Only A Reflection Away
Chapter 7
As he gazed down reflectively into the serene lake, the wolf demon set off a chain of ripples within the water as he cupped his palms and splashed the translucent liquid over his face, savoring the feeling of its coolness as it trickled down the side of his face. Kouga had always taken care to cleanse himself after any bloody hunt, being that appearances were important within his clan, and he had never looked upon being unkempt too kindly. But now that Kagome was here, he had to take extra precautions to appear his best in front of her. At the mere thought of her, Kouga was filled with warmth intense enough to numb him from the icy water dripping from his cheeks.
But the dawdling warmth fled his body as he remembered frantically trying to awaken Kagome, fearing that it was already too late. He felt a swift chill course through his body at recalling the way that he had held Kagome's cold, nearly lifeless body tightly in his arms.
He thought that she was...
That she might have been...
The wolf demon rose to his feet, scowling angrily at the memory. It occurred to him at that very moment that he had never truly gotten a chance to tell Kagome how he felt about her. And what also occurred to him was that he would not let that fear strike him again. Kagome was not going to get away from this time without knowing the truth.
The damn mutt had stolen far more precious time from him that the wolf demon had initially imagined. Kouga's scowl deepened further, furious at the hanyou's negligence to protect Kagome. Where the hell was he when Kagome was lying there, on the brink of death? He had not protected Kagome, so now he would have to suffer the consequences. For Kagome was not going back with Inuyasha without a fight. Kouga wasn't sure when the hanyou would be paying him a visit, but he gathered that it would be soon, given the period of time in which Kagome had been gone.
It was obvious that something had happened between Inuyasha and Kagome, and it was bad enough to force her to wander aimlessly through the forest at night alone. It had to be serious, that was for certain. Of course, Kouga had the decency not to pry into Kagome's personal affairs, and until she was readily willing to tell him, he would not pry. His curiosity would just have to wait, though he honestly didn't mind. If it meant that she would stay with him for a second longer, Kagome could take as long as she wanted to tell him the truth.
Kouga's scowl melted away in a manner similar to that of ice thawing. He couldn't wait any longer, the wolf decided. He was well aware that his guards were on duty; Ginta would see to that, for Kouga had left him in charge for the night.
The ookami moved with the swiftness that had once allowed him to capture her during their first encounter. Things had, he acknowledged with a weak smile, been different then. His priorities had been vastly different. But he had changed, and perhaps it was for better.
And perhaps the most surprising thing of all was that he welcomed the change with open arms. Before, it had always been grudgingly that he had changed any tiny detail of his demeanor for the better of the pack. But this, this was not the same. He had found a purpose to life, and it had presumably been noticeable, in the way that he now acted towards his fellow warriors. He had always treated them with respect, of course, but his demeanor was no longer cold, and his outlook towards life filled him with warmth he had never realized existed.
During the hunt for food, he had been distracted with his heart's bombardment of Kagome's image in his mind. Too lovesick to have been able to focus clearly, Kouga took his fill of food when the hunt was over, saved a portion for Kagome, and assigned guards to his regular post, having left immediately to return to his home. And to return to Kagome. He had taken cloth and tenderly wrapped the food within its soft fabric for her.
If that wasn't a sign of love, what was?
With that last thought fleeing from his mind as soon as his den came into view, Kouga was relieved to find Kagome exactly where he left her. His lips automatically curved into a smile as he stepped into his den, holding the bundle of food out to her proudly.
"Kagome, I brought back food for you," he spoke softly, placing the cloth beside her, his smile widening in expectation of her delight. But the playfulness faded from his countenance at her solemnity. Something was troubling her deeply, and his heart clenched in anticipation of bad news."What is it, Kagome? What's wrong?" he forced himself to ask her. His tone had lost its gentleness, and was instead rough with anxiety.
It was the absence of her usual cheerfulness that had been the first indicator of trouble, but it was the sadness in her eyes that made him weak with fear.
"Kouga, thank you for everything you've done for me..." Kagome began suddenly, not even bothering to look up. "You saved my life and took care of me. But I have to return..."
"...To Inuyasha," he finished, unable to hide the jealously and heartache in his tone.
She nodded. "...I'm sorry."
Kouga didn't move. "Are you?" he asked, hating himself for even saying that. She seemed startled by the question, and her body flinched with hurt at his statement, but she gave no other indication of response. "Do you really want to see him that badly?" the wolf demon questioned, though it was more of a thought directed to himself aloud rather than to her.
"I can't stay here, Kouga," Kagome spoke quietly, not answering either question. Twisting a searing dagger into his heart couldn't have cut him more deeply than that statement.
Was it that she couldn't? Or that she wouldn't?
Silence. There was no longer any choice. He had to let her go.
"You're not a captive, Kagome." He paused a moment, a mournfully nostalgic smile touching the sad corners of his eyes. "Not this time, anyway. You are free to return to him anytime you want, if my presence truly repulses you so."
With a heart filled with lead, he turned his back on her, eyes cloudy as he moved towards his den. And yet, something warm clasped onto his hand, halting him instantly.
