Title: Bonded
By: Kiyoushi
Summary: Kagome comes to the Sengoku jidai with a black eye, causing InuYasha to wonder. Major secrets revealed! Will InuYasha accept her or push her away? If he accepts her, will she run or will she stay? I/K S/M ~pg-13 for language and suggestions of rape~ *10/31/03 chapter 1 up! Please read and review!!!*
A/ns: Sometimes I do Japanese terminology from time to time so I will include a list of words I usually use at the beginning of each chapter (it will be the same list) and if there are any words that I didn't mention in the top, I'll write after the actual word in parenthesis. I hope this helps all you people who don't have a vast amount of Japanese words in their vocabulary. Eventually, you'll be reading these words like you always knew them!
Japanese words and phrases: Hanyou- half demon (also half human in inu's case) Miko- priestess Tai-jiya- demon exterminator Houshi- monk, low rank priest Kawaii- cute Hai- yes Iie- no Kitsune- fox Neko- cat Inu- dog Usagi- rabbit Sakana- fish Tou-chan/-san/-sama- father, dad Sengoku jidai- warring states ear, 1470s to 1580s (or something like that anyway).
That's about it! If there is anything you would like to ask me or anything like that or request, I'm open to all ideas! Please review!!!
Disclaimer: Sorry, I don't own them (my name is not Rumiko Takahashi, people) so stop sending me fan mail!!! (J/K if you want to send me fan mail you can, you just send it saying I'm her because I'm not.) Besides, if I owned InuYasha, would I be writing fan fictions? Thought so. :P
Chapter 1 -- Blameless
~~~~____~~~~____~~~~
"No, tou-chan!" she answered her father cheerfully. "I came back for supplies!"
Her father smiled. "I'm glad to see you being such a responsible young lady!" He pulled his daughter into his embrace.
She sighed inwardly. Maybe this time she wouldn't have to return to the Sengoku jidai with bruises. It seems that her friends were catching on, and she didn't want them to worry about anything as petty as this. No, she wouldn't let them see her, she wouldn't let them know. Besides, she deserved what she got. He didn't hurt her. too badly. Okay, she had been in the hospital with a concussion twice and once for a broken arm, things he had caused, but she deserved them.
At least that's what he said. He was always right.
"Now, where are your friends?" he asked, pulling away and looking into her chocolate brown eyes.
She gave him a silly smile, yet it was sad and apologetic. "They couldn't come today, tou-chan. Sango had to help Kaede-sama with the birthing of a child and InuYasha and Miroku were sparing. The houshi-sama has gotten much better in hand to hand combat! InuYasha has been helping me too, tou-chan! I'm not very good at it but he's says I'm doing okay for only training a week. Isn't that great!" she grinned proudly and giggled.
"Training, huh?" he asked sweetly, turning toward the kitchen and pushing her from his embrace onto the floor. She almost screamed. But she knew what would happen if she screamed. "Did you ask me to have training?" he snarled.
"Well, no, father, but InuYasha said it would help so I could fight the different youkai that we face better."
"But you didn't ask me!" He yelled. She cringed.
"But, tou-chan, I didn't think you'd mind! I thought you'd be proud!"
"I am proud of you, sweetie," he cooed but then brought her up by her collar, her nose level with his. "But before you do anything, you ask me, got it?"
"Y-yes father. I promise."
He dropped her harshly to the ground and walked out of the kitchen. "Clean it," he said with a dismissing wave of his hand. She nodded.
After she ran the water nice and hot for the dirty dishes and cleaned off the table, clearing the paper and food remnants, she allowed herself a moment to think. 'He almost hurt me again,' she mused, scared to even look toward her father. 'But he's right,' she tried to assure herself. 'I should have asked first. Next time I'll come back and ask first. I'll stop my training with InuYasha and my miko training with Yuki and ask father before I resume, no matter how much I need it.'
First the plates, then the bowls, then the pots and pans- one slipped from her hand onto the hard, polished floor. It clambered, flipping, rattling, swaying slightly to a complete stop. She silently prayed her father was asleep and didn't hear it. She wasn't aloud to drop things, especially if they disturbed her father, and that was everything. No, she couldn't disturb her father.
She had to be a good girl, because this was all her fault.
It was her fault her mother left, it was her fault that she fell through the well, it was her fault that Kikyou was resurrected, it was her fault that InuYasha pushed her into the well, it was her fault her father was laid off, it was her fault her bother was hit by a car, it was her fault her mother didn't love them anymore, it was her fault she had nightmares of her father killing her at night, and it was all her fault that her father hit her.
