I spent the day mulling around the apartment, watching TV and thinking about what to cook for dinner that night. Then I got a call from Dad around 7pm telling me he wouldn't be home until tomorrow. I abandoned the food I'd started preparing and sat in my room playing my guitar. If Dad wasn't here to eat it I wasn't going to make it and despite the fact that I hadn't eaten anything all day I didn't feel hungry enough to feed myself either.

I just wanted the world to go away. I wasn't sad, just in a state of not caring. I felt very washed out and I kept losing time. Minutes disappeared, then hours.

I woke up on the floor of my room at 2am then again at 4. For some reason I thought I'd gotten up and gone to the kitchen but I woke up at ten to 7 still in exactly the same position. I found it very difficult to keep my eyes open and my limbs somehow felt detached. I'd move my arm but I wouldn't feel it lifting for a few seconds. My whole body felt heavier than it should.

The strange sensation wore off after a couple of minutes and I fought off the dizziness to get up and get ready for school. I felt vaguely hungry but decided to have a shower first as my hair really needed a wash and, well, my stomach was still crusted with little black flecks of dried blood. If I missed breakfast I could always eat at school, but my appearance kind of had to be dealt with now.

I don't know how it happened. It was kind of like I'd gone to sleep standing up. One minute I was washing my shoulder, the next I had scalding hot water pouring down over my head.

I jerked away. Hit my head. Then thought to get out of the shower. I was blinded by white light and felt myself slipping on the bathroom tiles, then I was halfway through getting up even though I couldn't actually remember having fallen down.

I managed to get myself back to the shower and turned the cold tap back on, staying conscious long enough to rinse myself off and get back out again. Then I woke up on the couch out in the lounge room with nothing but a towel draped across my middle.

I think I would've stayed there if someone hadn't been trying to beat down my door. I could easily have just gone back to sleep and ignored everything for the rest of the day. But I was conscious enough to remember that I was supposed to be going to school, so I attempted to shake off the sluggishness and rolled off the couch.

My vision turned black for a second but came back in a series of colourful bursts. When the dizziness wore off I stumbled down the hall and into my bedroom to find clothing.

I was so out of it. I knew I wasn't thinking clearly. I couldn't even walk straight. But by the time I was halfway dressed I'd figured out my visitor was Taichi. He was yelling at me to open the door while he pounded his fist against it's wooden surface and so as soon as I'd forced a shirt over my head I stumbled back down the hall and complied.

He was angry; absolutely furious, but I couldn't bring myself to care. I didn't even bother greeting him, I just turned and wandered back to the couch.

I was waking up again and remembered I was supposed to be eating food. But once I sat down I didn't want to get up. So I stayed there staring at Taichi while he glared at me from across the room. He kept looking like he was about to say something but then he'd close his mouth again and look away.

Suddenly, I didn't much feel like going to school, or rather, I realised I wasn't likely to make it out of my building let alone walk to school and stay awake in class.

"I'm not going to school, I'm staying home." I drawled. My tongue didn't seem to want to work it's way around the letters. I don't know why I even bothered to say it. I think I was hoping he'd just go away.

Taichi glared it me. "Schools over, moron. It's 4.30 in the afternoon."

That shocked me. Where did the day go? Taichi seemed to notice my surprise.

"What have you been doing?" He pushed himself off the wall and walked towards me. "Were you drinking or something? Where's your dad."

I had to think about that one. "I haven't seen him."

Taichi didn't like that. "Since when?"

"He didn't come back. I don't remember." He'd phoned at some point, but that was lost to the blur. "I think he had a conference."

I turned to look back over at Taichi and discovered him right in front of me. He was frowning. It made me uncomfortable. He reached a hand out towards my face and I tried to duck out of the way but movement was somehow delayed.

"Yama, you're really cold."

I watched his face change as he picked up my arm. "You didn't eat, did you." It was a statement, not a question. He lowered his eyes for a second and I think he might've been grinding his teeth. I couldn't hear it but his jaw was clenched.

"I don't remember." I said quietly. I took my arm back and wrapped both around my middle.

I flinched as the rough material of my shirt rubbed against my stomach. Taichi noticed and tried to take my arm again.

I wanted to curl in on myself so he couldn't get at me and pry my arms away, but he was much too close to me and I couldn't go backwards. He already knew. He was getting angry. But I still didn't want him to see.

"Stop it, Yamato. Just let me look at it." He grabbed my wrists and tried to lift up my shirt. I struggled out his grip, bringing my knees up so I could kick him out of the way. He fell backwards but then he stood up and attacked me properly.

The tussle was violent despite the fact that I could barely fight back. Flailing limbs still hurt when they hit you. It made Taichi really angry. I was yelling at him but he was yelling louder.

"You did it again! Why'd you do it again? Huh?!" He was on top of me and he was so much heavier than normal. "Why, Yama? Why would you do something so stupid? What's wrong with you? Why didn't you tell me?"

"As if I'd tell you when you're reacting like this?" I yelled back. I tried to kick him off but I was getting stuck in the couch cushions.

Taichi shook me. "Why did you do this to yourself?"

He stared down at me, waiting for me to answer. All I could see was his eyes and all I could feel was his hands and knees digging into me. I tried to think of an answer, I tried so hard, but there was no explanation. I didn't even have a plausible lie. There was no reason except that...I wanted to.

"I don't know."

Taichi looked disgusted.

He crawled off me and disappeared into the kitchen. I could hear him thumping around in there; opening and closing cupboards and draws. I lay there looking at the ceiling instead, still buried in the couch even though Taichi wasn't there to hold me down.

So that was it, huh. I cut because I wanted to.