"Wait, Kouga..." Kagome whispered from behind him. He tensed with concern, for she was standing up, and from the way that her hand was moving unsteadily, her strength was fading again. But something told him to stay put.
His heart raced the moment he realized that it was Kagome's hand that was gently forcing him to stand still. He remained there with his back to her, though it became increasingly harder to control his breathing.
"It's not what you think, Kouga..." Kagome said softly, her grip seeming almost to tighten with every word that she spoke. "It's just...I'm worried about my friends. I've been gone a long time, you see. And they're probably afraid that something happened to me. I was only going to try and find them so that I could explain my delayed return. That's all."
He couldn't help but scowl. "And the mutt?"
"I'm sure Inuyasha's worried too. He's not as insensitive as you make him out to be, Kouga. He's my friend, and being concerned about each other is nothing unusual."
The mood suddenly froze, chilled with the heavy labor of dark truth. The ookami paused softly before he spoke once more.
"Would you have returned?" He was surprised at the calmness of his own voice.
Her reply was hesitant but firm. "Yes."
His heart almost burst with joy. Taking a deep breath, his tone lowered as he spoke again. "Then will you stay here with me?"
This time, there was no reply. Kagome remained silent.
He turned around. Gazing intensely into her eyes, his piercing eyes tried to decipher the glow of unshed tears threatening to spill. He knew that she still retained feelings, possibly of love, for Inuyasha. That was a taboo subject for now. But things had changed with everything had happened. There was no taking back what had been said, or what would be done in the future. He had been amazingly patient, but Kouga found that he could no longer wait to find out what would unfold next. He needed an answer, whether verbal or not. Any movement of her body would trigger him off to how she really felt.
"Will you stay?" Kouga repeated. With a finger, he tilted her crestfallen face, forcing her to look him in the eye.
Her eyes flickered for a split second as she opened her mouth to speak.
There was a spark there.
She had made her decision.
And before she could even reply, Kouga stepped forward with swiftness, and lowered his head in a moment of love and kissed her with a passionate gentleness that was unexpected on both sides. It was no light kiss of being caught in the moment; the ookami leader transmitted merely a fraction of his deep feelings for her through the act, his heart pounding in a frenzy as he began to loose track of any conscious thought, drowning himself further as he wrapped her up into his arms.
The fire of love that welled up in him startled him, and the explosion of color that met his gaze when his lips touched hers blinded the wolf demon.
It had been the subject of many sleepless nights, of incessant longing to finally hold her in his arms this way. And this was exactly the way in which he imagined it; his timing was precise, and Kagome had been far too distracted to even guess his intentions. Her lips were warm and inviting, and it was with the utmost reluctance that he finally pulled back, breathless with something akin to wonder at the feeling of the kiss.
Her cheeks were flushed now, and she looked slightly unsteady. Kouga wondered if her accelerated heart rate had been a result of the kiss, and he hid a smirk at that. He had never felt such a feeling of intense euphoria before in his heart, and far from being unsettled by it, he rather liked it. The colors were still flashing in his eyes, and the world felt as if it were spinning.
That was a kiss.
Kagome hadn't spoken a word, still in shock, he presumed. He had thought she would react this way. He grinned. She was so amusing whenever she become embarrassed. Blushing, the girl now refused to meet his gaze, her attention to intensely focused on the ground, she could have burned a hole into the soil with her eyes. But he hadn't come this far only to back down this quickly.
He lifted her chin with his fingers, clasping her hands in his own immediately afterward. He held back a sigh of awe, wondering how it was remotely possible for anyone to be this beautiful. Kouga bit back a scowl. Inuyasha had no idea what he had lost with his stupidity. And if things went well, maybe Inuyasha never would.
"Kagome," he whispered softly, "I don't think I can live without you. I can't live without your beautiful smile, without your warmth, and without your gentleness. I need you beside me or else..."
'I think I'd die...' He didn't finish the statement aloud. He simply couldn't. Overcome with a wave of fresh longing for her, he wrapped his arms around her possessively, burying his face into her hair. She nearly fell into his arms, weakened by the strain she had placed on her body. He supported her with his grip, and nothing would keep him away from her now.
Even though she had probably gotten the gist of what he felt for her, she would never understand how deep his love for her went. But one day, hopefully soon, when the timing was right, he would speak those three words to her, and bind himself to her forever.
Kagome would be his.
Nothing would come between him and Kagome again. If Inuyasha even dared to take her away from him, there would only be one thing to do. The ookami snarled internally. He'd send the pup to hell to mourn his devastating loss. Let him stay there with his precious Kikyo. The mutt was a fool.
Once he thought about it, Kouga realized that Inuyasha's mistake had already launched him into the inferno of desolation.
For...
Hell was a world without Kagome...
(A.N. Thank you for all of your support, and sorry about the delay in getting this chapter up. I will probably upload the next chapter after Christmas break, since I will be gone for a week. Let me know what you think about this chapter! Please review/e-mail me!)
Much love,
-Xi