I still could do with a beta-reader ...
Because you're so sweet
I have seen you being brave. I have seen you being hurt. I have seen you fall. I have seen your sheet cutting into the glass, slowly tearing from your weight. Then I have seen you again at the Coal Bowl, my sweet angel. You are the one who had haunted me. Haunted my dreams ever since I have seen your sweet face shaded with the agony of betrayal.
I did not want to see it then, I couldn't have. I had been too busy living my life as usual. A life of killing and little joy. I could not have broken out of my routine. I had been to scared to trust this sensation building up inside of me. And I feel it then and now. Every time I see you close by.
I almost had forgotten how it had felt like. I have been trying to, but seeing you was all that was needed. The same sting touched my dead heart, it felt like I was burning in the fire of your passion. Hurting from your beauty. A beauty that was not toned muscles and pale skin, a beauty warm and sweet, soft and tender.
How I had longed to smell your hair once more, how badly I needed to remember and sample it for eternity. To keep this feeling for you with me. Because it had seemed so unlikely for us two being together. I had thought we will always fight. There had been no doubt that you knew, as well as I, what I am. I always be the assassin no matter whether I have come to kill or to protect.
And I wonder, could I change for you? Could you change me? I only know I could not bear seeing you change.
Because you're so sweet
You lift up my heart
And I'll fall back again
But I don't know
Quite which way to turn
I observed you, racing along side your friends at the Coal Bowl. And I remembered how well you three had fought against me in the alley, where we had touched for the first time. Where I have caught the scent of your hair. You had almost beaten me then, because you had been part of a team. Something I will never be, I always have been alone and I don't even dare to dream about entering your life permanently.
Still I hoped you would understand what I was going to do and thought it to be right. Also I felt doubt in your presence and asked myself, whether there could be another way? You protect without any intention to kill, maybe I should try and do the same, but seeing you in danger, made the coldness return to my heart. Death is the only certainty. Only dead men cannot not hurt you ever again.
I was going to end it - in my way. I started my engine, advanced and saw it was not too late. I came in the right moment to saved the boy's life. The life we both were protecting this day. Immediately you came towards me, reaching out and I stole another strain of your hair. My heart jumped and even though I crashed and fell down, it did not matter to me. I had a peace of your sweetness right here with me.
I went away, I knew it was not the right time. I wondered if you even imagined what you had done to me. I recalled you looking at me and I felt it was different than the last time. You were surprised and when I saw your lips move, I was sure you meant me. I wanted you to come into my life, no wanted to become part of yours. I have felt lost in mine for a long time. I wanted to be there for you, to protect, I wanted to see that surprise turning to approval. Maybe even more.
You were coming after me, lead by the medallion, and it pleased me. What you learned had surprised you once more and I love the way your eyes sparkle then. You are going to do what you were meant for. Guarding angel of a part that was still good in me. I did not want to impose on you, I knew you like to be free. I admire that about you. Emotions make your face sweet and dear to me. I begin to feel through you again.
The light in your eyes
Touches the sky
And I'm your man again
And you hold me
As close as close can be
It seemed like a dream and I had to know for sure. What was there about you? I walked down the road lonely and thoughtful, but my thoughts were of you. I decided I would be there for you. Almost too late again, when I saw you again, I still could see the bruised under your make-up. I felt I could have prevented it, if I had stayed with you. Following your steps I waited in the shadows for the curtain to open.
This was the final battle and we all were gathered. I knew you could stand on your own, you had even beaten me before. I would have been happy to see you win, but the fight went the other way. The moment came to intervene, I decided to help your dark-haired friend first and as I turned I had to see the old situation all over again.
This time I did not hesitate. I struck at your enemy, fought him of the roof. Getting him away from you was all that mattered in this moment. My arms reached out for you, before I even realised that I was doing it. I pulled you away from the edge and into my arms. But I held you wrong, pressed into your soft body with too much force.
Still we were on the same side, once more, and you knew I was there for you. Letting the pressure slowly go from your lovely figure, I noticed that you were holding me, too. You never looked more beautiful than with your wondering eyes upon me. I was confused and decided to listen only to what my heart was telling me.
And many is the time
That you have enchanted me
Now I want you back
Here in my loving arms
For eternity
I felt our lips touching and it was as sweet as sweet can be. You had caught me in a moment of forever and it meant everything to me. I still can not comprehend what it had exactly been. So many impressions in such a short time. And I saw your confusion, but there was more. As we departed and my heart cried out, you just looked at me. Holding my hair as I held yours.
There was a sense of understanding and I wanted to hold you again. I wanted to say something to make you understand what you had done to me. At least as far as I had understood it then.
I had not realised it then, but I feel it now. You changed what was dark in me. I felt like I could let go of everything as long as I had you. I reached out to hold you again, when a pain hit my chest. A pain that increased as I realised through your terrified expression that I would never touch you again. Mocking voices tore me from the only place I wanted to be.
