Ask Yourself This Question

By Maddy

Summary: Buffy thinks about her relationship with Riley.

Rating: PG

Spoilers: General B/A. Up until about midway through season 4.

Timeline: Before Buffy told Riley about Angel.

Distribution: Take away, with my permission.

Disclaimer: Own nothing.

Dedication: None.

Feedback: I don't have to ask do I?

Author's Notes: Quotes belong to "Reptile Boy," "What's My Line, part one," "Bad Eggs," "Surprise," "Becoming, part two," "Anne," "The Prom," "The Zeppo," "Earshot," and "Enemies." And their wonderful writers.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Ask yourself this question. It's a good valid, reasonable question. It's a hard question. Not easy to answer. But sometimes you just know, in the pit of your stomach, deep down you've always known. Just never let it register. Never thought about it.

//"No when you kiss me, I wanna die."//

Sooner or later if you don't ask yourself this question, someone else will. And that my friends may take you down a road where you don't want to be.

//"You're the one freaky thing in my freaky world that still makes sense to me."//

When you ask yourself this question, you must be ready for the answer. If he asked me this question, I know I wouldn't be ready.

//"When I look into the future, all I see is you. All I want is you."

"I know the feeling."//

I wasn't ready to leave the fantasy world I had created to live in. I wasn't ready to go back to reality. I liked playing make-believe, charades, pretend; it was keeping my heart safe. The heart that didn't belong to him. The heart he wasn't meant to be apart of.

//"I love you. I try not to, but I can't stop."//

The part I could never give him. The part he wants the most, he could never have.

//"I love you."

" I love you."

"Close you eyes."//

It belongs to a man whom he has never heard of. A man he has never seen. A man I haven't let go of. A man I should've stopped.

//"Forever…that's the whole point."//

Forever…that's a long time. It's forever. But I would wait for him longer. I would want him longer. But the greatest…doesn't mean it was meant to last. That still cuts me up inside, even after months of being apart. Forever's a long time.

//"I can't change-I'll never change. I want my life to be with you."//

And I didn't change.

I'm still trying to figure out if that is of the good or of the bad. I suppose in the end, it doesn't really matter. No matter how much I want my life to be with that man, we can never be together.

//"I love you."

"I love you."

"Nothing can change that, not even death."//

Ask yourself this question. Do I love the blonde man sitting across from me? Do I love him with my entire being? Do I love him at all? Are we meant to be? Or was it doomed from the beginning?

//"In 243 years, I have loved exactly one person."//

Ask yourself this question. Then tell me the answer.

//"Always."//