Sorry about the cliffhanger! But, yeah. I had to do it. I HAD to. It was like one of those impulses you get and then you're like, "I MUST DO IT OR I DIE!!!" Like…um…when you have a cherry coke. You have to drink it dude, its cherry coke. Okay, the song "Blood and Roses" by the Smithereens totally reminds me of Kagura and Kouga in this story. Just the sort of insight you don't need nor would you actually care about. Um, this is the last part. PART!!! DO YOU HEAR ME???!!! Sorry, okay, some people have been complaining about the long chapters, but the parts so far have been seventy pages long each. This one isn't too shy of that. This one will also stretch into the longest arc of "Omigod, this story could not get any more fucked up." In fact, I refer to this story as 'FA' while Teresa refers to it as 'FU' (fucked up though I suppose 'fuck you' would work as well.) So basically, just sort of cut up the book in parts not actual chapters.

Thank You's: As strange as it sounds, the Lifetime channel. I barely ever watch this channel because I pretty much hate all their original movies. But one time they had this movie that emotionally disturbed me because a little girl hit on her adopted grandfather (it's a really loooooong story) and I like to torture myself by watching really bad movies. Anyways, the whole adoption thing intrigued me. So I thought of doing a fic about Inuyasha being adopted. At the same time, I thought about a novel with the same thing going on. A kid who's angry at the world because his parents died and separated from his little sister. But to work out the plot, I thought I'd try it out as an Inuyasha fanfic as some of the characters have parallels and even those that didn't, well, it didn't have to be exactly like the novel idea. I decided to name the novel the same thing, or if I can't, I'm not really sure what it'll be called. I have to thank the characters in my novels for being enough like the Inuyasha cast that I was definitely intrigued to see how the Inuyasha characters would take on the plot. Inuyasha's parallel character Ben is written a lot like him, swearing and all. And Nora, for being so Kagome-like. ^_^. (I have an ongoing theory that just because I 'created' the character does not mean I have any control over what they do. Good characters write themselves.) I have to thank Teresa because thanks to her, a lot of this fucked up storyline was thought of. See, you could almost say that every fic we do is a collaboration. I'll say, "I'm stuck, what should I do?" And Teresa will give off some suggestions. In this case, she worked me through some of the really awkward parts. (At least I was stumped.) I'd like to thank all the music that helped me with this. Seriously, you guys have no idea how important music is to me when I'm writing. If I don't have it makes it really hard for me to write. I like need background noise to think. (School and me disagree so much sometimes.) I'd like to thank food. I need it to survive. I'm thanking Rumiko because Inuyasha is a hella good series and even if she gives us a Ranma ½ ending, I still think it freaking rules. Okay, reviewers, seriously you guys rule. All of you who have enjoyed this, ^_^. I have no idea when the actual novel will be finished basically because it feels like I'm never going to finish any of my novels. And I write fanfiction to make sure that when I do get published, it's the best that it can be. After all, the key to being a good novelist is to read and write constantly. I wrote little snippets of it and the storyline has some differences and so does the ending. Omigod, the wonky song is playing! (Omigod, I'm a spazz.)

Disclaimer: I don't own Inuyasha. Mostly because the storyline would be like this.

Warnings: Oh, how much I wish I could quote one of Inuyasha's lines in this part. (Teresa made it up, so kudos to her. One random comment made dialogue ~_^.) Anyways, sex, blood, and rock n' roll! (That's not really true, that last part. The sex and the blood, yeah. But the rock n' roll is right out. I mean there's such a thing as going over the line.) ßI'm a smartass. Oh, and get some popcorn 'cause you got ringside seats baby!

Fade Away

Part Three

            "What am I doing here?!" Sango looked from Miroku to the girl who was quickly getting dressed. Why was she naked? Why was she in bed with Miroku?! Why was Miroku naked?! "I came to find you."

            "You found me; can you leave the room so Kikyo can get dressed in peace?" Miroku asked her coldly.

            "I'm almost done." The girl, Kikyo, remarked calmly as she pulled on her shirt. "Don't mind me, I'm leaving."

            "You don't want anything to eat before you go?" Miroku asked with raised eyebrows.

            "No." Kikyo picked up a comb off the bedside table. "Do you mind if I use this?"

            "Not at all." Miroku waved a little at her. "Sango, did you leave the last vestiges of courtesy with your most amiable parents?"

            "What about you? Did you sleep with her?" Sango demanded to know. It couldn't be true, Miroku would never…no, not after they had promised…

            "Yes I did." Miroku answered truthfully. "If you're next question is 'how was she?' I can honestly say that she wasn't bad considering she's a lesbian and has probably never been with a man before."

            "Thank you for that assessment." Kikyo put her hair in a loose ponytail.

            "Tell Kagura not to come and kill me." Miroku grinned at her. "She'll probably never forgive me for sleeping with her one and only Kikyo."

            "You're involved with someone and you slept with him?!" Sango looked appalled.

            "Don't be so quick to pass judgment, there is a situation that takes far too much explanation and one that I would rather not explain to someone I had just met." Kikyo told her absently. "I'll see you on Monday, Miroku."

            "Good-bye Kikyo." Miroku waved and Sango stood there in shock as she walked out. Sango turned back towards Miroku with a questioning look. "What? You found me, now you can leave."

            "I…" Sango felt her face heat up and tears start to well up. "I had to search for you and I had to leave everything behind, the family wants to disown me if I don't come back and-"

            "Not my problem Sango. You made that clear already, right?" Miroku grabbed his clothes, not leaving bed. "It's ten and I have a date at noon that I need to get ready for."

            "With Kikyo?" Sango asked.

            "No, Kikyo only slept with me to get revenge against her girlfriend who is sleeping with someone else." Miroku explained. "I don't really see how it's any of your business anyways."

            "How could you…?" Sango felt a tear roll down, her chest hurt and she fell to the ground. "How could you?!"

            "I'm not ready yet…"

            "That's okay, I'll wait forever…just for you Sango. It'll be my first time as well…"

            "That means it'll be special…"

            "How could I what? What do you want from me now Sango?" Miroku questioned. "You want to re-open that wound? You want me to let you tear out my heart again? Like last time?"

            "You don't understand!" Sango cried, getting up slowly. "You don't understand anything!"

            "Oh, really?" Miroku raised his eyebrows. "I don't understand? I don't understand?! Here's what I do understand: Sango, spoiled little rich girl that she's always been decided she'd like to defy her parents so she dated Miroku who thought she actually loved him. Then it turned out none of that was true because as soon as her parents said no to that, she left him!"

            "That really shows what you know!" Sango felt so betrayed. She had been saving herself for him. For him. And he had slept with other people? How could he? "You don't know anything Miroku!"

            "That's right, we peons couldn't possibly comprehend the universe the way you do!" Miroku pulled on his shirt. "Isn't that right?" Sango started crying. "Your parents may give you everything when you start doing that but that doesn't mean I will. You used me."

            "No I didn't." Sango protested. "And what about you? 'I'll wait for you Sango' and now I found you gave it up to some girl who was only having sex with you because she was having problems with her girlfriend-"

            "Kikyo wasn't the first." Miroku sighed.

            "She…wasn't?" Sango's voice was really small. 

            "No, there have been lots of girls before Kikyo." Miroku informed her. "The first one was…let me see, the first day back, I think her name was Mizuki, back seat of my car…or was it the back seat of her car?" Sango's mouth was open but no sound came out. When it finally started to work again, she wasn't crying, well, she was, but she was crying because she was so angry and hurt.

            "Oh, so you've just been screwing every other girl." Sango stuck out her chin. "You think her name was Mizuki? You can't even remember if it was your car or not?! Wow, to think I believed you when you said it was going to be your first time. Or that you would have waited for me. Obviously it was only a matter of time before you dumped me for some easy lay in the school bathrooms."

            "I would have." Miroku's voice was different, as if he were far away in a memory somewhere. Sango was taken aback. "I would have waited forever because I loved you so much. It was going to be my first time and I knew it would be perfect with you." Her anger abated a little.

            "Miroku…" Sango began.

            "But that's over." Miroku got up out of bed. "You've already shown me how much I mean to you. Get out Sango, leave me like you did that day, because as far as I'm concerned, if you're unhappy, it's what you deserve."

            "I always thought you deserved the truth." Sango began to walk away and then stopped, not looking at him. "Maybe you don't now…but here it is: My parents were going to fire your dad if I didn't agree to stop seeing you. I didn't care about me, I cared about you. I thought, 'Does he deserve all this unhappiness?' and that's why I did it."

            Miroku stared at her wide-eyed as she left the apartment.

            Why didn't you tell me that before?

            When it would have changed things?

            Things are different now.

            I would have waited. But then I was so angry with you, you broke my heart. So I did the only revenge that came to my mind and betrayed that promise to you. I went out and had meaningless sex with a bunch of different girls; I can't even remember all their names.

            Pretty good, huh?

            But don't think that telling me now is going to make me run back to you. You broke my heart more then you could ever know.

-------------------

            Kikyo arrived back at her mansion and then proceeded to go upstairs. When she got there, Kagura was waiting there, looking like she hadn't slept at all. Kikyo gave herself the most placid expression she could muster as she walked into the room.

            "Kikyo!" Kagura ran up and hugged her. "Where were you? I was so worried; all I had was that note that said you were going out and you didn't call at all and then you didn't come back…"

            "I was at Miroku's." Kikyo shrugged and Kagura let go of her slowly.

            "What?" Kagura looked confused and a tad bit suspicious. "Did you say Miroku's?"

            "Yeah." Kikyo yawned a little. "Oh, didn't I include that in that note? I must have forgotten. I think I'll have some tea."

            "Wait, you were at Miroku's? All night?" Kagura was trying to figure it out. "What did you do all night at Miroku's? It's Friday, isn't he sleeping around on Friday night?"

            "Nice to know I didn't put a damper on his usual plans then." Kikyo stretched slightly and started to walk out of the room again. Kagura worked it out in her head for a moment before chasing after her. Kikyo was already walking down the stairs.

            "Did you sleep with him?!" Kagura leaned over the railing as Kikyo continued on, almost like Kagura wasn't asking anything important.

            "Yes." Kikyo was pursued by the red-eyed girl.

            Kagura could not believe this. Kikyo was not the type to go out and have sex with anyone. Especially not like this! Wait… "Figuratively or literally?" Yes, that was it; Kikyo had obviously not slept with Miroku, just slept with him.

            "Both." Kikyo was filling the kettle with water. She sounded so absent as if it were some small thing that didn't matter.

            "You…slept with Miroku?" This sunk into Kagura. She felt like she might be sick. Kikyo had slept with another person. "You couldn't have! This is some sort of joke, right Kikyo? Right?" She wanted it to be a joke.

            "Why couldn't I have slept with him? Am I lacking in the usual features of the female genitalia?" Kikyo raised a curious eyebrow at her as she started to get out cups. "Do you want a cup too?"

            "How could you sleep with him?" Kagura felt betrayed. "You don't love him…"

            "I wasn't aware that sleeping with another person was considered a crime around here." Kikyo shot at the red-eyed girl. "How is it very different from you and Kouga? He already came out and told you that he feels absolutely nothing for you."

            "At least I love him! He didn't mean anything to you! And you didn't mean anything to him!" Kagura felt like she might start crying.

            "Oh, does it hurt?" Kikyo blinked her eyes calmly. Then her face tightened. "How do you think it feels Kagura? How do you think it feels when you sleep with him? You can't keep this up! You know the truth, leave him. He's only using you."

            "I…I can't…" Kagura looked at her feet shamefully. "I can't just…I can't explain it Kikyo…"

            "Then leave me." Kikyo told her.

            "I can't do that either!" Kagura grabbed a hold of her, "Don't…don't do this Kikyo…you make it seem…like you don't care about me at all…"

            "How do you think I feel?" Kikyo demanded.

            "I'm sorry, I'm sorry." Kagura threw her arms around Kikyo's waist. "I'm so sorry Kikyo…please…please don't hate me…"

            "I don't hate you. I made that clear. I can forgive any mistake you make." Kikyo hugged her back. "Why do you keep forgetting? You know I hate it when people apologize too much."