It was her fault. He said it was her fault. He was always right. wasn't he?
Besides, if she was better behaved as a child, her mother wouldn't have left. If she had stayed out of the well house, she wouldn't have fallen through. If she would have stayed away from that witch that resurrected Kikyou in the first place, Kikyou would have never lived again. If she had. if she had. . . what could she do to prevent her father to get laid off? What could she do to avoid her younger brother's death when she, herself, was away at school? That was it; she should have been with him, protecting him. She was horrible at doing things, she always displeased her father, and for that reason she deserved to be hurt. She deserved to be hit.
She scolded herself for thinking her father wasn't right. Of course he was right, his fists proved that, the death of her little brother was her fault, because he said it was. Her mother leaving them was her fault, because he said so, and he confirmed it with his fists.
"KAGOME!!! WHAT WAS THAT???" he called, she cringed again.
"Um, nothing, I just. accidentally dropped a pan, the mess is cleaned up. Nothing is wrong; I guess I was just being my usual clum-
She was cut off by a fist to her cheek. Her eyes clenched, her brow furrowed, but she didn't cry. It was her fault she was so clumsy. She shouldn't have dropped it. She can't cry, it showed weakness, and she couldn't be weak. Weakness brings torture; weakness brought her father's wrath, which brought his fists, which brought pain. But pain wasn't pain anymore. Pain was dull; the agony felt nothing like the hurt of knowing everything he told her was true. She knew it was her fault, it had to be.
As the fist collided with her gut and she doubled over in 'pain', she wondered if it was her shortcoming, her causing this to happen, the driving force of the blow. It seemed as if she was hurting herself. Besides, her father was apart of her, if not mentally, physically. She was his blood, she was his offspring. She had no right to think him wrong; she had no authority to deem him as hated in her mind.
It had to be her error, because if it wasn't, she wouldn't be in pain. It had to be her fault. It just had to be.
She didn't even sob as the darkness surrounded her. She was glad for the darkness to come, praying that one day it would have her forever.
That way it wouldn't be her fault anymore.
~~~~____~~~~____~~~~
She sat at the lip of the well, willing tears to come, but they never came anymore. She was waiting for her hanyou friend, InuYasha, to come and get her. She was already late. He would be mad, too. He'd be mad because she was late. He'd be mad because she was going to quit her training, both of them. But there was a big difference between the two, her father and InuYasha; InuYasha didn't hit her when he got mad. He wouldn't dream of it.
Did he?
She was afraid that every good male friend she ever had, or ever acquires, will end up causing the same kind of wounds her father did. She absently reached up to touch her blackened eye. Would InuYasha or Miroku ever hurt her like this? Mostly likely not but she wasn't going to give them a chance to, she wasn't about to be guilty here, too, even though in many ways she already was.
He stepped into the clearing and the first thing he noticed was her black eye. The sick black and blue that surrounded her eye made him feel queasy. Then he wondered how she got it and decided to ask.
"Oi, Kagome!" he said when he got close to her. Then he took her chin into his big palm and turned her petite face so he could see the bruise, gaping when he saw how horrible it was. "This'll take weeks to heal!"
She snapped her head from his palm and mumbled, "There's been worse." Then she turned all the way around for she knew he heard.
"There has!?!" he exclaimed incredulously. "Worse? How did you get them, how did you get this?"
"It's nothing, InuYasha. I'm perfectly fine. I'm just clumsy, that's all."
She turned back to him and he watched, irritated, as a bee landed on her shoulder. He raised his hand to hit the bee and missed when he saw the fearful look upon her face. Instead, his hand landed on her breast, at which she flinched back as if his hands where the blazing flames of a lit torch. Then he tried to move but tripped over a rock that was right in front of his foot, which caused him to grab for her for support, which ended up him grabbing her arm, which caused her to scream because he had grabbed where a tender contusion was, and he pulled her down with him, well, more like on top of him.
She had stopped screaming almost the instant she let it escape, remembering that if he was going to be like her father was and start hitting her; he wouldn't like her to scream. She just breathed deeply and waited for his next move, which was most unexpected.
He moved under her, to fix his position, and to untangle their legs. When that was done, but they were still lying together, he wrapped an arm around her waist and held her as he rolled to the side. Then he let her go so she lay on her side in the soft grass alongside him. As if driven by instinct, not really knowing what he was doing until he acted it out himself, he pulled her against him, gently, and let his nose snuggle into her raven tresses. She stiffened.
