Disclaimer: Tokyo Babylon, X, and Octavo Dia aren't mine.
"Mientras tanto este mundo gira y gira
Sin poderlo detener
Y aqui abajo unos cuantos nos manejan
Como fichas de ajedrez
No soy la clase de idiota
Que se deja convencer
Pero digo la verdad
Y hasta un ciego lo puede ver"
Rikoteki na yume. (Selfish dream.)
By miyamoto yui
Prologue - futsuu no sekai. (an ordinary world.)
There comes a time in everyone's life when things aren't black and white. Actually, everything should be that way, but that's beside the point.
No matter how shrewd a mind you may have, it is likely to kill you in the end because it becomes more confused than in the beginning. It's like being Hamlet in the 1990's. Trying to get through the everyday bustle while not trying to be overtaken by your family, your career, politics, or even the air around you.
You feel so clustered inside.
But everyone still walks on. People go about their business not paying attention to anyone or anything around them, as if their surroundings don't affect them. How ironic that the most minute details affect the way you are for the rest of your life.
The newspaper in one boy's hands is left in the trashcan. He didn't really care if it was really stuffed into the bin or that some recycling system was going to be started in the future.
What mattered was that he was finished with the dealings of the world printed on little letters, smudged and wasted by passing time.
He walked on with his hands in his pockets.
The handsome youth ran his right hand through his hair and put it back into his pocket once more. Meandering was a hobby he indulged in, but he was a vampire with a wonderful face.
The devil was an angel once, did you know?
And maybe around the evening, that angel fell and broke his wings. Maybe this boy is his heir? We will never know, but we have a hint of that being so.
Not everything is seen with the blind eye, but some things can be seen with the mind's doubt.
The high school boy wandered into the beautiful park. It was around late March or early April. All the days were the same to him, but he could only tell time when those sakura trees bloomed and when they died in the same year.
The sun was setting as he sat on a bench. Unfortunately, he got restless as he watched each of the petals carried by the wind.
Falling, falling, they were like blood drops.
It made his hunger all the more unbearable.
Sakura called his blood. Sakura reminded him of the sweet scent of his mother's hair. How ironic that she who embodied the sakura was so in love with the camellia.
The human trait to want to become something you weren't. It would never change.
The boy got up and jumped onto the branch of a tree. Playfully, he sat on it, waiting for someone to amuse him.
People were walking by. A couple with a newborn baby. Some kids with his own school uniform. A beautiful woman who looked like his teacher. A tall business man with a briefcase.
After half an hour, a little girl.
A little girl with a dress that had a ribbon tied in the middle. Her hair was blond and her eyes were so innocent and wide.
"Okaa-san..." he found himself whispering to himself.
Did any girl do? No. That wasn't true. They had to have that look.
The one where he would melt and feel superior at the same time.
His hand twitched as he leaned forward as if he was going to capture her from where he was sitting.
The little girl noticed him. Or rather, she heard his voice.
In a strange moment, the girl was unfazed. She found herself knowingly looking up at the boy sitting on the branch of a cherry blossom tree.
The girl didn't say anything. Normal little girls would have questioned how he got up there, but she was just calm about finding him there. In fact, she found it kind of cool.
"Yes," he thought to himself. "You've reincarnated so quickly, Okaa-san, haven't you? You couldn't leave me alone."
He jumped down from the branch and the girl just took a step back, without moving her eyes away from the boy. She put her hands behind her and folded them.
"Hi," the boy said with a smile as he looked down at the little girl.
"Hello," the little girl answered back, still not scared. Still with those eyes that were knowing and innocent at the same time.
"Would you like to play a game with me?"
She nodded her head and smiled with something that suggested she was a little girl anymore. The little girl was hiding a secret. "Let's play hide and seek," she insisted.
"All right."
Seishirou wasn't fazed by her running feet. In fact, he was listening to the sound of her footsteps. "Thirty-four...thirty-five...thirty-six."
He opened his eyes and the girl waited for him behind one of the trees of the wide lane. She was stepping backwards as he came from behind her, but as she began to run away, he shot in front of her, smirked and rammed his hand into the girl's heart.
"Tag, you're it!" he shouted triumphantly.
The girl opened her eyes in shock, but not in horror.
It was as if she expected it to happen.
In fact, she pushed herself forward to feel his arm through her. This surprised the boy slightly as he looked at the girl. The girl painfully took a breath and touched the boy's cheek. "Nii-chan...thank you for playing with me..."
"The one that you love the best isn't me," the woman's voice echoed in his ears as he looked into the eyes of the little girl who was smiling and her hand dropping from his cheek.
He wrapped his other arm around her. His other hand patted some of her own blood onto her hair.
