Kudos
MortalSora: Unlucky ain't too damn wise. And well, Kain IS an idiot in this fic.
Kain: Hey!
Oh come on, you know it's true.
Kain: I hate this.
Blood Of Angels: Corey was inspiring? Bizarre. And well, they did kill Elzevir, so it's not so bad, right?
Mikoto Zoku: Corey says 'thank you'. Then he gives you a hug. Then he slowly slides his hands down, until I pull him off, and kick him in the head. Nice job on the voodoo-doll, too.
AquaSword: In the game itself, Morty actually reminds me of Cher. Yeah, Moby does deserve everything he gets.
wolfboy1988: I hate puns, so don't count on it. ^_^
Vladimirsangel: Hmm, a bingo scene, eh? Okay.
Dark-Sephy: So you like the 'fudgestickle thingy, eh? Heh. It will appear in this chapter, too.
A/N: So you don't wanna give me 10 reviews, eh? BASTURDS! Just kidding, but you hopefully knew that.
********************************************************
Kain and Corey goes to the pillars for the last time, (Kain: About bloody time, I'm sick of them!) and they see Anacrothe and Mortanius arguing.
Anacrothe: You betrayed us, Mortanius! You had Kain killed and turned him into a monster! You set him upon us!
Mortanius (shouting): Can someone get this man a badge, saying 'Master of the obvious'?
Anacrothe: Asshole!
Morty: It had to be. Nupraptor's insanity poisoned all of our minds! The Circle had failed in its sworn duties. It had to be destroyed! It's the exact same way as with Bush and his closest circle of supporters.
Anacrothe: Enough with the Bush jokes! Failed our duties? Dumbass! The circle exists for us, we don't exist for it! Our powers will save or damn Nosgoth at our whim! Stand with us, Mortanius, or die!
Morty: But I am dead.. Oh wait, that's Kain's line. Crap! Then I shall DIE!
Anacrothe: No need to shout.
Morty: I shout when I damn well please!
The suicide squad from Life Of Brian runs in, and impales themselves.
Leader: That... Scared them off.. Huh? (dies)
Morty: ......
Anna: (what the f*ck?! My name ain't Anna!) ........
Morty: Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight! Well, Anacrothe, shall we fight?
Anacrothe: Sure.
The army of the diskettes run in, format themselves, then run out again.
Morty: The author's not being very serious today.
Anacrothe: Nope. Shall we duel?
A baseball player, armed with a keyboard runs in, whacks a ball out of the field, does a home-run, then leaves.
Morty: This is getting annoying.
A Trash-metal Jesus appears, and he sings Slayer's Read Between The Lies, while headbanging.
Jesus: Evangelists, you claim God speaks through you, your unrestful mouths full of lies gain popularity, you care not for the old, that suffer, when empty pockets cry for hunger...
Kain: (to Corey) Okay, Jesus has gone crazy!
Corey: I don't see the change.
Kain: Damn Concept, and his damn religious jokes. They're not funny!
Jesus starts singing Behind The Crooked Cross.
Jesus: Time melts away, in this living inferno, trapped by a cause that I once understood...
Kain: Hand me a sniper rifle, please.
Corey: They're not invented yet.
Kain (British accent): Shiit!
Anacrothe throws a holy handgrenade (!) at Jesus, effectively blowing him up.
Morty: Oh man, the Christians won't like that.
Anacrothe: They haven't said anything yet.
Morty attacks Anacrothe. Now, I would have just written what they fought like in the original video sequence, but I haven't seen that one, so I'm gonna make some overly exaggerated fight scene, with explosions and other such crap. Morty tries to put Anacrothe in a headlock, but Anacrothe kicks him in the face. They clash, in a fight, that would make the creators of Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon jealous. Morty runs on the pillars, while Anacrothe runs after him, trying to kick him hard in the head. Morty jumps back at Anacrothe, while punching for his face. Anacrothe blocks many punches, but not them all, and eventually, Morty kicks him hard in the head, so he dies. Kain walks out, from behind the pillars.
Kain: If the Circle is to be destroyed you have to die as well, Necromancer.
Morty: Well, duh!
Kain: Shut up! I admire your cunning, but you will not escape your fate.
Morty: Would be hard to do, without a paradox, don't you think?