No, no, no, no, no.
What was going on? What was he going to do? What did he want from her?
"Please, Kagome, just let me have." he paused and looked to see the reaction on her face. Her face was wild, scared, as if she expected him to try to. NO! He wouldn't do that, only if she wanted to, also. But there wasn't time to think about those kinds of things, it was a time for comfort. "Let me have this moment, just knowing you're beside me."
She exhaled. He just wanted her touch; he just wanted her beside him for once. She knew what she felt about him, the way his touch made her feel, the way his breath on her neck made her whole body tingle with desire, but she couldn't have him.
Father would be furious! They had already talked about this, she couldn't date anyone until he said so, she couldn't pick who to date, and she couldn't do anything. Besides, why would anyone want her? A slut, whore, bitch. A sixteen year old that wasn't even still a virgin, not like she had a choice if she wanted the guy that took her or not. What moral girl would actually let their father do something like that to them? No one. But many didn't know what her father was like. She wasn't even awake.
She shook her head absently to get the horrible thoughts out and forced herself up, away from the only man she ever cared so much for, beyond the reach of his touch. He grabbed for her, missing her warmth.
"I'm sorry, InuYasha, I can't let you. you wouldn't." she started and got up to walk away but he got her by her arm and turned her into his embrace.
"I want you to know, Kagome, that you mean a lot to me." He whispered and hugged her.
She started to cry.
"What's wrong? Did I do something wrong? Did I say something I shouldn't have?" he asked gently, worried that he messed up and did something wrong.
"No, I just. never meant anything to anyone before." she whispered and he looked at her questionably. She shook her head again and he whipped away her tears with a thumb. Then she got up and walked away. She just walked away.
~~~~____~~~~____~~~~
Love.
The word had more meaning than any other word in any of the world's vocabulary. He just never knew it would apply to him as it did, the way it did. Had he fallen in love?
He pondered this for a moment. Love, did he love her? Was it possible to love someone you hadn't known that long? Was it possible for half demons to love?
Yes, yes, and yes.
He was in love with the raven haired girl, the one who stayed with him since the beginning of the quest, the one who had reasons to leave long ago, the one who accepted him for who he was and not what he could become. He was in love with her. He wanted her beside him at night, he wanted to feel her touch on his skin, he wanted to be able to touch her, please her, he wanted her to love him back. He wanted to spend the rest of his life with her. But. would she have a lowly hanyou?
The questions were evident, the answers were far away, yet he vowed to find the answer to every one of his questions. Or it would be the end of him. without her it was already the end of him.
Her screams woke him from his reverie, and he rushed to find why she screamed. It was a distressed shout, saddened. He had never heard anyone scream like that before. It held no fear, just a miserable sound. Like, something he couldn't help was hurting her. Was she hurting in some way he didn't notice?
She was at the hot spring, as usual, but alone. He had told her to never go alone, he scolded her in his mind, but felt sorrow clench at his heart when he say her crying. She was half underdressed, her shirt neatly folded beside her tremulous form. She cried into her hands, her body shaking with each sob as they wracked her tiny form. Then, suddenly, she stopped, it looked forced, but she stopped and held herself. Then she looked to the water and gave a disdainful smile.
Her sudden mood change astonished him, how she could do it so quickly, but continued to watch her.
"I mustn't cry," she said, talking to herself. "He said all of them were my fault, and if they are my fault, I deserve the hits he gives me." She placed a hand in the water and rippled her reflection, still smiling as more tears slid down her cheeks. "Is this who I am? My reflection, it doesn't reveal the battered life I lead, but the saddened eyes that used to look so bright stare back up at me and I know, with no one else here, that they must belong to me. But anyone, anyone, looking at me, knowing me, can only see what I see in the mirror of this crystal water. They can only look at the scars upon my face and accept the lies I tell them, they can only see the hardened façade I've wrapped around myself, to keep my emotions inside and stay the happy young girl everyone expects me to be. Only I see what's inside, and when I look down into the deep trenches of my heart, I hate who I am!" She slapped her hand in the water, causing the water to fly around her, a mist of dewdrops forming and dissipating around her like the fog disappearing from a darkened path.
He felt his inners pull together as she revealed her past to the dazzling stream, silently wishing he was the water, able to caress her and relax her, to wash away all her fears.
She chocked back a sob. "But, InuYasha, he said he cared! How could anyone care for someone like me? What will he say when I tell him that my miko powers don't work anymore?"
He almost gasped and his golden eyes darkened.
