Disclaimer: Neon Genesis Evangelion/Shin Seiki Evangelion and all related concepts and characters are the property of Gainax, Project EVA, Movic, AD Vision, Manga Entertainment, and other copyright owners and are used without permission.

Rei-Shinji. cjb. net presents
A Studio 402 Production

The Courage to Live On
Book One

Chapter 4: Paying the Ferryman

By Random1377

Misato kept her breathing low and even, focusing on a spot across the room and trying to think of something pleasant as a sound like pebbles tapping on concrete continued echoing unabated off the walls all around her. She knew she was in trouble - it was a place she found herself all too frequently over the last few weeks - but she was not willing to just roll over and give up.

Not after everything she had surrendered already.

"Echo Six to Big Bang, Echo Six to Big Bang," she muttered into the slender mouthpiece that ran like a spider's web from her left earlobe to her full, tensely pursed lips. "Need immediate EVAC - landing zone is hot, repeat, LZ is HOT."

"Big Bang to Echo Six," came the level reply, "have you accomplished your primary mission parameters?"

Misato's nostrils flared as the jerk with the silenced semi-auto paused to reload, obviously preparing to pepper the doorway she had ducked into with gunfire once more in the hopes that she might be stupid enough to step out into the clear. Like that'll happen, she thought disgustedly, I'll stay here until I die of starvation before making myself an easy target.

To the team leader for the mission she was on, she replied, "Negative. LZ is hot, damn it - Gutierrez and Sloan got nailed before they were on the ground! I'm CUT OFF! Get me the f-"

"Complete the assignment, Echo Six," the cold voice on the other end of the line cut in, "rendezvous at location six, as planned. Big Bang - out."

"Son of a-"

The line went dead at the same moment the pitter of bullets resumed.

Alright, she thought, slipping one of the two guns in her hands smoothly into its holster and reaching into her belt pouch, time to improvise.

The ability to improvise, her training officer had told her when she had joined NERV, is a commanding officer's greatest ally... and worst enemy. You want to be able to adapt to any situation you're placed in, but you don't want your underlings going and thinking that they're free to do the same - otherwise the chain of command will fall apart, and the battlefield will turn into a mishmash of half-baked battle plans and ideas that 'seemed like a good idea at the time.'

"Like it isn't that way already," Misato muttered under her breath, pulling a compact out of the belt pouch and flipping it deftly open. "Alright you little bastard... where are you?"

The compact, Misato would tell you, is the most underused battlefield tool ever. You could use it to peer around corners, deflect security lasers, catch light to signal your allies from afar, or use it as a decoy landmine, providing a split second of confusion to get away or pull out a real weapon.

And if you survived, you could even use it to help apply makeup.

I'm so funny, Misato thought as she angled the small mirror over her shoulder, trying to catch sight of her assailant. Asuka would be cracking up... if she wasn't-

"There you are," she whispered, cutting the grim thought off before it could form.

There was no point in dwelling on the Second Child's current state. It would only make it harder for the former operations director to complete her 'primary mission parameters,' namely: infiltrate extremist faction's compound, retrieve local politician's kidnapped daughter, evacuate.

It looked so good on paper, Misato thought, watching the soldier taking careful aim in her direction to keep her pinned down. Hell, it was only supposed to be a level 2 assignment. Two cells in, two cells out, minimal resistance - cakewalk.

Unfortunately, as the extra gun in her hand could attest, Misato was the only member of her three-man cell left alive, and she had no idea where the other cell had touched down. She had only snatched the gun on impulse as she dashed past her fallen comrade on her way into the compound, knowing - by the large hole in his chest - that he would not be missing it.

She nearly snorted as she shook her head, watching through the compact for any opening she could use to break free of her current position. "Hammer cells," she mused softly, "dull, striking instruments with no visible ties to the deploying organization. With my experience, I should be in a Razor cell, for - there!"

With a cry, she swung out of her hiding place, whipping her gun around to where the very surprised solider was just slapping a fresh clip into his rifle.

"Bang."

The man hit the ground hard, with a perfectly circular hole directly in the middle of his forehead and a look of complete shock on his youthful face.

Misato hurried over to where he lay, briefly considering the heavy rifle in his meaty hands before shaking her head and crouching down to inspect the body a little closer. Heavy was exactly what she did not need just then. Yes, the rifle had a lot of stopping power, but from the looks of it there was only one clip left, and if she came up against a large number of enemies, the thing would be emptied in a matter of seconds.

Leave it, Misato told herself, checking the man for any other useful tools before rising to her feet. Remember why you're here - not just the mission, but the reason you're even WORKING for these jackals.

Faces and voices flashed through her mind, making her jaw clench with the intensity of it all. "What are you, stupid?" one voice in particular rose above the others. "Don't pretend you're doing this for us - you're just here to ease your conscience!"

"Oh shut up," Misato muttered, ejecting the clip on her handgun and finding it still mostly full. "This IS for you - it's all for you... so what if it eases my conscience at the same time, I'm still doing it-"

She cut herself off sharply, glancing around the narrow, cobblestone hallway for any signs of movement. I've GOT to stop talking to myself!!