I felt and feared that your lovely sight had left me forever. I crushed into the ground, my body not as shattered as my dreams. I looked up and I saw you. You were in danger and I was not able to move. The pain near my heart almost made me pass out, but you won, you were stronger than your foe. I saw your demon fall, falling on top of me. He was stabbed with the blade - my blade - that was stuck in me.
I gasped in pain, grabbed him as he tried to break away. The big E fell and the impact seemed to crush my ribs. I closed my eyes as the sparks flew by. Heat burned my legs as the letter dropped on the side. The body over me was shattered and broken like my sword that pinned us together. The smothered figure over me was burning.
I was injured and feared that now my time had come. But more than anything else, I wanted to see her one last time. My desire was so strong that I found the strength to move away. It was like my chest was on fire, but as I lay there free again, I saw blood flowing out in a surprisingly small amount. Part of the broken blade was still there and sealed the wound. I tried to get up, but passed out into blackness.
I did not die though, but woke up after some time and tried once more. Using my right hand, this side being less injured, and I pushed myself up. The pain was hard to bear as I tumbled down the ally. Behind me I heard sirens telling me that my old enemy the police had arrived.
Still I got away, I head where the people were, where the premiere was going on. In distance I watched, looked out for you, the new light in my life. The angel that had given my life a new perspective.
You look and you smile
Warm me inside
'Cause you're so good to me
A beauty
filled with the joys of spring
You were the real beauty, you outshone all the lights. I was so glad you had won and you were happy. Also you were happy without me. I had known it, I had hoped it was too change in time, but time was running out fast. I never had asked anything from you, but you gave me so much more. A moment where I felt whole. Now I know that it was because you were the part that was missing. I had my eyes on you, like your sight alone was keeping me alive.
You were with you friends, your family and I had done my part to make that last. I felt no fear of death, in that moment I felt only content. I let myself sink to the ground, the image of you smiling, filled me with relief. People blocked you from my stare, but I could picture you behind the crowd. My eyelids grow heavy as I was passing away and then with my last stare I saw you through a gap. You were alone and you looked so lost.
It made my heart jump once more. How could it be that someone like you was unhappy even for a short moment on a triumphant evening surrounded by your friends? I decided I could not leave this world without knowing you. In a last attempt I rose and stumbled down the street. I approached a police car, I saw it stopping and as it was closing in I blacked out.
I woke up in a bright hospital room, a doctor coming in and telling me how badly wounded I had been. That a last minute transfusion of blood had saved me. He had no idea what really helped me through. I remained silent refusing to answer his questions or those of the police detectives who called upon me a few days later. The blade was matched with the one they found in the chest of the man that had tried to kill my angel. But I knew they could not prevent me from leaving here, once I was healed.
No love is too pure
To give to the world
In her naivety
Or too tender
To caress with a simple kiss
I rested and gathered my strength until I was the one to be surprised, as I saw your sweet face. You sat by my side and I finally understood why you were called angel. You had this expression of happiness, relief, sadness, fear and guilt, that made you appear stronger than all the other woman in the world. You were so much, strong and vulnerable, understanding and questioning. You doubt yourself and yet you remain true to yourself. I saw that in you the whole time, I just failed to understand it before.
You told me you could not believe I survived, but I heard that you began to explain, why you had not come looking after me, but it was not necessary. I knew what you had expected to find down in that alley and I would not have wanted you to go through this. I only wanted to see you smile, no, I wanted you to smile for me. Now you are here and you doing it - just for me. Just the two of us, sitting close.
Also I have no words for you I see you are listening. You know I am not angry at you and your hands touch mine. You bring my palm to your face and say that you wanted me to be alive, that you wanted me to thank for saving you and the boy before. I smile and my fingers caress your cheek. I feel you trembling softly, because you are preparing to say something. Slowly you ask whether I realised that protecting someone is more rewarding than killing.
I understand, this and much more. So I give you a nod, I need to speak with you, but I cannot, I lacked the strength, after what happened the last time. You see me struggle and place your finger on my lips. Telling me, that we have time to sort things out. Then a nurse comes in and destroys our unity of understanding. Going away you tell me you stop by tomorrow and I wait in agony. I want to prove myself to you, I want you to see that I have changed.
I am afraid of what happens now. Will you turn me in and away from you? You probably should, I have done so many terrible things, but I am different now. I am not the same man that let you fall, not the killer that struck down Corwin. I would kill to protect you, but only for that purpose.
The next day you come back and I look at you. Every detail of your face I already know by heart, there is this strange look, I have noticed yesterday. I am not sure what it means. I listen to you as you tell me what happened and how you found me. You touch my hand again and I encourage you. Your gaze turns out of the window in the grey sky. Your voice is shaking with fear and pleading for me to return the love you confessed to me with your modern words.
I draw you closer until you are leaning over me and kiss my lips. I shall never take your love for granted, but it feels right, that even after all that had stood between us, you feel this way. If you are the one who makes me complete, why should I not be the one to make you complete?
And many is the time
That you have enchanted me
I want you back
Back in my loving arms
For eternity.