"Then he'll ask why, as will everyone else. What am I supposed to say? 'Oh, my tou-chan raped me in my sleep'? How will they take that?" She let the tears flow like a white water waterfall, the salty fluid cascading over the smooth planes of her cheeks and onto the ground, splashing into tiny explosions that only contemporary technology could capture. "How could I ever face them again?"
This time he didn't hold the gasp that forced itself from his throat. He grappled with his own thoughts and held back a frustrated cry of disbelief, wanting to wring her neck for saying such absurd things. But why should she lie? Reality sunk in like droplets of sparkling fresh rain on the panes of a window, finally reaching the puddle on the ground -- the puddle of his mind, his terrified mind.
"And Miroku's hentai butt would ask for details!" She sobbed, tears of distress polling in her eyes, the pools of mahogany overflowing with clear yet tainted waters. "What am I to say to that? One night I woke in my father's bed while he ground his nasty ass dick into me? Men and their 'manly urges'!" she huffed.
InuYasha felt himself swell with anger but held his tongue. He wasn't even supposed to hear this anyway.
"I am not what they think I am, an innocent girl who comes from her world to find the scared jewel she broke. I am broken, worn, stupid and weak. Just like InuYasha says I am! Just like my father says I am. I am useless except for father's pleasures of beating me to the point of death or as his sex play thing. I am anything but innocent."
He wanted to cry at what she said, realizing that, in a way, she was just like her father, calling her names, insulting her, calling her weak, useless and stupid knowing that every one of the accusations weren't true. Silently, InuYasha vowed to never say those things to her again. He would not be like her father. He decided it was time to reveal himself, and stepped out to her. She looked scared but relaxed when she saw it was him.
She curled into a small ball and forced back more tears, finding herself saying 'I can't cry' aloud. Then she spoke directly to him. "You heard me, didn't you?"
He stood stoic, not making any movement at all, not answering but just looking at her prone body, staring at the hurt in her eyes, feeling the force of her sorrow like a boulder that just crashed into his skull, trying to find a way to comfort her.
"InuYasha, tell me, please!" she almost sobbed.
He nodded dumbly, not knowing anything else to do, not wanting to lie to her.
"I didn't want you to hear that. But it is all true. If you want to send me back, I'm okay with it."
He stared at her, wide-eyed, surprised that she would even think he would send her back to that bastard! He'd rather let Kouga have her, at least then she'd be loved.
"I know you see me as stupid and weak, filthy and disgusting. I can't see how you stand the sight of me, I can't believe that you'd stand there and watch me as if I just did something completely normal. I don't think having sex with your father is normal." She turned away, giving him a clear view of her bruised back. She forced herself to laugh, though it was a hurt, self-mocking laugh, an attempt to hide the hurt in her voice. "Not that I really had a choice, but I couldn't do anything about it. He's too strong, too stubborn. Not even my miko powers could harm him if I used them, I can't use them to hurt the people I love." Then she laughed again, a pained one. "Not like I can use them anymore any way!" she scoffed.
"After all he's done, you still love him?" he asked skeptically.
"Hai, he's taken care of me since my youth, I have no choice but to love him. I have no choice but to abide to him, he is my father after all. I betray my father, I betray everyone, I betray what everything family stands for, being there for one another. I try to see beyond his faults and ignore the pain and live my life as normal as possible."
"But, Kagome, why?" he almost cried but chocked back his own voice, but not hiding the concern and fright the very thought caused him. His breath came in gasps as he went to sit beside her.
"What power do I have? What allies can take him, InuYasha? Besides, who will believe a tall tail from a disgruntled teen? He's so prominent! No one will doubt his word, no matter what I say. Ears they have, myself, they do not hear, or at least choose not to hear. People do that a lot."
He stayed silent, how could her father treat her that way?
"Besides, my powers are useless, I am useless. There is no need of me here anymore. You can just go find Kikyou and-
"No, you're staying here, with me. I will protect you, because I care for you Kagome, more than you'd ever know." He stated sternly, taking her hands in his and causing her to turn glassy eyes toward him.
"You don't know how much you really mean to me, InuYasha, I just wish that you cared for me that way too."
"Kagome, don't worry, I do." He soothed her and pulled her into his embrace where she rocked her until she fell into a restless slumber.
~~~___~~~~____~~~~__End Chapter__~~~~____~~~~___~~~
I really hope you liked this story. Please review if you would like me to continue!!! Well, now to put this up~ Ja!