            "Then I can forgive you too." Kagura looked up at Kikyo, kissing her quickly. Kikyo felt a guilty feeling flooding into her. She had needed Kagura's forgiveness as much as Kagura's needed hers. The whole thing had felt wrong but how else could she show Kagura how much she was hurting her?

            But how can this show Kagura anything?

            She's refusing to hate Kouga…

            He said he would take her away from me. What if he actually does?

---------------------

            "What the fuck are you doing here Miroku?" Inuyasha asked after he had opened the door that afternoon. Then he narrowed his eyes suspiciously. "If you even say you have a date with Kagome I will fucking castrate you."

            "No I don't." Miroku took a deep breath. "I've been having a bad day."

            "Get a girl pregnant?" Inuyasha leaned against the door frame.

            "No." Miroku wondered if hitting Inuyasha wouldn't help him any. It would at least ease some of his frustration. "Can I come in?"

            "Who's here?" Kagome appeared behind Inuyasha. "Oh, Miroku, what are you doing? Come on in." And then she reached passed Inuyasha and led Miroku inside the house. Inuyasha glared at Miroku's back and shut the door in the most threatening manner he could before following them into the kitchen.

            "Thank the gods that you're here Kagome." Miroku sighed in relief. "That insensitive clod that you must call your adopted brother was probably going to make me stand on the steps all day."

            "I fucking hate you Miroku." Inuyasha muttered but nearly quietly enough because both Miroku and Kagome heard him. Kagome gave him a stern look as they all sat down at the table.

            "So, what are you doing here?" Kagome asked. "Unless you're here to take Inuyasha on a date and in that case you have my permission."

            "No, as good a girl as Inuyasha makes, I have not come here to take him out." Miroku joked.

            "Oh really funny. You two are fucking hysterical." Inuyasha crossed his arms and glared at them.

            "I cancelled my dates for the day because my morning was so terrible." Miroku sighed.

            "Dude, I told Kikyo, I said, 'Don't fuck Miroku, Kagura will kill him' but nooooo, no one listens to me." Inuyasha looked like he had contributed about as much as he could.

            "What?" Kagome looked from Miroku to Inuyasha. "What happened?"

            "Kikyo is in quite the state now-a-days." Miroku looked wistful. "Her and Kagura are having problems, namely that Kagura can't seem to stay away from Kouga."

            "So…you…" Kagome began to trail off, in her head, two plus two equaled thirty-six and she knew that she already knew what had happened but it was really hard to comprehend. "You had sex with Kikyo?!"

            "Kikyo is the one who approached me." Miroku offered in his defense. "She wanted me to take her out and then we slept together, my guess as revenge to Kagura."

            "And now Kagura's trying to kill you?" Inuyasha guessed merrily.

            "No, something much worse happened." Miroku looked down at his hands. "This morning, Kikyo and I were woken up by the last person I expected to see today."

            "…your mom?" Inuyasha guessed, squinting his eyes to show how much effort he was putting into his guess.

            "Inuyasha, maybe you should like, be quiet or something so that Miroku can tell us." Kagome told him in an acidic tone.

            "Actually, the story is a bit long." Miroku looked sheepish. "Before I went to this school, I lived in a different town and in that town; there was a very wealthy family. They were the Taijiya family."

            "…so?" Inuyasha felt like he had to add to the story. Kagome kicked him under the table. "Ow, fuck."

            "I went to school with their only daughter, Sango." Miroku continued on. "Then one fateful day, I ran into her in the hall and helped her pick up her papers…"

            "I'm terribly sorry." Miroku bent and began to pick up the papers that had been strewn about.

            "Oh no, it's my fault, I didn't see where I was going." He looked up to see the most beautiful pair of dark pink eyes he had ever seen. "You don't have to worry about it…you'll probably be late for class…"

            "Surely nothing they could teach me is as important as a beautiful woman who needs my help." Miroku was awed by the young woman in front of him who had just blushed in response to his comment.

            "Um, thanks." She smiled tentatively.

            "After that, we fell in love." Miroku paused for a moment as he savored the memory. Kagome sighed at how romantic it sounded and Inuyasha made faces that suggested he was gagging. "I would have done anything for her and I thought she had felt the same. And then she took me home to meet her parents."

            "At first I thought they had liked me but later, when I was returning from the bathroom, I heard the truth."

            "And what does his family do?" He heard Sango's mother ask. "Where do they live?"

            "Why does that matter?" Sango questioned.

            "Because you are one of us, one of the Taijiya family. You couldn't possible marry the boy so you might as well break it off now." Her mother told her. "What's the point of leading him on?"

            "I'm not!" Sango protested. "I won't! I won't break it off with him mother!"

            "You'll do as your mother says." Her father told her sternly. "Don't you understand where this boy is coming from? He is only here because of your money! That is why you must marry someone from a wealthy family, so that you don't get stuck with a financial leech."

            "We're not getting married! We're still in high school!" Sango yelled at them. "And he's not a leech. How could you say that?!"

            "It was then that I knew our relationship would cause problems." Miroku went on and Kagome had her hands against her mouth, already fearing the obvious tragic outcome and trying desperately to ignore Inuyasha who was still making faces. Inuyasha didn't understand what the big deal was. How come Miroku only had boring stories about stupid girly-girl tragic romance?

            "So then what happened?" Kagome prompted him on.

            "At first, nothing." Miroku leaned his head against his hands, his elbows propped up on the table. "I thought maybe Sango had convinced her parents that we were really in love. That whether my family made a lot of money or not was not important."

            "And then one day, Sango came to me, kissed me one last time and told me it was over. She said she hadn't really been in love with me and that it was just some silly teenage fling." Miroku hit one of his fists on the table. "She said that it didn't matter and that we could just go our separate ways. A few days later, my dad received a transfer to this town. I thought it was a coincidence since he worked at one of the Taijiya factories. It probably was."

            "What the fuck does this have to do with Kikyo?" Inuyasha seemed completely confused by this turn of events.

            "Inuyasha!" Kagome glared at him. "Don't you see?! Sango was the one who woke Kikyo and Miroku up this morning!" She glanced over at Miroku. "Right?"

            "That is correct." Miroku hung his head in shame. "She had come to find me. To tell me the truth."

            "I always thought you deserved the truth."

            Why did you come back into my life Sango?

            I asked you if you wanted to reopen that wound.

            It doesn't matter if you wanted to or not, you already did.

            "What was the truth?" Kagome looked near tears, as if she was reading some great romance manga.

            "Her parents had threatened to fire my dad if she didn't break it off with me." Miroku closed his eyes, remembering the tearful look in her eyes as she told him. She had been angry but at the same time, so sad. "She did it for me."

            "Sounds like you fucked up big time." Inuyasha nodded in a sympathetic manner.

            "Thank you for that expert opinion on my situation." Miroku glared at him. Then he turned towards Kagome. "We got into an argument this morning and she walked out. I don't think I'll ever see her again."

            "Well…" Kagome bit her lip. "I mean, yes, telling you now was of course going to cause problems. She should have told you exactly what her parents had threatened; maybe you guys could have done something then. You're right, you may never see her again, but that's every bit Sango's fault as it is your own."

            "Truly, Kagome, you are wise beyond your years." Miroku looked uplifted.

            "But, at the same time…" Kagome's tone foretold someone getting told off and Inuyasha hoped it wasn't him. He hadn't done anything wrong all day. "You shouldn't have been sleeping with Kikyo."

            "Kikyo's the one who wanted to do it." Inuyasha frowned at Kagome. "She's a big girl; she can make her own fucking choices."

            "She made a really bad choice by doing that." Kagome said in a stern voice. "Miroku, I really can't believe you would sleep with Kikyo when you knew it was just her trying to get back at Kagura."

            "Miroku sleeps with everyone, it doesn't really matter." Inuyasha shrugged. "Maybe Kagura should stop fucking Kouga."

            "How can you sit there and not care that Kikyo and Miroku made a really bad decision?" Kagome stood up. "Oh I forgot, Inuyasha, you don't care about anyone."

            "Shut the fuck up!" Inuyasha stood up, slamming both hands on the table.

            "It's true isn't it?" Kagome was looking him with that old expression. The hate. The anger. "You obviously don't care enough about Kikyo as a friend to make sure she didn't sleep with Miroku as revenge! And you obviously don't care that Miroku is reaping the worse sort of punishment from this!"

            "Oh that's right Kagome; I don't give a flying fuck, that's why I'm here listening to Miroku tell his fucking sob story!" Inuyasha snapped at her. "You fucking figured me out!"

            "You're such a prick to everyone it's amazing you have friends! If you can call you and Kikyo friends when you let her do something like that!" Kagome yelled at him.

            "Fuck you! Like you're some saint?! You were dating Kouga the whole fucking time he was fucking Kagura." Inuyasha roared back.

            "I didn't know!" Kagome threw her hands in the air. "How could I have known, no one told me! You didn't care enough to tell me!"

            "I told you I wasn't fucking thinking!" Inuyasha tried to defend himself, they had both forgotten Miroku sitting there, watching the exchange. "Even when I do care about you, you don't fucking notice you ungrateful bitch!"

            Kagome smacked Inuyasha across the face with all her might.

            "You don't care about me! You never have!" Kagome accused him and then ran from the room, bursting into tears as she ran up the stairs to her bedroom.

            Why Inuyasha?

            Why do you have to do things like that?

            Why do you have to say things like that?

            Kagome collapsed on her floor and cried into the floor because she knew that no matter what, Inuyasha and her would fight and hate each other. She tried so hard. It felt like Inuyasha didn't even lift a finger when it came to keeping the tension down between them.

            Why can't you just…

            "Even when I do care about you…"

            When does he care about me?

            Is it when he looks at me and I don't see anger in those violet-eyes but something else? Like he wants to reach out but he's too scared to?

            "You ungrateful bitch!"

            Am I ungrateful?

            Do I not notice who you are and what you mean to me often enough?

            Have I ever noticed?

            The tears kept coming and Kagome wondered if there would be a day when she and Inuyasha could notice each other without hate.

            Downstairs, Inuyasha was standing there looking extraordinarily like he wanted to start beating on someone. Miroku stood up, his face shadowed by his bangs.

            "I'm sorry I've caused you trouble." Miroku apologized. "If you go to her now—"

            "Please…" Inuyasha's eyes were shut in frustration and anger. "Please just shut up Miroku, okay?"

            Miroku was taken aback and quickly straightened himself.

            "Good-bye." Miroku told him and then left. It seemed everywhere he went he only spread confusion and anger.

            There is no love left in my heart…

            Does it affect others?

            Sango…you've stolen my heart and never given it back. But what about your own? Are you strong enough to live out your life and never think of me again?

------------------------------

            They finished and Kouga collapsed on top of her. Kagura wished he would stay. Maybe if she wished enough this time, he would. It didn't really seem possibly though. He always left. That was the way it went.

            It was their routine.

            He would come over and they wouldn't talk very much. Anytime Kagura did try to have a conversation with her, he would shut her up as quickly as possible and then they would have sex.

            Right after that finished, Kagura would watch the digital numbers on her clock. Today was no exception. He always stayed for five minutes, just sort of holding her against him. She had no idea why. He couldn't see the clock but he was always right on time. Always so precise. She should hate him.

            And yet she didn't. She loved him.

            "I can forgive you no matter what mistakes you make."

            That's how you're supposed to love someone, right Kikyo?

            That's how I love him.

            Even if he hates me…

            I'll let him come over and sleep with me. I'll let him use me like a cheap whore and then let him cast me aside.

            Why does he do this? Does he know that I still love him?

            Is he still punishing me for what happened so long ago when we were only children?

            Three minutes left. Not much time. Kagura wished she could tell him how much she loved him, wished she could beg him to stay with her.

            This is my fault.

            "How could I ever love a loser like you?"

            I didn't understand what Kouga heard in those words.

