"Thank you, Ensign." Chakotay smiled as Harry Kim handed him the ship report.

Harry winced inwardly, as he had started to every time somebody called him "ensign". However, he let no sign of his discomfort show to Chakotay as he nodded and walked into the turbolift. Finally. Off duty.

"Mess Hall." He told the computer, and the turbolift obediently started moving to the destination. The computer didn't care what rank he was. Well, that wasn't true. As an ensign, he didn't have access to all the files that a lieutenant would. So...hell, everybody cared what rank he was. He was an ensign! If he were back in the Alpha Quadrant, he'd most likely be at least a lieutenant, if not higher.

Harry told himself to calm down. After all, he knew that Captain Janeway couldn't just hand out promotions to everybody. Otherwise the whole ship would be full of captains. And that would be a mess. But still, you'd think that being a senior bridge member and having the Ops position would entitle him to some type of reward.

The doors opened and Harry stepped out. It was best not to dwell on that particular matter. What did rank matter? He had the respect of the crew and of the captain. Shouldn't that be enough?

"Harry!" Somebody called after him.

Harry turned and saw Amber Szmuc running towards him. She skidded to a halt right before crashing into Harry.

"Amber." He greeted with a slight nod.

"Where are you heading?" She asked with a broad grin. She was hold a PADD in her hands and was quickly turning it in all directions.

"Mess Hall, actually."

"So am I! Why don't we have lunch?" She suggested.

Harry hesitated. Amber Szmuc reminded him of a leech. She would latch onto you and suck the life out of you. And she had, for some reason, taken a liking to Harry. Even now, she shifted her weight from foot to foot nervously and looked at Harry with adoring eyes. But the worst part was...she was a lieutenant. How she had gotten promoted before him...no...she was a good security officer. He had to admit that. But still...

"Sorry, Amber, but I need some time to myself."

"Is something wrong?" She asked as he started to move away. She lunged ahead of him and stood on her tiptoes to reach his height.

Ah, how she would love to solve a problem of his. Then he would be indebted to her and would have no choice but to spend time with her.

"No, nothing's wrong." He lied. "I just had a busy day."

"You know? I understand. Maybe some other time." She hit him playfully on the arm and then ran off ahead of him.

And Harry continued walking, slowly, thinking, dwelling. Dwelling on being an ensign. Stop it, Harry. He told himself. Worrying about it wouldn't help anything.

He entered the Mess Hall and looked around, trying to see if there was any table open. Just his luck. There wasn't. Okay then. Anybody he knew? Tom and B'Elanna were sitting together, but they seemed to be having a rather intense conversation. Harry decided to leave them alone. Anybody else? Ensign Neargarder. He never talked much, so Harry would be able to just sit and think. He walked over to the Ensign's table.

"Ensign." He said, partly in greeting, partly to get his attention.

Neargarder looked up from his book. "What?" He asked in a dazed manner. He always seemed a bit out of it.

"Mind if I sit here?" Harry asked.

Neargarder looked at the empty chair as if noticing it for the first time. "Oh, sure." He replied, then proceeded to stick his nose back into his book.

Harry sat and stared out the window. The stars flew past as Voyager flew towards the Alpha Quadrant. Towards home.

He turned to Neargarder to see what book he was reading. Rising Through the Ranks. Harry looked closer. It was a thin book, but Neargarder seemed to be lost in it.

"Ensign." Harry said. Neargarder didn't look up. "Jesse." Harry said a bit louder, referring to Neargarder's first name.

Neargarder looked up, obviously not accustomed to people using his first name.

"Interesting book?" Harry asked.

"Yeah." Neargarder said.

"Any useful hints?"

"Like what?"

Harry leaned over. "Jesse, it's obvious that you're in the same predicament I am. You're tired of being an ensign! I understand. Listen, I was thinking of going and talking to Captain Janeway about it, because a lot of good officers are being overlooked. If you want, I can - "

"Um...Harry?" Neargarder interrupted. "I'm perfectly happy being an ensign. This is a biography on Captain Kirk."

Harry allowed himself to slump back in his chair. "Oh..."

"Perhaps I should go." Neargarder stood up. Harry made no move to stop him. "See you." Neargarder said before leaving.

Now Harry felt stupid. Stupid. Harry, the stupid ensign.

"Hey, Harry." Harry felt that familiar slap on the back that could only come from Tom Paris. He turned to see Tom sitting where Neargarder had been.