Pocky, chocolate, and bunnie hops- KiYouSHi
By: Kiyoushi
Summary: Kagome comes to the Sengoku jidai with a black eye, causing InuYasha to wonder. Major secrets revealed! Will InuYasha accept her or push her away? If he accepts her, will she run or will she stay? I/K S/M ~pg-13 for language and suggestions of rape~ *10/31/03 chapter 1 up! Please read and review!!!*
A/ns: Sometimes I do Japanese terminology from time to time so I will include a list of words I usually use at the beginning of each chapter (it will be the same list) and if there are any words that I didn't mention in the top, I'll write after the actual word in parenthesis. I hope this helps all you people who don't have a vast amount of Japanese words in their vocabulary. Eventually, you'll be reading these words like you always knew them!
Japanese words and phrases: Hanyou- half demon (also half human in inu's case) Miko- priestess Tai-jiya- demon exterminator Houshi- monk, low rank priest Kawaii- cute Hai- yes Iie- no Kitsune- fox Neko- cat Inu- dog Usagi- rabbit Sakana- fish Tou-chan/-san/-sama- father, dad Sengoku jidai- warring states ear, 1470s to 1580s (or something like that anyway).
That's about it! If there is anything you would like to ask me or anything like that or request, I'm open to all ideas! Please review!!!
Disclaimer: Sorry, I don't own them (my name is not Rumiko Takahashi, people) so stop sending me fan mail!!! (J/K if you want to send me fan mail you can, you just send it saying I'm her because I'm not.) Besides, if I owned InuYasha, would I be writing fan fictions? Thought so. :P
Chapter 1 -- Blameless
~~~~____~~~~____~~~~
"No, tou-chan!" she answered her father cheerfully. "I came back for supplies!"
Her father smiled. "I'm glad to see you being such a responsible young lady!" He pulled his daughter into his embrace.
She sighed inwardly. Maybe this time she wouldn't have to return to the Sengoku jidai with bruises. It seems that her friends were catching on, and she didn't want them to worry about anything as petty as this. No, she wouldn't let them see her, she wouldn't let them know. Besides, she deserved what she got. He didn't hurt her. too badly. Okay, she had been in the hospital with a concussion twice and once for a broken arm, things he had caused, but she deserved them.
At least that's what he said. He was always right.
"Now, where are your friends?" he asked, pulling away and looking into her chocolate brown eyes.
She gave him a silly smile, yet it was sad and apologetic. "They couldn't come today, tou-chan. Sango had to help Kaede-sama with the birthing of a child and InuYasha and Miroku were sparing. The houshi-sama has gotten much better in hand to hand combat! InuYasha has been helping me too, tou-chan! I'm not very good at it but he's says I'm doing okay for only training a week. Isn't that great!" she grinned proudly and giggled.
"Training, huh?" he asked sweetly, turning toward the kitchen and pushing her from his embrace onto the floor. She almost screamed. But she knew what would happen if she screamed. "Did you ask me to have training?" he snarled.
"Well, no, father, but InuYasha said it would help so I could fight the different youkai that we face better."
"But you didn't ask me!" He yelled. She cringed.
"But, tou-chan, I didn't think you'd mind! I thought you'd be proud!"
"I am proud of you, sweetie," he cooed but then brought her up by her collar, her nose level with his. "But before you do anything, you ask me, got it?"
"Y-yes father. I promise."
He dropped her harshly to the ground and walked out of the kitchen. "Clean it," he said with a dismissing wave of his hand. She nodded.
After she ran the water nice and hot for the dirty dishes and cleaned off the table, clearing the paper and food remnants, she allowed herself a moment to think. 'He almost hurt me again,' she mused, scared to even look toward her father. 'But he's right,' she tried to assure herself. 'I should have asked first. Next time I'll come back and ask first. I'll stop my training with InuYasha and my miko training with Yuki and ask father before I resume, no matter how much I need it.'
First the plates, then the bowls, then the pots and pans- one slipped from her hand onto the hard, polished floor. It clambered, flipping, rattling, swaying slightly to a complete stop. She silently prayed her father was asleep and didn't hear it. She wasn't aloud to drop things, especially if they disturbed her father, and that was everything. No, she couldn't disturb her father.
She had to be a good girl, because this was all her fault.
It was her fault her mother left, it was her fault that she fell through the well, it was her fault that Kikyou was resurrected, it was her fault that InuYasha pushed her into the well, it was her fault her father was laid off, it was her fault her bother was hit by a car, it was her fault her mother didn't love them anymore, it was her fault she had nightmares of her father killing her at night, and it was all her fault that her father hit her.
