simbelmynë
Of course it's SLASH.
Author's note: Here. You wanted the elf, you can have the elf. For now. He'll turn back into a pumpkin at 12.
Sorry, I really tried, but 'sweet' and 'happy' just wouldn't come. I mean, I was even considering bishi…ahem…Animal Farm, The Sequel... *shudder* Oh well, next year maybe...
Go easy on the alcohol now that you're legal. ;p
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TSURUGI-CHAN!!!
Standard disclaimers apply.
~
I love him.
He was broken and hurting, but there was no time to mourn. In the void left by Gandalf's sudden absence, it had fallen to him to take up the reins of leadership. There was no one else.
I found him drinking in the darkness and held him in my arms. When he crumbled, I kissed away his tears, weaving comfort with my mouth and hands and heart.
Afterwards, I dressed him carefully, laying a warm blanket upon him. I walked back to the main camp, leaving him to sleep off sorrow and spirits. Alone.
In the morning, he did not remember.
~
I love him not.
Death hovered at the gates of Helm's Deep, and we were drunk on the dregs of life. It didn't matter that this was naught but an outlet for mind-numbing fear; nothing seemed to matter when tomorrow might never come.
Desperately, he shoved me against the stone wall of the tiny storeroom, devouring my lips with his own. He was rough but thorough, leaving livid bruises on my fragile skin even as I struggled to keep the moans behind my teeth.
His clothes stank of horsehair and sweat. I wrinkled my nose, flailing my hands about to push him away. He ignored my half-hearted attempts and I gave up too quickly.
He cried for Arwen.
I didn't care.
~
I love him.
The White Hand of Sauron had been washed away in a cleansing flood, and Rohan stood free once more.
He turned to me then, and grinned so maniacally with such pure joy that I could not help the soft laughter that escaped me. His embrace caught me by surprise and I winced involuntarily from wounds both old and new. Contrite, he led me away from the celebrating masses to soothe the pain he had caused the night before.
We talked for hours. I whispered Quenya against his skin and he shivered.
He slept, and when he dreamed, he spoke my name.
~
I love him not.
Midsummer would arrive within the week. I would have gone gladly, but he would not hear of it. So I stayed, and watched as the city was wreathed in silver and gold, brimming with excitement as the Royal Wedding approached.
During the day, I kept company with the Undomiel and her family, guiding them through the maze of passageways that was Gondor. We spoke and sang in the elven tongues, telling old tales in glorious new ways.
I was the epitome of discretion, but knowledge lurked behind her weighted gaze. She watched me with saddened eyes and I shrunk further behind my mask of empty smiles.
In the cover of the dark, I lay curled beside the King, trailing gentle fingertips along his jaw and wondering if that night would be the last. Nín úgerth, nín úthaes.
Every dawn, I woke to find the bed cold and empty, and my heart died a little more.
~
I love him.
Isengard. The valley beneath a lake that had once been made a great citadel of knowledge by Men. But it had fallen now, and was nothing more than a shimmering mirror for the stars.
Treebeard had bid us farewell, and the Fellowship was dissolved. I had expected this for months, and still it hurt like a limb irretrievably lost.
The fire before me held no warmth; its meagre light served to destroy my night vision but illuminated little else. So I felt him rather than saw him, and sat perfectly still as his hand came to rest on my shoulder.
I wanted to scream, to cry, to sigh very softly and throw myself into his arms. Instead, I let him be the one to hold me, my only concession to sink into the warmth of his chest. It was never meant to be this way, I had never meant to...feel...so much. He tried to speak, but the words seemed to die in his throat.
The first streaks of rose and gold had begun to stain the sky when he finally moved, breaking the tableau. He kissed me on the cheek and murmured into my ear. My heart clenched painfully at his words and I looked quickly away so that my eyes did not betray what I could not speak. At this stoic silence, desolation passed briefly across his features, too fast to catch had I not known that face better than my own. Then he stood, and left, and never turned back.
I forced myself to stay still till he had passed out of sight. Barely a moment later, suppressed emotion drove me to my feet. Unthinking, I wandered to the edge of the river, trailing my hands through the water. It wasn't Anduin, but all waters led to the Sea. White petals shone on a silver tapestry, flowing slowly down the stream till it was entangled in my fingers. I closed my eyes on the tears and let the petals fall one by one to the ground.
I love him. I love him not. I love him.
The last of the simbelmynë fell from my hands.
I love him not.
Nothing lasts forever.
Even alfirin lie.
~end~
© ai 2003
I know it's been some time since I've written. Do tell me what you think.