"Hi, Tom. Where'd B'Elanna go?" Harry asked, pushing his thoughts to the side.

"Ah, we had a little disagreement. Nothing major." He warded off Harry's questions. "Just a little newlywed squabble."

"What about?"

Tom waved a hand as if to brush it aside. "Some...thing. Just a little fight. No big deal."

But Harry had known Tom for too long to be fooled by that. "I take it you're going to be replicating some flowers tonight."

"Possibly."

Harry smiled. It seemed like nothing fazed Tom Paris. Lieutenant Tom Paris. Damn! Tom had gotten REPROMOTED before Harry had even been promoted. It wasn't fair.

"Harry, you okay?" Tom looked concerned.

"I'm fine...just thinking about - "

"Your lack of promotion?" Tom suggested.

"How'd you - "

"Harry, it's obvious that the only thing that you would dwell on so much would be a promotion. Come one, you aren't the only one to realize that the Captain has been a bit stingy with you." Tom paused. "You should talk to her."

Even though that was what Harry had been planning, he immediately decided that it was a bad idea...just because Tom had suggested it. Also, Harry knew that he probably would have never gone through with it, anyway.

"No, Tom. She has other problems."

"And so do you. How much stress would it be for her to promote you to a lieutenant?"

"Tom, no." Harry said forcefully.

"Okay," Tom seemed to give up. He looked out the window as if contemplating the stars' existence. "Wonder what Libby will say when you arrive back at Earth still an ensign."

Harry glared at his friend. It was a trick, and he knew it. But it was a damned good trick. Still, he wasn't going to let himself get tricked by Tom Paris.

"I gotta go. Say hi to B'Elanna for me." Harry said while standing up. His last sentence had obviously struck a nerve with Tom, but the pilot chose to cover his discomfort.

"See you, ensign!" He called after Harry.

As Harry walked out of the Mess Hall, he knew that Tom just had Harry's best interests in mind. But the fact was, he didn't like Tom telling him what he should do. After all, he was capable of making decisions by himself. That was the whole point of being promoted, right? To make more decisions?

Harry banished the thought of a promotion from his head. He swore that he would not think about it for the rest of the night. That being done, he looked for something to keep his mind off of it. He didn't have to wait long, that something came to him.

"Harry!" Amber Szmuc called. She had just exited the Mess Hall.

"Amber!" He smiled. She seemed a bit surprised to see him actually smiling at her, but she got used to it.

"Where are you headed?" She asked.

Harry thought a bit. "How about the holodeck? Want to join me?"

If Amber had been happy at him smiling at her, she was perfectly ecstatic at being asked to the holodeck with him. She bounced up and down on her toes and gave him a large, toothy smile.

"I'd love to!"

************

On the plus side, going to the holodeck with Amber had taken his mind off being an ensign. On the minus side, it was total hell.

Harry had had some sporting program in mind. But Amber was fixated on a more...romantic date. So Harry had ended up in Paris around the 1920's. You'd think that she would at least be a bit more subtle about her attraction towards him. She jabbered on the entire time, finding any excuse to get closer. The worst part was at the end, however. Harry and said good-bye outside of the holodeck, but Amber wouldn't have it. She followed him to his quarters and blocked the door until he gave her the password. Harry didn't have to wonder what that password would be. A kiss. And so, Harry was forced into kissing the most annoying crewmember on the ship before he could go to bed.

But, hey, he didn't once think about being an ensign.

And he wasn't thinking about it at the conference the captain had called, either. Captain Janeway walked around the room in her customary fashion. Harry wondered if she ever actually sat down.

"We picked up a distress call from a Ligerian vessel about an hour ago." She came to rest behind her own seat, hands firmly gripping the back. "They request assistance in the form of spare polyium material."

"Polyium?" B'Elanna said. "That stuff's very volatile." Harry noticed that she and Tom were sitting apart from each other, and that they hadn't even looked at each other.

Janeway nodded. "But, we have it in plenty supply, and they don't. We're going to send a shuttle out to rendezvous with the Ligerians."

"Why not just transport it over?" Neelix asked.

B'Elanna looked annoyed. "Like I said, it's volatile. Putting it through a transporter is suicide."

If Neelix was embarrassed, he didn't show it. Harry almost admired him for that.

Janeway nodded. "B'Elanna's right. The Ligerian vessel is several light years in the wrong direction, unfortunately, and I also don't want to take Voyager on that detour. We'll send the Delta Flyer out. They'll give the polyium to the Ligerians and provide any assistance necessary, then return to Voyager. Any questions?"

