Fucking with Snape

Chapter Ten

The Scandalous Behavior of Mrs. Norris

There she stands before me, trying her best to look brave and unconcerned. The little minx.

She should have been sorted into Slytherin on this act alone. Very clever wench this one, she could give Lucius Malfoy a run for his money.

But, I digress from the topic at hand. Which is out staring one Hermione Granger, who barely glanced at the horrific scene before her before meeting my eyes again. Fascinating thing to watch the way her emotions flash across her face, she would be a lousy poker player this one. True she is as unreadable as a Basilisk now, but when she first saw the scene in this room she went from horrified to questioning to amusement in rapid succession before pasting her now stony expression on her face. The only thing that gives her away is the amusement flashing in her eyes.

The sheer nerve of this girl never ceases to astound me. How can she be so amused at the situation that I am sure she has created between Mrs. Norris, that flea bitten creature Filch calls a cat and my own Snooks?

I am finally forced to speak, "An explanation would be in order, Miss Granger."

When did she learn to arch her brow in that manner? "An explanation, professor?" she asks me "I am afraid that I don't understand what you mean. The situation seems simple enough."

I have to resist the urge to throttle her, yes yes I know that she turns me on when she uses that sarcastic tone, but today is different. Snooks could be damaged by this never mind my reputation should this get out.

"Miss Granger, I have no desire to carry on this meeting any longer than necessary so your rapid explanation would be appreciated."

She looks at me with those eyes of hers, and despite the situation at hand I find myself getting another raging erection for her. Damn it all to Hades! This of course means that I shall have to sit down, which will take some of the advantage away from me.

I look at her, expectantly as I sit behind my desk and she takes a deep breath. A deep shuddering breath which sends shards of heat shooting through me.

"Well, Professor. It appears that Mrs. Norris is trying to, erm, mate with Mr. Snookims, sir?"

I am going to kill her. "Thank you for your usual astute observations Miss Granger, but I want an explanation as to WHY THIS FLEA RIDDEN CAT TRYING TO FUCK MY DOG!"

"Well I am sure that I don't know, Professor Snape," she says in that huffy tone of hers that will one day get her killed. Perhaps today is the day.

"Of course you know, Miss Granger. You are responsible for this-this unnatural turn of events!"

"And if I were do you think that I would admit it?"

"If you value your position as Head Girl, you will."

"So snarky you are today, Professor! Don't threaten me! What about the potion you spiked my punch with at the ball?"

"I did no such thing Miss Granger! How dare you accuse me of such a thing! Now answer my question! How did that mangy bag of fur get the sudden desire to seek out my dog and attempt to reproduce with him?"

While Miss Granger is gathering her thoughts allow me to describe the events of the last few days.

Yes I was very amused at the entire turn of events on the night of the ball. True, I had intended that Hermione drink the spiked punch and fall head over heels for Albus thus getting both of them back in one fell swoop. Unfortunately things didn't work out the way I planned. Fortunately Filch was stupid and ill mannered enough to oblige me and drink the potion and fall for the lovely Miss Granger.

I couldn't have planned it better myself.

It was funny for the first day or so, and I must admit that I enjoyed the applause that I received in the Great Hall at breakfast. I have never had a more attentive batch of students in my classes either, Longbottom for instance actually failed to fuck up his assignment. I felt as admired as I never have been and I will admit that it was gratifying. Hells bells, I nearly smiled at Minerva!

And then after dinner, when I returned to my chambers..please take a seat dear reader for I fear for your safety. Thank you. Now as I was saying, I returned to my chambers on Monday and called for Snooks (yes, I still refuse to call him Snookims) so that I could order him outside for our evening walk around the lake. He failed to show up, as he had on Saturday and Sunday. I hadn't been worried on the two days prior, for the dog had taken a liking to visiting with Hagrid and his drooling dog, Fang.

This posed no problem with me, for Snook didn't pick up on Fang's drooling habit and Hagrid was doing a rather good job of teaching Snook everything he needed to know about being a good terrier. You see, it saved me the job of it and for that I am thankful to Hagrid and his overly huge and tender heart.

But Snook had never been away for three days together and so I began to worry. Then I went looking for him when he failed to come at my call.

My search of all of the grounds failed to give me satisfactory results, and Hagrid saw no sign of him in the Dark Forest, so I returned to my chambers determined to talk to the Headmaster about the whole situation.

Imagine my surprise and horror when I opened the door to my bedroom and found my dog attempting to climb up the bed curtains in a vain attempt to escape the attentions of one Mrs. Norris. Who was attempting to mount my dog (yes she had it backwards but then she does belong to Filch, who isn't the sharpest knife in the drawer). His yowling was awful and loud, and Mrs. Norris' yowls were drowned out, but I could see that she was frustrated and determined to attain satisfaction.

Not with my dog! No indeed. No cat was going to fuck my dog, especially that one.

I mean it's so unnatural. It's disgusting. I was struck speechless for a full minute.

I rescued my dog from Mrs. Norris' evil attentions and kicked the mangy cat out of my rooms. I prayed that the impulse she was under would wear off by the morning and so I took Snooks to bed with me and spent the evening consoling him.

I admit that the creature has grown on me in these past few months and the Snooks, while still a puppy is learning to comport himself in a more Slytherin manner. Not that I would ever admit this in public, mind you. I have a reputation to protect.