"If only your hair was as raven as deep red blood," he whispered into her ear.
But, he kept on embracing the little girl. He even brought her up to the branch and cradled her in his arms. "Okaa-san..."
Drip, drip...
The blood fell to the ground.
But this time, there was a little boy below him. A boy who looked up at him from the branch.
The blood had plopped onto his face.
In horror, the boy was about to say something, but the boy jumped down and put the little girl down so that the sakura would eat her. And then, he put the little boy to sleep.
"Beg for your life," he thought to himself. "I'll kill you anyway, but I want to see you writhe in pain before you die."
"Things are the most beautiful when they feel the ultimate pain. At their last breath, they leave the most wonderful pictures in my mind," he whispered to himself.
At that, he tricked the little boy into waking up. He even told him a myth as to why cherry blossoms were red in the first place.
But the boy couldn't understand the beauty of death.
Instead, he sympathized with the pathetic humans. The teenage boy wondered how stupid the little boy was for thinking that.
That was why he blinked his eyes.
Didn't everyone work out of his own selfishness? Love didn't make the world go 'round. It was an illusion that was equal to obsessive hate.
That's why he had made the ridiculous bet. Sure, after they met again, he could be changed to think out of his own thinking construct.
But there was something threatening in the sincerity of that boy's eyes. The boy whose memories of the little girl he had just erased.
His eyes were too bright. They were too trusting of the world and he knew that it would eventually be his downfall.
"But...wouldn't it be great if I could be his teacher?" the teenager thought.
At that wonderful thought, he put the little boy to sleep and etched his mark onto his soft, soft hands.
Ah, the taste of this little boy's skin was wonderful. So full of life it almost made him sick.
He looked at the lips of the little boy.
Were they as sweet as his mother's? Couldn't he have just a little taste?
But why would he want to kiss this strangely dressed onmyouji boy in the first place? Wiping a bit of the boy's own blood onto the lips, the teenager kissed the little boy in his arms.
Closing his eyes for a moment, he felt an ecstasy that went beyond his own logic and reasoning. He licked his lips and tried to kiss the little boy again.
The boy was wonderful and his blood was just as exquisite as he wanted.
Maybe he shouldn't have marked him after all. It would have been just better to find the boy again by kissing him.
The teen smirked to himself.
As the boy woke up, he bowed again for helping him again after fainting.
But, instead of leaving out of embarrassment, the little green-eyed boy touched the teen's face with his hands. He normally wouldn't have done this, but they had made a bet, hadn't they? He wanted to remember those amber eyes.
It was then that the teenage boy was taken back.
Everyone that had ever looked at him always complimented him, but out of fear, they never touched him. And here, the boy he had marked touched him voluntarily. Out of innocence and naivete, the little boy reached out for him.
In a split-second, he saw an image of someone through this boy's eyes. Someone who would kill him the same way he killed his mother.
The teen wasn't so calm anymore. He took a deep breath as the little boy saw the change in his reaction. Blushing, he took a step back, bowed his head and ran away.
In that moment, the teenage boy with his school uniform was disappointed.
You couldn't erase instinct. When humans sense danger, they run away.
He was the embodiment of danger, so how could anyone want to touch him?
Only the boy had.
"Stupid, stupid boy..." he mumbled to himself as he pushed a pile of sakura petals over the little girl's body.
Walking away, he smiled to himself.
The little boy actually understood death more than he realized in his first glance. No one could be an onmyouji user and not become detached from the world in some way.
You just couldn't.
People were selfish in that way. They blame others for their own mistakes and wash their hurt with more, as if to erase what they already feel.
That's what that little boy's eyes knew and he shared that thought with the teenage boy with that single, intense glance.
The teen knew that if he hadn't let the little boy go when he did, he would have kissed him all over again. Keep him at his home as his slave to the point of obsession, never seeing light again.
Yes, he should have done that.
"Damn..." he told himself.
Heading to a house opposite from the direction of his own, he shook his head and sighed. "But maybe this was more interesting."
He licked his lips again and touched his lips with his finger, still with tints of the boy's blood upon them. "I will feast on your soul, your mind, and your body. Even the air around you won't be yours anymore."
In a lost desparation and deep obsession, he said,
"You have to be mine someday."
Tsuzuku...
--
Author's note: No, I don't have any idea what the heck Shakira's singing. All I know is that I like the feel and I think it expresses what I want. This was actually the song that made me fall in love with her.
Ooh...weirdo Sei-chan~! Hints of shouta, yes, I know I'm bad. But what kind of author am I if I don't push the limits or my own constraints?
Thank you very much, Rei-chan for being my beta!