Stowing her compact and redrawing her borrowed pistol, Misato jogged down the corridor, picturing the partial map intelligence had acquired and making a left at the first juncture she came to.

The girl should be pretty close by, she thought, remembering the profile she had read on her target, if she's alive.

Not a very optimistic viewpoint, Misato readily admitted, but sadly, a realistic one - especially when dealing with extremist/terrorist factions like this one. Most claimed to be doing it for whatever god they happened to believe in. Some said their actions were justified because the government that ruled them was too harsh. A few even insisted that aliens had contacted them that what they were doing was the only way to save mankind.

It was all the same to Misato, though... be it God, government, or aliens from outer space, a large group of people was hurting innocents - and they had to be stopped.

Not that this was the reason for her current assignment, of course - her employer was not quite that magnanimous. No, she thought venomously, we're only here because the politician in question HAPPENS to be on their good side and they plan to use this rescue mission to make him more agreeable to their plans. Hell, it wouldn't surprise me if they're the ones that arranged the kidnapping. It's out of my hands, I guess, but-

"Guten tag!!"

Misato gasped as she rounded a corner and a large hand shot out, grabbing her by the shoulder. A heavy man, in heavy armor, was grinning down at her, and Misato barely had time to think, This is it - this is the holding cell, before he was moving. Hot fire exploded in her stomach as the man drove his fist into her solar plexus, blasting the air from her lungs and nearly knocking her to her knees.

Nearly.

Didn't... shoot me... she thought brokenly as the man drew his fist back for another hit, big... mistake...

Misato did not make the same mistake.

The man wore clamshell armor - full coverage, front and back... but Misato had not been director of operations for NERV without reason, and her track record clearly showed a knack for finding an enemy's weak point. With a breathless cry, she drove both of her guns forward, planting one at the shoulder joint and one where the helmet met the chest plate, quickly pulling the triggers. The first would take the man down - hard. The second would take him down permanently.

As luck would have it, the gun against his shoulder jammed... but the round at his throat penetrated the weaker material where the armor's plates met, sending the man to the floor with a gurgling moan. "Nothing personal," Misato muttered dryly, rubbing at her tenderized stomach and discarding the useless firearm with a disgusted grunt.

"Misato..." a voice echoed in her mind, "How can you be so cruel...?"

Cruel, she mused, her eyes following a thin line of blood as it snaked away from the man's body. You have to be cruel to survive in this world, Shinji - can't you see that? ...no, I guess you can't - because you're in a goddamned COMA! At least you're alive. That has to count for something, right? Your life for my soul... it's pretty fair when you get right down to-

"Katsuragi!"

Though it was her own name, Misato spun on the person calling out to her, bringing her remaining gun to bear in case these supposed 'two-bit terrorists' had intel as good as their armor.

"Whoa!" the man - Parrott - cried, raising his hands defensively. "It's me, Julius!"

Misato kept her gun on him for a moment, then lowered it. "Sorry," she murmured, her eyes scanning the area surrounding the small cell's door carefully, "thought you were my ex-boyfriend."

Parrott barked a nervous laugh, trying to take in every detail of the room while keeping Misato in plain sight. "Must have been a hell of a guy."

"Mm," Misato hummed noncommittally. "Who's with you? You had Fryeburg and Uchiha in your cell, didn't you? Where are they?"

Moving closer to her, Parrott grunted, "Fryeburg stepped on a landmine, Uchiha caught a round to the side of the head... scream never left his mouth." He lifted his chin towards Misato. "How about you? You were with Sloan and Gutierrez, weren't you?"

Misato shook her head. "They never even touched down," she said flatly, nodding to the jammed weapon she had just discarded, "that was Sloan's... but I think this is where they're keeping the girl, so let's-"

"So it's just the two of us??" Parrott blurted, going deathly pale.

"It WAS a two cell operation," Misato pointed out, "two times three, minus four - yeah, it's just the two of us."

"Christ..."

"Doubt he had anything to do with it. Cover me, I'm getting her out."

Parrott nodded, slipping gratefully into the role of subordinate and putting his back to the wall as Misato tried the door. "Locked?" he asked nervously, his eyes sweeping the dead body on the ground. "I don't see a key ring."

"Neither do I," Misato replied curtly, glancing at the old-fashioned iron door critically. "Can you pick the lock? You ARE in I.G., aren't you?"

Information Gathering, she mused as the man considered the request, a fancy way to say 'the spy division.' Well, kid, your profile said you were one of the best... hope it wasn't just you trying to pad your resume.

"Might take a few minutes," Parrott said finally, looking a bit sick as he glanced at the huge padlock hanging from the door.

"A few minutes, I've got," Misato mumbled, gesturing to the lock and moving out of his way. Then, taking a glance at the sweat on the man's face, she whispered, "Easy, Julius... just stick with me, I'll bring you home."

The relief in Parrott's eyes was too stark to hide. "Y-yes, ma'am," he stammered, reaching into the pouch on his belt and pulling out a small bundle. "Thank you, ma'am."

"How old are you?" Misato asked - more to make conversation than anything else, since she had carefully screened the candidates for this mission for five hours straight before choosing her team. She knew his skill set, aptitude test scores (some of the highest in the bunch), and several details about his personal life.

