A/N I would like to apologise in advance for the blatant sexist views presented in Gibb's Guide to Bad Luck, the views expressed in this guide are solely his own, and do not represent the views held by JessieRose Incorporated, and her affiliates. Thank-you.
From Jack: - I've been terribly busy recently, so I said Gibbs could write the chapter for me…and for that I sincerely apol…apolog…I'm sorry!
From Gibbs: - I saw Jack writtin' somethin' one day…an' thought I'd try it myself. There's nothing I can tell you tha' Jack can't, so I'll stick to what I know best; bad luck! So welcome to: -
GIBBS'S GUIDE TO BAD LUCK
Right, me matey's, seeing as I'm getting' sick an' tired o' tellin' people again an' again what is bad luck, I thought I'd write it down for everyone to read (I'm banking on everyone's ability to read. . .? And their access to a computer!)
So just follow these few simple guidelines an' you'll have a lovely passage across the sea (unless you bump into the Pearl!! In which case you'll probably die): -
1.Women.
Women are very BAD luck. They put the whole ship in danger when they're on board. Aye, they do. So avoid 'em at all costs. Even them ones that scrub the desks, or entertain the cap'n, all of 'em, especially miniature ones, savvy? I mean, okay? Mainly 'cause they distract the crew an' we end up crashing into rocks or ice bergs etc.
Besides women were not made to be sailors, aye they weren't, they should stay at home and do the ironin' or something!
2. Sleeping
NEVER
wake a man whilst he's sleeping wit' his pigs, it's bad luck. I think it's got somethin' to do wit' desturbin' the dreams, but I'm not sure. This can be countered by the man who did the waking, buying the man who did the sleeping a drink. . .or something along those lines anyway.3. Birds
If a seagull lands on the deck, it's very BAD luck. To counteract (Ohh. . .loooong word. . .I learnt this from Barbossa! He was the class swot. . .) this, you could shoot it. But never shoot an albatross. Ah, this is where a sailor's spirit goes when he dies. If ye kill one o' these, well basically you're doomed. If ye don't believe me; read the poem. . .blush wait. . .I don't read poetry. . .Just think Albatross = gold coin? I mean if you lose your gold coin then your doomed for all…
4. Silver Coin
If yer place a silver coin under the mainmast step, it will provide a booty full voyage. Jack said he and Barbossa did it on the way to the Isla de Meuta, and Barbossa found lot's of gold. So it must be good luck, right?
5. Fight the sea.
If you fall over board it is useless to fight the sea, it has chosen you as its victim. Therefore, don't bothering learning how to swim, 'tis a waste of time.
6. Friday
'Tis a bad day to start a voyage. Don't set off on a Friday. Or basically do anything on a Friday. Friday is like a sailor's seventh day, we don't do anything!
7. She Ships
Ships are referred to as 'she' 'cause, although it is bad luck to have a woman onboard. A sailor must keep up the connection with their family. The 'she' connects to a female family member. Usually 'the bit on the side' wink. . .
8. Mermaids.
Ah, the beautiful sirens of the sea. If you hurt a mermaid you and your crew are doomed for eternity. If you catch one, they bring you all the luck in the world. But it's hard to catch one of these creatures without hurting 'em. So not worth the risk. Now I remember when Jack went off to find a mermaid. . .ow! Jack just kicked me. . .
9. Whistling
If ye whistle on board ship, then the gods will conjure up a storm from the sea. Cotton liked to whistle. . .so we took out his tongue.
10. Hare and Rabbit Things.
Apparently, a dead hare onboard ship is supposed to bring bad weather. If anyone has experienced this please drop me a line, 'cause I haven't tried this one out. I mean where would I get a hare from? And why would it be dead? And why would I take it on board ship with me? And why. . .ow Jack just kicked me.
11. Chartered Waters
Don't sail too far out of unknown waters, we don't want to be sailing off the edge of the world, now do we?
12. Names
Now it's terribly unlucky to change a ship's name mid-voyage. I certainly regretted letting Annamaria choose the name of the ship. I mean we can't sound very scary can we: - The Wombles. grumble
13.
Right, number 13 is. . .wait a second, 13? Argh. . .
Warding off Bad Luck
There are certain ways o' wardin' off bad luck.
1. Naked women are said to calm the seas. That's why 'tis lucky to have a bare-breasted female figurehead at the bow of the ship.
2. Crossing yer fingers can bring good luck to a voyage.
3. Breaking a small piece of wood is known as the 'lucky break'. Just don't break anythin' important. . .like the sails. . .
4. A lucky Rabbit's Foot. . .I think this one speaks for it's self.
I hope my guide has made things a little clearer. Now if any o' the above things aren't workin' drop me a review an' I'll tell you what you're doing wrong, savvy? ow Jack just kicked me, apparently that's his word! .