Hello. Of course, I want to apologise. That's all I ever bloody well do nowadays… I am very sorry. I know nine months is too long by anyone's standard. But the truth is, this is what life is like now. For those of you who are familiar with the English school system, you'll know what A-levels are, and I'm doing them. And they are ruddy time consuming. So yes. The thing to remember is that it may be months but I haven't forgotten. And if you're desperate, email me and I'm highly likely to collapse into a stressed heap at your feet and send you everything I've done and plead for your opinion. Some of you know this… see the dedication later…

TO ANY OF MY REVIEWERS WHO ARE STILL OUT THERE: Of course, I love you all. No really. Thanks to Phil, Darja Ikica,darkmoon204, CooliWooliWoman, JayJayde, Knight of the Eternal Darkness (-narrows eyes- you're brother wants my number? Hmm.), fish stix satay, Redwren, Rad (hello! -waves happily- -is met by stony silence- as always, you cheered me up. Love ya.), FetishFemale (hmm, forgive you for quoting Paris Hilton? I dunno…) Lou, Alice Lee Winkerfish, IwuvMyKenhsyPoo, athleticsrulz, Bananaz the Sugar Monkey, The Woods Witch, Sikon-angel32, Kyia Star, Wolfrat, maximusd, Kryah, Citcat299, Slyfull, thorney, Sweetdeath04, Tie Kerl, artemis347, Kiwi9, Cyberspace, The Serendipitous Oracle (and you say I am the insane one…), cookie monster, Mr. Nozzers, Serenity Blue (well, I waited in the rain for hours with the bloody tray on my head, and you know what? Nothing! Though I did get some nice ideas for Holly storming off into a torrential downpour…), Ever1 (I expect you've already figured this out, but an RP is a role play. I don't really understand them. So far, they seem to range from hugely confusing, annoying and frustrating multiplayer games which everything is played by them saying 'you are in a market' and then 'this person walks by you' and as far as I can tell, there's nothing you can do but sit and watch it tell you there are people walking past… (this got me into a huge fight with the friend who suggested it to me). Then the other side is when you take the role of a character, and lots of you do it, and you go through a scenario, kind of improvising as the characters… stay away, in other words.), Ryu-Gi, Amy Shadows, BeatlesLover, Holly Rox, Neutrino, Jenny, Laughing Dragoness, Pendragon4, wolfrat, IrethAncalime3791 and last but not least TinkerBell394587. Bloody hell that was a lot of names. 45 in all. Blimey. And I am well aware I've probably lost most of you now.

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Ok, a couple of things. Firstly, I know some of you out there love your H/T, but this is non-pairing. In this chapter you see them together a lot, but as friends. Just to point that out. And secondly, this chapter is dedicated primarily to a girl I think is known on fanfic as Wally, but anyway… she saved this chapter. She actually did. She emailed me to nag, and I ended up getting the poor girl to be bounced ideas off… so yes, this is all entirely her. Part of it is a slightly edited paragraph that she wrote. So yeah. Kind of my co-author in a way. And also dedicated to The Oracle, cos she also helped with brainstorming.

Well, finally, here it is… And its actually the longest chapter I think I've ever written.

---------------

Root and Foaly were both ready and waiting to greet her at the door to Police Plaza the next morning. Evidently they were taking no chances. Each grabbing an arm, they frog-marched Holly to Ops in record time, through suspiciously empty corridors. The captain resisted the urge to roll her eyes.

"Oh, come on, guys, it's just a bit of jealousy, I haven't suddenly turned into the green-eyed monster!" She removed her helmet as if to prove that she hadn't sprouted extra teeth over night.

Foaly took one look at her, then snorted. "Green-eyed monster, eh?" He smirked. "Well, see for yourself."

Holly snatched the mirror irritably, took a moment to regard her new decidedly green tinge, before hurling it across the room, where its shatter-resistant polymer held fast and made an unsatisfying 'thump'. The elf scowled. There had been a time when one could smash a mirror and it would bloody well smash.