It was her fault. He said it was her fault. He was always right. wasn't he?
Besides, if she was better behaved as a child, her mother wouldn't have left. If she had stayed out of the well house, she wouldn't have fallen through. If she would have stayed away from that witch that resurrected Kikyou in the first place, Kikyou would have never lived again. If she had. if she had. . . what could she do to prevent her father to get laid off? What could she do to avoid her younger brother's death when she, herself, was away at school? That was it; she should have been with him, protecting him. She was horrible at doing things, she always displeased her father, and for that reason she deserved to be hurt. She deserved to be hit.
She scolded herself for thinking her father wasn't right. Of course he was right, his fists proved that, the death of her little brother was her fault, because he said it was. Her mother leaving them was her fault, because he said so, and he confirmed it with his fists.
"KAGOME!!! WHAT WAS THAT???" he called, she cringed again.
"Um, nothing, I just. accidentally dropped a pan, the mess is cleaned up. Nothing is wrong; I guess I was just being my usual clum-
She was cut off by a fist to her cheek. Her eyes clenched, her brow furrowed, but she didn't cry. It was her fault she was so clumsy. She shouldn't have dropped it. She can't cry, it showed weakness, and she couldn't be weak. Weakness brings torture; weakness brought her father's wrath, which brought his fists, which brought pain. But pain wasn't pain anymore. Pain was dull; the agony felt nothing like the hurt of knowing everything he told her was true. She knew it was her fault, it had to be.
As the fist collided with her gut and she doubled over in 'pain', she wondered if it was her shortcoming, her causing this to happen, the driving force of the blow. It seemed as if she was hurting herself. Besides, her father was apart of her, if not mentally, physically. She was his blood, she was his offspring. She had no right to think him wrong; she had no authority to deem him as hated in her mind.
It had to be her error, because if it wasn't, she wouldn't be in pain. It had to be her fault. It just had to be.
She didn't even sob as the darkness surrounded her. She was glad for the darkness to come, praying that one day it would have her forever.
That way it wouldn't be her fault anymore.
~~~~____~~~~____~~~~
She sat at the lip of the well, willing tears to come, but they never came anymore. She was waiting for her hanyou friend, InuYasha, to come and get her. She was already late. He would be mad, too. He'd be mad because she was late. He'd be mad because she was going to quit her training, both of them. But there was a big difference between the two, her father and InuYasha; InuYasha didn't hit her when he got mad. He wouldn't dream of it.
Did he?
She was afraid that every good male friend she ever had, or ever acquires, will end up causing the same kind of wounds her father did. She absently reached up to touch her blackened eye. Would InuYasha or Miroku ever hurt her like this? Mostly likely not but she wasn't going to give them a chance to, she wasn't about to be guilty here, too, even though in many ways she already was.
He stepped into the clearing and the first thing he noticed was her black eye. The sick black and blue that surrounded her eye made him feel queasy. Then he wondered how she got it and decided to ask.
"Oi, Kagome!" he said when he got close to her. Then he took her chin into his big palm and turned her petite face so he could see the bruise, gaping when he saw how horrible it was. "This'll take weeks to heal!"
She snapped her head from his palm and mumbled, "There's been worse." Then she turned all the way around for she knew he heard.
"There has!?!" he exclaimed incredulously. "Worse? How did you get them, how did you get this?"
"It's nothing, InuYasha. I'm perfectly fine. I'm just clumsy, that's all."
She turned back to him and he watched, irritated, as a bee landed on her shoulder. He raised his hand to hit the bee and missed when he saw the fearful look upon her face. Instead, his hand landed on her breast, at which she flinched back as if his hands where the blazing flames of a lit torch. Then he tried to move but tripped over a rock that was right in front of his foot, which caused him to grab for her for support, which ended up him grabbing her arm, which caused her to scream because he had grabbed where a tender contusion was, and he pulled her down with him, well, more like on top of him.
She had stopped screaming almost the instant she let it escape, remembering that if he was going to be like her father was and start hitting her; he wouldn't like her to scream. She just breathed deeply and waited for his next move, which was most unexpected.
He moved under her, to fix his position, and to untangle their legs. When that was done, but they were still lying together, he wrapped an arm around her waist and held her as he rolled to the side. Then he let her go so she lay on her side in the soft grass alongside him. As if driven by instinct, not really knowing what he was doing until he acted it out himself, he pulled her against him, gently, and let his nose snuggle into her raven tresses. She stiffened.