Kain: Enough with the references to Soul Reaver 2! Just follow the damn script, you bastard!
Morty: Nay, I will embrace it.
Kain: It's 'I shall', not 'I will'. Use proper grammar.
Morty: What does my grammar have to do with anything?
Kain: We're trying to make it sound impressive, damnit! Just stick with the damn script, and proper grammar, please.
Morty: My death shall...
Kain: It's 'my death will'!
Morty: FINE! MY DEATH WILL LEAVE ONE MORE TO TAKE, PRINCELING! FINISH ME!
Kain: Finish you? How?
Morty: Just get on with it!
Kain: Okay.
Kain attacks Morty, but gets his ass kicked badly, until Corey runs up behind Morty and slices his hair off with his katana.
Morty: MY SNAPE HAIR! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!
Corey. Now you can finish him, Kain.
Kain stabs Morty in his heart, killing him. Morty falls down.
Kain: Finally, it's over. At last!
Corey: Never thought you'd get it over with, huh?
Kain: Nope. I'm glad it did.
Corey: Now Concept will finally let me get back to my girlfriend.
Morty rises behind them, really fast.
Morty: ROAR! (tranform into Hash)
Hash: Yo yo yo! You thought yourself the shizzness, when in fact, you had no biznezz. You have served me well, dawg!
Kain: Proper grammar, please. You're not making any sense. And I serve no one!
Hash: Indeed. Such shitty vision, dawg. Like most....
Kain: Is it a religious joke, you're about to make?
Hash: Yeah.
Kain quickly whips out a baseball bat, and whacks Hash in the face 3 times, then uppercuts him with the bat, sending him saltomortaling in the air, then landing flat on his front, making him all flat.
Kain: Hashcakes!
Hash gets up.
Hash: Don'cha see, dawg! My silencing of dat ho' Ariel, and it's calculated repercussions is but the first act in my theatre of Grand Guignol, of which you are the tragic hero. Rap on, little vampy, rap on.....
Kain: VAE VICTUS, YOU FAT BASTARD!
Kain and Hash fight each other hard.
Corey: Uhh, Kain?
Kain: Yeah?
Corey: Aren't you gonna pick up the tokens of Morty and Anacrothe?
Kain: I'm a little busy right now, Corey.
Corey: I'll do it, then. Ahem, Anarcrothe's magic was contained within the metal of the scales, and would eventually be released back into the pillar from when it came. NO FREAKING DUH! The scales of Anarcrothe I lay before the Pillar of States. The Pillar accepted its offering, thus it was restored. The Death Orb of Mortanius had given the Neromancer dominion over the grave. I had thought him the last of the Circle. And yet, he spoke of another. Well, seeing as how Raziel will be guardian of the reaver, that must be it. Oh wait, the reaver isn't a pillar! It must be.... Kain! Damn! Who would have thought, that that arrogant basturd would be a guardian? Before the Pillar of Death, I laid the Orb of Mortanius. The Pillar accepted its offering thus it was restored. I wonder, what pillar Kain is attached to.
Kain finally whacks Hash with the Soul Reaver for the last time, and Hash blows up, into a thousand pieces. Ariel appears, along with 2 cards.
Kain: I am the last Pillar- the only survivor of the Circle of Nine. At my whim the world will be healed..... or damned. At my whim.... Nice to see, that the fate of Nosgoth is decided with the aid of 2 floating cards.
Ariel: Beats the coin.
Kain: Ah yes, the coin. Shall we flip it?
Corey: Yeah, let's do that.
Kain flips it.
Kain: Heads, we sacrifice ourselves.
Corey: Speak for yourself!
Kain: Never mind, then. Tails, we rule the world! MUAHAHAHAHA!
Ariel: You haven't flipped the damn coin yet.
Kain flip it. It lands on... (drumroll) It's edge!
Corey: This is where we were supposed to have Raziel with us.
Kain: Raziel is currently dead, Corey. He won't be resurrected for a while, neither.
Corey: Fine, just freaking bring him here, when you're trying to save Nosgoth.
Kain: Great idea! Also, since the coin landed on it's edge, we're gonna wait, with sacrificing ourselves, until we have seen things in the Chronoplast chamber, that we can use for our own advantage.