"Ha ha, Foaly, ha ha. Watch me laugh, watch the tears run down my cheeks at your genial wit."

The centaur made a face, which he was lucky Holly didn't see, at Root.

"And there was me thinking wrath was after lust…"

Holly's head snapped round. "Just don't, OK? I'm really not in the mood, Foaly. I have the hangover from hell, my apartment smells like something unspeakable and I had about seventeen people stop me in the street this morning asking me if I actually got off with you…" She paused to glare at her commander. "…last night. I don't even want to know what happened after I broke into your office, and certainly not what happened after, I assume, you decided to take me home. I'm perfectly happy to leave it in the black depths of drunken memory. So just don't start."

Both men raised their eyebrows once she had safely averted her gaze. They didn't start. Foaly handed her the contact lenses without a word. As an after-thought he passed her a pack of aspirin and a bottle of water as well.

Holly gulped down about six of the small white pills. "Thanks." she muttered quietly, rubbing her forehead.

With the air of one crossing a particularly frayed and rotted rope bridge across an unfathomably deep chasm, probably with very hungry crocodiles and other such welcoming creatures at the bottom, Root cleared his throat.

"We may have a, er, a slight problem." He pulled himself together and tried to remind himself that he was bigger than her. Though he strongly suspected when it came down to it, that would hardly matter. He took a deep breath. "It's Trouble Kelp. I think he's beginning to smell a rat."

Some of the colour drained from Holly's face as she smoothed the latex onto her cheekbones. "How can you be sure?" she asked, keeping her voice steady.

Root looked uncomfortable. "He came to see me last night, when I got back from taking you home. Not much gets past the kid, unfortunately, and he's noticed a change in Holly over the last few days." He looked to the captain. "He's worried about you."

Holly rolled her eyes hopelessly. "Oh, if only he knew…"

Foaly chuckled gently.

Root launched himself back into the increasingly treacherous flow. "For now, I've managed to put him off, but he's a sharp fairy and sooner or later he's going to figure this out for himself. And Frond only knows what'll happen when he does."

Foaly, safe in the knowledge that he had a very large arsenal of technical wizardry at his disposal to use in the event of a Holly-explosion, resisted the urge to grin wickedly.

"How exactly did you put him off, Commander? I'm sure Holly would like to know so she can play along accordingly."

The muscles in the elf's neck tightened and he gritted his teeth. That fool of a pony. Why did he have to go out of his way to provoke people, especially dangerous people like the captain?

"Oh, it was nothing of importance, just a – "

Holly had picked up on his nervousness. "How?" she demanded.

"Er…" Root laughed uneasily. "Well, you know, I may have mentioned certain," He braced himself. "Er, female tendencies to, er, behave slightly oddly due to the, er, hormonal imbalance that occurs once a mo – "

Holly stared at him in disbelief. "You did what? You told him I'm acting like a complete nut case because of hormones?" She threw up her hands in a gesture of despair. "Good gods, I don't know why the female species even bothers sometimes!" She shook her head. "Hormones! You just don't get it do you?" She cradled her aching skull in her hands.

Root gave Foaly the Glare-to-End-all-Glares, and swallowed slightly.

"I'm afraid there's more. On any other day you could just avoid Kelp and we'd probably get away with it. But not today. There's been a situation above ground, nothing too major, but a little tricky tactically and due to this, the council have ordered a meeting with Recon and Retrieval captains and their superiors. Which means – "

" – I'll be sitting next to him." completed Holly dully, her forehead sinking further until it touched her knees. "Well, that's just great, isn't it? Wonderful. Fantastic. Brilliant. Please excuse me, I'm just going to go to my cubicle and hang myself." She took a deep breath. "What time's the briefing?"

Root sighed. "In an hour. We should really go o – "

"Then I'll see you there in an hour." interrupted the captain, getting up a little too fast from the chair. Clutching her head, she stalked (well, as much as one with a sucker of a hangover can stalk) from the room, slamming the door as quietly as possible behind her.

