He remembered that first; it happened the night his grandfather died.

Seth couldn't see.  His face was wet, streams of some liquid coursing like thick honey into his eyes; clouding all vision.  He stumbled as he caught the edge of a random pool chair, the marble floor rising up to meet him like the swift punch he always imagined a hit to the gut would be.  His hands scuffed along the rough surface, his knees colliding heavily behind him as he pushed upwards again, tripping over untied laces to continue his desperate trek.

He could see Ryan lying on his bed through the enclosed glass pool house.  The television painted his face with soft blues and greens, the flicker of fluid images bringing life and motion to an otherwise stoic demeanor.  Seth hesitated before destroying the peaceful scene, unwilling to unload his troubles onto the boy who'd already had more than his share when he saw Ryan's head tip in his direction and knew running away would suddenly be the worse option.

He opened the door, standing in the sucking void splitting his sadistic world from the serene scene inside.

Ryan moved up onto his elbow, giving Seth a look that questioned what possible end to the world could have occurred to spawn this particular fit of hysterics.  His face was mottled, his eyes puffy, all signs that pointed to the cancellation of the new season of Star Trek or some other such catastrophic event and Ryan was about to lie back down without even acknowledging him when he saw the tears staining his cheeks and with a sudden twinge of his stomach, knew that this wasn't a test.

Wordlessly, he swung his feet over the side of the bed, crossing the distance separating the two boys.  Seth was still standing outside, a chilled breeze sending shivers he didn't even notice quaking through his body.  Ryan reached out to pull him inside, wincing when he saw the bloodied scraps of flesh hanging from the boy's hands.

He closed the door quickly behind him, moving behind Seth to push him toward the bed.  His movements were determined, forcing the other boy to sit, then striding away to grab the small first aid kit Kirsten had stocked in his bathroom.  He returned in a breath, dropping to his knees at Seth's feet before shooting a questioning glance into the boy's eyes and reaching out for his hands once again.

"What did you do?"

Ryan's voice was hushed, almost hesitant to break the bubble of Seth's obvious anguish.  He heard him hiccup an incomprehensible response and flicked his eyes up to meet the other's quickly.

Seth blinked at the intrusion, wondering why he'd never before noticed that Ryan's eyes had the ability to draw you in until you swore you would drown in the cobalt mine they housed.  He tried to swallow, fighting to disentangle his tongue from where it had adhered to the roof of his mouth.  Instead his body shook, his throat constricting until he remembered he still had to breathe and inhaled shakily.

"He's dead."

A shadow filtered across Ryan's eyes and Seth wondered if he didn't expect the deceased to be his own family member.

"My grandfather… he… he died."

"Caleb?"

Seth shook his head back and forth.

"Not Caleb?"

Ryan's voice was hesitant, his hold on Seth's bleeding fingers forgotten as he searched the distraught face for some hint of what had actually happened.

"My Dad's Dad… my Grandpa Cohen.  I… I never met him."

"You never…"

Ryan was puzzled—Seth didn't know this mystery grandfather that he had never even known existed but yet he was this upset over his loss?  Suddenly Ryan realized that not having known someone didn't mean you wouldn't morn their death, especially when it meant that now you would never have the chance.

"You never met him."

His voice was quiet as he waited for Seth's slight nod of acknowledgment.

"I'm sorry."

"You d-d-didn't…"

Ryan shook his head, stopping the words Seth felt a misplaced need to say.

"It doesn't matter if I didn't cause it, he was your grandfather, that matters."

Tears Seth swore he never invited crept into his eyes again, his left hand smearing blood and dirt across his face as he slapped them away.  He couldn't believe he was crying in front of Ryan, it was bad enough that he'd let the acid rain pour forth when his Dad had told him the news, but to showcase his already painfully obvious lack of even one gene contributing to coolness was an embarrassment he couldn't expect to live down.

"Dude, I'm…"

Ryan didn't speak, instead just held out his hand for the flailing appendage, demanding without any command that Seth give himself over to the help he offered.

He obliged, wiping once more with the back of his hand to spread the blood onto that surface as well before dropping his hand to his lap and watching as Ryan flipped it over the examine the wounds.  The tsk-ing sound he swore passed Ryan's lips was surprising but he found himself fascinated by the attention the boy paid to each and every scrape.  Water cleaned the worst of the mess, the rest a mingle of hanging skin and very minor scratches.  It still hurt though, like the piecing of a thousand needles attacking each and every nerve ending but Seth fought to be brave, even managing what he thought was a smile when Ryan poured peroxide on the minefield that was once his future as an XBox champion.

"It's not too bad," Ryan finally offered when he had finished wrapping both palms in strips of blinding white gauze.  "It'll sting for a bit."

"It doesn't hurt."

Seth dropped his head between his shoulders, his hands hanging uselessly between his legs.

Ryan laughed as he stood and gathered the first aid supplies.  "Yeah it does."