Corey: Stop talking in pluralis, Kain. I'm outtta here! (walks out)
Kain: Am I finally rid of him?
Ariel: Yep.
Kain: WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! 'TIS A GREAT DAY FOR ANARCHY!
Ariel: o_0!
Kain: Uhh, never mind. I'm just gonna go take over the world, currently. (walks out, too)
We see the 'damned Nosgoth' scene. Kain is sitting at a really wicked looking throne, drinking a glass of blood.
Kain: Once I embraced my powers, I realized that Vorador was correct- we are gods, dark gods, and it is our duty to thin the herd.
Corey: Sounds a little nazi like.
Kain: Weren't you supposed to be gone?
Corey: Oh shit, you're right! (leaves)
Kain: Now I own the world! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA ACKRIGAJ! *Coughs* Ahem, yes.
****************************************************************
Back at the pillars.
Ariel: Well, the coin is still on it's edge. (blows at the coin)
It falls down, and lands on Heads.
Ariel: YES! Now Kain must sacrifice himself! My job is complete!
Day turns to night.
Crickets chirp.
Ariel: Hmm, my employers won't like this. Screw it, I'll just do a home video, where he has sacrificed himself. They won't know the difference. In his life he was unknown- a petty noble. In death he was a petty noble, AND unknown. Yet by choosing oblivion he restored balance to the land. Shades cast no shadows. Hmm, maybe I shouldn't have drunk all that alcohol, when I helped make the script for this game.
************************************************************
The scene is a retirement house. Kain sits at one of the tables. Next to him, an old man sits, who have just won. The old man hasn't announced it yet, though.
Kain (shouting very loudly, because he hopes, that he will get the prize, if the other one has a stroke): BINGO! Are you alive, Severin?
Severin (the old man): Yeah.
Kain: Fudgestickles.
*************************************************************
BWAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! The end of this one. Finally! Look for a parody on the birth of Jesus, on December the 24th. It will be CRAZY! And offensive to uptight Christians. I don't have a title for it, yet, though. So just look for a story with my name attached to it. And I hope I shall get 5 reviews for this one.
MortalSora: Unlucky ain't too damn wise. And well, Kain IS an idiot in this fic.
Kain: Hey!
Oh come on, you know it's true.
Kain: I hate this.
Blood Of Angels: Corey was inspiring? Bizarre. And well, they did kill Elzevir, so it's not so bad, right?
Mikoto Zoku: Corey says 'thank you'. Then he gives you a hug. Then he slowly slides his hands down, until I pull him off, and kick him in the head. Nice job on the voodoo-doll, too.
AquaSword: In the game itself, Morty actually reminds me of Cher. Yeah, Moby does deserve everything he gets.
wolfboy1988: I hate puns, so don't count on it. ^_^
Vladimirsangel: Hmm, a bingo scene, eh? Okay.
Dark-Sephy: So you like the 'fudgestickle thingy, eh? Heh. It will appear in this chapter, too.
A/N: So you don't wanna give me 10 reviews, eh? BASTURDS! Just kidding, but you hopefully knew that.
********************************************************
Kain and Corey goes to the pillars for the last time, (Kain: About bloody time, I'm sick of them!) and they see Anacrothe and Mortanius arguing.
Anacrothe: You betrayed us, Mortanius! You had Kain killed and turned him into a monster! You set him upon us!
Mortanius (shouting): Can someone get this man a badge, saying 'Master of the obvious'?
Anacrothe: Asshole!
Morty: It had to be. Nupraptor's insanity poisoned all of our minds! The Circle had failed in its sworn duties. It had to be destroyed! It's the exact same way as with Bush and his closest circle of supporters.
Anacrothe: Enough with the Bush jokes! Failed our duties? Dumbass! The circle exists for us, we don't exist for it! Our powers will save or damn Nosgoth at our whim! Stand with us, Mortanius, or die!
Morty: But I am dead.. Oh wait, that's Kain's line. Crap! Then I shall DIE!
Anacrothe: No need to shout.
Morty: I shout when I damn well please!
The suicide squad from Life Of Brian runs in, and impales themselves.
Leader: That... Scared them off.. Huh? (dies)
Morty: ......