Foaly bit his lip, worry for his friend filling his mind. This curse was really taking it out of her, both mentally and physically. He even momentarily regretted his attempts to wind her up, though luckily the thought soon passed. With a sigh he turned back to his computers.

---------------

The meeting was, for lack of a better word, excruciating. Thinking was entirely divided and it soon deteriorated into a grim battle of conflicting opinions. The conflicting opinions in question, that is, being Holly's common sense and her newfound resentment of anyone and everyone who looked to be having a vaguely better time than she was. Or a newer uniform. Or a better view. Or a nicer chair. Or a hotter cup of coffee.

Having run out tiny black spots to count in the marble table-top, Holly was gradually working herself into a state of quiet lunacy over the unfairness of life in general, specifically the outrageous fashion in which the council insisted upon heaping all these ridiculous privileges on the commander. His own, huge, office, own secretary, stratospherically higher pay packet, ability to boss everyone else around…

Captain Kelp, who had only just made it the briefing on time, glanced at her hand, which was lying on the table next to him. The fingers were tapping the surface in a way that clearly represented suppressed anger and annoyance. He risked a peek at her face and saw her clenched jaw and the dangerous gleam in her eyes.

With a quick look to check no one was paying them any attention he snatched her hand from its activity, pulling it out of sight.

"What the hell is wrong with you, Short?" he muttered out of the corner of his mouth, still restraining her wrist. "You'd better not be about to make a fool of yourself here."

Holly was pulled back momentarily to sanity. She yanked her arm away, sitting firmly on the hand. "Nothing's wrong with me!" she hissed back. "Just mind your own business, will you?"

She immediately regretted this, but it was too late. With barely a flicker, he turned away to concentrate on the meeting. She just hoped he wouldn't take it personally. It was just this damn curse, setting her constantly on edge.

Her eyes fell on Root and narrowed as they took him in. Oh, yes, it was all right for him. He didn't have to deal with rampant hexes. All he had to do was sit in his office all day and shout at people. Her lip curled. Whereas her job, oh no. Running around after criminals all day, and did she get any thanks? Any respect? Hell no! Whereas the commander…

Blissfully unaware of the simmering resentment building in Captain Short's slight frame, the commander had at last reached the end of the meeting. He stared around the assembled roomful of captains, majors and lieutenants, most of whom were exhibiting various stages of coma produced by extreme boredom. He sighed, then rubbed his hands together in a businesslike fashion, wondering if any of them had taken in what he had just said. "As well as those allocated specific roles in the operation, I want the rest of you on standby in case of… complications." There was a general murmur of assent. "Right. Any questions?"

There was a barely audible snort from somewhere at the back of the room. "Er, yeah, why are you such a bastard?" someone muttered.

The ulcer in Root's stomach began to bubble gently, but he gritted his teeth and ignored the remark. Of course he knew who it was. The little fool was setting herself up for exposure on a grand scale once again. He hastily covered up the deathly silence that had fallen by clearing his throat.

"Well then, that's that sorted. Newt, Kelp and Kelp's squad, report to Foaly as soon as you're prepped for a surface shot. Good luck, men." He strode briskly from the room, careful not to look at Holly in case she went off on one.

---

As she was getting up to leave, Trouble grabbed Captain Short's arm, steering her firmly to a quiet corner of the emptying space. Holly avoided his gaze by concentrating on her shoes. Kelp waited for the last of the officers to leave, then shut the door behind them.

Holly swallowed nervously. This was not good.

Captain Kelp sat in a chair opposite her so as to intercept her line of sight. "Holly." he said quietly, examining her face closely. "What's going on?"

The elf tried to appear confused. "Nothing!" she said brightly, trying to inject as much confidence into the word as possible. "I don't know what you mean."

Trouble gave her a Look. "Bullshit." he told her sternly. "These last few days you've been all over the place. Not yourself at all. Come on, Holly. I'm your friend. If you're having problems, you should tell someone about them. You know you can trust me, don't you?"