Keeping him talking was just a way to distract him from the fact that there were only two of them left, and that number could be cut in half at a millisecond's notice.

"Twenty-two, ma'am," Parrott replied, unrolling the bundle on the floor and selecting two slender picks from it before kneeling on the hard, stone floor in front of the door. "You?"

Misato scowled. "Thirty," she muttered, "today."

Parrott glanced up at her uncertainly. "Seriously?" he asked awkwardly. "They sent you on a mission on your birthday??"

"I volunteered," Misato replied quietly.

"God, why?!"

Misato's eyes grew hazy and distant. "Have to get in a certain amount of combat hours," she whispered, lowering her voice still further as her mind took her back into the past, "have a promise I have to keep..."

"They want us for how long?" Misato erupted. "You've gotta be kidding me!!"

Ritsuko shook her head, setting a single sheet of paper on the desk in front of her old college mate. "Not even a little," she said gravely. "Makoto and Aoba have already agreed and been deployed... we're the only two that haven't made up their mind."

Misato slumped in the uncomfortable waiting room chair. "What about Ibuki?" she asked listlessly.

"She wasn't invited," Ritsuko murmured. "It seems there was some question as to her ability to stay calm in a pressure situation."

This drew a sad chuckle from the purple-haired woman as she glanced at the paper. "Like we thought. So... did you talk to her?" she asked hesitantly, scared to hear the word 'no' come out of the blonde's mouth. "What did she say?"

Ritsuko did not keep her waiting long. "She'll do it," she said softly, "but I had to do some fast talking."

"What?" Misato asked, surprised by this detail. "Why?? Maya's usually so timid, I can't imagine her giving you backtalk, even if she doesn't technically work for you anymore."

Slowly Ritsuko folded her arms. "This isn't the same as asking her to debug a database," she replied carefully, "she'll be responsible for the care of three teenagers with varying degrees of emotional instability." She pursed her lips. "Of course, because we're doing what we're doing, they'll be left alone, but it's still a pretty tall order - and I couldn't make it a REAL order, since she's not my subordinate anymore."

Misato frowned. "Still," she said, unconvinced, "I thought she'd be happy to help, especially since-"

"Say it," Ritsuko murmured, her eyes flashing as Misato cut herself off. "Go ahead."

"Especially since she... cares for you," Misato said awkwardly.

There was a heavy silence as Ritsuko gave Misato a hard stare. Finally, she pulled her gaze away, getting back to the subject by saying, "She didn't complain about HAVING to take them, Misato - she was more than happy to do it... but she was afraid that she wouldn't be ABLE to do it, and she practically begged me to find someone more responsible."

"Oh," Misato whispered. Abruptly, she laughed. "Whoever thought we'd NEED to have her take care of them...?" she mused tiredly. "Three months ago, if you asked me, I would have told you that when things were all over, I'd take Shinji - and Asuka, if she wanted to go - and find some place quiet to hide out and forget all about EVAs and battles and SEELE and everything else. Now look at me - working for the very people that tried to kill us all. Tell me, Ritsu - what does that make me?"

Ritsuko's face was entirely serious as she replied, "Everyone has to pay the ferryman eventually, Misa... our turn just happened to come up a little early."

"Got it!"

Parrott's announcement brought Misato back to the present. "Outstanding," she said, quickly deducing that praise and assurances were about the only thing that would keep the young man from breaking down. "Stand over there, so you'll be behind the door when it opens."

"Yes, ma'am," Parrott nodded, quickly gathering his lockpicks and stuffing them back into their pouch. "Ok, I'm clear."

Misato nodded, raising her handgun and moving to the opposite side of the door. Keeping her weapon up near her eyes, she reached out and wrapped her hand around the heavy padlock, easing it out of the iron loop that it hung from and setting it carefully on the ground.

As she was reaching for the doorknob, however, it began to turn, clicking free of the latch with a loud snap. She bared her teeth, stepping back and holding her free hand up in a tightly clenched fist, signaling Parrott to stay still and leveling her gun at the slowly widening gap between the door and its frame.

Better stay low, Misato thought, immediately dropping into a crouch in case the person on the other side of the door was as cautious as she was. Here it comes...!

The door flew outward with a sudden screech of poorly-oiled hinges, and Misato's gun hand shot forward, her finger halfway down on the trigger before she realized that the reason the door had spilled open was the small, pale blonde haired girl lying on her side on the stone floor, clutching something small and furry to her chest as she hitched in a huge, terrified breath.

"Shh!" Misato said quickly, her forefinger flying to her lips as the girl scrambled back up against the open door. "Shh, shhh!! It's ok - we're here to take you home."

"N-n!" the girl gasped, staring from Parrott - who had just appeared from around the other side of the door - to Misato, squeezing the stuffed animal in her hands so tight that Misato thought it might explode.

In a flash, the girl flung herself at Misato, clutching her desperately and shaking all over as a wretched cry tore its way free of her emaciated chest. God, Misato thought sickly, they've been starving her...

"Big Bang to Echo Six, do you read?"