            He's right, I'm horrible and selfish. It's my own fault.

            But I know what it's like to be alone.

            I just forgot when I realized Kikyo and I would be together forever.

            Why would I care about a little boy who just wanted someone to care about him?

            This is my fault. I deserve this.

            Two minutes. Gods, why couldn't he just stay with her? Why did he go? Where did he go? And then Kagura would put on her clothes and go to Kikyo, wanting comfort, wanting the love that only Kikyo could give her. Kikyo who was enduring all this pain silently. She never complained when Kouga came over anymore. She never complained about the way Kagura would smell like Kouga after another visit. She never complained.

            I'm making her go through this.

            I want to choose. But I can't.

            I love Kikyo.

            And I love Kouga.

            I can't live without either. Even when Kouga is like this.

            I don't want to cause anymore pain to Kikyo though.

            One minute. Please let him change his mind. Stay with her. Talk to her. Not look at her like he hated her. Just to have him look at her like he used to. Even if it wasn't real, Kagura didn't care.

            It had felt real.

            Kouga got up and began to dress. Kagura felt like crying all over again. He wasn't paying any attention to the woman who was watching him from under the covers with eyes that were slowly clouding over with tears.

            What she didn't know is that Kouga could no longer stand to see those dark red pools of sorrow. Kouga felt sick.

            He found himself thinking about Kagura. Always Kagura. And yet he couldn't help but wonder why. He had gotten his revenge. It was all over. Why did he come back? Why did he look forward to hearing her yell his name in pleasure? Why did he look forward to any of it?

            It was like some hateful chore.

            It didn't feel like a chore until those ending moments when he had to get up and get dressed. Even when he felt like staying there and feeling Kagura against him. To talk to her. But talking could lead to having to admit things out loud that he couldn't even admit to himself.

            He left, wishing that Kikyo didn't always sit on a specific couch to read so every time he left after doing Kagura, he wouldn't have to see Kikyo's ever watchful eyes.

            Kagura got dressed slowly. It was time to see Kikyo. Kikyo who would stroke her hair and whisper comforting things to her. Kagura only wished she could make Kikyo see that she was important to Kagura.

            Kikyo was sitting on a couch, reading. Kagura sat down next to her. When Kikyo looked over, she realized that Kagura was crying. Kikyo couldn't help it; she couldn't sit there and ignore Kagura's tears. She couldn't ignore Kagura no matter how badly she should.

            "Kagura." Kikyo began and Kagura looked at her with her watery eyes. "Come here." And she patted her lap. Kagura curled up and put her lap on Kikyo's head. Kikyo ran her hands through Kagura's loose hair. It was soft but felt a little sweaty. She tried to forget that Kagura had been with Kouga only moments before.

            "Why is it like this?" Kagura asked in a small voice.

            "Shhhh…" Kikyo stroked her hair. "Don't be sad, you don't want to look bad for him, do you?"

            "I love you Kikyo." Kagura told her, covering Kikyo's hand for a moment. "You're always here, even when it hurts."

            "That's the way love is." Kikyo spoke wisely. "You're with that person even when it hurts."

----------------------------

            At school on Monday, Inuyasha and Kagome were still not talking. They didn't make off with the car as they did back in the old days but they didn't speak to each other at all. Inuyasha was pissed that Kagome had appointed herself Lord of All Morales. Kagome was pissed that Inuyasha was Lord of No Morales and for his hateful words.

            At school, they met up with the group in the early morning in the hallways. As usual, things weren't going well. Inuyasha was pretty much just glaring at everyone; Kagura was standing between Kikyo and Kouga, not looking the least bit happy. Miroku was just looking down at his feet.

            "So…how was everyone's weekend?" Kagome tried to ask cheerfully. There was some grumbling in reply and Kagura looked ready to burst into tears.

            Okay, wrong question.

            This group has way too many problems.

            It was funny that Kagome thought that because at that moment, another problem was going to come that way. Funnily enough, Kagome noticed her first. A girl, about her height with dark hair and dark pink eyes was walking that way. Kagome thought she was pretty and also that she didn't know her.

            Kikyo noticed her second and cleared her throat loudly so that everyone looked up at her. Miroku glanced passed Kikyo and saw Sango.

            "Sango…" The name escaped from his mouth and Kagome turned to look at him and then back at the girl he was staring at.

            "Sango?" Kagome said it a little loudly and the girl turned towards her. Then those dark pink eyes focused on the rest of the group, mainly Miroku. Her eyes narrowed to a glare and she kept walking.

            "What a bitch." Inuyasha commented. Kagome hit him in the shoulder. "What? She looked like a bitch to me."

            "Shut up Inuyasha." Miroku rubbed his temples. "What is she doing here…?" He seemed to be asking himself.

            "I'll be right back!" Kagome excused herself and went running after Sango. Miroku wanted to stop her and Inuyasha was right back to glaring.

            "Who the hell was that?" Kouga asked out loud.

            "Miroku's fucking tragedy Ann girlfriend." Inuyasha told them all, looking very bitter.

            "Shut up Inuyasha." Miroku's voice held warning in it.

            "You have a girlfriend?" Kagura asked in amazement. "Wow, no wonder she doesn't like you."

            "I don't have a girlfriend." Miroku's mood did not seem to be improving. "If I did, I would be faithful to her and her exclusively." Kagura looked as though Miroku had just slapped her across the face.

            "Maybe I could sleep with her and then we'd be even." Kagura countered hotly.

            "Holy shit, Kagura's gonna kick the crap out of Miroku." Inuyasha looked fairly interested in it. Like it was a scientific experiment. "My money's on Kagura."

            "Why is Kagura going to kick the crap out of Miroku?" Kouga asked.

            "'Cause he slept with Kikyo." Inuyasha answered calmly. Kikyo sent him such a scathing glare that he wondered if she wanted to murder him more then she wanted to murder Kouga.

            "You slept with Miroku?" Kouga's jaw dropped.

            "It's funny what a person will do sometimes when someone else is sleeping with their loved one." Kikyo gave him a look that told him he had no room to talk.

            "Please…stop." Kagura had her brows furrowed and her eyes closed. "Just stop."

            "Misery loves company." Kouga glared at Kikyo.

            "That's funny, I wasn't aware of you having friends." Kikyo arched her eyebrows.

            "If you two get in a fist fight, my money's on Kikyo." Inuyasha announced. "But you guys have to wait until Kagura and Miroku duke it out. Miroku's gonna get his ass kicked, he's a total pansy."

            At that moment, a historic event occurred.

            Miroku was a calm person. He very, very rarely resorted to violence. But sometimes, a person can only take so much.

            Miroku's fist connected with Inuyasha's jaw and Inuyasha fell to the ground.

            "I told you to shut up." Miroku glared at him and then walked off. Inuyasha was pissed. If not for Kouga and Kagura suddenly grabbing his arms, they were sure Inuyasha was going to run and tackle Miroku.

            "Like this group needs any more conflicts." Kikyo sighed to herself.

-------------------------

            "Okay, wait, who are you?" Sango asked in confusion. Kagome had come up to her and set into what might have been an attempt at a ten minute explanation of all that she could.

            "I'm Higurashi Kagome." Kagome stuck out her hand. "I said that didn't I?"

            "And you're friends with Miroku?" Sango looked at her suspiciously.

            "Yeah." Kagome nodded.

            "Just friends?" Sango pressed, raising an eyebrow.

            "Yeah." Kagome seemed confused by this questioning. "Oh. You don't have to worry; I'm not interested in Miroku at all. Though I can't say I really blame you for asking, he goes after anything with eyelashes."

            "Ah." Sango didn't look all that pleased with that last comment. "And you know the whole story already because Miroku told you?"

            "Yeah." Kagome nodded once more.

            "Okay then." Sango shrugged. "Now what?"

            "Well, I mean shouldn't the two of you talk?" Kagome asked. "'Cause it sounds like you really hurt him and I know he just really hurt you but maybe—"

            "Thank you Kagome." Miroku had appeared by her. "I really don't need your help in this situation.

            "I was—" Kagome was cut off again.

            "You might want to go check on your adopted brother." He informed her, giving her a look that plainly said he wanted her to go.

            "Okay." Kagome looked confused but she left. Miroku and Sango were left there.

            "Why are you here?" Miroku asked her.

            "I go to school here now." Sango looked away, crossing her arms.

            "The whole family move into town?" Miroku raised her eyebrows at her.

            "No." Sango shook her head. "Just me."

            "What happened? They didn't buy you the car you wanted or something?" Miroku snapped at her.

            "I'm here for you." Sango looked at him sharply.

            "Good luck with that." Miroku rolled his eyes. "I guess we weren't just a fling then?"

            "I only said that because…because…I didn't want you to…" Sango trailed off.

            "You didn't want me anymore? Not much fun once you got it, was it?" Miroku raised his eyebrows.

            "That's not what I meant!" Sango insisted. "Let me finish my sentence you insensitive...anyways, I didn't want you to try and come back for me because my parents were threatening you and your dad."

            "Well don't worry, I won't." Miroku turned to walk off.

            "Then listen to this Houshi Miroku: I'm in love with you and it hurt too much to say good-bye then so don't think I can say good-bye now." Sango turned and stalked off. Miroku turned to say something but she was already rounding the corner.

            Don't be a fool Miroku.

            You said it was the past yourself.

            Why do you want to bring it all back up?

            But she's here and claiming she's in love with you.

            What will you do Miroku?

----------------------------

            Sango was so glad her first day of school was over that she nearly cried. She was ready to go home and take a nap, maybe get some really good green tea and watch TV.

            You should get some cats.

            That'll be fitting when you live all by yourself.

            Why am I even here? Do I really think that if I'm stubborn enough, he'll just come to?

            Great plan there Sango.

            "Hey." Sango looked up to see Kagome standing there looking curious. She sincerely hoped Kagome wasn't stalking her so she could try and corner her into talking to Miroku again.

            "Hello." Sango couldn't be mean to the wide-eyed girl. She just seemed so nice.

            "I know earlier today was kind of weird…" Kagome wrung her hands. "Maybe we should try that again? I'm Higurashi Kagome." She held out her hand again.

            "I'm Taijiya Sango." Sango shook her hand. "So tell me Higurashi-san, what's this school like?"

            "Haha, um it's okay." Kagome shrugged. "Well not with this group. Not right now." Kagome noticed the look on Sango's face. "Don't worry; it's not your fault."

             "That's good to know, though I'm sure already apart of some of the problems." Sango sighed, she was so tired. Maybe it was the exhaustion that was already setting on her from all the work she already knew she was going to have to do. Miroku hated her.

            "Have you seen Miroku?" Inuyasha appeared in front of Kagome and Sango.

            "No." Kagome shook her head. Then she looked at him with a speculative look. "You're going to go get in a fistfight with him, aren't you?"

            "That fucker punched me!" Inuyasha reminded her. "What the fuck am I suppose to do? Let him get away with it?"

            "Well, Inuyasha, think about this way: Did you deserve it?" Kagome asked in a hesitant voice.

            "Of course not! I'll I did was call Miroku a pansy." Inuyasha folded his arms. "It's true."

            "I've never seen Miroku hit anyone before…" Sango sounded as though she were in awe. "You must have really pissed him off."

            "Inuyasha, I'm willing to bet you deserved it." Kagome gave him a small closed mouth smile with her eyebrows raised.

            "You guys always take his fucking side." Inuyasha pouted. "I bet if I could recite poetry and shit, everyone would be on my side."

            "Then maybe you should learn some." Kagome gave him a humorless look.

            "Give me the keys." Inuyasha held out his hand.

            "What? No." Kagome clutched the keys in her hands.

            "I want to drive, give me the fucking keys." Inuyasha insisted.

            "You shouldn't drive angry." Kagome reminded him. "I better drive."

            "Let me fucking drive." Inuyasha held out his hand further as though this would convince Kagome to hand over the keys. "I've got a fucking surprise for you."

            "You…do?" Kagome was so shocked that she held out the keys dumbly.