With a sigh Holly sat down next to him and patted his hand awkwardly. "I know, Trouble. I do, honest. But I'm fine, really. I'm just having a Frond-awful week and I'll be as good as new in a few days."

He looked sceptical. "You sure about that?"

Holly pulled her mouth into a smile. "Yeah. Don't you worry about me. And hey, good luck on the mission. Don't do anything I wouldn't." She winked at him conspiratorially.

Trouble gave her a playful shove. "Ha! Since when should I follow your example?"

Holly's mouth opened in mock astonishment and she whacked the back of his head with the flat of her palm.

"Cheek!" she muttered, then chuckled. "No, you're right. Come on, there's a city full of criminals out there waiting for us." She got wearily to her feet, squashing the niggling thoughts at the back of her mind that Kelp got treated better than her and was being given unfair privileges. Now was most certainly not the time.

---------------

The day was passing at an arthritic snail's pace. Holly had been barely able to concentrate on the mountain of paper work, she was so busy wishing she was anyone but herself – Commander Root, Foaly, Trouble, Vein, Vinyàyà and in one fleeting moment of utter madness, Chix Verbil. Holly almost shuddered at the memory. Had she really been that desperate?

With a sigh Holly realised she had to get out of the office. Its four bland, cheerless walls were only serving to remind her of the medals she didn't have to display on them, their overly close proximity sneering at her, when meanwhile, someone like Root hogged acres of office space in an overcrowded city where land was more expensive than all the gold and jewels under the earth.

Muttering under her breath, the elf glanced at the projection of the digital clock on the wall. Squashing the thought that the LEP cared so little about her that they had installed light to tell her the time rather than an actual piece of hardware, the idea entered her head to go and see Trouble off. Foaly's briefings had an average length of ten minutes, though if he was feeling particularly… helpful, they could go on for upwards of an hour. However, with the curse lurking at the forefront of his mind, Holly doubted today would be one of those days. Include the fact that it took around forty five minutes to prep and arm an entire retrieval team, and Captain Kelp should be just leaving for his shuttle now.

Showing a sudden application of willpower, Holly rocketed from her chair, slamming the door to her office behind her and sprinting off towards the shuttle bay.

Unbeknownst to her, the curse sat back and surveyed the thought it had created, or would have sat back, had it been a physical entity. It's best yet, it decided. So convincingly Holly-like that even Holly herself had assumed it to be her own. It would have grinned if it could, and had it had teeth it would have exposed them all. Right into the little trap.

---------------

Commander Root froze as he felt the unmistakable shape of a gun barrel press into the small of his back. Flashes from his training days appeared before his eyes unbidden – specifically, he remembered the chief medic telling them what happened when someone shot you in the lower back. Immediate paralysis from the waist down if you were lucky, your entire digestive tract blasted out the other side if you weren't. Root swallowed. What a horrible thing memory could be.

And as the assailant spoke, Root realised immediately what was going on.

"Commander? So sorry to interrupt, but could I have a word with you?" The voice paused and the pressure inflicted by the metal increased. "In private?"

Root swallowed. "Of course, Captain Short. Just give me a moment to finish this conversation with…" He flailed around, trying to remember the name of the hapless secretary who he'd caught yakking on the phone to her boyfriend.

The secretary, blessed with only a scant few brain cells, had failed to notice the tension now present in every muscle in the elf's body, the fixed smile on the face of the pretty, red haired captain and the strange way she stood behind and to the side of the commander. She swallowed.

"Richards, sir, Dawn Richards."

Root cursed her silently for her stupidity, deciding to fire her immediately should he ever get the chance. "Right, with Richards. Could you wait in my office, Short, I'll be with you in two minutes."

"No, no, Commander, this is urgent. I need to speak to you about it right now." The gun pressed yet harder and Root's heart began to beat more quickly.

