Disclaimer: The Mighty Ducks is owned by Disney.  I recently realized that I haven't included the Saurians in any of my stories.  That's not right; after all, they're in almost every MD episode!  Hence my latest twisted tale…

It's Not Easy Being Green

By Ryan Phelan

Things were not going well for Siege and Wraith.  They had broken into a research facility to steal a rare meteor.  Minutes later the Ducks showed up, lasers blasting.  They soon had the two Saurians pinned down.  To make matters worse, their teleportation units malfunctioned, making escape impossible.

"I fear this is the end," Wraith moaned.

"If only The Chameleon was here," Siege cried.

"You called?"  A voice above them said.

Chameleon was standing in the rafters, decked out in battle gear and a large ray gun.  He jumped, sailing through the air as gracefully as a bird in flight.  He did several somersaults and landed on his feet in front of the Ducks.  All six quickly trained their weapons on him.  Chameleon fired off six rounds; The Ducks' guns popped out of their hands like magic.

"He's too much for us!"  Wildwing cried.  "Retreat!"

The Ducks ran away as fast as their legs could carry them.  Chameleon grabbed the meteor and walked over to his friends.

"Thanks, Chameleon, you saved our butts again!"  Siege gushed.

"We'd be nothing without you," Wraith said. 

"I know," Chameleon replied.  He fiddled with his teleporter.  "Okay, boys, I fixed the problem.  Let's get out of here."

The three Saurians touched a button on their wrists and disappeared in a flash of light, reappearing inside the Raptor.

"Chameleon!  Do you get it?"  Dragaunus asked.

"Do you really need to ask?"  Chameleon said, producing the meteor.

"You're right of course," Dragaunus replied.  "If only all of my henchmen were as dependable as you."  He glared at Siege and Wraith, who hung their heads.

"If there's nothing else, I shall retire to my quarters," Chameleon said.

"No, you go ahead," Dragaunus said.  "Is there anything you need?"

"Well, I could use a snack."

"Siege!  Go to the kitchen and make Chameleon a snack!"  Dragaunus barked.  Siege scurried away.

"And a bubble bath."

"Wraith!  Prepare Chameleon's bath!"  Wraith hurried off.

"Thanks, Draggy," Chameleon said.  "Oh, and I don't mean to be a bother, but my clothes have been feeling a little stiff lately.  Add more fabric softener to the next load, okay?" 

"Sure thing, Chameleon," Dragaunus replied. 

Chameleon walked off towards his bedroom.  Suddenly red lights began to flash and a loud BEEPing sound filled the halls. 

"Oh, no," Chameleon cried.  "Not now!  NOT NOW!"

Chameleon sat bolt upright in bed; to his left the alarm clock continued to blare, the numbers 6:00 staring at him in bold red.  He groaned and hit the button to stop the annoying sound.  Noiselessly he slid out of bed and padded to the kitchen to make breakfast for the others.  There was no sense in complaining, even to himself; it only wasted precious seconds, and Chameleon was all too familiar with the punishment for being late with breakfast.

**********

Twenty minutes later Dragaunus's breakfast was cooked, the table was set, and the coffee was ready to pour.  The newspaper was neatly folded and placed to the left of the plate.  Chameleon morphed into a waiter as his boss entered the room.

"Good morning sir," Chameleon said with a snooty French accent.  "Our special today is Eggs Benedict, crispy bacon, succulent sausage links and a side of whole wheat toast with homemade strawberry jam, topped off with my special blend."  Chameleon poured a big, steaming cup of coffee. 

Dragaunus didn't reply; he just sat down and began to read the newspaper.  Chameleon waited anxiously while Dragaunus ate; he knew if the boss wasn't entirely pleased with his meal there'd be hell to pay.  Dragaunus was halfway through when Chameleon finally started to relax.  Then suddenly, as if the Gods themselves were waiting for just the right moment, Dragaunus let out an ear-shattering roar and overturned the table in a fit of rage; Chameleon cowered and covered his head in an attempt to shield himself from the egg and meat bits raining down on him.

