too young to be running around in that outfit, but what'cha gonna do?
Stand-In-turned-Drag-Queen: But my love-muffin hasn't arrived yet!
Jack: -trying to pry off Rei- Love, you've been sold to the freaky maids!
Kia: Your...Love-muffin? -smites Bat #159-
Kelsey: I think he means the Caterer...
Bats: Ah! We will not be smote by the likes of you! -swarm Tarukane and drop him on the Meese-
Tarukane: AAGH! -gets trampled by the Meese-
Stand-In: Yes! My catering muffin of love and drag queen-ness!
Meese: -snort-
Kelsey: That...well! o.o Where's our poor Director at?
Director: Hell...pain...graveyards...switchblade knives...
Jack: Eh, calm down! Have yourself some rum!
Pierremaid #8: Some good stir-fry will get you regular again! -carries Director off-
Director: -still mumbling- Pain...agony...directing frickin' SUCKS...
Pierremaid #8: There, there...-gives bowl of stir-fry- Eat.
Rei: Awww...Director has a girlfriend!
Kia: But...that's a GUY Ringwraith...err..maid.
Kelsey: Well, aren't they mermaids now?
Kia: Yes, but...how does that WORK?
Jack: It's fanfiction, love. Trust me, it works.
Pint: -dances drunkenly-
Mime: -mimes hugging Jack-
Bats: Damnit! -fly away- You have thwarted us once more, but we will be back...with VIOLINS!
Rei: OO THE HORROR!
Jack: Aargh! -tosses Mime overboard again-
Mime: -mimes drowning-
Director: -shoveling in stir-fry- Why meeee??
Pierremaid #8: Because you're Director!
Kelsey: Someone should...uh...save it?
Rei: Violiiiiins...;;
Kia: I'm not saving it.
Suzuki: -saves Mime-
Pierremaid #2: Come to me, mirror lasses!
Kia: What the crap?
Mime: -mimes kissing Suzuki-
Pierremaid #2: -waves deeds to various personages- I have bought you! Come!
Suzuki: Save that for someone who cares! Like...err...Hiei!
Hiei: I'll kill you. -twitch-
Kia: You...BOUGHT...US??
Mime: -eyes Hiei. Mimes holding out arms-
Pierremaid #9: Let me see those! -grabs deeds-
Kelsey: Heeeey...there's no #9!
Rei: IMPOSTOR! -jumps impostor Pierremaid- Who the hell are you?!
Hiei: -pulls out katana and glares at Mime-
Mime: -snuggles Hiei-
Stand-In: My, this is all so incredibly exciting!
Hiei: -whaps Mime-
Kelsey: Oh, yes, I'm all aflutter.
Mime: -mimes giggling-
Director: Get them out of here before I end this entire series.
Kelsey: It's ending anyhow, jackass!
Meese: Mooooooose meeeeeeeseeee. -hock giant loogies-
Kia: Ewwwww!
Kelsey: Thaaaat's right!
Ashita: -appears- Fear me, for I am deceased and now I shall send all the Meese inhabitants back to Saudi Arabia!
Kelsey: -glomps Jack- Nooooo!
Pierremaid #8: There. -pats Director- Don't you feel better now?
Director: -bursts into tears- I hate my job!
Ashita: All right...everyone EXCEPT for Jack Sparrow.
Pierremaid #8: -calls to Jack- Is there a counselor under that giant pileup of women?
Kelsey: Ai! -
Rei: Shishi-bean will LOVE this!
Jack: Errr...why, yes, there is!
Ashita: -makes everyone disappear except for Jack-
Pierremaid #8: Let's see him over here - -disappears-
Pint, Ship, Bats, Tarukane, Stand-In, Meese, Caterer, and all Pierremaids: -also disappear-
Kelsey: -hugs Jack- You should've been here when I went through my alcoholic episode!
Jack: Aren't you a little young to HAVE an alcoholic episode, love?
Kia: Hey, it's fanfiction.
Rei: Damn straight! -hauls Director over to Counselor- Now, tell Dede everything.
Kelsey: Well, it WAS Pint...he's so fun. Hey...where is Shishi?
Rei: I think I saw him crying in the bathroom.