And this is to you, wonderful Seishirou, as a humble present for your birthday!
"Mientras tanto este mundo gira y gira
Sin poderlo detener
Y aqui abajo unos cuantos nos manejan
Como fichas de ajedrez
No soy la clase de idiota
Que se deja convencer
Pero digo la verdad
Y hasta un ciego lo puede ver"
Rikoteki na yume. (Selfish dream.)
By miyamoto yui
Prologue - futsuu no sekai. (an ordinary world.)
There comes a time in everyone's life when things aren't black and white. Actually, everything should be that way, but that's beside the point.
No matter how shrewd a mind you may have, it is likely to kill you in the end because it becomes more confused than in the beginning. It's like being Hamlet in the 1990's. Trying to get through the everyday bustle while not trying to be overtaken by your family, your career, politics, or even the air around you.
You feel so clustered inside.
But everyone still walks on. People go about their business not paying attention to anyone or anything around them, as if their surroundings don't affect them. How ironic that the most minute details affect the way you are for the rest of your life.
The newspaper in one boy's hands is left in the trashcan. He didn't really care if it was really stuffed into the bin or that some recycling system was going to be started in the future.
What mattered was that he was finished with the dealings of the world printed on little letters, smudged and wasted by passing time.
He walked on with his hands in his pockets.
The handsome youth ran his right hand through his hair and put it back into his pocket once more. Meandering was a hobby he indulged in, but he was a vampire with a wonderful face.
The devil was an angel once, did you know?
And maybe around the evening, that angel fell and broke his wings. Maybe this boy is his heir? We will never know, but we have a hint of that being so.
Not everything is seen with the blind eye, but some things can be seen with the mind's doubt.
The high school boy wandered into the beautiful park. It was around late March or early April. All the days were the same to him, but he could only tell time when those sakura trees bloomed and when they died in the same year.
The sun was setting as he sat on a bench. Unfortunately, he got restless as he watched each of the petals carried by the wind.
Falling, falling, they were like blood drops.
It made his hunger all the more unbearable.
Sakura called his blood. Sakura reminded him of the sweet scent of his mother's hair. How ironic that she who embodied the sakura was so in love with the camellia.
The human trait to want to become something you weren't. It would never change.
The boy got up and jumped onto the branch of a tree. Playfully, he sat on it, waiting for someone to amuse him.
People were walking by. A couple with a newborn baby. Some kids with his own school uniform. A beautiful woman who looked like his teacher. A tall business man with a briefcase.
After half an hour, a little girl.
A little girl with a dress that had a ribbon tied in the middle. Her hair was blond and her eyes were so innocent and wide.
"Okaa-san..." he found himself whispering to himself.
Did any girl do? No. That wasn't true. They had to have that look.
The one where he would melt and feel superior at the same time.
His hand twitched as he leaned forward as if he was going to capture her from where he was sitting.
The little girl noticed him. Or rather, she heard his voice.
In a strange moment, the girl was unfazed. She found herself knowingly looking up at the boy sitting on the branch of a cherry blossom tree.
The girl didn't say anything. Normal little girls would have questioned how he got up there, but she was just calm about finding him there. In fact, she found it kind of cool.
"Yes," he thought to himself. "You've reincarnated so quickly, Okaa-san, haven't you? You couldn't leave me alone."
He jumped down from the branch and the girl just took a step back, without moving her eyes away from the boy. She put her hands behind her and folded them.
"Hi," the boy said with a smile as he looked down at the little girl.
"Hello," the little girl answered back, still not scared. Still with those eyes that were knowing and innocent at the same time.
"Would you like to play a game with me?"
She nodded her head and smiled with something that suggested she was a little girl anymore. The little girl was hiding a secret. "Let's play hide and seek," she insisted.
"All right."
Seishirou wasn't fazed by her running feet. In fact, he was listening to the sound of her footsteps. "Thirty-four...thirty-five...thirty-six."
He opened his eyes and the girl waited for him behind one of the trees of the wide lane. She was stepping backwards as he came from behind her, but as she began to run away, he shot in front of her, smirked and rammed his hand into the girl's heart.
"Tag, you're it!" he shouted triumphantly.
The girl opened her eyes in shock, but not in horror.
It was as if she expected it to happen.
In fact, she pushed herself forward to feel his arm through her. This surprised the boy slightly as he looked at the girl. The girl painfully took a breath and touched the boy's cheek. "Nii-chan...thank you for playing with me..."
"The one that you love the best isn't me," the woman's voice echoed in his ears as he looked into the eyes of the little girl who was smiling and her hand dropping from his cheek.
He wrapped his other arm around her. His other hand patted some of her own blood onto her hair.