Of course not. Who would question Janeway?

Janeway smiled. "Dismissed. Harry, stay behind."

Harry waited while the rest of the senior staff filed out of the room. Janeway remained standing behind her chair, an imposing figure.

"Yes, Captain?" Harry prompted her.

"Harry, I know what you want."

That sounded almost ominous to Harry, but he decided to let her continue.

"You want a promotion."

Bingo, score one for the captain. Harry smiled.

"What gave you that idea?"

Janeway edged around her chair and sat down in it. "I'd be willing to, Harry. So I'm giving you a chance. Take this mission. Lead the mission. You have enough engineering skills to help the Ligerians, and I feel that you're ready for this responsibility."

Harry froze, not quite knowing what to say. What could he say? She was dangling a promotion in front of him. All he had to do was perform a couple tricks to get it.

"Captain, I'd...uh...love to." That sounded stupid. He knew it. Fortunately, Janeway just smiled.

"Good. I've put Lieutenant Szmuc on as your security - "

"Amber?" Oh no.

Janeway looked surprised and curious. "Is there a problem with her?"

Best not to argue with the Captain on this. He had to show her that he was flexible.

"No," he shook his head. "No problem. Who else?"

"Ensign Heffernan as your pilot."

Harry had talked with Tony Heffernan a couple times. Likable guy. But he'd never worked that closely with him. Harry nodded.

"That sounds fine, Captain."

"Good," Janeway gave him that classic Janeway grin. "Go assemble your team. I want you off this ship by 1700."

************

Harry couldn't take his eyes off the Delta Flyer. The ship that might just get his promotion for him. He smiled. Wouldn't be long now before he was a lieutenant.

They had finished loading the polyium onboard the Delta Flyer, and Tony was already in there waiting to go. They were just waiting for Amber to show up. Harry heard the shuttlebay doors open, and he turned, expecting to see Amber. Instead, he saw Tom.

Tom didn't look so good, to put it bluntly. It looked like he hadn't gotten any sleep for a while, and Harry could tell that the smile on his face was forced.

"Harry!" Tom called while walking over to him. "Thought I'd see you off."

"Thanks. You okay?" Harry asked.

"Yeah, um...slept on the couch last night."

Ow, that wasn't good. "B'Elanna's that mad, huh?"

"You could say that."

"Flowers didn't work?"

"No, she...um...threw them across the room."

Harry winced. It was never a good thing when B'Elanna started throwing stuff.

"Well, I'm sure you two will work it out." Harry gave his friend a comforting pat on the back.

"Right. I hope." Tom didn't look so confident.

It was at that moment that Amber entered the bay, looking extremely happy. She walked over to Harry, ignoring Tom.

"Hi, Harry. Thanks for choosing me to go on this mission."

Harry could have corrected her, saying that it was the captain's idea, but he didn't. He may not like her, but he didn't want to hurt her feelings.

"Tom, we gotta go. See you when I get back?" Harry said.

"Sure. Good luck." Tom managed a small smile.

Then Harry turned, with Amber beside him, and walked to the Delta Flyer. His first mission. His chance for a promotion. And Harry was confident that this mission would go perfectly.

************

"Bullshit!" Amber stated and flipped over the card that Harry had just put down. "Oh." She looked embarrassed upon finding out that Harry had not been lying. "Damn." She grabbed the pile.

"Are you two having fun?" Tony called from the pilot's seat.

Once going to warp, Harry had found that there just wasn't much to do for the 2 hour trip. So Amber had suggested playing an old card game of "Bullshit". Harry was winning, which could either have been beginner's luck or the fact that Amber really sucked at the game.

"How long have we got now?" Harry asked impatiently. The sooner he got this mission done, the sooner he'd get his promotion.

Tony pushed a couple of the buttons. "30 minutes. You have wasted exactly 1 and a half hours doing a frivolous activity."

"And what have you been doing?" Amber asked.

"Laughing at the two of you playing 'Bullshit'. You can't play that game with only two people. And if you could, then you certainly couldn't lose." He smiled.

"Oh, shut up!" Amber searched through her cards.

Harry put his hand down. "That's enough Amber. I'm getting tired of playing."

She smirked. "Really? You want to get serious?" She gave him that look. That look that Harry had come to hate. That look that made him think that she was going to pounce on him.

"Er...that's not what I meant." He stood up and looked over Tony's shoulder, eager to get away from Amber.

"Interesting console, right Harry?" Tony looked up.

