Trying to Forget

By youkokurara

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It was hard to explain the feeling that was spreading through her body. It made her feel warm and light headed, to the point of feeling dizzy, but it also made her feel insecure and scared. What was going to happen now? This new feeling she had would change everything between them, everything she had worked so hard to build up!

Taking risk to glance at the sleeping man next to her, pain filled her heart. She did such a dishonorable thing with a man she wasn't married to! But, she was in love, and he didn't return the feeling. Slowly, she tried to sit up, but pain filled her lower stomach, was it because of what they did? It didn't seem a fitting punishment for what happened between them. Why, what if she was to get pregnant?

There was no time for thinking such thoughts as her eyes searched the dark room for her discarded robe, but only found darkness. What if someone was to find them like this? One of their friends? Oh, no, she had to get out of his room and into the safety of herself, act as if nothing happened. Everything would be better after that, only they would know, and he would never tell another soul of the deeds they had done… He wouldn't tell, would he?

Sure, he was drinking-something he never did-and wasn't exactly in his right mind that evening. If she acted like nothing had happened, would he pass it all off as a dream? It would only work, though, if she was able to leave the room, and that meant she needed to find to sleeping robe. There was no way she was leaving the room naked!

Her eyes spotted a robe not far from where she was, but she would still have to get up and get it. Moving slowly, trying her best not to disturb the other's sleep, she tried to get out of the bed. Arms reached out from behind, grasping her tightly and pulling her body close to his own-he had caught her, amethyst eyes looking at her in a dull way.

"And where do you think you are going?" He whispered in her ear, his breath warm against her skin, a shiver going quickly down her spine.

"To the bathroom?"

"Oh, okay." His arms dropped he rolled back to his side of the bed, hopefully once more asleep. Giving a sigh, she struggled to stand, her body just hurt! Moving slowly, she grabbed the robe and quickly put it on after feeling the cold winter night air on her skin.

Walking just as slow, she left the room, heading for her own bedroom while trying to stay calm. What if he wasn't asleep? What if he really expected her to come back? Scolding herself quickly, she reasoned that he didn't expect her to come back to his warm arms. This was her home, and she had the right to sleep anywhere she wanted. And right at that moment, his arms was the one place she wanted to go, but she had gotten too far by now to return to his embrace.

Slipping into her room, she looked at her laid out bed; the blankets where cold as she got in, it calmed her down somewhat. Stopped the spread of the warm feeling that went through out her body. Silently, she wished once more that she had a womanly figure to ask questions to for all the many things that where happening to herself at the moment. At the very moment, she was willing to speak to the annoying kitsune-doctor, though, she wasn't sure how much help that would've been. Maybe a few laughs and that insulting nickname as Megumi talked about the birds and the bees and enjoying every single little blush the tanuki would give.

"Stop it, Kaoru, you're just getting yourself even more nervous!" Kaoru whispered to herself, curling into a tight ball, trying to hide under the safe covers and find the safe haven sleep always brought. Hopefully, sleep would bring a dream or to that would make her forget everything that had happened during the night, including her love for him.

As for her object of affection, he knew she wasn't coming back, and went about finding the other discarded robe and went in search of her. Now, his state of mind had him go to the bathroom first-for his own reasons-and after finding Kaoru not there, went to her room next. Finding her sleeping in a ball under her blankets, looking so darling made him smile. She was a bundle of emotions, happy one moment, angry the next. Just one of the many things that made Kaoru herself, and ever so attracted himself to her. Though, he never did tell her, unsure of his own emotions as he was her own.

Ironic, wasn't it? Neither of them really figured out their true feelings for the other until the aftermath of their little activity.

Thinking for a moment, he finally decided on the best place for himself, and went about moving his Kaoru over just a bit for himself. Sure, it wasn't as warm as his own bed-that was mostly from body heat, he got his mind of the matter, wrapped his arms securely around Kaoru's waist and spooned her against his own body, listening to her breath as it caught ever so slightly at her movement and his actions.

"You didn't come back," He said, brushing his cheek against her hair. "So I came to look for you."

There was a moment of silence; Kaoru didn't know what to say. He came looking for her! This wasn't exactly part of her plan, well, neither where the words that followed but in the end she had the same conclusion-he was drunk and didn't know what he was doing or saying.

"Promise me you won't leave me. I wouldn't make it if you were taken from me again, willing or not." His breath evened out to that of sleep, Kaoru soon following, though one thought did haunt her for quite some time, despite her conclusion and reason; why would it kill him if she left?

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Disclaimer: I really hate these things, so, hopefully by now people realize who really does own Rurouni Kenshin and it sure isn't me.

Well, this is the first part, and, although I'm not very proud of it myself, I hope you enjoyed it. Thank you, MoMo-ChAn for proofreading this for me! And please remember to review, it would mean a lot if you did!