Kelsey: Oka - heeey, what were you doing in the men's bathroom? -suspicious look-
Kia: That's a good question...
Director: -sobbing hysterically- Just finish this so I can go home to my chihuahua!
Rei: The Pierres were hogging the girls'.
Suzuki: Were they now? How churlish...
Rei: Erm...Axe?
Axe: -whips out dictionary; points to word-
Rei: All riiight! Churros!
Kelsey: -drags Jack to the mens' room- We're going to find Shishi.
Shishi: Are they gone yet...?
Kelsey: Yes, they're...um...-looks at Jack-. Yeah, they're all gone.
Jack: Except for me, mate!
Rei: -skips off to do Suzuki's hair-
Director: ...Okay. Cut. Wrap. KILL ME NOW.
Kia: Geez, breathe!
Kelsey: -pats Jack- Isn't he pretty?
Director: Screw it all. I'm going to become a drag queen.
Stand-In: Let it out, honey!
-OOC-
Yes, well, I told you it was long. Thanks, Kelsey. You rock. As does everyone else who reviewed this story and made the entire series a success. This is the last chapter of the last story in the series and I love you all! These outtakes are strange, but so are we. Thank you and good-bye!
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--"Mousie's Revenge"-Densenbyou--
Kia: Hey, did the doorbell just ring?
Suzuki: It's probably the newspaper guy. Shishi, answer it.
Shishiwakamaru: Why should I have to answer it? You're closer!
Kelsey: Shishi, answer it.
Shishiwakamaru: -grumbles, but goes to the door-
Suzuki: How do you DO that?
Kelsey: I am Woman. 'Nuff said.
Shishi: -squeaks are heard- What the--no…stay back! No....NO! I JUST WANTED A CLEAN HOUSE! NOOOOOOO!! -gurgle-
Kia: Funny, that didn't sound very newspaper-ish.
Kelsey: -goes to check- Hey, Kia?
Kia: Yeah?
Kelsey: Remember the mouse that Shishi tried to get rid of?
Kia: Mm-hm…
Kelsey: It had friends. About…5, 693 of them.
Shishiwakamaru: Medic…-twitchtwitch-
--"When Girl Scouts Attack"-Densenbyou--
Shishiwakamaru: -answers door and stares at Binetsu- You're not one of those Girl Scouts, are you?
Binetsu: -giggles shrilly- Of course not! -draws back to reveal army of Girl Scouts, including the Toguro troop- But THEY are!
Army of Girl Scouts: ROOOOAAAAARGHHH! -all hold up canisters of pepper spray-
Karasu: YOU…didn't…buy…my…Thin Mints…that hurts my feelings and upsets me terribly. For that, you must pay.
Toguro: Karasu gets most upset when someone doesn't buy his Thin Mints.
Random Girl Scout: And you ate my Samoas without paying!
Shishiwakamaru: Crap. -runs-
Army of Girl Scouts: YOU SHALL PAY, SAMURAI!! ROOOARRRGHHH!! -pursues-
Karasu: I haven't blown anything up for such a long time…
Kia: Err…just to save our hides, I'll take a box of Thin Mints.
--"Hooray, Fetus!"-Densenbyou--
Kia: -hugging Rinku- Kurama!! We left him--
Chuu: Oh, you mean THIS bastard? -holds up a jar-
Kelsey: What the crap?
Kia: Is that…
Chuu: It's a Kurama fetus!
Rinku: I think he may have O.D.'ed on that youthening stuff…
Director: -raging- I TOLD him only a teaspoon, even if it DID taste like pina coladas!
Kia: Aww, look! It has tiny fox ears and a tail!
Kelsey: -pokes jar- Kawaii!
Chuu: I don't think his girlfriend's gonna like this…
Kia: Normally, this is the time when we harass you to tell you about Chitsuko, but in this case…
Kelsey and Kia: Hooray, fetus! ((A/N: Totally not my phrase.))
--"Cookie Sheet Overenthusiasm"-Kikyoku--
Kia: Oh, there's just one more thing…-picks up cookie-sheet-
Kurama: And that would be…?
Kia: Change back into Youko so I can kick your ass!
Kurama: o.O -runs-
Kia: -runs after-
Keiko: One more pos--erk?!
