I have a penchant for one shots…… humour fic this time round. I feel more comfortable with those. It features everyone's favorite headless boss

Dullahan

He stood, silent and imposing. He was Dullahan, the lord of Shadow, Death incarnate. He was the devourer of worlds, blighter of nations. He was Dullahan Soulrender, Dullahan shadow warlock. He was the harbinger of death, the knight of despair. He was invincible, unchallenged among all things that strode the world. He was…

He was bored. Dammit, how hard was it for someone to get all 72 djinni available, open the stupid sanctum, and solve the puzzles to find his way here? The most recent adventurers had been less than satisfying in terms of fulfilling his innate love for battle. Not to mention a little weird.

He still recalled the first ever person that had challenged him. The human had stood staring bewilderedly around for a few seconds before walking up to Dullahan and asking him if this was the Northern Crater. A quick Formina Sage later and the human had been sent flying into the abyss behind. Briefly, Dullahan wondered since when had the outside world decided it cool to sport spiky yellow hair and an oversized sword.

Then there was the second person. After staring disdainfully at the monstrosity in front of him, he had mouthed a single word:

Whatever.

Well, unless you considered the scream he had emitted afterwards a word. In which case he had uttered two of them. But Dullahan wasn't one for philosophical crap. After realizing that his lair was getting pretty cluttered up with all the bones from his opponents, he had decided to dispose of them the normal way. Well, at least he assumed turning them into various household furnitures was the normal way. Currently, he had a table, various chairs for visitors, a throw rug, and several vases. Too bad that he didn't have a green thumb. If so, he might have had several flowers to put into the vases. As such, he had to settle for a few armbones.

Currently, he was settled by the stone tablet he was supposed to be guarding, reading the latest issue of "Home improvement for headless homicidal maniacs". Hmmm…. He'd need several cushions if he wanted to keep up to date. Maybe with pictures of cute puppies on them. Yes, that'd be nice. Looking up, he realized that yet another person had come to claim the powers of Iris. Looking at Dullahan, he flashed a smile, and said :" Hi, is this the way to Memoria?"

Seconds later, he returned to the magazine, the screams of the human getting enveloped in a wave of poisonous goo from Charon a comfortable background music for his reading. Then, putting down the magazine, he mused:" Did that boy have a tail?!"

So time passed, and Dullahan propped himself up against the tablet, gnawing away at a bone from his latest prize. He still wondered why the human had been wearing the weirdest pair of pants he had ever seen. One long and one short. Strange. Young ones these days had all sorts of weird fashions. Then, putting the bone down, he wondered how he had managed to gnaw at it without possessing a mouth. Or a head, for that matter. Shrugging, he tossed the bone aside. More important matters were at hand. It was an ancient secret, passed down to the guardians of Iris as far back as anyone could remember. Sliding open, a secret doorway, slowly, he regarded the object in front of him with a respect that bordered on obsession. So much depended on this. Then, he quickly, depressed a tiny indentation the side of the object.

"Bill, the Tribe has spoken."

Dullahan slumped his head in defeat. Drats. Bill had been his favorite. Muttering to himself, he took note to hunt down and murder every single last member of the Contigo tribe for voting Bill out. Then, he went to sleep.

A couple of weeks later, Dullahan had been adding a new layer of polish to his armor when he noticed someone else heading for him. Straightening up and brandishing his sword, he was about to launch into his monologue when he realized something vitally important.

He had forgotten what he was supposed to say.

Drats. But Dullahan was nothing if not resourceful, and thus he decided to improvise. After all, how hard could it be to create terrifying speech?

"I shall totally li3k, pwnz0r j00 n00b4zz! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

Dullahan shrugged. Somehow, it just wasn't the same. No matter. After killing his latest victim, he inspected the corpse. For some strange reason, the word "Zelda" kept flashing in his head. Maybe it had something to do with the green tunic. Shrugging, he tossed the body into the pit.

Dullahan had noticed a strange trend in the warriors who came to face. Mainly, the trend was that they became weirder and weirder. Well, at least if his latest foe was any indication. It had apparently tried to dispose of Dullahan by jumping on his head. Not a very effective strategy, in his opinion. Well, the body was several pieces on the floor right now, and all that remained was a weird looking red hat. After trying it on, he decided that it didn't look too good on someone without a head and dropped it. Seriously, this was ridiculous. Was there NO ONE who could face him?

Wait a sec… someone was coming. Eight someones, in fact. Perfect. Maybe he'd have a decent challenge at last…..

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Author:You should know what happens next. And if not, shame on you. Sooo… whaddya think?