Misato jumped at the unexpected burst of noise, instinctively wrapping one arm around the little girl's shoulders as they continued to heave with sobs. "Echo Six to Big Bang, I'm here," she replied, gesturing for Parrott to move closer as she awkwardly backed herself up against the wall.

"Prepare for extraction," the person on the other end of the line said briskly. "Please report current location and status of insertion team."

"Current location is position six," Misato said coolly, gently patting the girl on the back as her crying trailed off into sniffles. "Primary objective has been obtained."

"Understood," came the somehow flat reply, "and your team?"

Hesitating, Misato glanced first at Parrott, then down to the gun in her hand. "Echo Two is the only survivor other than me."

There was a brief pause. "Understood. Please make your way to location seven for extraction. Big Bang - out."

Misato frowned. Why didn't she ask how the girl was doing? she thought, troubled by this omission.

Shrugging the thought off as trivial, she turned to Parrott. "You ready to go home?" she asked, feeling the girl's hold on her tighten.

"Ma'am, hell yes, ma'am," Parrott replied fervently.

"You and me both, brother," Misato muttered, carefully disentangling herself from the little girl's grip and kneeling in front of her to meet her haunted eyes. "We're going to get you out of here, honey," she said quietly, brushing a long streak of dirt off the girl's cheek, "but I need you to hold on to me and be as quiet as you can, alright?" When the girl simply stared, Misato rubbed the bridge of her nose, setting her gun on the floor and reaching into her belt pouch. "Tell me now if you can be quiet for me," she whispered, pulling out a small hypodermic needle. "If you can't... I'll have to give you a little shot so you can sleep, do you understand?"

The girl's vividly blue eyes were wide as saucers, and as they locked onto the hypo, she took a step back, bumping into Parrott's legs as she quickly shook her head from side to side.

Stupid, Misato cursed herself, surveying the girl's tattered, filth-encrusted nightgown. She's been here a week and a half, and they probably kept her drugged up the whole time... she knows what needles do. Oh well - I don't have time to be subtle.

"Can you be quiet for me?" she asked gently, slipping the hypo back into the pouch. "You're a big girl right? Just turned nine three days ago - I know, because I read it in your profile. You know that I'm here to help you... right?"

Slowly, the girl's eyes grew a bit smaller, though her bottom lip was clearly trembling as she nodded, more tears slipping from her eyelids as she stepped away from Parrott and stuck her right arm out, sniffling softly and tensing her body in preparation for a fresh burst of pain.

"What are you... oh," Misato gently took the girl's hand and drew her closer, "oh, I don't have to give you the shot if you're going to be good," she said soothingly. "You're a big girl, aren't you? I know you can be quiet for me, right?"

Hesitantly, the girl nodded.

"Captain," Parrott whispered, shaking his head as Misato rose to her feet, "with all due respect, ma'am, maybe it would be better to just give her the shot."

The girl was instantly tense again, whirling around to face Parrott with an accusing look on her face as she pushed herself tightly against Misato's legs.

"I said I'd bring you home, didn't I?" Misato said quietly, waiting for Parrott's reluctant nod before murmuring, "I understand your concern, but if one of us carries her, that cuts our effective firepower in half. And besides," she ruffled the girl's hair playfully, "she's going to be as quiet as a mouse, aren't you honey?"

Breaking into a tentative smile, the girl gave an eager nod.

Parrott shrugged, seeing that in spite of the light tone in the woman's voice, her eyes were deathly serious. "You're the boss," he said easily, glancing down at the little girl and offering her his hand. "No hard feelings, kid."

Misato laughed as the girl pulled in closer to her and stuck her tongue out at the young soldier. "You've offended her," she chuckled as Parrott looked stricken, quickly growing serious as she crouched down to pick up her handgun. "Ok, here's the plan - we're gonna head down route seven until we hit the extraction point, standard single-file formation, with the girl in the middle."

"Who's on point?" Parrott asked.

Unbidden, another voice rose up from Misato's past.

"Well it's only fair that the bravest number one highest synchro rate holder of them all should take the lead. Or are you scared?"

"I'm... I'm not scared! I can do it! In fact - I'll show you how it OUGHT to be done!"

"WHAT??"

Shaking her head, Misato thought, What was it Asuka said during that fight? That's right - scoring high on tests doesn't mean anything if you can't apply it in the real world.

"I'll take point, you bring up the rear."

"Yes, ma'am."

As they lined up, the girl took hold of the back of Misato's flak jacket, her small hand bunching the fabric until her knuckles cracked. Well, Misato thought pragmatically, I don't think I'll have to worry about losing her.

Moving quickly, the trio wended their way through the narrow stone hallways, ducking into the shadows at every intersection and waiting breathlessly as several times, a small group of armed men hurried past, their eyes hard and set as they marched off to whatever dark task they had been assigned.

This isn't just a 'splinter group,' Misato thought angrily as another knot of hard, dangerous-looking men trooped past the alcove the Echoes were tucked into, this is a goddamned army! Simple snatch-and-grab operation my ass - if I get my hands on the dimwit that provided intel on this place, I swear I'll wring his fu-

"This place is huge," Parrott muttered, cutting into Misato's thoughts. "Shouldn't there be an alarm or something, though? I mean, we've killed a bunch of their guys and stolen their prisoner... shouldn't someone be looking for us?"