"Well, if you're sure." He widened his eyes and stared straight at the secretary in a way he hoped was meaningful but she just took an unconscious step back, completely missing the message in his eyes.

"We'll talk about this later, Richards. Dismissed." Root growled, trying to stay calm.

As soon as she had rounded the corner and was out of sight, Holly lent in close and the commander felt her breath tickle his ear.

"Good boy, Julius." she whispered, so quietly he had to strain to hear, despite her closeness. "Now, let's go for a little walk to your office, shall we? Try anything like that stunt you just pulled with the bimbo and you can say goodbye to your innards. Got it?"

He nodded dumbly, mind scrabbling around for a way out, but could find none. This was one of the few things the Academy didn't train you for. You didn't get many officers who fell out of their trees and tried to kidnap their commanders.

They made their way down the corridor, the weapon Holly had stolen from Trouble hidden by Root's own body. Digits fumbling, he keyed in his access code and the door to the office opened calmly with its customary pneumatic hiss. Under the circumstances it was strangely comforting.

As the door slammed behind them, Holly gestured for him to sit in his chair before she herself perched on the edge of the desk, feet swinging in an ironically carefree fashion.

"So, Julius. Let's have a little talk shall we." She smiled, but there was no warmth, no mirth in it. So different from her usual smile. "Because, well, I've been doing a lot of thinking lately and it seems to me that you, Commander Root, are being treated rather better than any of the rest of us."

Root said nothing. Of course he was treated better than the rest of them. He was their superior. It was part of the definition.

"Why is that, do you think?" Holly continued, apparently unaware of the lack of input to the conversation. She laughed. "Are you sleeping with one of the council, perhaps? Vinyáyá maybe? Or what about Lope, you've always been close to Lope." Still no reply. The smile vanished. "Don't toy with me, Julius. I'm not in the mood. You've got it pretty easy, you know. We never see you running around after criminals, clambering through sewage, being half mauled by trolls." She paused and a brief, perhaps genuine, smile flitted across her features. "Except for that one time, of course. That Mulch Diggums and his devious ways of making money at other people's expense…"

Her expression changed in the blink of an eye and she returned to glaring disdainfully at him. "Not that you were much help in the end. Fowl was the one who actually did it, not you. And what did you do? You mindwiped him, despite my protests, and why, Julius, why? Because he succeeded where you failed? Or because it was me protesting? You've never treated me fairly, never treated me with the respect I deserve. Even now, I can see it in the way you're looking at me. The way your lip curls just a little bit. The way your jaw is clenched in that stubborn manner. Because you won't listen to what I have to say. Oh, you'll hear it alright. Any old sod can hear something. But you could never listen to me, could you Julius? My opinions have never meant anything to you." She scoffed. "Not like that Trouble Kelp, oh no. Not like your golden boy." She grinned evilly. "Are you sleeping with him too, then?" She shrugged. "Hey, I wouldn't blame you, he's not half bad looking, if you're into the whole tough muscle thing." She giggled, a high, unnatural sound. "What, are you not going to say anything to defend yourself?"

Root cleared his throat slowly, as if carefully choosing his words. "Actually, there is one thing I would like to know. I would like to know when this pointless and, quite frankly, boring monologue of yours is going to end. If you're going to shoot me, could you get on with it please, because I have better things I could be doing."

Captain Short's face convulsed with rage and the commander wandered if he'd been wise in his gamble. He didn't have much time to think about it.

"You see!" Holly screeched, fury radiating from every pore. "This is what I'm talking about! This complete and utter disregard for my opinions because you're so much better than me? Well, you know what, Commander? I'm worth ten of you, I'm worth a thousand of you! I'm worth more to you than any of those other layabouts out there." Her lip curled in disgust. "Frond knows, I've saved your wretched life enough times for gratitude. Remember the train, Julius? Remember the avalanche? If it hadn't been for me, you'd be so much frozen corpse by now. And that time you jetted your last piton, because you were too lazy to reel it in? I had to save you then too. And did you ever thank me?" Holly bit her lip and turned her face away, rebellious tears beginning to well up in her eyes. "I tried so hard for you Julius, so hard and you never acknowledged my efforts. Every good thing I did was met with criticism for a minor bad thing."

