A/N: Hiya hiya hiya! I've been gobbling down Yuki/Touya fics like they're
chocolate-chip cookies, so I thought I'd better contribute to the lovely
concept myself. ^_^ This is based a *small amount* on my real life, so I
don't know for sure how it's gonna end, or whether or not I'm gonna end it
the way my own situation ends. The dance Yukito's talking about is the
Christmas Dance at their high school. I did it from Yukito's perspective,
even though in reality I'm more like Touya... Still, I think I did a pretty
good job so far. And if you want me to finish it, you had better review, my
darlings. *Mwahahahahaha* --Cardcaptor Sakura and all related characters,
names, and distinctive likenesses thereof are the exclusive property of
CLAMP.-- That should cover it. So, On with the show!
Chapter One: The Ticket
I want to keep it forever, this dance ticket Touya gave me. If I could, I think I would laminate it, or maybe frame it. But no, then I couldn't touch it. I couldn't feel its soft grain, or trace over the places that I know HIS fingers touched. I wish I could have it for all of eternity to touch and admire; I never want to give it up, even though I have to get in to the dance. I know it's just a slip of paper, but it's a slip of paper that means I get to spend the whole night with Touya and so it means everything to me. But I'm kind of nervous, because I think it's going to be the night that I tell him my true feelings.
I've known I loved him in a different way than I loved all my other friends for a long time. It was a year or two ago that I realized we must be soulmates, and less than a year since I realized that I was in love with him. At first, I had decided not to tell him. After all, I thought, it wasn't fair to him to make him carry it with him that his best friend was in love with him. I was never really worried about ruining our friendship; I was sure he'd never leave me over something like that. When I first told him I was gay (well, at the time I had thought I was bi, but I've since realized that girls just don't do it for me at all...), he was immediately cool with it. And yet, I don't think he was quite as okay with it as he let on...
I think he used to be afraid of being thought of as gay. He would always get upset when people mentioned how Sakura and Tomoyo seem to be holding hands ALOT, or that his cousin Koushiro was effeminate; but he got upset in a way that seemed like he himself was offended, almost like he was trying to put up a facade, to hide something. And when we were together on vacation, and I mentioned that my grandparents might be suspicious of the two of us (they had told my counselor that they thought I was "not completely heterosexual...") and I could feel those vibes he lets off when he doesn't want me to think he's worried, but I can tell he is anyway. He also said once during that vacation that he was "glad that I didn't have a crush on him" or something like that. I don't remember much else about it, since I didn't have a crush on him back then.
I'm not even really sure I do now. But sometimes when I look at him closely he seems so lonely; like he's all by himself with no one to love him, and it makes me think, ~You know, *I* want to be there for him. I want to be able to make him happy. I want my Touya to be happy...~ All I really know is that I love him more than I've ever loved anyone or anything else, and if I could spend the rest of my life with him I would be the happiest man on earth. Like I said before, I am sure he's my soulmate. He has changed my life in the most incredible way. With him here, there is nothing I can't do, and without him I can do nothing. If I had never met him, I would not be even half of the man I am now. I would probably not even be alive. He has molded me into a person I am proud to be. If only I had the courage to tell him all of this...
But I'm going to tell him. I've made up my mind. Especially since a conversation I had with one of the Buddhist monks I ran into at the temple. We were talking about nothing in particular, just the weather and the like, and I had started to walk away, but he took me by the shoulder and I turned back around. Then he looked at me and said, "You know, you should tell people your feelings, because you have nothing to lose." And I had a strange feeling that something very important had just happened. It seemed like Kami-sama had wanted to tell e something that day, like he was reassuring me that everything was going to be all right. That-- that I should finally tell him the truth.
I'm still staring at my ticket. Strange, how such a small scrap of paper can arouse such feelings in me, such memories. But then again, it's not so strange, because after all, it's a scrap of paper that means I get to spend a night with Touya.....
I want to keep it forever, this dance ticket Touya gave me. If I could, I think I would laminate it, or maybe frame it. But no, then I couldn't touch it. I couldn't feel its soft grain, or trace over the places that I know HIS fingers touched. I wish I could have it for all of eternity to touch and admire; I never want to give it up, even though I have to get in to the dance. I know it's just a slip of paper, but it's a slip of paper that means I get to spend the whole night with Touya and so it means everything to me. But I'm kind of nervous, because I think it's going to be the night that I tell him my true feelings.
I've known I loved him in a different way than I loved all my other friends for a long time. It was a year or two ago that I realized we must be soulmates, and less than a year since I realized that I was in love with him. At first, I had decided not to tell him. After all, I thought, it wasn't fair to him to make him carry it with him that his best friend was in love with him. I was never really worried about ruining our friendship; I was sure he'd never leave me over something like that. When I first told him I was gay (well, at the time I had thought I was bi, but I've since realized that girls just don't do it for me at all...), he was immediately cool with it. And yet, I don't think he was quite as okay with it as he let on...
I think he used to be afraid of being thought of as gay. He would always get upset when people mentioned how Sakura and Tomoyo seem to be holding hands ALOT, or that his cousin Koushiro was effeminate; but he got upset in a way that seemed like he himself was offended, almost like he was trying to put up a facade, to hide something. And when we were together on vacation, and I mentioned that my grandparents might be suspicious of the two of us (they had told my counselor that they thought I was "not completely heterosexual...") and I could feel those vibes he lets off when he doesn't want me to think he's worried, but I can tell he is anyway. He also said once during that vacation that he was "glad that I didn't have a crush on him" or something like that. I don't remember much else about it, since I didn't have a crush on him back then.
I'm not even really sure I do now. But sometimes when I look at him closely he seems so lonely; like he's all by himself with no one to love him, and it makes me think, ~You know, *I* want to be there for him. I want to be able to make him happy. I want my Touya to be happy...~ All I really know is that I love him more than I've ever loved anyone or anything else, and if I could spend the rest of my life with him I would be the happiest man on earth. Like I said before, I am sure he's my soulmate. He has changed my life in the most incredible way. With him here, there is nothing I can't do, and without him I can do nothing. If I had never met him, I would not be even half of the man I am now. I would probably not even be alive. He has molded me into a person I am proud to be. If only I had the courage to tell him all of this...
But I'm going to tell him. I've made up my mind. Especially since a conversation I had with one of the Buddhist monks I ran into at the temple. We were talking about nothing in particular, just the weather and the like, and I had started to walk away, but he took me by the shoulder and I turned back around. Then he looked at me and said, "You know, you should tell people your feelings, because you have nothing to lose." And I had a strange feeling that something very important had just happened. It seemed like Kami-sama had wanted to tell e something that day, like he was reassuring me that everything was going to be all right. That-- that I should finally tell him the truth.
I'm still staring at my ticket. Strange, how such a small scrap of paper can arouse such feelings in me, such memories. But then again, it's not so strange, because after all, it's a scrap of paper that means I get to spend a night with Touya.....