Misato frowned, nodding slowly as she idly patted the girl's hand. "Yeah," she whispered, "that's been bothering me too. We must have killed the guards before they could warn anyone else."

Parrott shook his head doubtfully. "Even if that's true," he said insistently, "wouldn't they have found the bodies by now?"

"I don't know," Misato admitted. "I just don't know."

We're definitely screwed, she thought dismally, keeping this observation to herself to avoid panicking her two companions. They HAVE to know we're here; they have to know we have the girl, and they have to know we're-

"...trying to get out."

"What's that, ma'am?"

Misato's lips were set in a grim line. "Can I see your arm again, honey?" she whispered, crouching down in front of the girl and holstering her handgun. She held up her hands as the girl flinched away, showing that they were empty. "I just wanna see," she said quickly, "you're being good, I don't need to make you sleep... I just need to see something, ok?"

Obediently - but with a clear air of reluctance - the girl pulled her sleeve up, showing her thin arm.

"Oh God," Parrott breathed, "how long... how long was she here??"

Making no reply, Misato ran her fingers over the numerous puncture wounds in the girl's arm, wincing as the girl flinched, but held stoically still. "...damn it."

There it is, she thought with a sudden burst of tiredness as she ran the tip of her forefinger across a tiny bump on the girl's upper arm.

'Sub-dermal tracker,' she mouthed, tapping the upraised skin with her forefinger.

Parrott's eyes widened and he immediately raised his gun, looking all around as if he expected hundreds of soldiers to come boiling up out of the rock, howling for blood. He blushed, feeling a bit foolish as Misato rolled her eyes.

"Sorry."

Motioning him closer, Misato whispered, "They've been listening this whole time... probably planning to track us all the way back to our evac chopper and find out where we go so they can figure out who hit them. I don't think they planned it all along - this seems more like an afterthought, just in case anyone actually managed to get her back."

"You sure?" Parrott asked tensely. "Does that mean we're stuck here?? I mean, we can't just shut it down - they'll know!"

Misato shook her head, a grin slowly spreading over her features as she suddenly saw the bright side to their situation. "Come on," she said briskly, rising to her feet and taking the girl's hand as she raised her voice, "if we follow this passage, it should lead us straight out of the west side of the compound."

Parrott's face went white. "What are you doing?!" he hissed, staying on Misato's other side and pitching his voice low to avoid having it picked up by the bug. "You're giving us away!"

"Wrong," Misato shot back just as softly, "I'm clearing us a passage right out of here. See, the way I figure it, they must know that they're dealing with professionals - and professionals never talk if they're caught... so they need us to make it out of here thinking we've gotten away with it. That way they can track the implant all the way to wherever we go and launch an attack there."

Slowly, Parrott nodded, his expression lightening as he urgently whispered, "So if we let them know where we're heading-"

"-they'll get out of the way," Misato completed the thought.

"Almost sounds too easy," the young soldier pointed out.

Misato nodded, her smile fading as she said, "Yeah, well, once we get out, we can't let it stay active... and as soon as we kill it, they'll be on us like a pack of dogs on a three-legged cat."

Parrott grimaced. "Vivid," he muttered dryly.

"Life's a bitch," Misato said wisely, "we just need to stay under her radar for a while."

The march through the compound was eerily quiet, the soft thump of their footfalls and the faint hum of buried machinery the only sound echoing off the walls as they continued in their single-file marching order - to keep up appearances. Once, Parrott thought he saw one of the terrorist soldiers watching them from a side tunnel, but when he'd turned his head, there was nothing there but air.

"We're almost there," Misato said in a mock whisper, nodding to the opening thirty meters in front of them. "I think we're clear once we get out - we just need to walk to the helicopter."

"Easy," Parrott replied, getting into the game, "they're so stupid I'll bet they won't even notice we were here until the sun comes up."

Misato nodded her approval of this improvisation, and together, they marched out into the rock-strewn desert landscape. Ok, Misato thought, scanning the terrain, some rocks... some scrub brush - not much cover. Hopefully they give us enough of a leadoff.

"Here we go."

Pretending that she was throwing caution the wind, Misato rose to her full height and strode purposefully towards location seven - their evac point. She spoke in a loud and boastful voice, telling Natasha all about how she was sure to get a promotion for bringing her home, and how easy the whole thing had been.

Not the subtlest deception, she admitted, but as long as it bought them a little space - and maybe got under a few skins - it was well worth the wasted air.

"I see it," Parrott hissed after several minutes of walking. "Just up ahead."

Misato scanned the horizon, nodding as she came to a stop and pretending to dig a rock out of her shoe. "Hopefully, they'll be relying on the tracker," she whispered, keeping her voice low to avoid having it picked up by the bug. "They wouldn't want to spook us, right?"

Parrott nodded vigorously. "Right," he said firmly, "so that'll give us a few extra seconds."

"Exactly," Misato confirmed, "be ready... and when I give the word - run like hell."

"Got it!"

"This is going to hurt a bit," Misato said softly, turning her attention to the girl and putting her thumb over the transmitter, "can you be brave for me?"