"If only your hair was as raven as deep red blood," he whispered into her ear.
But, he kept on embracing the little girl. He even brought her up to the branch and cradled her in his arms. "Okaa-san..."
Drip, drip...
The blood fell to the ground.
But this time, there was a little boy below him. A boy who looked up at him from the branch.
The blood had plopped onto his face.
In horror, the boy was about to say something, but the boy jumped down and put the little girl down so that the sakura would eat her. And then, he put the little boy to sleep.
"Beg for your life," he thought to himself. "I'll kill you anyway, but I want to see you writhe in pain before you die."
"Things are the most beautiful when they feel the ultimate pain. At their last breath, they leave the most wonderful pictures in my mind," he whispered to himself.
At that, he tricked the little boy into waking up. He even told him a myth as to why cherry blossoms were red in the first place.
But the boy couldn't understand the beauty of death.
Instead, he sympathized with the pathetic humans. The teenage boy wondered how stupid the little boy was for thinking that.
That was why he blinked his eyes.
Didn't everyone work out of his own selfishness? Love didn't make the world go 'round. It was an illusion that was equal to obsessive hate.
That's why he had made the ridiculous bet. Sure, after they met again, he could be changed to think out of his own thinking construct.
But there was something threatening in the sincerity of that boy's eyes. The boy whose memories of the little girl he had just erased.
His eyes were too bright. They were too trusting of the world and he knew that it would eventually be his downfall.
"But...wouldn't it be great if I could be his teacher?" the teenager thought.
At that wonderful thought, he put the little boy to sleep and etched his mark onto his soft, soft hands.
Ah, the taste of this little boy's skin was wonderful. So full of life it almost made him sick.
He looked at the lips of the little boy.
Were they as sweet as his mother's? Couldn't he have just a little taste?
But why would he want to kiss this strangely dressed onmyouji boy in the first place? Wiping a bit of the boy's own blood onto the lips, the teenager kissed the little boy in his arms.
Closing his eyes for a moment, he felt an ecstasy that went beyond his own logic and reasoning. He licked his lips and tried to kiss the little boy again.
The boy was wonderful and his blood was just as exquisite as he wanted.
Maybe he shouldn't have marked him after all. It would have been just better to find the boy again by kissing him.
The teen smirked to himself.
As the boy woke up, he bowed again for helping him again after fainting.
But, instead of leaving out of embarrassment, the little green-eyed boy touched the teen's face with his hands. He normally wouldn't have done this, but they had made a bet, hadn't they? He wanted to remember those amber eyes.
It was then that the teenage boy was taken back.
Everyone that had ever looked at him always complimented him, but out of fear, they never touched him. And here, the boy he had marked touched him voluntarily. Out of innocence and naivete, the little boy reached out for him.
In a split-second, he saw an image of someone through this boy's eyes. Someone who would kill him the same way he killed his mother.
The teen wasn't so calm anymore. He took a deep breath as the little boy saw the change in his reaction. Blushing, he took a step back, bowed his head and ran away.
In that moment, the teenage boy with his school uniform was disappointed.
You couldn't erase instinct. When humans sense danger, they run away.
He was the embodiment of danger, so how could anyone want to touch him?
Only the boy had.
"Stupid, stupid boy..." he mumbled to himself as he pushed a pile of sakura petals over the little girl's body.
Walking away, he smiled to himself.
The little boy actually understood death more than he realized in his first glance. No one could be an onmyouji user and not become detached from the world in some way.
You just couldn't.
People were selfish in that way. They blame others for their own mistakes and wash their hurt with more, as if to erase what they already feel.
That's what that little boy's eyes knew and he shared that thought with the teenage boy with that single, intense glance.
The teen knew that if he hadn't let the little boy go when he did, he would have kissed him all over again. Keep him at his home as his slave to the point of obsession, never seeing light again.
Yes, he should have done that.
"Damn..." he told himself.
Heading to a house opposite from the direction of his own, he shook his head and sighed. "But maybe this was more interesting."
He licked his lips again and touched his lips with his finger, still with tints of the boy's blood upon them. "I will feast on your soul, your mind, and your body. Even the air around you won't be yours anymore."
In a lost desparation and deep obsession, he said,
"You have to be mine someday."
Tsuzuku...
--
Author's note: No, I don't have any idea what the heck Shakira's singing. All I know is that I like the feel and I think it expresses what I want. This was actually the song that made me fall in love with her.
Ooh...weirdo Sei-chan~! Hints of shouta, yes, I know I'm bad. But what kind of author am I if I don't push the limits or my own constraints?
Thank you very much, Rei-chan for being my beta!
And this is to you, wonderful Seishirou, as a humble present for your birthday!