            "Well, kinda." Inuyasha mumbled. "Just something I thought I'd fucking show you so you'd stop being mad at me." Kagome's mouth went dry.

            He doesn't…he's not mad anymore…

            He just wants to be friends…

            He wants to make up.

            "Well, lead on then. Nice talking to you Sango." Kagome winked at the girl. Sango waved, wondering what was up with those two.

            Cute couple anyways.

            Even if they look like they like to argue all the time.

            She found herself face to face with Kikyo who had to stop abruptly to miss her. Sango wasn't sure what to make of the girl. She had slept with Miroku but at the same time, Kikyo didn't seem like she was really interested in Miroku.

            "Careful." Kikyo told her in an emotionless tone.

            "Sorry." Sango gave her a tiny smile and stepped around her. Kikyo watched her go out of the corner of her eye.

            She seems nice.

            "Hey, there's that Sango chick!" Kagura glomped Kikyo's back. Kikyo nearly fell over. "What cha' up to Kikyo?"

            "Going home." Kikyo smiled. "And you?"

            "Home!" Kagura cheered. "Oh, can we stop and get mochas or something?"

            "I suppose so." Kikyo shrugged. "If that's what you want to do."

            "Mochas!" Kagura exclaimed happily. "Shall we?" The two girls walked off together.

            It's almost like it used to be.

            Almost.

------------------------------

            "You took me to a pizza place?" Kagome looked at Inuyasha quizzically.

            "Just wait." Inuyasha looked a little annoyed that she wasn't more impressed. "I thought maybe you and Rin would like to hang out and stuff so I invited her to meet me here after school and—oh fuck."

            Kagome followed Inuyasha's gaze to a booth where Rin was sitting quite happily—With Sesshomaru.

            "Why the fuck is he always with her? Doesn't he have friends or a life or something?" Inuyasha groaned. "Does he have to constantly stalk my sister?"

            "Come on, it'll be okay." Kagome patted his shoulder. Inuyasha looked at her for a brief moment and looked like he was about to say something but he shut his mouth again and went to go sit with Sesshomaru and Rin.

            When they were seated and Inuyasha shot Sesshomaru an evil look, the talk began.

            "Hi Kagome!" Rin looked happy, not the forced cheerfulness that Kagome had last seen but genuine happiness. She wondered when the change had occurred and why it had.

            "Hi Rin! Hi Sesshomaru!" Kagome greeted them both as Inuyasha muttered hello to Rin.

            "Are you guys hungry?" Rin asked the two. Inuyasha stood up.

            "I am, what do you guys want?" Inuyasha pulled his wallet out of his back pocket. "My treat." Sesshomaru immediately stood.

            "No, no, it will be my treat. Please, sit." Sesshomaru gave Inuyasha a smile which Kagome thought was more like baring his teeth.

            "No, my treat." Inuyasha growled. Rin looked a bit worried and Kagome knew she had to step in before any attempts to prove anyone' masculinity became a real problem.

            "I've got it." Kagome volunteered. Sesshomaru and Inuyasha just looked at her.

            "Okay." Rin agreed, looking a little relieved. Kagome winked at her.

            They gave Kagome their orders and after Inuyasha had tried to protest one last time, Kagome went and got the food. They sat there discussing stuff until Sesshomaru pointed out him and Rin should be getting home.

            Inuyasha and Sesshomaru shared one last dirty look; Rin hugged Inuyasha and Kagome and then went off with the stoic white-haired man. Inuyasha and Kagome went home as well.

            Inuyasha and Kagome ended up on the couch, watching TV. It was during a pizza commercial that Kagome voiced her thoughts.

            "You know, it's really cool how you and Rin were adopted by different families but you guys still spend lots of time with each other." Kagome told Inuyasha.

            "Well…yeah…" Inuyasha's face flushed. "I mean, Rin's my sister and I care about her."

            "It just makes me feel like we wasted so much time fighting with each other when we should have been you know, being siblings. It makes me sad to think that someone who makes such a good brother was there the whole time." Kagome confessed in a wistful sort of way.

            Before she realized what was happening, Inuyasha had his lips pressed up against hers. Her eyes widened to the size of saucers. She was surprised and she supposed she meant to push him away but it just felt…so right.

            Wait, I'm kissing Inuyasha. What's going on?

            And in her daze, she pushed him away.

            "W-what was that about?" Kagome asked, her face going beet red. Inuyasha turned his head to the side and tried his best not to look embarrassed.

            "Nothing." Inuyasha immediately came out with. "I mean, fuck. I just felt like it."

            "Well you should have asked." Kagome became a bit indignant.

            "It was just a fucking kiss." Inuyasha now had his arms folded and was trying his best not to look at Kagome.

            "Without my permission!" Kagome insisted. "You should have asked!"

            "Oh what, did Kouga ask you?" Inuyasha was pissed. "It was a fucking kiss Kagome."

            "You should have asked!" Kagome repeated. "You could have warned me! Didn't even think about what I wanted! How does that make it any different from rape?"

            Now she supposed she had been a bit hysterical and blowing it a bit out of proportion. But then she realized she had just said the worst thing possible at the moment.

            "You know what?" Inuyasha stood up. "I fucking take it back! I don't know what the fuck I was thinking!"

            "You can't take it back! You already did it!" Kagome stood up as well.

            "What the fuck do you want from me then?!" Inuyasha asked her. "What the fuck do you want?"

            "I-I…" Kagome tried to think but with being confronted with that question she found her mind had gone completely blank.

            "You fucking figure it out before you start sitting there saying crazy shit about rape." Inuyasha started to walk out of the room but Kagome stopped him.

            "You're the one who doesn't know what he wants! Why the hell did you kiss me?" Kagome demanded to know.

            "None of your goddamn business! Why the hell would you care? Are you going to solve all my problems?" Inuyasha yelled at her. "You can't solve your own goddamn problems!"

            "At least I try to help other people!" Kagome was so angry she didn't know what to do. "You just cut people down and you're horrible to everyone!"

            "Fuck you; you don't know anything about me!" Inuyasha shouted. "You don't know anything about any of us!"

            "Because I wasn't there in your stupid orphanage?!" Kagome questioned. "Because my parents didn't abandon me?" Inuyasha whirled and grabbed her arms, slamming her body against a wall. Kagome winced.

            "You don't know what the fuck you're saying!" Inuyasha yelled and Kagome saw that there were actually tears forming in Inuyasha's eyes. Her mouth opened. Why had she just said that? "What are you? Some sort of sadistic bitch? Do you think that's fucking funny?! Do you enjoy this or something?!"

            "Inuyasha—" Kagome tried to interrupt, tried to say something. What had she said?

            "I fucking feel sorry for Kouga, who knows what the fuck you were going to do to him?! Good thing he never fucking told you anything!" Inuyasha roared.

            "He was a lot better then you!" Kagome struggled against Inuyasha's fierce grip.

            "You…you…" Inuyasha was shaking with anger. "You goddamn whore!" And he let go of her.

            "You goddamn whore!"

            It was just echoing in her head. How could he say that? Did they really hate each other so much? When they were friends? He wanted to apologize earlier…and now…and now nothing could repair it.

            "Fine. FINE!" Kagome screamed. "I'll make what you say true!" Then she ran out of the living room and a few moments later, Inuyasha heard the car starting. He ran towards the window but it was too late, Kagome was gone.

            For a moment…I thought…

            I thought you were beautiful…

            I just wanted to show you…how beautiful you can be…

            I'm such a fuck-up. Why the hell would you want someone like me to care?

            And where the hell are you going?

------------------------

            Kagome had tears still streaming down her face as she knocked on Miroku's door, completely hysterical and having no idea why she was there. Why didn't she go somewhere else? But then…where would she go?

            "Just one moment." Miroku's voice sing-songed and he opened the door. Good smells wafted towards her as he did. Was he cooking something? "Kagome!"

            "Can I come in Miroku?" Kagome started crying harder and Miroku quickly hugged her and led her inside. He sat her down in a chair and promised to be right back. He went somewhere else in the apartment.

            "Yes, terribly sorry but it seems my friend is having some problems…" Miroku was telling someone. "Another time perhaps?"

            Miroku came back into the room and Kagome saw through her blurry eyes she was in a small kitchen-dining area. Miroku was doing something, most likely cooking.

            "You came just in time. I hope you like pasta." Miroku grinned at her. "Of course, it was a bit of an inconvenience of you not to call first. I was in an awkward position there for a few moments."

            "I'm sorry." Kagome whispered. "It's just…it's just…"

            "Okay, okay," Miroku came and put his arms around her again. "Tears don't really suit you Kagome." Kagome almost smiled. "You seem rather upset and maybe you should calm down…"

            "Oh Miroku." Kagome hugged him back, still sniffling. "It was so horrible, I was so horrible. And Inuyasha was…"

            "I want you to take a deep breath." Miroku pulled away to look at her. "Take two deep breaths. Do you want some wine? It's really good with pasta. Or I could get you some water or some tea."

            "Wine." Kagome decided.

            "Alright…" Miroku looked a tad bit hesitant but complied. He handed her the glass and Kagome took a small sip of it. She hadn't really had very much wine before. It was a bit soothing though.

            Then she remembered.

            "I'll make what you say true."

            Kagome put the glass down. Miroku raised his eyebrows at her.

            "Don't like it?" Miroku obviously thought that was the problem. "Or do you want to tell me why it is that you're so upset?"

            "I don't want to talk about that." Kagome got up and put her arms around him. "Make me forget Miroku. Make me forget."

            "Kagome—" Miroku was cut off.

            "Please Miroku…please." Kagome held tighter. "Make me forget about all that right now." And Miroku who couldn't refuse her led her to his bedroom.

---------------------------

            "Where's Kagome?" Noduko asked Inuyasha that night at dinner.

            "I don't know and I don't give a flying fuck." Inuyasha answered.

            "Inuyasha! Try to watch your language at the dinner table!" Yasumu reprimanded.

            "I thought you and Kagome were getting along." Noduko sighed, it really seemed like they had been becoming friends.

            "That's her own fuck—I mean, it's her own fault." Inuyasha corrected himself as Noduko gave him a sharp look. "She ran off somewhere."

            "I'm just getting worried. She usually checks in." Noduko looked about in worry. "Did she say anything…?"

            "Look, I don't know where the fuck she is!" Inuyasha stood up. "She's probably somewhere making a big deal out of something stupid. It was a fucking kiss."

            "What?" Noduko was confused but Inuyasha had already left the room.

            "I have a feeling something rather troubling happened." Yasumu took a deep breath. "Kagome probably got upset and went to a friend's house, we shouldn't worry."

------------------------

            Dear Miroku,

                        As it's impossible to have a conversation with you and your phone seems to malfunction whenever I call, I've decided to write you instead. I saw you leave this afternoon with a girl. And it hurt.

            I know that you hate me right now. I know that you want to hurt me as much as I hurt you. But maybe we should think about this. Is it worth more pain?

            You probably won't answer this letter but I was thinking that if we could just sit down and talk for a little while…I think that would be best.

                                    Love always,

                                         Sango

            Sango re-read the letter and then put it into an envelope and then taped it to Miroku's front door. Just as she was doing so, the door started to open and she quickly jumped to one side and tried to hide in the shadows.

            "I'll see you at school Kagome." Miroku's voice was telling the girl. Sango's eyes widened.

            Kagome! But I thought she said…

            "Yeah, see you Miroku." Kagome's voice told Miroku and Sango could see Miroku kissing Kagome's cheek and then he closed the door as Kagome turned away.

            "Kagome?" Sango stepped out of the shadows.

            "Sango?!" Kagome spotted her and her eyes grew round. "What…?"

            "I was here to deliver a letter." Sango went and quickly taped the letter to Miroku's door. "What are you doing here?"

            "I…" Kagome looked down at her feet. "You'll hate me…"

            "Oh." Sango felt a sinking feeling in her chest.

            "I didn't…" Kagome looked like she might start crying. "I'm sorry Sango!"

            "You don't really have to apologize." Sango told her. "He's screwing half the school; one more person isn't going to upset me."