"...ok."

Misato stopped for a moment... and a slow smile spread over her face as she looked into the girl's trusting eyes. "That's the first time I've heard your voice," she said gently, "it's pretty." Very slowly, she stretched out her left arm, offering her wrist to the girl as she whispered, "Here, bite down if it hurts too bad - if you scream... if you scream, they'll come to us faster, do you understand?"

Parrott had to look the other way as Misato began pressing on the implant, unable to take the expression of pain on the girl's face as the chip dug deeper into her skin. After what felt like forever, he heard the dull snap of breaking plastic, and the girl uttered a muffled 'MM!' of pain.

"...ow."

Glancing back around, Parrott found Misato pulling her wrist from the girl's mouth, and even in the relative darkness of predawn, he could see the rich glint of blood around pressure-whitened flesh - a clearly visible series of tooth marks showing up in sharp contrast to the woman's healthy, peach-hued skin.

What ARE you? he thought, awed by the woman's grit as she smiled warmly at the girl, seemingly oblivious to the pain and blood that was even then dripping down her injured wrist.

"Son of a bitch!"

The trio jerked around at the cry, a bush - far closer than Misato had anticipated - rustling as a platoon of soldiers burst from it, their weapons drawn and their faces set into hard masks of determination.

"Go - GO!"

Parrott did not need to be told twice. With a grunt, he lowered his head, looking at the ground in front of him, and pounded towards the waiting chopper.

"Come on, honey," Misato said urgently, holstering her gun and scooping the girl into her arms. "Hold on tight."

Gunfire split the night apart, bullets peppering the rocks all around them as they sprinted for the chopper.

"Call for fire support!" Misato shouted, "As soon as we're on board, have the gunner cut those bastards in half!"

Weighed down by the girl in her arms, Misato's running speed was much lower than it normally would have been. Damn it, she thought, watching Parrott pulling away, don't you leave me, kid! We have to be-

"-careful!"

Misato's cry came just in time, and Parrott dove to the ground, narrowly avoiding the bullet aimed at his chest. He rolled with the dive, coming back up with his gun braced in both hands and firing wildly at the single soldier standing in his way.

Pincer, Misato thought deliriously, just one guy, but damn it - this isn't good.

"Drop your weapons," the man called in halting English, steadying his gun and drawing the girl's head into his sights. "You can't esca- aahhh!!"

Misato's eyes widened, and she dropped to the ground, covering the girl's body with her own as the chaingun on the evac chopper's nose opened up, blitzing the soldier with a hail of depleted uranium shells - pulverizing his chest in a matter of seconds.

"Echo Six," a woman's voice burst in Misato's ear, "this is Echo Thirteen... we've got you. Come on home."

Relief flooded Misato as she got cautiously to her feet. The platoon that had been pursuing them had taken cover, leaving the terrain behind them oddly barren and desolate. Only the bushes moved, blown by a light breeze as Misato hurried to the waiting chopper and climbed aboard, gratefully accepting Parrott's hand as he helped her clamber up.

As the chopper's blades picked up speed, lifting the heavy carrier into the sky, Misato risked a look out the window.

All she could see was the rocks... the underbrush... and the body of the lone soldier, lying on his back in a slowly spreading pool of his own blood. That could have been me, Misato thought numbly, unconsciously wrapping her right arm around the girl's shoulders as she began to sniffle again, a second or two later, and it WOULD have been me...

Tightening her hold, she brought the girl into a gentle embrace, holding her close as the helicopter's nose dipped forwards toward the lightening sky.

- - -

"Now... you wanna run that by me again?!"

Big Bang, AKA Ritsuko Akagi, kept her eyes focused on her computer terminal, entering data from the mission at a blinding speed as Misato glared down at her, her arms folded in a clear stance of high anger. "You heard me," the blonde said calmly, "I said the mission was a wash - you should have pulled out as soon as I gave the order."

Misato glanced over at the place where the girl (Natasha, she reminded herself mentally, she's not just a target now, she has a name) was being checked over by one of the medics on the aircraft carrier that was the staging area for the mission they had just undertaken. At that moment, she was receiving a vitamin shot to recover some of the nutrients that had been sapped from her body by the cruel conditions of her captivity. The girl flinched but made no complaint as the medic continued examining her, her free hand stuffing a second military-issue energy bar into her hungry mouth so fast that Misato almost wanted to tell her to count her fingers.

So far, the medic had informed Misato, Natasha seemed in generally good health. She was underweight, of course, but she had not be physically or sexually abused in any way the medic could see, though he did recommend a more thorough physical when they returned to dry land - just to be sure.

Animals, Misato thought viciously, glancing at the girl's grubby little teddy bear. I hope they bomb the whole damn place from here to Kingdom Come! Her eyes shot to the back of Ritsuko's head, narrowing dangerously. And you're no better!

"So you're saying I should have left her there."

"Well, knowing your temper, I didn't want to put it so bluntly," Ritsuko replied levelly, "but that's the essence of my point, yes."

Misato waved her bandaged hand dismissively as the medic announced that he had done all he could do and asked if they needed him for anything else. "You heartless bitch!" she snapped, ignoring the medic's wince. "She would have died back there - how can you even SAY that??"