The tears were beginning to run freely down her cheeks now, and Root suddenly saw a sparkle of hope. She was fast losing her control.

"I can't do anything right for you, can I? I could go to the ends of the earth and back, walk over knife edges until my feet are beyond healing and it still wouldn't be enough for you!" She waved the gun around expressively before throwing it down miserably onto the desk. "What do I have to do, Julius, what do I have to do?"

"Well, you could shut up and stop whinging like a four-year-old for a start." he muttered, but before Holly had the chance to register and respond to this remark he had pushed the chair out from under him and had lunged for the discarded firearm lying on the pile of his own unfinished mission reports.

Holly's eyes widened as she realised what he was trying to do and almost without thinking she grabbed his arm, fingers digging into the skin, heading for the tendons that would disable his grip long enough for her to snatch the weapon.

But Root was one step ahead. With his free hand, he had seized hold of her ankle and tugged hard, sending her flying from her seat and tumbling to the floor.

Fortunately for the commander, all the training in the world couldn't have prepared Holly for this to happen and when she tried to attempt a recovery, he had sat down heavily on her legs, pinned her free arm behind her back and pressed the gun to the back of her head. Captain Short immediately fell still as the feel of cold steel against her scalp finally brought her back to reality.

Meanwhile, Commander Root had taken to opportunity to vocally activate his communication line to the LEP's top technical consultant.

"Foaly? It's Root. I need you down here now. Make it fast and make it subtle. And bring a firearm."

The line clicked off before the centaur had a chance to respond. Holly twisted her head round so that she could just see the commander with her right eye.

"Commander Root? You can let me go, I'm… normal again."

Root snorted and shook his head, shifting slightly to be more comfortable and causing new areas of Holly's legs to go numb. "Oh no. I don't think so. Not until I have backup in the room. Much as I would love to trust you Holly, I just can't take the risk until Foaly's here."

Holly rested her head against the floor. "I can't blame you I suppose. For what it's worth, sir… I'm sorry for kidnapping you.

Root chuckled. "Now there's something I never expected one my officers to say to me."

Despite the growing pain in her limbs, Captain Short smiled gently.

The door suddenly flew open and a red faced centaur galloped into the room, neutrino hanging unnaturally from his fingers. He skidded to a halt and cast his gaze around the room before he finally spotted the top of Root's head behind the desk, and closing the door behind him, clopped around to see what was going on.

"Why are you on the floo –" he began but stopped when he saw the gun. "Ah. Let me guess. Holly's jealousy got the better of her and she decided to take you hostage?"

Holly nodded miserably. Foaly had to suppress a cackle.

"Are you planning to let her go, Commander? It's just I would imagine she's in a good deal of discomfort."

Cautiously Root released her arm, standing up slowly, weapon still pointed at the captain's head. Holly immediately sat up and began rubbing her calves and thighs furiously, trying to force blood to flow back into them. Throughout the activity her eyes were locked onto the commander's own. There was something about being held at gun point that encouraged you to hold the gaze of your captor.

The commander settled back into his chair with a false ease. "Alright. Captain Short, Foaly recently discovered a way to switch the minds of two fairies so that they each occupy the other's body. Chix Verbil has volunteered and is willing to swap with you. He can fly, is cleared for active duty and gets more respect than you simply because he's male. Are you up for it?"

Holly stared at him. "What? Swap with… No! Hell no! Chix Verbil? I don't care if he's male, he's a waster! I work ten times harder than him, you know I get more respect. I –"

Grinning, Foaly held up a hand to stop her. "Calm down, Holly. It was just a test, which, may I say, you passed spectacularly. I think you can put the gun down now, Commander."