Kia: -beating poor Kurama into the ground with the cookie-sheet- WHAT NOW, FOX BOY?! WHO'S LAUGHIN' NOW?!
Kurama: x.x
Kia: MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!
Rei: OOH! I wanna help!! -grabs Axe-
Kurama: o.O;; Err, Rei, that's a bit too sharp for my liking.
Rei: TOUGH, FOXY BOY! MUAHAHAHAHAHA!!
Kia: Okay, I forgive you. -wanders off, leaving poor Kurama at Rei's mercies…and we all know she doesn't have any. XD-
--"Dance Fever"-Kikyoku--
Youko Kurama: Kia, I've come to save you from the--
Kia: Da le a tu cuerpo alegria macarena
Que tu cuerpo es pa darle alegria y cosa buena
Da le a tu cuerpo alegria macarena
Eeeeeh, Macarena - ay YA!
Youkai Kidnappers: WHOO! -doing the Macarena-
Youko Kurama: What the hell?
Kia: Some say it's mystic
It's electric
Boogie woogie, woogie
You can't resist it
It's electric
Boogie woogie, woogie
You can't do without it
It's electric
Boogie woogie, woogie
Jiggle-a-mesa-cara she's a pumpin' like a matic
She's movin' like electric
She sure got the boogie
Don't wanna lose it
It's electric
Boogie woogie, woogie
But you can't choose it
It's electric
Boogie woogie, woogie
But you know it's there,
Yeah, here there everywhere…
Youkai Kidnappers: Boogie woogie, woogie! -do the Electric Slide-
Kurama: o.O What the--
Kia: Oh, hey, Kurama! Wanna join us?
Kurama: B-but…I'm supposed to save you!
Kia: You can save me by teaching these guys the Time Warp. They get all confused…
Kurama: Oh, okay. It's just a jump to the left--
Director: CUT! What are you DOING?!
Kia: The Time Warp.
Director: You're SUPPOSED to be doing…-checks-…The Time Warp. But what was up with the other dances?!
Kia: They had YRD! I had to help them become successful in life!
Director: …YRD?
Kia: Youkai Rhythm Disorder.
Kurama: And then a step to the riiiiiiight!
Kia: Put your hands on your hips!
Youkai Kidnappers: And bring your knees in tiiiiiight!
Rei: But it's the pelvic thrust…that really drives you insaaaaaane! Let's annoy the director agaiiiiiin!
Director: …I'm not even going to ask what you're doing here.
Kia: Smart man.
--"Netami and Akumu's Duet"-Kikyoku--(Kia just finished singing her lovely song of Chapter 13)
Past Netami: I'm NOT a whore!!
Future Netami: OR a bitch.
Akumu: There, there, girls. For, you know…
Kia: I sense a song coming on…
Akumu: Wherever we go, whatever we do,
we're gonna go through it together.
We may not go far, but sure as a star,
wherever we are, it's together.
Wherever I go I know she goes.
Wherever I go I know the…err…other she goes.
No fits, no fights, no feuds
and no egos, Amigos, together!
Through thick and through thin,
all out or all in.
And whether it's win, place or show.
With you for me and me for you,
we'll muddle through whatever we do.
Together, wherever we go.
Netamis and Akumu: Wherever we go, whatever we do,
we're gonna go through it together.
Netamis: Wherever we sleep, if prices are steep,
Akumu: We'll always sleep cheaper together.
Kia: -grimaces- Ewww.
Past Netami: Whatever the boat I row, you row.
Akumu: A duo.
Future Netami: Whatever the row I hoe, you hoe.
Akumu: A trio.
Netamis: And any I. O. U., I owe you-oh's?
Akumu: Who, me-oh? No, you-oh.
Netamis: No, we-oh.
Kia and Aiko: Shut-up-oh!
All: Together!
Director: This story has gone to hell.
Authoress: HEY!
--"Vampire"-Kikyoku--
Shishiwakamaru: So, Kelsey, I love you. Wanna get marked?
Kelsey: Ah…sure, why not.
Shishiwakamaru: Bwahahahaha…soon, ze time of ze vampire vill arrive once again! -cackles-
Kelsey: …?