"Just checking our systems." Harry made up an excuse.

"I see." Tony said with a knowing look.

Harry didn't respond, but just continued to stare at the console. This wasn't quite what he was expecting when he took this assignment. Sitting in the Flyer playing some stupid card game with an annoying, lustful security officer. Not his idea of a wonderful time. But that wasn't the point. Command wasn't supposed to be fun. It was work. And responsibility. And Harry had to show that he was up to the challenge, no matter what.

And he'd get his chance, more so than he could've ever thought.

************

The rendezvous went through without a hitch. They found the Ligerians as they were expected, broken down. They docked in the Ligerian's shuttlebay and unloaded the polyium.

"Thank you very much, Ensign Kim. We thought we were dead." The Ligerians were a peculiar looking race. Their spines were built so that their backs were hunched over in a way that made them look like somebody had folded them in half. Their long necks craned upward to look at people, but most of the consoles were built low to the floor to accommodate for their posture.

"It's what we do. Do you need assistance in repairing your ship?" Harry said while Amber and Tony came up behind him.

The Ligerian captain swerved his head around to look at them all. "Yes. Some help might be needed. Follow me."

The three Starfleet officers followed as the captain led them through the corridors. It was a brightly lit vessel, almost to the point where it hurt Harry's eyes. The captain entered the engineering room. It was a massive room, with a large engine. There were several Ligerian engineers milling around, just as you'd expect.

"What do you need help with?" Harry asked. The captain pointed at a console. "Come over here." He said, gesturing for Harry to walk ahead of him.

Harry wouldn't have seen it coming if Amber hadn't yelled:

"Harry! Watch it!"

Instinctively, Harry had turned and had his phaser out and pointed at the captain. The Ligerian, likewise, had a weapon out and aimed at Harry. Both Tony and Amber had readied their phasers.

"What's going on?" Harry asked.

The captain gave a slight, almost imperceptible nod, and soon, the engineers had stopped what they were doing and had their weapons trained on the Starfleet officers.

Amber and Tony could've run. They were right by the doors. The only problem was that standing between Harry and the doors was the captain. And it didn't seem like the Ligerian would be willing to let him through.

"You'd make a fine price on the market. I wonder how much Starfleet officers sell for." The captain pondered outloud.

Harry only had one choice. One chance. He shot at the captain, and without a pause, ducked and rolled as disrupter fire shot at him. Amber and Tony, taking the hint, ran out the door with Harry following close behind.

"Remember where we parked the shuttle?" Tony asked.

"I do." Amber spoke up as she started jogging down the bright corridors.

Harry and Tony followed. Harry supposed that, considering he was in command, he should lead. But now wasn't the time to dispute those matters.

Security klaxons started ringing, and Harry found himself having to cover his ears. Apparently, a sound that was harmless to Ligerians was a headache to a human. Tony and Amber likewise covered their ears...one-handed. None of them were willing to put their phasers down.

They met up with no resistance in the corridors, and Amber came to a stop in front of one of the doors.

"This is it." She nodded her head toward the door.

Harry nodded in acknowledgement.

"Amber, cover us. Tony and I'll get into the Delta Flyer, start her up, and blast our way out. You follow. Got it?"

"Yeah." Amber smiled. "I'm here for you, Harry." She said playfully.

God, even in a combat situation, she could drop innuendo without shame.

"Let's go!" Harry held his phaser at ready as Amber charged ahead. The door opened, revealing a small security force of Ligerians.

Amber opened fire, drawing their attention away from Tony and Harry, who were making their way to the Delta Flyer. The Ligerians obviously hadn't been ready for a resistance as there were only 5 or so guards at ready. Harry saw Tony safely into the ship, then called to Amber.

"Amber!" He motioned for her to follow him.

She turned her head, leaving her vulnerable. One of the guards caught her unawares with a blast to the chest. She was thrown back against the far wall.

"Amber!" Harry called again, this time in shock.

The guards, one target down, now turned their attentions to Harry. Harry should've done the smart thing and gone into the Flyer, but he felt that he had to go get Amber. To see if she had a chance. And he would have, if Tony hadn't started pulling him back in.

"Harry! Come on!" Tony dragged him inside the Delta Flyer as disrupter blasts made near misses.

Harry fought Tony for only a second, but then gave in. He jogged to the cockpit.

"Status? Did they do anything to the Flyer?" Harry asked.

"Negative. I guess they didn't plan on us being able to get back here."