No, no, no, no, no.
What was going on? What was he going to do? What did he want from her?
"Please, Kagome, just let me have." he paused and looked to see the reaction on her face. Her face was wild, scared, as if she expected him to try to. NO! He wouldn't do that, only if she wanted to, also. But there wasn't time to think about those kinds of things, it was a time for comfort. "Let me have this moment, just knowing you're beside me."
She exhaled. He just wanted her touch; he just wanted her beside him for once. She knew what she felt about him, the way his touch made her feel, the way his breath on her neck made her whole body tingle with desire, but she couldn't have him.
Father would be furious! They had already talked about this, she couldn't date anyone until he said so, she couldn't pick who to date, and she couldn't do anything. Besides, why would anyone want her? A slut, whore, bitch. A sixteen year old that wasn't even still a virgin, not like she had a choice if she wanted the guy that took her or not. What moral girl would actually let their father do something like that to them? No one. But many didn't know what her father was like. She wasn't even awake.
She shook her head absently to get the horrible thoughts out and forced herself up, away from the only man she ever cared so much for, beyond the reach of his touch. He grabbed for her, missing her warmth.
"I'm sorry, InuYasha, I can't let you. you wouldn't." she started and got up to walk away but he got her by her arm and turned her into his embrace.
"I want you to know, Kagome, that you mean a lot to me." He whispered and hugged her.
She started to cry.
"What's wrong? Did I do something wrong? Did I say something I shouldn't have?" he asked gently, worried that he messed up and did something wrong.
"No, I just. never meant anything to anyone before." she whispered and he looked at her questionably. She shook her head again and he whipped away her tears with a thumb. Then she got up and walked away. She just walked away.
~~~~____~~~~____~~~~
Love.
The word had more meaning than any other word in any of the world's vocabulary. He just never knew it would apply to him as it did, the way it did. Had he fallen in love?
He pondered this for a moment. Love, did he love her? Was it possible to love someone you hadn't known that long? Was it possible for half demons to love?
Yes, yes, and yes.
He was in love with the raven haired girl, the one who stayed with him since the beginning of the quest, the one who had reasons to leave long ago, the one who accepted him for who he was and not what he could become. He was in love with her. He wanted her beside him at night, he wanted to feel her touch on his skin, he wanted to be able to touch her, please her, he wanted her to love him back. He wanted to spend the rest of his life with her. But. would she have a lowly hanyou?
The questions were evident, the answers were far away, yet he vowed to find the answer to every one of his questions. Or it would be the end of him. without her it was already the end of him.
Her screams woke him from his reverie, and he rushed to find why she screamed. It was a distressed shout, saddened. He had never heard anyone scream like that before. It held no fear, just a miserable sound. Like, something he couldn't help was hurting her. Was she hurting in some way he didn't notice?
She was at the hot spring, as usual, but alone. He had told her to never go alone, he scolded her in his mind, but felt sorrow clench at his heart when he say her crying. She was half underdressed, her shirt neatly folded beside her tremulous form. She cried into her hands, her body shaking with each sob as they wracked her tiny form. Then, suddenly, she stopped, it looked forced, but she stopped and held herself. Then she looked to the water and gave a disdainful smile.
Her sudden mood change astonished him, how she could do it so quickly, but continued to watch her.
"I mustn't cry," she said, talking to herself. "He said all of them were my fault, and if they are my fault, I deserve the hits he gives me." She placed a hand in the water and rippled her reflection, still smiling as more tears slid down her cheeks. "Is this who I am? My reflection, it doesn't reveal the battered life I lead, but the saddened eyes that used to look so bright stare back up at me and I know, with no one else here, that they must belong to me. But anyone, anyone, looking at me, knowing me, can only see what I see in the mirror of this crystal water. They can only look at the scars upon my face and accept the lies I tell them, they can only see the hardened façade I've wrapped around myself, to keep my emotions inside and stay the happy young girl everyone expects me to be. Only I see what's inside, and when I look down into the deep trenches of my heart, I hate who I am!" She slapped her hand in the water, causing the water to fly around her, a mist of dewdrops forming and dissipating around her like the fog disappearing from a darkened path.
He felt his inners pull together as she revealed her past to the dazzling stream, silently wishing he was the water, able to caress her and relax her, to wash away all her fears.
She chocked back a sob. "But, InuYasha, he said he cared! How could anyone care for someone like me? What will he say when I tell him that my miko powers don't work anymore?"
He almost gasped and his golden eyes darkened.