Seth's head popped up to stare at his friend now towering over him, his mouth dropping open to protest when he remembered that if anyone knew how much it hurt to have a zillion cuts and scrapes on your body it would be Ryan and stopped.

"Okay, it does, but it doesn't matter."

Ryan sighed as he walked over to the ledge behind his bed and dropped the supplies.  "I thought we agreed it did."

When Seth looked at him blankly, he smiled and slowly took a seat beside the bewildered boy.

"Matter," he added softly.

Seth bloodied the clean bandage by wiping it in the stain still left on his cheek.  He stared at the imperfection marring Ryan's handiwork, wondering how it was possible to say no more than 10 words to a person and yet have them understand you completely.

"I… uh…"  He picked at the edge of the bandage against his wrist, his eyes darting anywhere but at the figure beside him.  "Thanks for… thanks."

Ryan clapped Seth on the shoulder as he stood abruptly from the bed.  "Why don't you get some sleep?"

Seth looked up at the sudden change in subject, hesitating before pushing his knuckles into his knees and moving to get up.

"No, here… you can sleep here."

"Oh, I…"  Seth found Ryan's eyes across the room.  "I don't have to."

Ryan shrugged.  "It's okay, I could use the company."

Seth nodded, telling himself that he was too tired to argue with such sound logic while his mind screamed that he was getting what he wanted anyway.  Walking back into his house, watching his mother comfort his father while neither of them thought he should be upset at all by the death of someone none of them knew… this was most definitely the best offer he had on the table.

Kicking his shoes from his feet, he lay down where he was sitting, drawing his hands into his chest as his knees curled up beneath his body.  He shivered in the sudden coolness in the air, about to wonder if he possessed the energy to find a blanket when he felt a hand brush against his arm and looked up to see Ryan pulling a quilt across his shoulders.

Ryan watched the brown orbs stare up at him, his stomach flipping over for the tenth time that night as he watched his best friend fight not to let his entire universe dissolve around him.  It was a death in the family, not exactly end of the world material if you were Ryan Atwood but for Seth, for the boy that had never known what it was like to lose someone he loved, Ryan knew this had the potential to be life-altering.  His bouncing back from this to be the same un-jaded kid Ryan so needed in his life was critical, to them both, and he had no intention of losing the Seth he treasured.

"Get some sleep.  It'll feel better tomorrow."

Seth closed his eyes in agreement then popped them open to see Ryan continuing to stare down at him.

"Will it?" he whispered.

Ryan smiled.  "No, but it won't hurt quite as bad."

Seth nodded.  He could handle that, anything not hurting as bad as it did now was a good thing.  He pushed his head into the pillow, glad when the light suddenly disappeared from the room.  Ryan was moving somewhere at the foot of the bed, probably getting back to watching TV or whatever other thing he had been doing when Seth rudely destroyed his evening.

An angry seed of guilt churned in his stomach and he was about to sit up and apologize for being once again blind to whatever it was Ryan needed from their relationship when the bed shifted and he froze.  The soft click he heard next was surely the television disappearing into darkness; the muffled movement was definitely Ryan slithering into place behind him.

As if the emotions of the evening weren't enough for the tortured boy, now he felt shame at feeling guilty over feeling sad that he was angry—he didn't know why Ryan put up with him.  His body convulsed as a repressed sob pushed its way upwards.  His shoulders shaking as the volcano of despair erupted from within, hot tears of lava dripping down his face.

In the darkened room, with only the light from the main house bouncing off the glass, Ryan stared at the quaking back of the boy beside him.  The ability to smooth things over, to ease fears by averting the focus—these were things Ryan was good at.  Offering comfort to someone who found themselves standing at the precipice of their world wasn't something he knew how to do.  Watching Seth cry, he felt his heart constrict just a little tighter as he did the only thing he could think of—he reached out and touched him.

The hand lying flat against his back, the instant heat of emotional contact sparking through his shirt, Seth stiffened beneath the gesture, then instinctively relaxed into it.  The maelstrom of misunderstanding spinning within him was suddenly calmed, the need to wallow in what was obviously a situation he had no control over taken away as he felt the soothing touch of his savior tying him to this reality.

Seth snaked his left hand up over his right, reaching around his body to seek out Ryan's fingers.  He found them lying where he suspected against his shoulder and latched onto them, pulling the hand within his grasp as he moved just slightly backwards on the bed.  His breath caught as he wondered if this was totally inappropriate, if he wasn't misreading all the signs that told him this was what they both wanted, when he felt the shift of Ryan's body towards his and lost it.

His body quivering like a leaf tossed about in the wildest California rain storm, Seth cried until his body was drained of tears then pulled on his deepest reserve and cried some more.  And Ryan held him.  All night, as the moon moved across the sky and the sun eventually crept its way back into their world, Ryan cradled the weeping child in his arms.

When Seth finally awoke to daylight painting the glass-enclosed room, Ryan was still behind him, arm wrapped securely around his middle, and through the tears dried on his cheeks, he smiled as he realized they had just hit on another first.

TBC...