But, I digress. Snooks finally stopped trembling and went to sleep as did I. The next morning, with some trepidation I opened my door to take Snook for his morning ablutions. Yes, my friends. Mrs. Norris was waiting for us and immediately leapt upon my dog, who in all of his Slytherin bravery began to whimper and make for the bedroom.

Have you ever seen a cat attempt to hump a dog? I shan't describe it to you, for your imagination if properly used will provide you with an adequate picture of the whole scene.

Yes. Horrible isn't it? And I thought I had seen it all under the Dark Lord.

So it progressed until today. It didn't take me long to figure out that the Norris creature was under the influence of a potion. No doubt supplied by Miss Granger, in her attempt to seek revenge on me for the whole hard on, spiked punch, slathering paramour Filch incident at the ball. Perhaps I was too quick in taking enjoyment from the whole mishap?

Ah, Miss Granger is opening her mouth to speak. "Perhaps, in the melee of the whole Hufflepuff incident some punch was spilled and Mrs. Norris drank it?"

Something I had not considered. Interesting and plausible. Too plausible.

"Miss Granger, I was born at night but I wasn't born last night."

"Yes, I can see that sir. But never the less it is the only logical thing I can think of as a reason for this current situation."

She is trying to trap me into an admission of guilt. "That would be assuming, Miss Granger that there was a love potion in a goblet on the night of the ball."

She is giving me that sideways look of hers, and by the Gods I am actually even more aroused than I was a moment ago. "Sir, with all due respect, you know as well as I that you spiked my drink after our dance. I too was born at night Professor but not last night. Professor Dumbledore and the rest of the bloody school KNOW that FILCH IS FOLLOWING ME AROUND LIKE A DOG IN HEAT BECAUSE OF YOU!"

"Do not raise your voice to me, Miss Granger or you will REGRET IT!" I have had enough of this game. Nothing is going according to plan and now the chit is yelling at me.

"REGRET IT? REALLY? IF you hadn't been stupid enough to cheat and seek petty revenge for my charm, PROFESSOR SNAPE then your dog wouldn't be the object of Mrs. Norris' tender affections!"

This cannot go unanswered. "AND if YOU MISS GRANGER hadn't started this whole situation in the first place then WE wouldn't be having this CONVERSATION!"

"Indeed Severus? Well let me tell you that YOU were the one who started this whole insane war!"

"I DID NOT! YOU gave ME that accursed bubble wrap in the first place!"

"YOU GAVE ME AN UNFAIR GRADE!"

"It was a FAIR GRADE Hermione. You were preoccupied and turned in a less than perfect assignment."

"SO that warrants an 85 PROFESSOR?"

"It was a high 85 Miss Granger."

"You still deserved it," she sniffs. "Besides what about that bloody LEPRECHAN? Have you any idea how long it took me to get that damn song OUT OF MY HEAD?"

I must smile at the memory, and in doing so I cause the minx to gasp. "Yes, well that was rather brilliant of me wasn't it? But you did deserve it."

"DESERVE IT! Damn it all Severus, can't you take a joke?"

"Yes I can Hermione, but you seem to have problem with it."

"I DO NOT! I have a marvelous sense of humor. It's yours that could do with a little work."

"HA! What about Snooks, Miss Granger? Did you have to deliver the package in the middle of breakfast?"

"Well, yes actually. It wouldn't have been as funny if I had it sent to your class room. Besides I rather think that everyone enjoyed my song selection."

She has a good point there, not that I will admit it to her. "Perhaps they did, but the next time you wish to torture someone with a Beatles song, perhaps you could pick something from The White Album?"

"I had thought of that, SEVERUS but I rather thought my song selection was a more appropriate accompaniment for MR. SNOOKIMS."

"I suppose that you are still quite proud of yourself over that one?"

"Yes, Mr. Snookims was and still is a source of amusement."

"I am well aware of the amusement gained by all at MY EXPENSE!"

"I will merely say that you deserved it. ALL OF IT! ESPECIALLY AFTER THE LOCKHART INCIDENT!"

"Which you nicely turned to your advantage."

"Thank you."

"You're welcome, Hermione. Now WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO ABOUT MY DOG!"

By all that is holy, she is looking at me in a very hostile manner and I suddenly want to kiss her senseless.

"WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO ABOUT FILCH? Then there's that matter of your physiological reaction to me that we need to discuss as well. Really Professor PERVING over a student!"

She has finally done it. She has crossed the line and she cannot go back. "PERVING Miss Granger? I assure you that I WAS DOING MUCH MORE THAN PERVING OVER YOU!"

Make that I have finally crossed the line. The room is deathly silent, except for the damn animals. Oh dear God she is walking over to me with her wand drawn. She flicks that beautiful wrist of hers and the room is now utterly silent, except for our heavy breathing.

"So, Professor," she purrs. Oh dear Lord she is purring at me. "What have you been doing besides perving over me? Thinking about me? Dreaming about me?"

I cannot answer her for all of the blood has left my brain and has fled to other regions of my body. She is pushing my chair out and, oh dear God, sitting on my lap.

"Nothing to say, Professor? Never mind then," she continues as she settles her luscious self onto me. "Perhaps you would rather show me? I was always good at show and tell in Kindergarten."

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