"Not all of us did get back here." Harry reminded him. "Start her up. Blast a hole in the bay and get us out of here."

"You got it."

Harry could feel the ship rising, and could hear the disrupter blasts hitting the hull. He knew that they could do no more damage to them. He watched through the viewscreen as Tony proceeded to punch a hole through the wall, then take the Flyer through and into warp. Then, only then, did Harry allow himself to slump down into the chair. He had lost her. Had lost somebody under his command. And the damning thing was that he had lost her on his own order.

************

Harry and Tony returned to Voyager with considerably less enthusiasm then they had when they had left. They had both turned in reports to Janeway on what happened. And Harry found himself nursing a synthehol in the Mess Hall. He had taken his commbadge off so no one could bug him.

He felt horrible. About Amber. Yes, she had annoyed him. Yes, he had often contemplated her vanishing from the universe. But he hadn't wanted her to die. Not like that. Not at all.

But what made him even more mad at himself was that he was also upset over losing the promotion. No, Janeway hadn't said that he had lost it, but he knew. How could she promote him when he had gotten a crewmember killed? Harry knew that he shouldn't be upset over that. That he should be mourning for Amber. And he was. But he felt somewhat insensitive to even be thinking about a promotion.

Harry looked up. Tom was coming towards him. He sat down without asking him first.

Harry tried a smile. "You and B'Elanna make up?"

"We talked things over." Tom said. "I'm more worried about you."

Harry made a fake laugh. "I'm fine!" Tom gave him a skeptical look. "Really!" Harry added for emphasis.

"Harry, it's tough when something like this happens. Especially because I know how you felt towards Amber. But you have to admit that you're mourning. You can't keep it inside you."

Harry wiped the smile off his face. "You want to know how I'm feeling? I'll tell you. I'm feeling angry because the Ligerians robbed me of my promotion. I'm mad at Amber for not being smarter and robbing me of my promotion. I'm mad at the captain for dangling this promotion over my head, while knowing I wasn't cut out for it. That's what I'm feeling. I'm not mourning over Amber. I'm mourning for that new pip that had my name on it, but was taken away before I could get it."

Tom nodded. He didn't say anything. He just nodded.

"Well? Aren't you going to call me insensitive or a monster or something?"

"No." Tom said. "Actually, I just came to tell you that the captain wants you. But I figured I'd let you get that out before you see her."

Harry, his energy spent, stared at the synthehol. "I'll go see her." He got up and prepared himself to meet the captain. He was afraid to think of what she was going to say to him.

************

Harry didn't know what to expect when he entered the captain's ready room. Janeway sitting at her desk staring at her computer wasn't it, though.

She looked up when Harry entered, then looked back at her computer.

"Ensign." She said by way of introduction.

"Tom said you asked to see me."

"You took your commbadge off. Why?" She didn't look up at him.

He hesitated. "I didn't want anybody trying to talk to me."

She slowly nodded.

"Harry, I'd like to show you something. Come here." She motioned for him to look at the screen.

A bit baffled, Harry walked behind her and looked over her shoulder. On the computer screen was a list of all the crewmembers killed on Voyager. It was a rather long list.

"Captain, why are you showing this to me?"

She turned her chair around to face him. "Justification. From yours and Ensign Heffernan's report, I see that you handled yourself in the best manner possible. You were thrust into a volatile situation, and handled it as any commanding officer should have." "Captain, I ordered her to run cover for us. That's what got her killed."

Janeway leaned back and sighed. "Do you know how many times I've gone through my orders to see how many of those orders led to the death of one of my crew. Harry, that's part of command. Lieutenant Szmuc's death allowed you and Ensign Heffernan to escape. From my point of view, you did exactly what you should have."

"Is it what you would've done?"

Janeway hesitated. "I don't know. I wasn't there. It's easy to look back on a situation and say what to do. It's harder to be there at the time and do it."

She stood up and reached for a small black case on her desk.

"Ensign Harry Kim, it is with pride that I give you a promotion to Lieutenant, for your excellent service." She opened the case and put the new pip on his collar. "Congratulations." She said, without a smile. Harry didn't know what to do. After all the years of waiting, he had finally gotten his promotion. The pip that he had dreamed about was secure on his collar. So why wasn't he happy?

Disclaimer: All the characters in the above story belong to those wonderful Paramount people. I made up Amber Szmuc, Jesse Neargarder, Tony Heffernan, and the Ligerians...and polyium for that matter. But the rest belongs to Paramount.