Shishiwakamaru: Step closer, my dear, this vill only take a second…and ve will be together for all time!! -grabs Kelsey by the throat-
Kelsey: -stabs Shishi with a stake-
Shishiwakamaru: Oh, damn. -reduced to a pile of dust-
Kia: What the crap?
Kelsey: Remember the mice?
Kia: Yeah…
Kelsey: They were no normal squeakers. -they look down at the pile of dust-
Kia: How'd you know? Transylvanian accent?
Kelsey: No. But Hiei's currently running around biting people's legs, and Shishi was with him before.
Kia: Legs?
Kelsey: You know the midget. He's too short to reach their necks.
Kia: Whoa. So Insect-Hair was a vamp. I guess this means you can't get married anymore.
Kelsey: It's okay, I'm going to marry Jin.
Kia: WHAT?!
Kelsey: Ze time of ze vampires has arrived! -runs off- ((A/N: I know this is weird…but I don't care. I'm tired.))
--"Finding the RIGHT Weapon"-Kikyoku--
Kanja and co.: -burst in to kill Aiko and kidnap Kia-
Kia: Years of improvisation, don't fail me now…-reaches into cupboard, tosses colander to Aiko, reaches in again and pulls out a…-
Kanja: What is that?
Kia: -looks at the porcelain giraffe candle holder- …Uh…let me try that again. -pulls out a…-
Kanja: Is that…a baseball cap?
Kia: Oops. -puts cap on head and pulls out a…-
Kanja: …O.O
Aiko: O.O
Everyone Else: O.O
Martha Stewart: And once you put the bad guys into the oven, allow them to bake for a good fifteen minutes before rotating them. Once they're nicely done, you can decorate them with my homemade chocolate icing!
Kia: Errrr…-reaches in and pulls out a…-
Pug: Snort?
Kia: AAAAH! SCREW THE COOKIE SHEET, I GIVE UP! GO GET 'IM, PUGGY!
Pug: ROAAAAAAAAARRRR! -inhales Kanja and co. and Martha Stewart-
Kia: Good boy!
Pug: -in Martha Stewart's Voice- And to go with the Baked Bad Guy, I recommend a light salad sprinkled with the blood of innocents…
Kia: o.O
--"Puppies! Or…Not."-Kikyoku--
Suzuki: -answers door- Kelsey? Kia? Could you come here, please?
Kia and Kelsey: -look at each other and join Suzuki. There in a basket, looking incredibly pitiful and whimpering is…the Toguro Girl Scout Troop.-
Kia: …Oh, you've GOT to be kidding!
Bui: Uh…sorry about this. The puppies got lost the day before, so the director asked us to be the dogs.
Toguro: Actually, he's trying to soften the truth. The dogs wouldn't buy Karasu's Thin Mints.
Kelsey and Kia: O.O;;
Ani Toguro: Woof! Woofwehehehehehehehehe!!
Karasu: I refuse to degrade myself and bark. However…if you pet me the right way, I'll purr. -wink-
Kia: …-shuts the door- Nobody ever listens to me…you can't go wrong with sea monkeys!!
--"Father Hiei"-Kikyoku--
Nezumi: Sir? There's a man here to see you…about his daughters?
Principal: Show him in.
Nezumi: -calling out the door- Uh…sir? You can stop flaming the students now…
Hiei: -saunters in- Let my slaves go, you bastard.
Kia and Kelsey: -sweatdrop-
Principal: Excuse me? Are you their FATHER?
Hiei: -shrug-
Principal: B-but…you're a MIDGET!
Hiei: …I think it's time for you to die.
---Six Minutes and 34 Seconds Later…---
Kia: -watching burning office- Wow, Hiei, I didn't think you could GET that angry.
Kelsey: And we're not your slaves.
Hiei: -shrug- Suzuki put me up to it.
Nezumi: Er…ah…students…due to the grotesque demise of your principal, classes have been cancelled today…
Kia: Way to go, Daddy.
Hiei: Hn.
--"DDR"-Touketsu--
Gang: -goes home-
Suzaku and Kuronue: -still playing DDR-
Security Guard: Errr, sirs, the park is closed…if you could--
Suzaku: -zaps him- Shut up, I'm winning!
Security Guard: x.x
Two Weeks Later…
Suzaku: Feel like giving up yet, Bat Boy?