"She's going to die either way."

"WHAT?!"

Ritsuko shrugged slightly, still keeping her eyes on the screen as she said, "Word came in halfway through the mission that her parents were assassinated... so our illustrious employers are washing their hands of the whole affair."

"So they're just going to feed her to the dogs?" Misato demanded, glancing at the girl as she brought her knees up to her chest and rested her chin on them. She looked so tiny, the woman thought, especially in the baggy, size XX-small jumpsuit someone had found for her.

"Don't be so melodramatic," Ritsuko mumbled, Misato's attention back to the conversation at hand, "she'll go into foster care, probably get adopted, and live a full life. You did good. You saved her. Happy?"

Misato's hands clenched into fists at her sides. "NO!" she screamed, "No, I'm not HAPPY! She'll PROBABLY get adopted?! She'll have a full life? I SAVED HER? What the hell is the matter with you?!"

The other woman's lips compressed into a thin line, but she said nothing.

"You listen to me," Misato said, her voice quaking with rage, "we lost four good men - damn good men - trying to get that little girl home, and now you're telling me she doesn't have a home to go back to? Have you forgotten why we're HERE??"

Ritsuko's fingers froze above the keyboard, and as she turned around, her green eyes were as hard and cold as frozen emerald chips. "No," she said icily, "I haven't. Have you? That girl," she said, stabbing her finger towards Natasha, "is NOT Asuka - do you understand? Saving her will not make up for the damage you helped inflict on Asuka, it won't erase the anguish you caused Shinji, and it most assuredly will NOT save your soul, Misato, so stop getting all high and mighty and let it GO!"

Misato's lips pulled back from her teeth. "You've changed," she snarled angrily, "you're not the person I used to know."

"I'm here, aren't I?" Ritsuko replied tersely. "I'm here with you, paying the price ever damn day for what we helped do to those children, and trying to dig into SEELE's files to help you find out who killed Kaji - when they let me near a computer, that is, because God forbid I should try to hack into the MAGI and blow Headquarters sky-high before they can wring everything they can from Project-E."

She gestured around the cramped compartment with a slender hand. "Normally I'm running backup for missions like this, which is fine, at least I get to feel useful - but I can't save every unfortunate person that I come across, Misato, and neither can you. I've already got enough guilt and pressure weighing me down - I can't bear the burden for ANOTHER life, Misa... can't you understand that?"

Seeing the powerlessness in her old friend's eyes, Misato felt her anger draining away. "Yes," she said quietly, "I can understand that." Slowly, she stepped back and put a hand on Natasha's shoulder. "But I think... I have room for one more burden."

Ritsuko snorted. "You're crazy," she said coldly, spinning her chair back to face her terminal, "for wanting to hold on to someone you don't know when there are already a dozen others relying on you, and for thinking that girl would WANT to live the kind of life you could offer her - crazy as a loon. Look at her," she whispered, "she's so shell-shocked she hasn't even said one word since you brought her in - I don't even think she knows who she is, let alone what's happening to her."

"You're wrong."

"Whatever."

Carefully, Misato knelt down by the cot Natasha was sitting on, meeting the girl's eyes steadily as she whispered, "Natasha... honey... DO you understand what's happening here...?"

"You're wasting your time," Ritsuko sighed, shaking her head dismissively, "wasting your time..."

"Natasha," Misato said soothingly, "I have to know, honey... do you know what's going on, or not?"

The girl's eyes darted to Ritsuko's back for a moment before slowly coming back to focus on Misato's face. Hesitantly, her mouth opened, and a soft, "Yes..." came from somewhere in the back of her rusty, disused throat.

Misato shot Ritsuko a triumphant glance. "And... you understand what's happened to your family...?"

Natasha's face crumpled, and she stared down at her hands - still dirty, even after several attempts to wash them. Her voice, however, was low and steady as she whispered, "Yes... they... they died, right?"

"Yes, I'm afraid so," Misato replied gently, covering the girl's hand with her own. "There's not a good place for you to go right now, honey, but if you want to... you can stay with me for a while. Would you like that?" When the girl nodded, her eyes shining with tears, Misato rose to her feet.

"I'm keeping her, Ritsu."

Ritsuko shook her head. "She's not a puppy, Misato," she muttered, hitting Enter and sending the battle report to their superiors at SEELE, their reluctantly accepted employers. "Look, I feel just as bad for what happened to those Children as you do, which is why I agreed to these horrible terms of employment - it was the only way to keep them safe. ...but no matter how much you might want to, you can't just snap your fingers and 'have' the daughter of an assassinated politico!"

"I can't," Misato said coolly, "but you can."

Her back going rigid, Ritsuko said, "Forget-"

"You're right," Misato cut in quickly, "she's not Asuka... but imagine what Asuka might have been like if she hadn't been forced to grow up all alone. Imagine what she could have achieved with a living mother, or a father that actually cared. I'm not asking you to help me take care of her, Ritsu - but for all that you hold precious, help me make sure she doesn't have to grow up like Asuka... alone... hurting... scared... forced to believe that the only person she could ever turn to was herse-"

"Shut up!!" Ritsuko shouted, covering her ears with her hands. "Just... just shut up...!"