            "But now…now it's true! What he said is true!" Kagome began to cry and Sango put a hand on her shoulder. "He'll hate me forever now."

            "Who will?" Sango asked curiously.

            "Inuyasha." Kagome whispered the name even though it seemed to bring her a lot of pain. "He'll hate me forever when he finds out…"

            "Then don't tell him." Sango thought back. Inuyasha was obviously that boy she had seen today. "He looks like the type who would immediately kill Miroku and then I would be mad. That's my job." Kagome laughed a little through her tears.

            "I'm really sorry Sango, I wasn't thinking." Kagome apologized again. "Maybe I was too quick to judge Kikyo."

            "Why don't we go get some mochas?" Sango felt herself not hating Kagome at all. It was strange. "You look like you could use one."

---------------------

            He felt guilty.

            It was one of the first times that he truly recognized he shouldn't have slept with a woman.

            I should have said no. I should have made her talk about it.

            Shit.

            Miroku hit his fist on the wall and decided there was only one thing to do. Go confess to Inuyasha. If Inuyasha kicked the shit out of him, it was what he deserved at the moment.

            He walked out the door and saw a letter attached to it. Sango. That didn't make him feel any better.

            Miroku didn't bother to read the letter; he just stumbled down the stairs and into his car. He wasn't sure if he was doing the smartest thing but he had to do it. Kikyo had been different. She hadn't been so emotional. She was being clear-headed about it. Kagome clearly wasn't in any sort of state to be making decisions like that.

            Good job Miroku. You've proven what an absolute ass you can be.

            How can you reprimand Inuyasha for being insensitive when what you've done is far worse?

            Arriving at the Higurashi house, he realized it was a bit late but with luck, Inuyasha would be up. Inuyasha and Kagome's car wasn't in the driveway but Miroku figured that Kagome was the one who had it. Why wasn't she back yet?

            Miroku knocked on the door and Inuyasha was the one who answered it. From the pissed off look on his face, Miroku wasn't sure it would be very good for his health if he told Inuyasha what had transpired.

            "What the fuck do you want?" Inuyasha asked him.

            "I need to talk to you." Miroku sighed. "It's about Kagome."

            "Look, I don't care what the fuck she said, she fucking started it." Inuyasha began in.

            "Please. Can I come in?" Miroku asked. "We need to talk privately."

            "Come on." Inuyasha was vaguely curious about what the hell Miroku was doing here and what the hell it had to do with Kagome. But then, who knew?

            Inuyasha led him to his very messy room and sat down in a chair, Miroku sat across from him on the bed.

            "Kagome came over." Miroku informed him.

            "She fucking told you her sob story?" Inuyasha inquired. "It was just a fucking kiss!"

            "Actually, no, she didn't want to talk about it." Miroku knew he was going to have to tell the violet-eyed boy. "She…well…and I…"

            "No." Inuyasha's mouth opened in surprise. "You didn't…you fucking slept with Kagome?!"

            "Yes." Miroku admitted. "After it was over, I realized what a shitty thing that was to do. And now I feel horrible and I came to tell you myself what had happened. She was upset. She was so angry and sad and she was thinking about your fight, not what it might do to the two of you."

            Inuyasha just stared at him. Then his face tightened with anger and he balled up a fist which Miroku assumed was going to hit him and tried to not make himself wince. Inuyasha threw the punch but deliberately missed, hitting the wall next to Miroku's head.

            Miroku was amazed. It had probably taken every ounce of Inuyasha's self-control not to start beating the shit out of him right then and there. He was surprised Inuyasha hadn't immediately tried to kill him with his bare hands.

            "Son of a BITCH!" Inuyasha was shaking. "Fuck, fuck, FUCK!"

            "Inuyasha…" Miroku wasn't sure what to tell the violet-eyed young man right then.

            "I'm just a big fucking joke to her!" Inuyasha hit the wall again. "Fuck her, just fuck her." Miroku opened his mouth to say something. "Don't fucking say one more goddamn word Miroku! Just get out!" Inuyasha ordered. Miroku did leave.

-----------------------

            It was obvious he knew.

            Kagome felt as though she had somehow betrayed him. That somehow she had damaged the whole relationship beyond repair.

            How does he know?

            Did Miroku tell him?

            Instead of insulting her or getting into another fight, Inuyasha was strangely indifferent to her. He never spoke to her. He was actually really cold. Sometimes, like when they were driving to school together (Kagome let him drive), she could tell from the way he would start gripping the steering wheel until his knuckles were white that he was holding it all in.

            And she knew he would do something. What that was, she had no idea.

            Sango seemed to have forgiven her after Kagome told her the whole story. In fact, Kagome told her all about what was going on with the group. Sango herself seemed amazed that a group of six people (excluding herself) could create such a mess. But then, Sango had to admit that her and Miroku had created a pretty big mess all by themselves. She continued her letter sending and gifts, as that was the way that Miroku had wooed her.

            They brought no response.

            Kagura, Kikyo, and Kouga seemed to be in such a messed up relationship that no one knew how to help them. Kikyo seemed to be resigned to the fact that Kagura was going to leave her, despite Kagura's protests. Kagura really did love Kikyo but at the same time, she was in love with Kouga. There seemed no way to solve this problem.

            Kouga grew quieter and more sullen every day. With so many problems going on in one group, no one knew what to think. Inuyasha couldn't deal with what Kagome had done and anytime someone tried to bring up Kagome he would snap at them to shut the hell up. Miroku didn't even try.

            What was going to happen to them? They all hesitated in the face of the future. All things come to an end. At least, that's what everyone was hoping.

---------------------

            Two weeks of this behavior and Inuyasha knew he was going to burst at any second. So he went to spend time with a friend. Someone who might just understand what he was going through.

            Kikyo listened patiently over a cup of tea in Inuyasha's room. She was sitting on his bed, her hair in a loose ponytail and wearing her usual long-sleeves and long black pants. As soon as she had come over, Inuyasha had made her tea, because he knew Kikyo liked it and because he supposed he was trying to be courteous to the girl whose significant other was sleeping another man. It seemed they had something in common.

            When he finished, Kikyo seemed to be thinking rather hard, her dark brows furrowed as she paused in the moment.

            "The main problem between the two of you is that you don't stop to think about something before you say it." Kikyo told him. "You two get into these arguments while you're angry and you just let whatever you want come out."

            "So?" Inuyasha kicked at something on the ground.

            "Then you two take extreme offense to the things that came out when you weren't thinking. And you continue to have skirmishes like this." Kikyo took a deep breath. "If you two would just be honest to each other—"

            "I've tried!" Inuyasha protested.

            "Then you also have to let Kagome be honest with herself!" Kikyo reprimanded him. "Kagome's in turmoil but she's playing the coward. You'll have to think of some way to get her to talk to you, even if it ends up being Kagome just yelling at you. You should just listen to her."

            "She won't listen to me." Inuyasha looked confused.

            "She will once she has all the initial stuff out of her system." Kikyo waved a dismissive hand. "Kagome has to come to terms with herself before she can see you for you."

            "When she said…when she says things…that are nice…" Inuyasha tried to find the words. "Her whole face lights up…and I think about how she should always be like that. I want her to always have that look on her face."

            "I know what you mean." Kikyo smiled sadly, yet fondly as the image of a laughing Kagura passed in her mind. Kagura hadn't laughed in so long. All her smiles so forced.

            "Does that mean…that I…?" Inuyasha looked at Kikyo quizzically.

            "Does it mean what?" Kikyo cocked her head to one side.

            "Am I…you know…in love with her?" Inuyasha finally got out, looking partially terrified of the thought. It was little wonder, Kikyo thought to herself. The poor boy had very little in the way of love in his life.

            "What do you think?" Kikyo asked him seriously.

            "Fuck." Inuyasha leaned back and groaned on his computer chair. "I don't know anymore. It doesn't matter anyway; she doesn't like me at all. She made that pretty clear." He got up and flopped down on the bed next to Kikyo.

            "You don't know that." Kikyo tried to be encouraging.

            "Yeah I do." Inuyasha insisted and Kikyo heard a slight creak in his voice that could only mean one thing. Her eyes widened. There was no way. "No one will ever love me."

            "What are you talking about?" Kikyo asked him. "What about your little sister?"

            "She has a different older brother that she loves…fuck, I mean, I couldn't make her happy and she wouldn't leave with me…" Inuyasha's hair was hiding his face but Kikyo knew he had tears in his eyes. "Fuck…" And Inuyasha saw the faces of his long deceased parents, Rin's face, Kagome's face…

            A cool, slim, comforting hand covered his own. Inuyasha was surprised by Kikyo's caring actions. Though he supposed they were in the same boat. A tear fell down on that hand.

            "Somewhere, someone loves you. Do you think that where your parents are, they aren't thinking of you and Rin?" Kikyo asked him. Inuyasha looked up at Kikyo for a moment.

            "Why does it hurt so bad?" Inuyasha wanted to wipe his tears away; he didn't want Kikyo to see him like this. He didn't want anyone to see him like this. It was like the wound Kagome had made was ripped right open.

            "If it didn't, it wouldn't be love." Kikyo smiled gently. Inuyasha threw his arms around Kikyo and hugged her to him. Kikyo sensed his need for contact and put her arms around him, hugging him back.

            Thank you Kikyo…

            You only know these things because she can be so painful to love.

            Sharing the pain…

            He looked up at her and before he could stop himself, he kissed her. Kikyo stiffened for a moment. Then Inuyasha broke it.

            "Kikyo…" Inuyasha looked into the eyes of the girl who had grown up with. It struck him how much Kikyo looked like Kagome. "Kikyo…"

            "I know." Kikyo smiled. "I know." And he kissed her again. And again.

            Inuyasha had never had sex before and he knew part of him was getting revenge on Kagome by having sex with Kikyo. But then, he knew that Kikyo understood him. She knew that this wasn't a relationship thing. They were friends. They were good friends; Kikyo could even qualify as one of his best friends.

            He loved her as a friend. And that's exactly how Kikyo loved him.

            He needed this.

            And Kikyo was the only one who could help him with it.

-----------------------

            Later, after Kikyo had gone home, wishing him the best of luck with Kagome, Inuyasha went into the kitchen to make himself a Hot Pocket. Of course Kagome came into the kitchen. She was curious about his change of clothes since it was late afternoon on a Saturday. She knew Kikyo had been over earlier but had left.

            Inuyasha was wearing drawstring pants and a loose Offspring t-shirt, watching the microwave with his violet-eyes. He was standing up just a little taller, as though he had a weight lifted off his shoulders.

            "Hi." Kagome greeted him tentatively. "What are you doing?"

            "Making a Hot Pocket." Inuyasha grunted. It was the first time he had spoken to her for two weeks. "I'm fucking hungry."

            "So…why was Kikyo here?" Kagome couldn't help inquiring.

            "Talking." Inuyasha shrugged.

            "That's it?" Kagome blinked her large eyes.

            "What the hell?" Inuyasha turned on her. "What are you, my fucking mom? Okay, you wanna know?" He didn't wait for her to say anything. "She came over here and we had sex, happy now?"

            "YOU HAD SEX WITH KIKYO?!" Kagome's eyes went round as she yelled it in surprise.

            "Why the fuck would you care?" Inuyasha's Hot Pocket was finished. He remembered Kikyo's advice. Just let her yell. He would have to exercise some self-control not to answer back.

            "You know you sat there ignoring me because of what I did and you went and did the same thing!" Kagome started and Inuyasha had never so badly wanted to talk back to her before in his life. "I can't believe you! Like that would solve your problems?! And Kikyo is never going to get anywhere with her own problems if she keeps doing that! Maybe Kagura would stop sleeping with Kouga if Kikyo wasn't such a—"

            "Don't you fucking finish that sentence." Inuyasha glared at her. It was a very dangerous tone. "If you do, I'll never fucking talk to you again. Say whatever the hell you want about me but drag Kikyo into this."