With a sigh the elder elf lowered the weapon, flicking on the safety catch and punching in a code that allowed the power cell to drop into his open palm. He handed both to Foaly as Holly climbed shakily to her feet, wincing at various muscular complaints.

He was about to open his mouth to say something when the door burst open and a panicking sprite fell into the room.

"Commander Root!" he gasped, clutching his sides. "The coffee machine up on the sixteenth floor has gone berserk! It's caused a boiling hot flood and is releasing some kind of gas that makes anyone near it pass out!" He paused to reinflate his lungs. "And none of the technicians will do anything until 'The King' gets there!"

Root closed his eyes for a second while he processed this information. "The king?" he said finally.

"No, no, sir, it's The King, with a capital K. They were very specific about that. I don't know who that is though, sir, they wouldn't tell me. I assumed it must be you."

Root turned to glare at Foaly. "Have you been brainwashing your underlings again, Donkey boy? Don't you remember the budget slash we had to make last time to pay for their mental readjustment?"

The centaur laughed nervously. "I'm sure it's all just a misunderstanding, Commander. Don't worry about it, I'll go and fix it right away." He looked over at Holly. "C'mon, Short, I could use some dumb muscle up there. Let's go."

Trying to hide her relief, Holly followed him from the room, leaving Root alone in his chair. As the door swung slowly shut behind the small party he leaned forwards, forehead resting against his knees and breathed a huge sigh of relief. He didn't care how rare it was, there would have to be a new training course created for situations such as these. He suddenly sat up, grinning wickedly. And he knew just the elf to run it…

---------------

Lili Frond swayed her hips as she strode down the corridor, tray of coffee cups held in her beautifully manicured hands. She smirked, perfectly aware of the way her blonde curls bounced softly as she walked, like little waves of pure gold. She flashed a dazzling smile at the short little gnome behind the reception desk as she handed him his coffee, leaning over just enough to display a tantalising glimpse of cleavage without appearing too slutty.

She continued onwards, stopping at offices on either side to deliver her goods, and completely failing to notice the red head following a few metres behind her.

She came to a halt again at the communal seating area where Trouble Kelp was slumped over two chairs, eyes closed, stained jumpsuit hanging off his limp limbs.

With a falsely caring smile, Lili set her tray down on the central table and leaned down towards the unconscious elf. "Trouble!" she whispered. "Trouble, wake up! I brought you coffee! It's black, no sugar with a shot of cinnamon, just the way you like it." There was no response. Lili's hand reached down, touching his cheek in a way that was suspiciously close to being described as a caress.

Suddenly Holly appeared at her side.

"You know, Corporal Frond," she hissed, malevolence exuding from every pore. "Whispering to him really isn't going to wake him up. What you need to do is this," She paused long enough to fill her lungs and Lili took a cautionary step backwards. "KELP! WAKE UP YOU LAYABOUT, COFFEE'S HERE."

Trouble jerked immediately into alertness. His eyes spun wildly for a moment as he waited for his brain to provide sufficient information to make sense of the situation.

He was unseen however, as Lili had rounded on Captain Short. "Look, what is you're problem, Holly?"

The recon officer's lip curled. "Oh, give me a break Lili, as if you don't know! Gods, you're so obvious!"

Lili's eyebrows rocketed up to meet her hairline. "Excuse me?"

The attention of the rest of the room's occupants had been caught now. A silence had fallen and all faces were turned towards the two females in the centre of it.

"Just for once, don't play dumb. The way you throw yourself at him," She gestured angrily at Trouble who was trying to blend in with the scenery and failing miserably. "Always leaning over him, showing off your fantastic breasts, or your shapely legs or your," She spat. "Beautiful blonde curls. Get over yourself. You are not his type."

"Er, and what, exactly, is it to you? Since when do you know what his type is?"

"Well, it would take an idiot to miss that he's not interested in you, Frond. Oh, but that's right, you are an idiot, aren't you?"

The corporal's lip curled. "Take that back, bitch."