Kuronue: In your dreams, Chicken Feet!
Announcer: Wow…you're DANGEROUS!
Two Years Later…
Kaeru: A-ano…Chuu -san and I are getting married…
Kuronue: Yeah, yeah, mazel tov. I'll beat him yet!
Chuu: C'mon, love, they're already throwing rice and sake bottles!
Fifty Years Later…
Kuronue and Suzaku: -wearing floor-length beards-
Suzaku: Give…up? -cough-
Kuronue: You…-wheeze- wish…shit, my BACK!
DDR Machine: I'm your little Butterfly…
Seventy Years Later…
Rei: Today, we bury the two biggest dancing fools the world has ever seen…
Hiei: Hn.
--"The goat at Maze Castle"-Touketsu--
Suzaku: AAAAARGH! DAMN GOAT! Your time to die is imminent, you impertinent little--
Kaeru: Suzaku-san! Don't hurt it!
Suzaku: Well, what do you WANT me to do?! It keeps eating my pants!
Rei: WHOO!
Kaeru: -sweatdrop- Send it somewhere where it's needed?
Suzaku: Hmmm…actually, that gives me an idea.
---At Maze Castle…---
Byakko: Hey, look, Seiryu! Suzaku sent you a present!
Seiryu: Ah, so he FINALLY acknowledges me as the leader! -rips package open-
Goat: Beaaaaah!
Genbu: …That doesn't look very leader-like.
Goat: Beaaaaah!
Seiryu: GAAAAH! MY PANTS!!
Byakko: o.o Seiryu goes commando!
Genbu: My BURNING VIRGIN EYES!
Seiryu: SHUT UP AND GET THIS BEAST AWAY FROM ME!
Goat: Baaaaah!
Byakko: AAH! MY CLOTH!!
Genbu: Glad I don't wear clothes.
Suzaku: -somewhere- Kekekekekeke…
--"Seeing Things"-Touketsu--
Kuronue: I'm not weak…I'm NOT! -gets tapped on the shoulder-
Martha Stewart: To avoid being weak, I recommend a nice steaming cup of manliness! This can be gained by kidnapping Mr. T and brewing him for several hours!
Kuronue: GAAAAAAH!! YOU'RE NOT KAERU PRETENDING TO BE ZENKAI! -attacks-
Martha Stewart: x.x
Kuronue: B-but…what if that WAS Kaeru??
Kaeru: Kuronue-san…?
Kuronue: GAAAAAH! -whirls around- MARTHA STEWART! You tricked me into killing Kaeru!
Kaeru: …But…I'm Kaeru.
Kuronue: No more of your lies, homemaker!!
Mr. T: Who's kidnapping Mr. T, suckas? ((A/N: Thank you, Mai-chan!))
Kuronue: GAAAAAAH! -runs away-
Kaeru and Mr. T: …
Kaeru: Won't you come in, Mr. T-san? We have cookies.
Mr. T: I pity dat foo.
--"The Return of the Meese"-Many, Many, Meeses-- ((A/N: Kelsey helped a lot on this one…it's practically its own chapter!))
Jack: Yo ho, yo ho, a pirate's life for meeeeee! -drunkenly steering Ship-
Kia: o.o;; What the...
Director: ...What's a drunken half-shaven pirate doing here?!
Kelsey: Well…
Rei: Look, a SHINY! -points at Compass-
Suzuki: I thought I told him to stay with the Pierres!!
Pierre #2: ...well, I don't know, I don't look my best in fins...
Hiei: They're...in the wrong series.
Kelsey: I guess they come with the territory?
Pint: -sloshes- Hey, an island! -jumps on the wheel-
Jack: Keep a straight course, my sloshy friend!
Pint: NEVER! -crashes Ship into the island-
Pierre #5: Look, mommy, I have a bra! xD
Suzuki: Funny, how did that island get there in the middle of my front yard?
Kia: o.o #5! What are you doing wearing that??
Kelsey: -looks at Pierremaid #8-
Pierremaid #8: Why do you always look at ME?!
Mime: -jumps up; mimes being rescued at Jack-
Kelsey: Because it's ALWAYS you.
Jack: What the hell is THAT?
Kia: It's...holy crap, not him!