            "Oh! Let's protect precious little Kikyo!" Kagome felt angry and betrayed and…well, everything Inuyasha must have felt two weeks ago. She had done the same thing but she couldn't handle it. She couldn't handle the fact that Inuyasha had found his comfort somewhere else, not with her.

            "Whatever." Inuyasha stalked off into his room. He was not going to sit there and take it. But neither was Kagome.

            She got into her car, started up the engine and started driving. She knew where Kagura and Kikyo lived. And now she was going to go there and tell Kikyo exactly what she thought of her.

            Ringing the doorbell, a maid let her in and Kagome marched inside to find Kikyo in the kitchen, making tea. She had just poured herself a cup. Kagome came in and knocked it out of Kikyo's hand. The teacup shattered and tea went everywhere.

            "How dare you?!" Kagome yelled at her. "You like ruining other people's lives, don't you? First Sango, now me!" Kikyo seemed to be ignoring her and standing there, almost looking through her. "You can't just sleep with people to take your mind off Kagura!"

            "That's the pot calling the kettle black." Kikyo seemed rather calm, enraging Kagome.

            "And that gives you an excuse to be a total whore?!" Kagome asked her angrily. "No wonder Kagura's sleeping with someone else, you're completely cold-hearted! You just go around and—" Someone tapped Kagome on the shoulder and Kagome turned around viciously.

            She was greeted with someone slapping her across the face with their full strength.

            "Don't you ever, ever, call Kikyo a whore!" Kagura was breathing hard in her anger, her hand still in the air from hitting Kagome. Kagome stared at the red-eyed girl horror.

            "You're an idiotic selfish girl who…who doesn't know what it's like not to be loved!" Kagura glared at her, looking like she might hit her again. "If you don't get out of here in five seconds, I'll rip your fucking hair out!" Kagome took one last look at Kikyo and practically ran from the house.

            Who doesn't know what it's like not to be loved?

            Is there anyone who doesn't know what that's like?

            How can Kagura defend her?

            Back in the house, Kikyo began cleaning up the teacup. Kagura closed her eyes for a moment and then after taking a calming breath, started helping her.

            "You slept with Inuyasha?" Kagura wasn't really asking. It was more of a statement. "I can see why. Living with that bitch, the boy probably needed to get laid." Kagura's forced smile almost broke Kikyo's heart.

            "Sometimes people really need their friends." Kikyo gathered up the last few pieces of china. "They always comfort you."

            "Especially when the one you want most to can't." Kagura pricked her finger on a stray piece that had a sharpened edge. She stared in wonder at the small drop of blood. Kikyo took her hand and put the finger to her lips.

            "I knew you would understand." Kikyo closed her eyes, the salty taste of Kagura's blood on her lips. "I didn't do it this time for revenge. Just to tell him that people did care about him."

            "It's okay." Kagura smiled at the pale girl. "Who am I to say anything?"

-------------------------

            Sango wanted to throw up. Miroku walked away from the group the following Thursday with a girl at the end of the day. She had no doubt what they were going to do but it still hurt her. He didn't respond to anything she had done so far.

            The rest of the group departed. Kagome hadn't even stopped but just waved at Sango. Sango looked at the others to see Inuyasha trying to obviously ignore Kagome and Kagura glaring murderously at the blue-eyed girl. Kikyo didn't even seem to notice. Kouga looked like he had no idea where he was.

            "I'm going home." Kagura finally spoke up. Kouga perked up immediately and Kikyo's mouth twitched in an irritated fashion.

            "I suppose we should be going." Kikyo put a possessive arm around Kagura's waist and the two walked off together. Kouga wasn't far behind them.

            "Those three are so fucked up." Inuyasha snorted. "Some problems just can't be fucking solved."

            "I know what that's like." Sango could see Miroku way across the parking lot helping the girl into his car. Her dark pink eyes narrowed. "Why does he do that?"

            "Miroku?" Inuyasha guessed right off the bat. Sango was mildly surprised. In her interactions so far with Inuyasha, she thought that he was a little oblivious to other people's problems.

            "Yeah." Sango kicked a pebble. "I wish I knew what to do. He doesn't seem to care no matter what I do!"

            "Well, what have you done?" Inuyasha asked.

            "Sent him letters and stuff." Sango shrugged. "Presents as well."

            "Yeah, that's your problem right fucking there." Inuyasha's reply made Sango whip her head around at him. "Easy there killer. Guys don't think the same way girls do. You can't fucking shower us with posies."

            "I could follow everyone else's example and sleep with someone else." Sango muttered wryly but knowing that a part of her wasn't joking.

            "I wouldn't do that if I were you 'cause personally, I think enough people are fucking enough other people." Inuyasha informed her in an almost wistful tone. "Guys are fucking stupid, just keep that in mind."

            "Thanks for the advice." Sango almost started laughing. At least Inuyasha could admit the pitfalls of the male gender—not that she was being bitter or anything.

            She started to walk away and turned around to look at Inuyasha.

            "Hey, um…" What the hell did she plan to say? "You and Kagome can work things out. Kagome feels really bad about the whole thing and yeah…"

            "Shit, does everyone know about it?" Inuyasha asked sourly.

            "Uh, maybe Kouga doesn't know." Sango grinned teasingly.

            "Kouga doesn't know a lot of shit." Inuyasha grinned back. "Seeya." And with that, the unpredictable dark haired boy walked away.

---------------------

            Kagome really didn't know what she was thinking when she knocked on Rin's door. She knew Rin was probably home but was most likely with her constant companion, Sesshomaru. What were the odds that Kagome could talk to her for a little bit?

            She realized she had royally fucked up the situation with her and Inuyasha. And it hurt her. And then when he did essentially what she had done to him, what did she do? Went and screamed at Kikyo about it. Really smart.

            I wanted to blame anyone but myself.

            Kagura was right to hit me. Inuyasha should have.

            It's what I deserved.

            "Hello?" Rin peeked her head out her door. "Oh! Kagome! Come in. Is Inuyasha with you?"

            "No." Kagome shook her head. Rin raised her eyebrows as she let her inside.

            "Sesshomaru went to a class he had so we're all alone." Rin informed her. "Is something wrong?"

            "Yeah." Kagome wasn't sure how to tell Rin this story. But she did. She rushed where she could. Rin didn't interrupt her at all. Just waited patiently for her to finish. When Kagome did get to the end, Rin had a worried and concerned look on her face.

            Kagome realized that of course Rin was trying to be objective because part of her wanted to jump to her brother's defense.

            "Well," Rin hesitated. "The thing is…I don't really know what to say to all this. It surprises me really. You two seemed to be getting along pretty well the last time I saw. But then of course, right after this was when this whole business started. You should talk to Inuyasha."

            "He hates me." Kagome looked down at her hands. "How can I talk to him?"

            "Inuyasha doesn't hate you." Rin smiled. "You don't have to worry about that."

            "But how do you know? How can you be so sure that he doesn't? I keep thinking about it and how he hates me now. It's distracting me from everything. I keep trying not to think about it and it doesn't work!" Kagome sighed and felt like she just might start crying.

            "You're in love with him!" Rin's jaw dropped and her eyes widened.

            "What?!" Kagome reeled back in her chair. "No, no, that is not what I just said."

            "You are!" Rin put her hands to her face. "I can't believe it! Oh you have to go tell him how you feel!"

            "I'm not in love with Inuyasha!" Kagome insisted and felt something of a quickening to her beating heart.

            In love with him?

            How is that possible?

            Rin is just confused. We've always hated each other. There's just no way…

            And yet…it hurts so much to think about him with another girl.

            And there were times…

            "I'm not letting you go!"

            "I…I…" Kagome tried to gather her thoughts. Curling up and sleeping together on Inuyasha's bed. Things like that were coming to her head. "Omigod."

            "That does tend to complicate the situation." Rin patted her on the back a couple of times. "Just go talk to him."

            "I…I just can't." Kagome shook her head. "No, I can't."

            "You'll have to because that's the only way anything is going to get done." Rin insisted. "I think the biggest problem between you and Inuyasha is your communication breakdowns."

            "I know that." Kagome took a deep breath. "But I don't feel like I can just tell him."

            "Maybe you should write it down or something." Rin shrugged. "It could help a little."

            "Maybe." Kagome smiled sadly. "Maybe."

-------------------------

            He finished and Kagura could see the clock. Five minutes. He always left after five minutes. He was holding her against him almost more then usual. It was like he didn't want to let her go.

            It's your imagination…

            Kagura already began to fell that horrible sinking feeling that came every time Kouga left. She knew he would just leave again. Nothing changed. He was just using her. She looked up at the ceiling, her eyes blurring with tears.

            Four minutes.

            Kikyo…why do I make you suffer like this?

            Do you cry when you know I'm with him?

            Or have you ran out of tears?

            Three minutes.

            Kagura wanted to do something. Maybe run her hands through his hair but she knew he would never allow her to. Their physical contact was mainly just sex and the five minutes afterward. But wouldn't it be nice?

            It can never be like when he pretended to be in love with me.

            Two minutes.

            You only believe the lies that you want to believe.

            Did you really think nothing would come back to haunt you?

            There's nothing but his hate and my love.

            One minute.

            He was as regular as clockwork. It was almost like he could see the clock himself and knew when the five minutes were over. He'd get up as soon as it turned and get dressed. She would say nothing.

            Why did she continue to do this to herself?

            Time's up.

            But…something was different.

            Kagura's eyes widened as she realized that Kouga had not gotten up at all. He was still holding her to him. She was confused. This wasn't the norm. He always left after five minutes. What was he doing? Was something wrong?

            Could she really complain about it though?

            She heard a small noise and it first couldn't quite place it. It sounded like someone was crying. But who was crying? She had silent tears but she hadn't made the noise. Kikyo then? No, Kikyo wasn't in the room for one and even if she was crying, she couldn't have made that small noise.

            Kouga?

            Kagura realized with horror that in fact it was Kouga. He was crying. Why was he crying? Kagura went to move just to make sure she wasn't imagining things but he stopped her. He moved so that they were looking at each other but he still had his arms around her.

            Tears were coming out of his eyes and down his cheeks.

            "Wha…" Kagura realized it was the first words they had spoken to each other in private for a long time. "What's wrong?"

            "I love you."

            The words made the time stand still and Kagura was sure the moment lasted forever but when forever finally passed over them, she tried to open her mouth to say something.

            He can't love me…

            He could never love me…

            His blue eyes are usually so clouded with hate…how can he feel anything else?

            "Don't, don't say things like that." Kagura closed her eyes. It was so painful to see his tears. She had seen his tears only one time before. In the rain, so long ago. "Wasn't once enough for you?!"

            "I mean it!" Kouga clutched her body to his own. "I mean it Kagura…I mean it…"

            "If you do it twice then you're crueler then I ever was." Kagura told him, looking straight into his eyes. "Isn't it enough that I let you use me? Do you really hate me so much?"

            "I knew…" Kouga's tears streamed down his face. "I knew that you would hate me when I told you. How could you ever love…someone like me?"

            Is it true? Do you really love me Kouga?

            Or is this some sort of trick?

            I don't think I care.

            Just say the words because if you say them then I can't help but believe them.

            She couldn't help herself as she pressed her mouth against his, the tips of their tongues touching. Was there anything to believe but what Kouga was saying? And when can you tell the truth between lies you wanted to believe and the truth?

            Kagura broke the kiss and Kouga kissed her forehead before starting to get up. Kagura felt a lot happier then she had a long time. Kouga got dressed and then kissed her one last time.

            "I'll see you soon." Kouga told her and Kagura realizing that now she was faced with the Kikyo vs. Kouga situation again felt worry fill her. She went to the bathroom to wash her face.

            She stared in the mirror at herself. That's when she heard them.

-------------------------

            "Why won't you leave her alone?" Kikyo hissed at him. It was the first time that she had spoken to him when he was at their house. "What you do is far worse then what she did to you!"

            "That's none of your business Kikyo." Kouga argued. "Besides, Kagura loves me! What about you? You just tag along to everything!"

            "You aren't the only one that she loves!" Kikyo raised her voice in anger. "And what the hell is the point of her love for her when you don't give a damn about her?!"