"CHAMELEON!"  Dragaunus roared.

"I'm sorry, boss!"  Chameleon cried.  "I'm really, really, sorry for whatever it is I did!  It won't happen again!"

"YOU SHOULD BE SORRY!"  Dragaunus snarled.  "HAVE YOU SEEN THIS!!"

Dragaunus shoved the newspaper into The Chameleon's face.  When The Chameleon finally gathered the courage to open his eyes he read the headline, MIGHTY DUCKS SAVE THE DAY AGAIN!

"Oh, The Ducks," Chameleon sighed.  "They're the ones making you mad."

"MAD?  I AM FAR BEYOND MAD!"  Dragaunus yelled.  "WHY ARE THE DUCKS STILL AROUND TO MAKE HEADLINES?  WHY AM I NOT RULING THE WORLD?  IT SHOULD BE MY FACE IN THE NEWSPAPERS!  THE HEADLINE SHOULD READ 'DRAGAUNUS DECLARED RULER OF THE WORLD!'"

"Uh-huh," Chameleon said as he inched towards the door.  "I can see you have a lot of psychotic ranting to do.  So I'll just…"

Dragaunus's eyes glowed and smoke began to pour from his nostrils.  Chameleon knew when the boss got this angry, he would start firing at the nearest available target.  He ran out the door and down the hall as fast as he could; behind him he heard the sound of laser blasts tearing the room apart.  He didn't stop running until he was back in the kitchen, where he slumped against the counter and tried to catch his breath.  His break was short-lived; moments later Siege and Wraith entered the kitchen, and they were hungry.

"What's for breakfast, Chameleon?"  Siege growled.  "It better not be the usual slop."

"I predict a dismal start to a dismal day," Wraith muttered.

"Gentlemen, prepare to eat your words, along with my latest culinary masterpiece," Chameleon said as he spooned the eggs and meat onto their plates.  He stood and watched while they shoveled it into their mouths, barely pausing to chew.

"Well," Chameleon said, "is it fabulous, or merely great?"

"I'm eating it, ain't I??" Siege barked.

"Chameleon, don't you have laundry to do?"  Wraith asked between bites.

"Uh…yeah.  I'll get right on that," Chameleon sighed.  He turned and walked away.  "I love doing your laundry."

He stopped and looked over his shoulder.  Siege and Wraith were still eating.  "I mean, I don't want any help or even a thank you.  I'm not tired, or hungry for that matter.  I ate a few crumbs while preparing your breakfast so I'm full."

Siege and Wraith continued to eat.  Chameleon sighed and started to walk away.  Suddenly Wraith spoke up.

"Chameleon?"

Chameleon spun around.  "Yes?"  He asked hopefully.

"Don't forget the garbage," Wraith said, pointing to the two overstuffed plastic garbage bags in the corner of the kitchen. 

"Oh, yeah," Chameleon sighed.

**********

"So this is my life," Chameleon muttered as he dragged the bags to the incinerator.  "Dimensional Limbo was a Sunday picnic compared to this!"

At that moment the flimsy garbage bags burst wide open, spilling garbage across the floor.  Chameleon groaned and knelt down to pick it up.  As he gathered the orange peels and coffee grounds, he saw a soggy newspaper.

"Argh!  How many times do I have to ask those goons to recycle!  Just because we're going to conquer the planet is no reason to trash the place!"

He picked it up and noticed a headline that read, OPEN MIKE NIGHT AT THE CHUCKLE BUCKET.  Intrigued, he read further. 

Young comics will have the chance to show their stuff this Thursday night at 8pm.  The Chuckle Bucket is where many unknowns first shot to stardom.  Yes, you too can change your life if you're willing to take a chance.  We'll see you there!  

"Change my life?"  Chameleon said.  "I'd need to get a life first…but if I shoot to stardom, I could buy a life!  I'LL DO IT!"

Next: Showdown at the Chuckle Bucket