Pierremaid #4: My, what a delightful fish I've caught! -chews on tail-
Mime: -mimes getting onto Ship with Jack and Pint-
Bats: ...shhhh, we're not here...
Jack: Argh! Off my Ship! -grabs Tarukane-
Tarukane: So, feel like buying mermaid wenches? How about a Mirror Holder or two? Half-price!
Bats #1-234: ...-cluster around sails and wheel- We're still not here...
Pierremaid #2: -bats eyelashes-
Kia: Oh, you're not? Where are you, then?
Jack: -ties Tarukane to Mime and throws them both overboard-
Kelsey: -has vanished-
Mime: -mimes floating-
Director: GET THEM ALL OUT OF HERE! And where's Kelsey?!
Kia: I dunno, but make the Mime go away!
Mime: -slaps Tarukane-
Tarukane: How dare you tarnish my beautiful face! The Meese shall take care of you!
Bats #235-931: -push Ship away- So long, non-suckers! We suckers always win!
House: Hey! Hands off my girl!
Pierremaid #7: Dude...like...whoa.
Kia: Guys, why are you dressed like mermaids?
Mime: -pinches Tarukane-
Tarukane: I am affronted! -slaps Mime-
Pierremaid #5: They gave me underwear with Barbie on it! -
Kia: WHAT??
Yusuke: So the little sucker's finally come out of the closet...
Mime: -mimes catfighting with Tarukane-
Ghost of Pierremaid #3: -sniff- I'm so proud of him...
Tarukane: Bring it on, Mime!
Mime: -mimes hissing-
Jack Sparrow: Pint, my boy! Let's go get drunk!
Pint: Ahoy!
Pierremaid #2: But...you haven't bought a WENCH yet! -sobs-
Jack: Oh, yeah! What've you got?
Director: Oh my god...make them go away...
Pierremaid #2: -very snappy businessman-like- We've got a lovely selection of #2-9, and, of course, the Pierremaid of Angmar.
Kelsey: Hehehe...-smiting random bats aboard Ship-
Rei: -hides behind Director-
Director: Rei, you're a priestess...summon them somewhere else!
Jack: Ooh...I'll take the Angmar lass.
Rei: But...they summoned themselves here...I can't un-summon!
Pierremaid of Angmar: Cuddle me!
Jack: -cuddles Pierremaid of Angmar-
Pierremaid #2: Now, how would you like to pay?
Jack: I'll sell you the two Mirror Holding loves and the psycho lass, along with a Mime and Barbossa's monkey.
Kelsey: You know...-smites bat #92- this would be easier...-smites bat #744-...with HELP!
Kia: I'm coming! -runs in to assist-
Pierremaid #2: Excellent! collects deeds to aforementioned personages
Kurama: I believe the girls have just been sold...
Bill the pony: Rei: -sob- I never had a father! -jumps on Jack-
Jack: I'm too young to be a father!
Stand-In: -rides in on Meese- Greetings to all!
Kelsey: Stand-in-turned-drag-queen! Please help us smite!
Rei: And Pierremaid #5 is too young to be running around in that outfit, but what'cha gonna do?
Stand-In-turned-Drag-Queen: But my love-muffin hasn't arrived yet!
Jack: -trying to pry off Rei- Love, you've been sold to the freaky maids!
Kia: Your...Love-muffin? -smites Bat #159-
Kelsey: I think he means the Caterer...
Bats: Ah! We will not be smote by the likes of you! -swarm Tarukane and drop him on the Meese-
Tarukane: AAGH! -gets trampled by the Meese-
Stand-In: Yes! My catering muffin of love and drag queen-ness!
Meese: -snort-
Kelsey: That...well! o.o Where's our poor Director at?
Director: Hell...pain...graveyards...switchblade knives...
Jack: Eh, calm down! Have yourself some rum!
Pierremaid #8: Some good stir-fry will get you regular again! -carries Director off-
Director: -still mumbling- Pain...agony...directing frickin' SUCKS...
Pierremaid #8: There, there...-gives bowl of stir-fry- Eat.
Rei: Awww...Director has a girlfriend!
Kia: But...that's a GUY Ringwraith...err..maid.
Kelsey: Well, aren't they mermaids now?