            "I do!" Kouga insisted. "Ask her yourself if you don't believe me!"

            "You're ruining her life!" Kikyo wanted nothing more then to smack him across the face. "She's unhappy, not that you would notice!"

            "You're the one who makes her unhappy!" Kouga yelled at the dark-haired girl.

---------------------

            Please…please…

            The angry shouts were echoing through her head. She put her hands to her ears, wishing she could drown out the yells that were also in her head.

            "Please…don't fight…" Kagura pleaded with them quietly from the bathroom. "Please don't fight…"

            Neither of you make me unhappy…

            It's the pain I know I cause you that makes me unhappy…

            I love you both so much…

            How could she fix this? How could she make the fighting stop? How could she make them not hate each other? Why did she always have to hurt the people she loved? Why couldn't she do anything right?!

            There's only one thing I can do…

            You'll both be happy…

            Without me here.

            Razor blades. Right there in the bathroom drawer.

            She took one out. She imagined Kikyo's pain. Her lovely skin with its only blemish, scars. Kagura was the first one to kiss those scars and tell her how beautiful she was. Kikyo's hands that were so soothing as they passed over Kagura's skin and going through her hair.

            It pressed against her skin and she moved it in one sharp swift moment. One wrist began bleeding. One more. One more to go. And then she was gone.

            And this one. This wrist was for him. Those hurt eyes, when he realized he was the butt of a cruel joke. Those eyes so filled with pain and hurt and hate. The way his soft lips moved over her skin. That's what she loved.

            They were both bleeding so much. She was getting blood everywhere. Kagura didn't want the blood to be everywhere. The shower. She could take a shower and rise the blood down the drain.

            Good-bye everyone.

            I love you…

-----------------------

            The unmistakable hiss of the shower reached the two who were still arguing. They both paused in their fight.

            "Well, as much as I enjoyed talking to you, I think I need a shower." Kouga walked confidently off towards the bathroom.

            "Don't you dare!" Kikyo ran after him. They fought their way to the bathroom, both intending to get there before the other. They struggled briefly over the door and both of them ended up opening it, flinging it wide.

            They both looked at the scene before them and both felt as though they might start vomiting. Kagura was lying in the shower, her eyes wide open, breathing slowly. The water poured down on her as blood ran down the bath tub sides and down the drain. The bloody razor blade was still on the counter, blood was everywhere.

            "Kagura!" Kikyo screamed the name in disbelief and worry, rushing towards the red-eyed girl. "Kagura!" Kagura blinked and looked at Kikyo, a small smile spreading over her face.

            "I must be in heaven…but that's not right…you can't be in heaven…you're still alive." Kagura reached up to touch Kikyo's face. Kikyo felt tears well up in her eyes.

            "Kagura! Why?" Kikyo pressed Kagura's hand to her face. "Why did you do this?"

            "I just…wanted you guys not to hate each other." A tear rolled down Kagura's cheek. "You two are the ones I love most. But you hate each other because of me. All I do is hurt you two…"

            We both love you…

            And that's why we hate each other…

            Because we know you'll choose and we're so scared that you'll choose the other…

            "Call an ambulance!" Kikyo told Kouga who immediately ran to do as he was told. "You idiot…Kagura…you're such an idiot…Do you think this will solve anything? Do you think I'd be able to forgive Kouga or myself?! Did you think that I could live without you? I barely remember what life was like before you…"

            "My life before you wasn't real. When I saw you…when I saw your gentle eyes…that's when I was born…" Kagura was smiling even though tears clouded her eyes. "Now I'm dying…and I get to see your face before I go…and Kouga…where's Kouga?"

            "He's coming." Kikyo closed her eyes for a moment, knowing she could never shut out the pain. "An ambulance is coming…You're not dying…not yet. I won't let you."

            "Kagura?" Kouga came to sit next to them. "Kikyo? The ambulance is coming. They said to put pressure on the wounds to make them stop bleeding."

            "Give me those towels." Kikyo ordered him and he got them for her and Kikyo pressed a towel against one of Kagura's wrists and Kouga did the same to the other.

            "This must be heaven…" Kagura closed her eyes. "Because you're both here…"

            Kikyo felt like dying. Why did Kagura think this is what she had to do? Kouga didn't look any better then Kikyo did. When the ambulance arrived, Kagura was barely conscious.

            They didn't argue about who got to ride in the ambulance. Kikyo got in and began giving the information out. She knew Kouga was right behind them in his car. She looked at her dearest friend, her sister, and her lover as she lay there.

            If your death would cause so much pain…

            How can you look so peaceful when you're dying?

----------------------------

            Kikyo had just gotten off the phone with her parents who were in London and said they were taking the first flight available to them. She came back to sit on one of the uncomfortable plastic chairs next to Kouga who had his head in his hands.

            A nurse came over to them. They both looked up hopefully and at the same time, slightly dreading her arrival.

            They had been forced from Kagura's room when they arrived at the hospital and had been waiting in those stupid chairs for what felt like a lifetime. Now they were finally going to hear about her condition.

            "You two came with Kaze Kagura, correct?" The nurse asked.

            "Yes." Kikyo quickly answered, anxious for news. The nurse checked her clipboard.

            "Well, she's very lucky. She barely made it." The nurse shook her head. "We had to give her a blood transfusion because she lost so much but she's over now. The doctors have given her stitches and she should be completely recovered after a few days."

            Kikyo drew in a breath of oxygen that tasted so sweet to her. It was okay. Kagura was okay.

            "Thank you." Kikyo wasn't sure who she was saying that to. Kouga ventured a question.

            "Can we see her now?" Kouga asked.

            "Not yet." The nurse shook her head. "The doctors are making sure there aren't any complications with the blood transfusion. In a little while they'll let you in."

            Kikyo and Kouga looked at each other for a few moments.

            "So…now what?" Kouga asked her. "What happens now?"

            "Kagura…she doesn't want us to hate each other…" Kikyo tried to think of how she should word this. "I think Kagura wants…us all to be together."

            "You…mean…?" Kouga looked at her in shock. "Like…"

            "Yeah." Kikyo nodded her head. "There's only one woman in the world that could convince me to do such a thing."

            "I'm really glad you aren't a guy." Kouga grinned at her. "So…I suppose all's forgiven?"

            "All's forgiven." Kikyo smiled back. "She did it because she loved us both so much. So, there's only one way to make her happy."

            "Then let's just do that." Kouga sat back in his chair. "I can't wait to see her face…"

            "I know, neither can I…" Kikyo agreed.

--------------------

            "Kagura? Sweetheart?" Yuriko leaned over her adopted daughter cautiously. When she and her husband had come into the room, they were greeted by the sight of Kagura who was lying in bed with her eyes closed. On her right, Kagura had a hand over hers and on the left, Kouga, who they didn't know was holding her other hand. There were bandages around Kagura's wrists.

            "Mom?" Kagura opened her eyes. "Hello."

            "Oh Kagura!" Yuriko hugged her. "I…I just can't imagine…when Kikyo called us…I thought the worst. The absolute worst…"

            "You scared a lot of people half to death." Chuuei put a hand on his wife's shoulder.

            "Wait, weren't you guys doing something in London?" Kagura looked confused at the two.

            "Yes." Yuriko frowned and waved a dismissive hand. "The business associates threw a fit but I said, 'My daughter's in the hospital and I'll be damned if I'm not going to see her!'."

            Kagura's eyes glazed over with tears.

            "Can't you see we're busy?"

            "My daughter's in the hospital and I'll be damned if I'm not going to see her!"

            Sometimes…

            "Should've seen their faces." Chuuei smiled fondly. "We took the first flight we could."

            "They told us that you're going to be alright but they want you to see the hospital psychiatrist for a psych evaluation. You may need to start seeing a psychiatrist." Yuriko told her importantly. "But only if you want to, I'm not going to force you into it."

            "It's okay…" Kagura looked at the four faces around her. Kouga and Kikyo. Yuriko and Chuuei.

            Sometimes the pain fades into a memory…

            So that we can be loved.

            "Everything is going to be okay." Kagura nodded to herself.

--------------------

            Her plan was simple.

            She adjusted her skirt a little as she sat cross-legged on the hood of Miroku's car. Several passer bys gave her extremely odd looks but Sango just sat there, smiling sweetly.

            It came from a long list of plans that Sango had made and then decided against. What was the best approach to this problem? She remembered Inuyasha's remark about the intelligence of males and almost started giggling. Sometimes females could be just as bad, if not worse.

            He came along, reading a book and didn't seem to notice at first but she must have caught the corner of his eye because he suddenly jerked his head up and openly stared at her.

            "Hi." Sango greeted him, a pleasant look on her face. "Can I have a ride?" There was a double meaning in that question.

            "You have a car." Miroku pointed out coolly. "Why don't you drive it?"

            "Well…" Sango seemed to be considering this. "I would but it came to my attention that everyone else has had a ride in this car and I haven't."

            "Oh?" Miroku knew what she was saying but was trying not to show how taken aback he was. This was Sango! Sango did not sit on people's car and make blatant sexual invitations. "Well in that case…"

            This plan was a very good one. And why was that?

            Very simple: Because there was one thing that Miroku did not seem able to resist.

            "I think I should do it at least once." Sango looked at him coyly. Or what she hoped desperately looked coy.

            "Get in the car then." Miroku was trying not to look downright smarmy. Which is how he felt. When they arrived at his Miroku's place, Sango was glad he took a freaking hint, which she had been worried he would purposely not take.

            There were no flowery phrases for Sango, not soothing words or gentle actions. He practically attacked her because he knew that he wanted this more then he wanted anything else. Sango let him and helped contribute in the attack as they got to Miroku's bedroom. When the door shut, the clothing started to come off.

            She had imagined such an encounter before but the reality was a little different. For instance, it fucking hurt. It was her first time and she knew it was supposed to hurt but still, this was pretty bad.

            When it was finished, Sango knew she was bleeding and that was just great. The cherry on the freaking cake.

            Really appropriate pun Sango.

            What did you expect? Sex with you was going to make him love you?

            Miroku was rather calm about the whole thing and that made her pissed as hell. She was going to kill him.

            "Shit." Sango looked at the blood on the sheets. "I'm probably bleeding to death."

            "I could…make you some tea." Miroku offered almost meekly, as if apologizing for the damage he had done. "If you want."

            "I'm in pain and bleeding! Make me some goddamn tea?! Do you even care?" Sango screeched at him. "No, of course not, I forgot! That was sure silly of me, wasn't it?"

            "You wanted to do this." Miroku pointed out.

            "This is how you treat your girls, no wonder they only come by once." Sango spoke bitterly. "Just how many women have you had to wash these sheets after sleeping with for?"

            "Sango—" Miroku tried to interrupt.

            "No, you're going to listen to me for one goddamn second!" Sango hit her hand on the bed and Miroku looked almost scared of her. "I've tried, and I've tried, and I've tried to apologize and care for you and all that but you just don't care anymore! So you know what? Fuck you Miroku! One goddamn mistake and you're never going to forget it are you?"

            "Sango…" Miroku almost growled. "It's a little hard when the woman you love more then any other kills breaks your heart."

            "Oh gee, well, let's all sit down and listen to Miroku's sob story!" Sango was near hysterics now. "Because we all know that I heard my parents say they would fire your dad and was like, "Oh, I'll break up with him, it's cool.'"

            "What was I supposed to think?!" Miroku asked her. "The way you said it, what else was I supposed to think Sango?"

            "I came back for you!" Sango didn't want to start crying, not like this, and not in front of Miroku. "How many times do I have to tell you? I love you Miroku. And yeah, I just had sex with you, which was probably meaningless to you but I don't really care! I don't know what else to do for you."

            "You know…" Miroku's eyes closed for a moment. "You're really hard to argue with."

            "What?" Sango wasn't expecting this response.

            "Of course…I've always found it hard to argue with the woman I love." Miroku seemed to be talking to himself. His serious expression made Sango giggle. It felt like all her anger had disappeared for a moment. "Why can't you make it easy to hate you?"

