I don't own Underworld or any of its characters, or anything else in this unless I say otherwise. These are outtakes from the Underworld movie. By the way, these aren't in any particular order, because I will most likely update this

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Lucian chases after the car that Selene is driving, and with his lycan speed he's catching up pretty quickly.

Selene: Wait, what am I doing?

She slams on the brakes. Lucian isn't able to stop in time and…

*SMASH*

A second later, Lucian backs up, and the back of the car is dented pretty badly.

Lucian: I'm okay, I'm okay. *he falls over* I mean, I'll be okay, I guess.

Selene pokes her head out of the car and grins sheepishly as a few people run over and carry Lucian off camera.

***

Michael is trying to break the handcuff that's holding him to the chair. Finally, he notices his gun, and shoots the handcuff chain. The bullet bounces off the gun, and bounces off the wall behind Michael. Michael tries to follow the bullet as it bounces all over the room, before it comes out of nowhere and smacks him in the eye.

Director Len Wiseman: CUT! Who put a rubber bullet in the gun!?

Camera goes off screen to where Kraven is trying not to burst out laughing. Selene notices this, and walks over and knees him in the groin.

Kraven: *groans as he falls to the floor* It was worth it.

***

The flashback scene. Lucian is chained to the floor as the sunlight comes into the room and starts to 'burn' Sonja. He tugs at the chains, and they suddenly break. Lucian looks at them for a moment, and then at Len Wiseman, who shrugs, and over to Sonja.

Lucian: Oh, right.

He runs over and gets Sonja loose, who by this point is laughing her ass off.

***

The subway shootout. Bullets are flying everywhere, and then Rigel gets shot. He falls to the floor and starts convulsing as the UV ammunition starts burning him…

…and then he farts. And the effects suddenly wear off.

Everyone On-Set and Off-Set: O_O

***

Kraven shoots Lucian in the back, and nothing happens. He shoots him again and again, and nothing happens.

Lucian looks down at the liquid pouring out of the wounds on his body. He puts his finger in it and then tastes it.

Lucian: Hmmm, minty.

Kraven takes out a box from his coat, and looks at the front of it. The box reads: Listerine Ammunition: Gun not included. Lucian walks up to Kraven and bitchslaps him.

Kraven: Wait! Where the fuck did…?

Camera goes off screen to where Erika is holding her hands behind her back and whistling. 

***

Viktor stabs down into Raze's body (which has been replaced by a dummy). He closes his eyes and exhales deeply.

Lucian O.S.: Watch it Viktor, you might have an orgasm.

Viktor: O_O

Everyone else bursts out laughing as Viktor tries to pull out his sword so he can go after Lucian, but his sword is stuck. So, he picks up the sword AND the lycan dummy and starts swinging it at Lucian, giving it the impression of a giant hammer from a Tom and Jerry cartoon. Everyone is rolling around on the floor by this point.

***

Off Screen, Raze and Kraven are sitting and playing cards. Len Wiseman walks off screen. He looks pretty messed up, with a few broken bones.

Raze: What happened to him?

Kraven: Oh, Sonja asked Len if she could be given more screentime, but he said they didn't have enough time for more shooting.

Raze: Of course, probably because of where you were going all "vamp erotica 5" on Erika.

Kraven: ^_^

Raze rolls his eyes and smacks Kraven upside the head.

Kraven: So anyway, Sonja told Lucian that Len yelled at her and then smacked her.

Raze: Oh boy.

Kraven: Lucian didn't like that.

Raze: *looks towards where Len left* He actually got off light.

Kraven: Yeah. *looks at cards* YES! *throws down cards* Full house, aces over kings; I win!

Raze turns into his werewolf form and bitchslaps Kraven and walks away.

***

Selene leaps up and slices the top half of Viktor's head off. As he falls to the floor, Selene looks over and Freddy Kruger and Jason Voorhees are standing there. Freddy holds up a card saying 8 and Jason holds up one saying 6. Selene frowns and then shoots Jason in the head before aiming the gun at Kruger, who quickly changes his to a 10. Selene gives Kruger a sweet smile and then walks away.

***

Ok, that's all I could think of at the moment, but when I get some more ideas, I'll update.