Chix Verbil had suddenly appeared at the doorway and evidently couldn't believe his luck. He turned back into the corridor long enough to yell "Catfight!" before sidling over.

Holly leered openly at her, the curse stripping away her self control and making her brazen. "Make me, slut."

Lili gasped. "Did you just call me a slut?"

She pretended to think about it. "Erm, let me see, that would have to be a yes."

This was evidently one insult too far and before Holly could take a breath, Lili's fist had connected solidly with her cheekbone. One hand to her face, Holly started to shake her head.

"I cannot believe you just did that." She lashed out, catching the girl square on the jaw and sending her pin-wheeling across the room.

Suddenly there were a lot of people in the space. Just as Holly was moving in for a second go, she was seized from behind and Trouble's voice sounded in her ear.

"I don't know what in Frond's name is wrong with you, Short, but if you want to keep your reputation, let alone your job, then you stop this now."

Holly wrenched an arm free, the movement spinning her round to face him. For a few seconds they both froze, her eyes darting backwards and forwards across his face. Placing both palms flat on his chest she pushed herself free, before breaking into a run.

Gritting his teeth, Trouble let her go. He was almost immediately confronted by an irate Chix Verbil.

"What did you do that for?" demanded the sprite. "It was just getting good! They were about to start ripping each others clothes off!"

Captain Kelp stared at him in disgust. "Oh grow up, Verbil." he snapped.

---

Haven city at night was quite a picture. The thousands of coloured lights cast an ethereal glow on the rocky ceiling of the huge cavern, illuminating the many stalactites and glittering off the crystal formations that covered the surface. In the distance, it was just possible to see where the natural cavern ended and the city continued into the solid rocks. It was even possible to forget the huge, ugly sun strips lurking up there somewhere.

Holly was sat, knees hugged tightly to her chest, on the edge of the roof, staring out at the scene below her, as if hypnotised. Joints creaking slightly, Root lowered himself down next to her.

"Foaly said I'd find you here. Apparently it's still within the threshold of the building." He held out a tube of latex. "He asked me to give you this. You're a bit green on your left cheek from where it got rubbed off on the carpet in my office."

Holly took it without a word, wincing as she applied pressure to her bruised face. Seeing her expression, Root brushed her fingers away and pressed his own to the injury for a few seconds, sparks of magic quickly mending burst capillaries.

"Thanks." Holly muttered, staring at her feet.

The commander settled into a more comfortable position. "Want to talk about it?"

She blushed. "Look, about the thing with Lili…"

"It's alright. I know you don't consider Captain Kelp to be anything more than a friend. It was the curse entirely."

She nodded consent then sighed. "I hate this. The way it hijacks who I am. It wouldn't be so bad if I could still think like myself, if it only took over my body and not my mind."

Root grimaced. "I know. But try to hang in there. Four down, three to go, eh?" Holly's head sank further, if possible. "Hey, hey, stop it, come on. We have to be positive about this. Hey, look at me," She did. "You're doing well. I know I give you a hard time, but I have to, Holly. Now come on. Stop being such a girl and get back down there. Foaly wants you in Ops for the last half hour."

Deciding to let the girl comment slide, and with one final glance at the cityscape, Captain Short climbed to her feet and followed him through the door.

---------------

Too long, huh? Oh well. There it is. Hope it wasn't too terrible. As I'm sure lots of you have realised, lust is next. Woohoo! So hopefully, hopefully it should be a bit easier flowing than this one. And I should point out that catfight at the end is based heavily on the catfight between Caroline and Angela over the alleged theft of Angela's knickers in Green Wing… I swear to any deity you chose, that program is the funniest, most genius creation in the world.

There is, as usual now it would seem, a deleted scene, but it really is shit. It's more an extended version of the briefing and afterwards. If you want it, email. Though to warn you, ff.n deletes email addresses after the '' if you post it in the actual text bit of the review.

And does anyone know what the hell they've done with our stars? This is really bothering me now.

slime xxxx