"Then he'll ask why, as will everyone else. What am I supposed to say? 'Oh, my tou-chan raped me in my sleep'? How will they take that?" She let the tears flow like a white water waterfall, the salty fluid cascading over the smooth planes of her cheeks and onto the ground, splashing into tiny explosions that only contemporary technology could capture. "How could I ever face them again?"
This time he didn't hold the gasp that forced itself from his throat. He grappled with his own thoughts and held back a frustrated cry of disbelief, wanting to wring her neck for saying such absurd things. But why should she lie? Reality sunk in like droplets of sparkling fresh rain on the panes of a window, finally reaching the puddle on the ground -- the puddle of his mind, his terrified mind.
"And Miroku's hentai butt would ask for details!" She sobbed, tears of distress polling in her eyes, the pools of mahogany overflowing with clear yet tainted waters. "What am I to say to that? One night I woke in my father's bed while he ground his nasty ass dick into me? Men and their 'manly urges'!" she huffed.
InuYasha felt himself swell with anger but held his tongue. He wasn't even supposed to hear this anyway.
"I am not what they think I am, an innocent girl who comes from her world to find the scared jewel she broke. I am broken, worn, stupid and weak. Just like InuYasha says I am! Just like my father says I am. I am useless except for father's pleasures of beating me to the point of death or as his sex play thing. I am anything but innocent."
He wanted to cry at what she said, realizing that, in a way, she was just like her father, calling her names, insulting her, calling her weak, useless and stupid knowing that every one of the accusations weren't true. Silently, InuYasha vowed to never say those things to her again. He would not be like her father. He decided it was time to reveal himself, and stepped out to her. She looked scared but relaxed when she saw it was him.
She curled into a small ball and forced back more tears, finding herself saying 'I can't cry' aloud. Then she spoke directly to him. "You heard me, didn't you?"
He stood stoic, not making any movement at all, not answering but just looking at her prone body, staring at the hurt in her eyes, feeling the force of her sorrow like a boulder that just crashed into his skull, trying to find a way to comfort her.
"InuYasha, tell me, please!" she almost sobbed.
He nodded dumbly, not knowing anything else to do, not wanting to lie to her.
"I didn't want you to hear that. But it is all true. If you want to send me back, I'm okay with it."
He stared at her, wide-eyed, surprised that she would even think he would send her back to that bastard! He'd rather let Kouga have her, at least then she'd be loved.
"I know you see me as stupid and weak, filthy and disgusting. I can't see how you stand the sight of me, I can't believe that you'd stand there and watch me as if I just did something completely normal. I don't think having sex with your father is normal." She turned away, giving him a clear view of her bruised back. She forced herself to laugh, though it was a hurt, self-mocking laugh, an attempt to hide the hurt in her voice. "Not that I really had a choice, but I couldn't do anything about it. He's too strong, too stubborn. Not even my miko powers could harm him if I used them, I can't use them to hurt the people I love." Then she laughed again, a pained one. "Not like I can use them anymore any way!" she scoffed.
"After all he's done, you still love him?" he asked skeptically.
"Hai, he's taken care of me since my youth, I have no choice but to love him. I have no choice but to abide to him, he is my father after all. I betray my father, I betray everyone, I betray what everything family stands for, being there for one another. I try to see beyond his faults and ignore the pain and live my life as normal as possible."
"But, Kagome, why?" he almost cried but chocked back his own voice, but not hiding the concern and fright the very thought caused him. His breath came in gasps as he went to sit beside her.
"What power do I have? What allies can take him, InuYasha? Besides, who will believe a tall tail from a disgruntled teen? He's so prominent! No one will doubt his word, no matter what I say. Ears they have, myself, they do not hear, or at least choose not to hear. People do that a lot."
He stayed silent, how could her father treat her that way?
"Besides, my powers are useless, I am useless. There is no need of me here anymore. You can just go find Kikyou and-
"No, you're staying here, with me. I will protect you, because I care for you Kagome, more than you'd ever know." He stated sternly, taking her hands in his and causing her to turn glassy eyes toward him.
"You don't know how much you really mean to me, InuYasha, I just wish that you cared for me that way too."
"Kagome, don't worry, I do." He soothed her and pulled her into his embrace where she rocked her until she fell into a restless slumber.
~~~___~~~~____~~~~__End Chapter__~~~~____~~~~___~~~
I really hope you liked this story. Please review if you would like me to continue!!! Well, now to put this up~ Ja!
Pocky, chocolate, and bunnie hops- KiYouSHi