Misato closed her mouth, fearing that she might have gone too far. Damn it, she thought, nearly slapping herself in the forehead, I was so caught up in trying to convince her that I completely forgot Ritsuko grew up that way too. Coldhearted, workaholic mother... absentee father... I knew it all, and I just plowed right on ahead. God, I'm a bitch!

Slowly, the blonde brought her hands away from her ears, tapping silently on the keyboard for several minutes before mumbling, "Natasha Katsuragi..." her lips so stiff they barely moved

"Thanks, Ritsu," Misato said, relief washing over her like a soothing balm, "I really-"

"Get out," Ritsuko whispered unevenly. "I want to be alone."

Her elation fading, Misato stepped forward and laid a hand gently on her friend's shoulder, giving it a brief squeeze. "Come on, honey," she said gently, gesturing for the little girl to follow her, "let's go."

Natasha followed her out the door, glancing over her shoulder as the hard-eyed woman at the computer terminal buried her face in her hands, her back hunching with barely repressed sobs.

Once in the hallway, Misato turned to the girl, but before she could speak, someone called out to her.

"Oh, Captain!"

She turned as Parrott flagged her down. "Lieutenant," she said, clasping his hand warmly, "nice to see you again."

"Feeling's mutual," the soldier said, offering a crisp salute. "Here, I brought you your gun back. You gave it to me for ordinance check, remember?"

"Oh, right," Misato said, "thanks for doing that for me, I had some... stuff I had to take care of."

Beaming, the young man snapped another salute. "It was a pleasure, ma'am," he said honestly, "and umm..."

"Yes, Lieutenant?"

"Thanks for bringing me home."

Misato nodded. "It was your first mission, wasn't it?" she asked shrewdly. "You doctored the papers to say it was your third."

Averting his gaze, Parrott murmured, "Y-yes, ma'am... you're not going to turn me in, are you?"

"Nope," Misato said firmly, "just make sure it's corrected before the next time I need you. You really saved me out there - I never would have gotten that lock open myself, and if you hadn't pointed out how easy it was getting through there, I wouldn't have even thought to look for the implant."

"You know, there's something I wanted to ask you about that, ma'am," Parrott said slowly.

"And what's that?"

"Well, I was just wondering why you broke it before we got to the chopper. Wouldn't it have made more sense to wait until we were onboard?"

Misato glanced uneasily at the little girl, beckoning the man closer and lowering her voice for his ears alone. "I couldn't be sure," she said hesitantly. "I couldn't be sure that... it didn't have a micro-explosive in it. If there was any chance that it could detonate, I couldn't risk endangering any other personnel."

Parrott looked as if he had not even considered this a possibility. "But if there had been," he pointed out, "she would have lost her arm at least - and probably been killed... taking you with."

Nodding somberly, Misato whispered, "That's why I had you step back, Lieutenant... I wanted at least one of us to make it out."

His teeth clenching against the sudden rush of gratitude in his gut, Parrott whispered, "It was an honor working with you, ma'am. I look forward to the next time."

"Carry on," Misato said with a salute, nodding to herself as the young man turned and headed back the way he had come. "Nice guy, isn't he?" she asked Natasha, ruffling her hair affectionately and trying to pretend that she had not risked blowing her arm off and possibly killing her.

As the girl nodded, Misato spun her handgun around by the trigger-guard, bringing it to her holster, but hesitating as she felt something odd along the side of the barrel.

Hefting it, she frowned. What the...

Misato let out a long sigh as she turned the weapon over, catching sight of the words 'F. Sloan - 2010' carved into the side of the gun's slide. It was her own firearm that had jammed, she realized with a shiver. If she had not stopped to scoop Sloan's up on instinct, she would have been killed by the terrorist in the clamshell armor.

"Thanks, Sloan," she whispered, carefully slipping the gun into her holster. "I'll try to take care of it for you, ok?"

Sloan, she thought tiredly, Mother... Father... Kaji... everyone. All of you watch over me, alright? I'm doing my best...

Putting a hand on Natasha's shoulder, she led the girl to the stairs, following her up onto the aircraft carrier's deck and squinting as the bright rays of the newly risen sun stung at her eyes. A new day was starting, and from everything Misato could see... it was going to be much brighter than the one before.

Continued...

Author's Notes: (2004-10-22)

I don't really know what to note on this one, other than to comment on taking so long to get going on it. Once I had a direction, it didn't take too long to write - it was just taking that first step! It was daunting to try to fit a whole, Misato-based story into the framework of someone else's romance/drama series while still maintaining my own particular style, so it was hard to get moving, and I put it off as long as I could. Blah... I guess I'm making excuses again, so I'll just say sorry it took so long and shut up about it now.

Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this installment of The Courage to Live On. Watch for the next chapter, coming sooner than this one to a screen near you.

-Random

Pre-read assistance on this selection was provided by the Studio 402 regulars: A. Amishi, Akodo Tim, Ayanami-chan, Fenrir, Dennisud, and ReiIkari - all of whom where invaluable in keeping me at least mostly on track. Thanks y'all!!