            "Same question." Sango shot back. She leaned back onto the pillows. "That really does hurt though. Maybe I'm a pain wussy."

            "Do you want me to go make that tea?" Miroku offered more politely. "I really heard it helps."

            "Sounds good." Sango shrugged. "I'll…uh, change your sheets or something."

            "Nonsense!" Miroku threw up a hand. "What kind of host do I look like?"

            "The kind that makes your guests bleed." Sango hit his shoulder playfully.

            "Touché." Miroku raised an eyebrow and nodded.

            "So what does this mean?" Sango asked him seriously. "I take it Operation: The Way To A Man's Heart Is Through His Pants worked?"

            "Yes it did." Miroku touched her nose with his index finger. "Although…that's not exactly what it was."

            "Oh really?" Sango inquired.

            "I think it would be a shame to waste the beginnings of a very beautiful relationship." Miroku said and then began to hum the ending theme of Casablanca.

            "Okay, dork, go make my tea." Sango rolled her eyes at him.

-------------------------

            They were watching The Little Mermaid together, which was funny to think about. Had Inuyasha been there and had a camera, he would have been able to take the blackmail picture of a lifetime. But, had Inuyasha been there, he probably would have sat between Sesshomaru and Rin who were curled up under a blanket on the couch, watching the movie with a bowl of popcorn.

            Rin felt as though she could never outgrow the Disney classics. As the ending rolled through, she sighed, both happily and sadly.

            "What is it?" Sesshomaru asked her, already sensing that she wasn't happy at that moment.

            "It's just…" Rin looked at the screen sadly. "Wouldn't it be wonderful to have a life like that? You fall in love and get married and everything's perfect…And your first time is with the one you love most…"

            Neither of us knows what it's like to make love with someone…

            Someone who cares and loves you.

            "Rin…" Sesshomaru cupped her chin in his hand and tilted it towards him so he could look into her eyes. "You can't change the past."

            "I wish I could." Rin enjoyed the feel of Sesshomaru's hand on her face. "I wish I could be the perfect girl for you…"

            "Don't wish for things you already have." Sesshomaru told her. Rin looked at him, feeling she might burst with happiness. He kissed her and Rin eagerly returned it. The heat intensified with each kiss.

            "Sesshomaru…" Rin trailed off. "I…" How could she tell him?

            "Let's go to bed now." Sesshomaru suggested. Rin knew he understood what she wanted to ask.

            Life isn't a fairytale…

            But maybe that's why you appreciate it so much when it feels like one.

------------------------

            She had tried to talk to him but she couldn't. She just couldn't. Her whole body would freeze up and she would tell herself that she didn't deserve to speak to him. And she never did talk to him.

            After a long summer of avoiding each other, Kagome went off to college. Inuyasha was staying at home and was going to go to a community college. ("My grades suck too fucking much for anything else.") And he had gotten a job at the local video store.

            At college, Kagome felt even more miserable then before. She wanted to tell him still. She tried to think of some way to say it. She could call him. She could wait till one of the breaks and tell him.

            "Maybe you should write it down or something…"

            I should follow Rin's advice.

            So she sat down and wrote a letter to Inuyasha. It took a long time because it never sounded just right and she kept crossing things out. She finally had it. It was long but it told Inuyasha everything. She put it in an envelope but she couldn't send it.

            Kagome had frozen at the mailbox. She put the letter in her pocket and she returned to her dorms.

            Her mother called a week later to check in with her.

            "Well, do you wanna talk to Inuyasha?" Noduko asked right before Kagome was about to say good-bye. Her heart thumped.

            "Yeah, sure." Kagome mumbled over the phone. There was a small shuffling noise and then Inuyasha answered.

            "Yeah?" He sounded gruff and she remembered that this was usually how he answered the phone. Her face broke out into a smile.

            "Hey Inuyasha." Kagome greeted him.

            "Hi." Inuyasha seemed really unsure what to say.

            "So…how are things?" Kagome asked.

            "Their cool." Inuyasha was probably shrugging. She could just picture it. "My art classes at the community college are really cool and everyone's really cool there. I'm thinking about drawing manga…or something. I don't know."

            "That sounds really nice. I bet you would be really good at that." Kagome wondered if she might start crying. That probably wouldn't be very helpful.

            "Yeah, and the video store isn't so bad." Inuyasha went on good-naturedly. "There's this really cool chick named Yura that works there. We hang out a bunch, you'd really like her."

            "Oh…" Kagome felt her heart breaking into two pieces. "She sounds cool."

            Is this what it feels like when your heart stops beating?

            Why does it hurt?

            "Yeah, well, I have to go, Yura and I are gonna go hang out with her weird ass cousin and his boyfriend. Those two are fucking loons." Inuyasha told her. There was a small whapping noise. "Ow! Dammit, Yura! Don't do that. Jakotsu is a fucking loon." There were the sounds of a reprimand.

            "I'll let you go then." Kagome whispered. Then she let the phone slide down and she hung it up.

            He's moved on…

            You've missed it…

            Because you never said anything…he's with her.

            She went through her stuff until she found the letter she was going to send to him. Instead, she watched it burn.

            As it burned in the flames that she had given it to, she knew that everything was too late and that she would never be able to be with him. She had been selfish and stupid for so long that she had missed out on that one thing.

            Good-bye Inuyasha…

            I don't deserve you…

            So why does it still hurt when I tell myself that?

            How can I expect you to wait for me?

            When I was never nice to you?

---------------------

            "I now pronounce you, man and wife." The man finished up. "You may kiss the bride."

            "That's so sweet!" Kagura said as she watched the couple kiss with her napkin, looking quite tearful. "Oh, we should get married!"

            "Yes, I can see it now." Kikyo began wryly. "I now pronounce you man and wife. And wife."

            "This ceremony took forever." Kouga whined. "I'm sooo hungry."

            "You're getting fat." Kagura teased him, poking his stomach. "You eat too much."

            "You better not let Sango hear you talking like that." Kikyo gestured towards the pregnant woman who was being fawned over by her husband. "Miroku said she's been quite touchy about the subject."

            "Poor Miroku probably went out and warned everybody." Kagura nodded in sympathy. "Ten bucks says that Inuyasha says something insensitive to Sango."

            "I'm not betting against you." Kouga held up his hands. "Although, I have to say, for a pregnant woman, Sango doesn't look bad."

            "Three's company and four's a crowd." Kikyo quipped. Kagura laughed.

            "Still, I'm so happy for Sesshomaru and Rin! They've been waiting for this wedding forever!" Kagura put a hand to her chest. "And look at them, they look so happy! Don't you guys want to have a wedding?"

            "Who votes we don't have a wedding?" Kikyo raised her hand and Kouga immediately followed suit. "Majority rules, so no, we aren't having a wedding."

            "No fair, you guys always team up against me." Kagura stuck her lip out pitifully. Kouga and Kikyo just chuckled at her. "I can't believe Sesshomaru made Inuyasha his best man!"

            "Rin made him." Sango had joined the group with Miroku right behind her. "She told me so. It's not like Sesshomaru really had a choice anyways, he doesn't really have any male relatives."

            "And Kagome was the maid of honor!" Kagura chimed in, happy to find someone who thought the wedding was just as great as she thought it was. "Those two haven't really seen each other since Kagome went off to college three years ago. She didn't even return home for the holidays until this summer and that's because Rin wrote to her."

            "It is strange…" Kikyo speculated. "But then, it probably has something to do with Inuyasha."

            "Tell me about it." Kagura flipped her hair over her shoulder. "We should probably go see them. I think their ready to start shaking hands with the crowd."

            "Tell me again how you got your parents to let you guys have Rin's wedding at your house?" Sango asked the two girls.

            "Easy," Kagura cracked her knuckles. "I said, 'Mom, Rin and Sesshomaru want to have an outdoor wedding.' She said, 'Oh, they could have it here if they wanted!'"

            They went and shook hands with the bride and groom. Then they all walked off to where the tables of food and the bar were. A string quartet was playing in one corner of the big field.

            "We sprang for extras." Kagura shrugged as Sango looked around with raised eyebrows. "Inuyasha's gonna need some liquor if he plans to get in Kagome's pants tonight."

            "Nice." Kouga grinned.

            "So do you two know if it's a boy or a girl yet?" Kikyo inquired.

            "No, I want to be surprised." Sango put a proud hand on her rather round belly.

            "How the fuck are you losers?" Inuyasha joined them, looking as though he would much rather be making a beeline for the bar.

            "Feeling good today Inuyasha?" Sango asked, laughing at him. The bow tie on his tuxedo was already gone and his shirt wasn't tucked in anymore, plus a few buttons had been undone.

            "Fuck, I never thought I'd see the day my fucking sister got married to that…guy." Inuyasha shot a look at Sesshomaru. "He better fucking take care of her. I hear one word about him doing anything and I'll fucking kill him."

            "Alright, show of brotherly love!" Kagura cheered. "Alcohol anyone?"

            "Starting early?" Kikyo joked.

            "I'm sure Sesshomaru and Rin will be fine. You can tell he's her servant, he'd do anything for her." Sango watched the happy couple who were being congratulated by people still. Rin was beaming with happiness and with her wedding dress on; she looked like a doll or maybe a princess. And Sango and Kagura had to admit that Sesshomaru actually looked hotter. (Something they had deemed impossible.)

            "I'm getting something to freaking eat." Inuyasha yawned. "I've been up since seven in the morning and Rin had lost her mind."

            "And that is exactly why we won't be having a wedding." Kikyo turned towards Kagura with the air of a teacher speaking to a student.

            "Okay, fine." Kagura looked grumpy.

            "Kagome looks so out of it…" Sango glanced over at the young woman who was at one end of the huge buffet table. "I haven't seen her in so long…"

            "I always did wonder what happened." Miroku looked at Kagome with a worried face. "And as we all know, it's never too late."

-----------------------

            Kagome felt sick. She was happy for Rin and Sesshomaru, really she was. But seeing them all like this made it felt like a single day hadn't passed. Seeing Inuyasha was harder though.

            She had barely looked at him. Or spoken to him. She didn't know what to say. And what would it matter?

            Her hand went to the silver tongs for the cherry tomatoes but it brushed against another hand which was reaching for the same thing.

            "Oh, I'm sorry—" Kagome cut herself off as she saw that it was Inuyasha, who was looking at her with wide perplexed eyes. "You can…um, go ahead."

            "Thanks." Inuyasha helped himself to several cherry tomatoes. He handed the tongs to Kagome. She took them and just for a second their eyes met.

            And they both smiled.

            "It's never too late."

-------------------------

            Omigod! IT'S THE FREAKING END! I'm going to go eat something! I haven't eaten for like two days now. I really need to. I've been drinking lots of fluids but I'm still freaking hungry. WOO! I knew the hunger thing would make me finish. (Though you would have thought it would make me finish faster.)

            So just some more notes! (Jade likes to listen to herself talk.)

            I already know that is not the ending line of Casablanca, so please do not even review just to tell me that I got it wrong. It was an allusion to the ending line of Casablanca. Of course Teresa will take the liberty to leave that as a review as she is a smartass and I left myself wide open for that one.

            Hellboy is a good movie, go watch it.

            (Wouldn't Hellboy be a great name for an Inuyasha fanfic? If it wasn't already a comic book and a movie?)  

            I realize I'm going to get so much shit about the Kagome/Inuyasha thing. Oh well. It happens. That's how I felt like ending it. If you don't like it, go read a story with a happy ending for everyone. I wanted to try something different with this ending.

            And…if you want to read more Inuyasha fanfiction by me, please go check out me and Teresa's super cool collaboration I Believe In Yesterday which is under the author name 'Jade and Teresa'. (We're so clever with our naming abilities.) Or you can read Walls That Lie Between, my own fanfic. (That's gonna be so long it's not even funny. Seriously, what a full length novel.)

            Most of all, thanks everybody for reading! Your reviews are wonderful! (And the ones you'll undoubtedly leave right now.) Bye guys!