So much...

"Hey, you hear about what happened to that Samejima hoe?"

So much lost...

"The one who went out with her ex's grade-school brother? Yeah."

I'm overflowing again, but it's...

"Heard the kid dumped her. Figures, she's such a weird bitch."

...it's empty and there's nothing...

"I don't even think she has a family. Poor, sad Samejima."

...like staying home with dry heaves.

The bread was hard, the god wasn't real, my Tak-kun ate my cell phone. So damn disappointing, just like the American baseball player who used to say he loved me. Why can't things just go back to the way they were before that Medical Mechanica plant got dropped on top of the hillside? At least then I had something to do with this world. I'd just sit there, smoke a cig, wait for Naota to come around. He always knew where I was. He always tried to tell me about his stupid brother who went out with a blonde from America. Yeah, Haruko saved me from that once, but when I finally overflowed my fake god grew out of the real Tak-kun's head. It was like Athena, but not quite so worldly and important. Sure, it was amazing like I thought, but Canti's just a stupid, broken robot who can't even get his sodas straight.

"Hey, Mamimi, where you goin'?"

"Down to the river, I'll bet. Maybe she'll do us all a favor and fall in and drown this time."

"If only..."

"Hey, girls, why don't you at least try to show some tact here?"

So I looked up. He looked like a junior, not too godlike but not small either. Hair the same color as Tak-kun's. Hmm.

"What, are you sticking up for her?"

"You don't even know her name, do you?"

He looked at me. I must have dropped my new cell, because I heard it. "Samejima Mamimi, right? You're in English with me."

"Yeah." I turned around and started to run. Hell if I know why.

I kind of hoped nothing would be lost. I began to suspect something after seeing Naota on the bridge with his school friends. He was kind of mean sometimes, but he just stood there and stared at me like I was... oh what was it... a "stupid adult who can't grow up." That's what he said about Haruko-san the first time too, but then she had to move in with my Tak-kun, goddammit. Now she's gone and Tak-kun doesn't like me. He just wants me to think he still cares. Why would he do a stupid thing like walk past me in the rain when I was wet? He's gone, and I am running empty. So little before, now there's nothing. What the hell am I supposed to do about it?

I could see my reflection in the mud. I could have looked up and seen someone staring at me while I put my shoes in, but who gives a damn really when they don't give a damn about you. My hair was soaked from the splash. It was muddy and brown and not auburn like it really is. Water can't touch my uniform, though, or else it will not be water anymore. It'll be spots all over that go away. I need a longer skirt. My legs are all numb whenever it's not summer. Don't get it, really. Why do they get warm when they're numb? Why are bruises purple instead of red? Weird shit, all of that. Never paid attention in biology. Got good grades anyway, but why bother to listen when they hand you all the stuff for that day first thing?

So I washed my feet off, and then I stood there in the mud, letting them get dirty again. Should it be wash and mud, wash and mud, over and over till my feet are cold and crampy? Should I really disappear like they want? Dammit, why not. Just fall over and breathe...

"Excuse me... Miss Samejima?"

I swayed. I was on the brink, but the holes the current had dug for me were so deep that they stopped me, and I rocked back on my heels to balance. It was the junior boy again, I knew. Tak-kun didn't sound like that. "Yes?"

He pressed something cold and hard into my hand. "You dropped your phone back there."

"Thanks." My hand clasped around something. So something was left now. It was little and new, but it was something. If I turned around now, I might find something again. I wasn't sure. But I did it anyway. It showed me the junior boy standing there, looking pitiful and cocking his head like a cute puppy. "You're soaked. Isn't it cold?"

"It's always cold, but it's okay for what it is. My feet are warm."

His shoes flew off and he came beside me. "I think I'd like to know for myself."

I stared at him, unsure of what he was trying to accomplish. He didn't seem like a bad person. He was almost kind, but he understood, too. He wasn't condescending or superior. He shivered as his feet went into the water and he paused. "You're right, Miss Samejima," he said with a smile, "it's okay for what it is." He looked at me. "Kind of like you."

I looked up at the people on the bridge now, the grade school kids who looked at us. Naota wasn't there. They pointed and whispered, and their little shoulders shook with their suppressed giggling. I started laughing. It was the first real laugh I'd had since before Haruko came. I asked the junior boy what his name was.

"Kantaka Souichii. I'm the new student."

"You're good at names."

"Thank you, Miss Samejima."

I clicked on my cell phone and smiled. "Just call me Mamimi."

I am overflowing again. There is something overflowing there.

And I think something amazing will happen.