Anna: (what the f*ck?! My name ain't Anna!) ........
Morty: Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight! Well, Anacrothe, shall we fight?
Anacrothe: Sure.
The army of the diskettes run in, format themselves, then run out again.
Morty: The author's not being very serious today.
Anacrothe: Nope. Shall we duel?
A baseball player, armed with a keyboard runs in, whacks a ball out of the field, does a home-run, then leaves.
Morty: This is getting annoying.
A Trash-metal Jesus appears, and he sings Slayer's Read Between The Lies, while headbanging.
Jesus: Evangelists, you claim God speaks through you, your unrestful mouths full of lies gain popularity, you care not for the old, that suffer, when empty pockets cry for hunger...
Kain: (to Corey) Okay, Jesus has gone crazy!
Corey: I don't see the change.
Kain: Damn Concept, and his damn religious jokes. They're not funny!
Jesus starts singing Behind The Crooked Cross.
Jesus: Time melts away, in this living inferno, trapped by a cause that I once understood...
Kain: Hand me a sniper rifle, please.
Corey: They're not invented yet.
Kain (British accent): Shiit!
Anacrothe throws a holy handgrenade (!) at Jesus, effectively blowing him up.
Morty: Oh man, the Christians won't like that.
Anacrothe: They haven't said anything yet.
Morty attacks Anacrothe. Now, I would have just written what they fought like in the original video sequence, but I haven't seen that one, so I'm gonna make some overly exaggerated fight scene, with explosions and other such crap. Morty tries to put Anacrothe in a headlock, but Anacrothe kicks him in the face. They clash, in a fight, that would make the creators of Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon jealous. Morty runs on the pillars, while Anacrothe runs after him, trying to kick him hard in the head. Morty jumps back at Anacrothe, while punching for his face. Anacrothe blocks many punches, but not them all, and eventually, Morty kicks him hard in the head, so he dies. Kain walks out, from behind the pillars.
Kain: If the Circle is to be destroyed you have to die as well, Necromancer.
Morty: Well, duh!
Kain: Shut up! I admire your cunning, but you will not escape your fate.
Morty: Would be hard to do, without a paradox, don't you think?
Kain: Enough with the references to Soul Reaver 2! Just follow the damn script, you bastard!
Morty: Nay, I will embrace it.
Kain: It's 'I shall', not 'I will'. Use proper grammar.
Morty: What does my grammar have to do with anything?
Kain: We're trying to make it sound impressive, damnit! Just stick with the damn script, and proper grammar, please.
Morty: My death shall...
Kain: It's 'my death will'!
Morty: FINE! MY DEATH WILL LEAVE ONE MORE TO TAKE, PRINCELING! FINISH ME!
Kain: Finish you? How?
Morty: Just get on with it!
Kain: Okay.
Kain attacks Morty, but gets his ass kicked badly, until Corey runs up behind Morty and slices his hair off with his katana.
Morty: MY SNAPE HAIR! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!
Corey. Now you can finish him, Kain.
Kain stabs Morty in his heart, killing him. Morty falls down.
Kain: Finally, it's over. At last!
Corey: Never thought you'd get it over with, huh?
Kain: Nope. I'm glad it did.
Corey: Now Concept will finally let me get back to my girlfriend.
Morty rises behind them, really fast.
Morty: ROAR! (tranform into Hash)
Hash: Yo yo yo! You thought yourself the shizzness, when in fact, you had no biznezz. You have served me well, dawg!
Kain: Proper grammar, please. You're not making any sense. And I serve no one!
Hash: Indeed. Such shitty vision, dawg. Like most....
Kain: Is it a religious joke, you're about to make?
Hash: Yeah.
Kain quickly whips out a baseball bat, and whacks Hash in the face 3 times, then uppercuts him with the bat, sending him saltomortaling in the air, then landing flat on his front, making him all flat.
Kain: Hashcakes!
Hash gets up.
Hash: Don'cha see, dawg! My silencing of dat ho' Ariel, and it's calculated repercussions is but the first act in my theatre of Grand Guignol, of which you are the tragic hero. Rap on, little vampy, rap on.....
Kain: VAE VICTUS, YOU FAT BASTARD!
Kain and Hash fight each other hard.
Corey: Uhh, Kain?
