~ OkayI was boredand thenthis happened.

~ I own nothing of these characters.

~ This is meant to be funnyor horribly wrong =)

~Tell me what you think for I don't know if I will go on with this silliness. And be nice about itmy heart can't standoh, who gives a crumbjust review and if ya hate it just say so.

ENJOY!

Nemo, bushy beard and all, sat at his lovely mahogany desk picking his nose with his left forefinger and writing a nice poem to Mina with his right hand. He was very deep in thought.

So deep in thought that he didn't notice Tom Sawyer come into the room, "Got anything yet?" he asked with a boyish grin on his face.

Nemo looked at him, dropping the finger from his nose to wipe something under his desk. He looked very serious for a moment, but all the seriousness didn't last long as he tapped at his mouth with his pink, frilly pen, "I'm writing a poem." He said softly with a glow coming to his cheeks.

Tom was still looking at the desk in disgust, "Did you just put a booger under your desk man? Cause that is really disgusting."

"Of course not. Indian's don't have booger's." Nemo said with an indignant huff, "We have quiggles and yes I just put one under my desk."

Tom shrugged his shoulders and then eyed the pen, "Is that a pink pen?"

"My sister sent it to me. Lovely, isn't it?" Nemo was now writing with it, the very end of it, a pink puffy ball with a feather sticking out of it, swayed about as he scribbled on the paper, "Pink is my favorite color."

Tom looked disgusted again, his green eyes shifting to Nemo's little feet that were sticking out from under his desk, "Are those pink ballet slippers on your feet?"

Nemo, a quick roll of the eyes, stood and came around his desk, "Imported from China. They didn't have the tutu to match. Darn it."

"Dude, did you just go gay in like five seconds?" Tom asked as he turned to see Dorian Gray enter the room, "Speaking of gay" he mused softly as the immortal shoved past him and perched himself in front of a very long mirror.

"I'm not gay." Dorian corrected as he began to pluck some stray hairs from his brows, "I'm just in love with myself. There is a difference."

"Yeah." Tom said and then he looked back at Nemo, "Whose the poem too?"

Nemo, a quick flick of the pen to Dorian's head, seated himself, "Mina."

"Not your gay lover?" Tom said, "Your gay lover who is probably hiding in that long beard of yours."

"I'm not gay. And the only thing I hide in this beard are the nude pictures I took of myself when I was in your bedroom." Nemo said as he eyed Dorian, "Don't you have a mirror in your room?"

Dorian, eyes still on his reflection, raised a brow, "The author of this stupid story didn't give me a mirror, so I will use yours."

HmmmI really didn't give him one? The author asks herself while thinking that she might give Dorian a right kick in the head.

The mirror yawned then and smacked it's frame together, "You really don't need one in your room you pompous twit. I am all the mirror any of you will ever need."

Tom puzzled this talking mirror and then said, "Why the hell is the mirror talking?" and then, his green eyes flickering with horror, "Did Nemo just say that he was nude in my bedroom?"

"I like that talking mirror." Nemo said as he again began to dig for gold, "And yes, I did say I was nude, but I promise I didn't sit on the bed. Wouldn't want to leave those tracks anywhere."

Tom, his cute face turned to me the author, "Please make him stop picking his nose and make sure to clean my sheets and sanitize all my furniture before I retire for the night."

Nemo dropped his finger from his nose, "What should I write to my love?"

Dorian shifted in his place, "Mina is my lover, what in God's name are you talking about? Is there something I should know?"

Tom seated himself, "You're gay? I believe you should know that by now, right?"

Dorian eyed him and turned from the mirror, "I am bisexual, you green eyed, American, bitch boy. There is a difference."

Nemo pointed to a chair beside Tom, "Sit Dorian, I need help with this poem."

Dorian pulled the chair over to the side of Nemo's desk, "What do you have written so far?" he asked as he smirked at Tom, "I doubt Tom knows much about poetry."

"Well," Nemo gently swirled the pink feather in his beard, "here it is

Dearest Mina,

A poem for you.

You splatter blood and guts

You may be dead

But you look beautiful

With your big, round head

Dorian leaned into the chair and jumped as soon as he heard a loud sheik from Tom, "There are boogers all over the top of the chair!"

Dorian stood up quickly and turned to see a few golden booger's glistening in the light of the room. They were sparkling like diamonds.

"Those booger's are shining a bit too much." Tom said, his face turned to look my way.