Kia: Yes, but...how does that WORK?
Jack: It's fanfiction, love. Trust me, it works.
Pint: -dances drunkenly-
Mime: -mimes hugging Jack-
Bats: Damnit! -fly away- You have thwarted us once more, but we will be back...with VIOLINS!
Rei: OO THE HORROR!
Jack: Aargh! -tosses Mime overboard again-
Mime: -mimes drowning-
Director: -shoveling in stir-fry- Why meeee??
Pierremaid #8: Because you're Director!
Kelsey: Someone should...uh...save it?
Rei: Violiiiiins...;;
Kia: I'm not saving it.
Suzuki: -saves Mime-
Pierremaid #2: Come to me, mirror lasses!
Kia: What the crap?
Mime: -mimes kissing Suzuki-
Pierremaid #2: -waves deeds to various personages- I have bought you! Come!
Suzuki: Save that for someone who cares! Like...err...Hiei!
Hiei: I'll kill you. -twitch-
Kia: You...BOUGHT...US??
Mime: -eyes Hiei. Mimes holding out arms-
Pierremaid #9: Let me see those! -grabs deeds-
Kelsey: Heeeey...there's no #9!
Rei: IMPOSTOR! -jumps impostor Pierremaid- Who the hell are you?!
Hiei: -pulls out katana and glares at Mime-
Mime: -snuggles Hiei-
Stand-In: My, this is all so incredibly exciting!
Hiei: -whaps Mime-
Kelsey: Oh, yes, I'm all aflutter.
Mime: -mimes giggling-
Director: Get them out of here before I end this entire series.
Kelsey: It's ending anyhow, jackass!
Meese: Mooooooose meeeeeeeseeee. -hock giant loogies-
Kia: Ewwwww!
Kelsey: Thaaaat's right!
Ashita: -appears- Fear me, for I am deceased and now I shall send all the Meese inhabitants back to Saudi Arabia!
Kelsey: -glomps Jack- Nooooo!
Pierremaid #8: There. -pats Director- Don't you feel better now?
Director: -bursts into tears- I hate my job!
Ashita: All right...everyone EXCEPT for Jack Sparrow.
Pierremaid #8: -calls to Jack- Is there a counselor under that giant pileup of women?
Kelsey: Ai! -
Rei: Shishi-bean will LOVE this!
Jack: Errr...why, yes, there is!
Ashita: -makes everyone disappear except for Jack-
Pierremaid #8: Let's see him over here - -disappears-
Pint, Ship, Bats, Tarukane, Stand-In, Meese, Caterer, and all Pierremaids: -also disappear-
Kelsey: -hugs Jack- You should've been here when I went through my alcoholic episode!
Jack: Aren't you a little young to HAVE an alcoholic episode, love?
Kia: Hey, it's fanfiction.
Rei: Damn straight! -hauls Director over to Counselor- Now, tell Dede everything.
Kelsey: Well, it WAS Pint...he's so fun. Hey...where is Shishi?
Rei: I think I saw him crying in the bathroom.
Kelsey: Oka - heeey, what were you doing in the men's bathroom? -suspicious look-
Kia: That's a good question...
Director: -sobbing hysterically- Just finish this so I can go home to my chihuahua!
Rei: The Pierres were hogging the girls'.
Suzuki: Were they now? How churlish...
Rei: Erm...Axe?
Axe: -whips out dictionary; points to word-
Rei: All riiight! Churros!
Kelsey: -drags Jack to the mens' room- We're going to find Shishi.
Shishi: Are they gone yet...?
Kelsey: Yes, they're...um...-looks at Jack-. Yeah, they're all gone.
Jack: Except for me, mate!
Rei: -skips off to do Suzuki's hair-
Director: ...Okay. Cut. Wrap. KILL ME NOW.
Kia: Geez, breathe!
Kelsey: -pats Jack- Isn't he pretty?
Director: Screw it all. I'm going to become a drag queen.
Stand-In: Let it out, honey!
-OOC-
Yes, well, I told you it was long. Thanks, Kelsey. You rock. As does everyone else who reviewed this story and made the entire series a success. This is the last chapter of the last story in the series and I love you all! These outtakes are strange, but so are we. Thank you and good-bye!