Kain: Yeah?
Corey: Aren't you gonna pick up the tokens of Morty and Anacrothe?
Kain: I'm a little busy right now, Corey.
Corey: I'll do it, then. Ahem, Anarcrothe's magic was contained within the metal of the scales, and would eventually be released back into the pillar from when it came. NO FREAKING DUH! The scales of Anarcrothe I lay before the Pillar of States. The Pillar accepted its offering, thus it was restored. The Death Orb of Mortanius had given the Neromancer dominion over the grave. I had thought him the last of the Circle. And yet, he spoke of another. Well, seeing as how Raziel will be guardian of the reaver, that must be it. Oh wait, the reaver isn't a pillar! It must be.... Kain! Damn! Who would have thought, that that arrogant basturd would be a guardian? Before the Pillar of Death, I laid the Orb of Mortanius. The Pillar accepted its offering thus it was restored. I wonder, what pillar Kain is attached to.
Kain finally whacks Hash with the Soul Reaver for the last time, and Hash blows up, into a thousand pieces. Ariel appears, along with 2 cards.
Kain: I am the last Pillar- the only survivor of the Circle of Nine. At my whim the world will be healed..... or damned. At my whim.... Nice to see, that the fate of Nosgoth is decided with the aid of 2 floating cards.
Ariel: Beats the coin.
Kain: Ah yes, the coin. Shall we flip it?
Corey: Yeah, let's do that.
Kain flips it.
Kain: Heads, we sacrifice ourselves.
Corey: Speak for yourself!
Kain: Never mind, then. Tails, we rule the world! MUAHAHAHAHA!
Ariel: You haven't flipped the damn coin yet.
Kain flip it. It lands on... (drumroll) It's edge!
Corey: This is where we were supposed to have Raziel with us.
Kain: Raziel is currently dead, Corey. He won't be resurrected for a while, neither.
Corey: Fine, just freaking bring him here, when you're trying to save Nosgoth.
Kain: Great idea! Also, since the coin landed on it's edge, we're gonna wait, with sacrificing ourselves, until we have seen things in the Chronoplast chamber, that we can use for our own advantage.
Corey: Stop talking in pluralis, Kain. I'm outtta here! (walks out)
Kain: Am I finally rid of him?
Ariel: Yep.
Kain: WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! 'TIS A GREAT DAY FOR ANARCHY!
Ariel: o_0!
Kain: Uhh, never mind. I'm just gonna go take over the world, currently. (walks out, too)
We see the 'damned Nosgoth' scene. Kain is sitting at a really wicked looking throne, drinking a glass of blood.
Kain: Once I embraced my powers, I realized that Vorador was correct- we are gods, dark gods, and it is our duty to thin the herd.
Corey: Sounds a little nazi like.
Kain: Weren't you supposed to be gone?
Corey: Oh shit, you're right! (leaves)
Kain: Now I own the world! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA ACKRIGAJ! *Coughs* Ahem, yes.
****************************************************************
Back at the pillars.
Ariel: Well, the coin is still on it's edge. (blows at the coin)
It falls down, and lands on Heads.
Ariel: YES! Now Kain must sacrifice himself! My job is complete!
Day turns to night.
Crickets chirp.
Ariel: Hmm, my employers won't like this. Screw it, I'll just do a home video, where he has sacrificed himself. They won't know the difference. In his life he was unknown- a petty noble. In death he was a petty noble, AND unknown. Yet by choosing oblivion he restored balance to the land. Shades cast no shadows. Hmm, maybe I shouldn't have drunk all that alcohol, when I helped make the script for this game.
************************************************************
The scene is a retirement house. Kain sits at one of the tables. Next to him, an old man sits, who have just won. The old man hasn't announced it yet, though.
Kain (shouting very loudly, because he hopes, that he will get the prize, if the other one has a stroke): BINGO! Are you alive, Severin?
Severin (the old man): Yeah.
Kain: Fudgestickles.
*************************************************************
BWAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! The end of this one. Finally! Look for a parody on the birth of Jesus, on December the 24th. It will be CRAZY! And offensive to uptight Christians. I don't have a title for it, yet, though. So just look for a story with my name attached to it. And I hope I shall get 5 reviews for this one.