"Alright, alright." Says me the author, "I'll take away some of the shine. Now they are just dull boogers on the back of the chair. Satisfied?"

"Thank you dear author." Tom says and then he is eyeing Nemo again.

Dorian is still looking disgusted, "Are those your boogers Nemo?"

Nemo pauses with the frilly pen in his nose, "I suppose."

"That's disgusting." Dorian says to me the author, "Take those out of the story."

I shake my head, shrug my shoulders and remove one booger from the chair.

"That didn't help." Dorian says, but I choose to ignore him.

Nemo is folding up the poem, "She'll love this poem."

"Yeah, I suppose she may kill herself after reading that romantic piece of crap." Tom says, then he looks to me, "Why don't you help this disgusting Indian with his poem? You're a girl, right?"

"But Dorian is gay." I remind Tom, "So he should know more about poetry, right?"

Dorian snarls, "I am not gay!"

"Your freakin' gay." Says the talking mirror, "And Nemo wiped two large boogers on my frame after he came from dinner tonight. I think you may have put your hand on them."

Dorian looks at his hand, "I'm bisexual." He says, then he turns to Nemo, "And your disgusting." And then he turns to Tom, "And you're an American idiot." And then he turns to me, "And you need to remove me from this story." He does something overly dramatic with his hands and then he leaves the room.

Thank God! Oh, sorryI think out loud sometimes.

AnywayNemo puts the poem in an envelope and smiles, "She'll love this poem."

"Yeah, sure, whatever you say." Tom says as he rolls his eyes.

Mina bursts into the room wearing a tight leather outfit. She looks radiant and beautiful and sexy

"You're a lesbian!" she scoffs at me the author, "Why go on about me like that if you aren't?"

I shake my head, "I am not a lesbian." I write an extra few lines in Nemo's poem just for her arrogant witchiness, "I just think you were hot in the movie. And I loved your attitude and"

"She's a freakin lesbian." Quips the annoying mirror.

I make the mirror fall and bust into a trillion pieces. Stupid, talking mirror!

Anywayso Mina is looking hot in her leather. And we know why she is in leatherbecause men wrote and directed the movie so of course she is going to be in skin tight clothing and lick her lips and such like some sort of whore.

"Are you saying I am a whore?" she asks now, Nemo's poem in her hand, "I am no whore."

"Actually," I say because she is starting to peeve me, "you are a whore. I mean, come on, how easy was it for Dorian to slam you a good one."

She clears her throat, "Well, you've seen Dorian haven't you. Wouldn't you slam him a good one if you could?" she looks embarrassed, "So, Nemo, what have you written to me?"

Nemo does some sort of really queer ballet move and then he leans over his desk smiling at her, "Love." He says softly and then he turns over in a brilliant move of happiness only to get stuck in a laid out position on his desk so that he looks like a complete moron as he tries to roll back off the desk. He ends up falling onto the floor, his little pink shoes pointed in two different directions, "Don't mind me Mina, just read your poem." He says with his mouth buried in the carpet.

Mina begins to read it.

She clears her throat, "Yes, well, this is very" she looks to me the author, "is he dead?"

I pull Nemo from the floor. He twirls himself over to Mina and bends over backward, putting his head in her lap, "Did you like it?"

She is still staring at me the author, "Is there any chance that you could kill him, like right now?"

Nemo is batting his eyelashes at her, "Are you in love? Look at these pretty lashes of mine? Aren't you in love?"

Tom, who has been watching this scene, looks at me, "When did he learn ballet?"

I ponder this and then choose to ignore the question.

Mina is still begging for the death of Nemo.

All of a sudden Nemo stands up and Tom's rifle and Dorian's portrait fall out of his beard.

"You stole my gun!" Tom says as he pulls his Winchester away from Nemo. Nemo does a gay twirl and then walks on his toes over to his desk, "And you have skid marks on your pants man. Dude, did you forget to wipe?"

Nemo turns around quickly, "I always wipe." He says very seriously and then he goes into a split on the floor.

When he pulls himself up from the split, the carpet is brown and a smell seems to be fuming into the air.

"Did you just lay a turd on the rug man?" Tom is looking baffled and then he is looking to me, "You just let him crap on the rug? I'm outta this scene."

Tom exists.

Mina is now begging me to end her life.

Butwhat is thiscommotion going on outside the door! What is it? A fight? An evil character come to kill them?

A really bad story?!

Yes!

Okaythis chapter is boring melet's move on to the next.