Okay, be nice this is my first 7th Heaven Fanfic. and I warn you ahead of
time that sometimes I go OOC.
Well, I'm in a good mood so I decided to right some angst. and since I'm stuck on my other stories here goes. yes I know I'm weird. Nad if anyone cares to know why I'm in a good mood, I'm going to the Good Charlotte concert on the 9th!
Oh yes, and this happens to be a What If he goes back to school. Completely Simon centric.
----
Simon starred out of his bedroom window as the rain poured down, it was raining so hard outside. He use to hate when it would rain, but now. now it seemed to be something that might wash away some of the self-hatred he felt. It never did though, probably never would but he still liked the rain.
He was seated on the edge of his bed, he had been sitting that exact position for more then just a few hours. His back was stiff, his feet cried out for movement, but still he sat, watching the storm continue on.
He vaguely realized that someone was calling his name, but he pushed that in to the back of his mind with all of his other thoughts. The voice continued though, and while bringing him back to a conscious state it also brought back his thoughts.
School started tomorrow, he would have to face everyone. And everyone hated him, even himself. He had killed someone, he couldn't fathom why his father still looked at him, he had killed! He had killed!
He had killed someone, had asked for forgiveness form God, but he truly did not expect it. How could He forgive him if he could not forgive himself.
The voice kept calling his name, and he recognized that it was his mother's voice. He pushed himself to his feet quickly and his whole world spun, he had stood up way to quickly for the amount of time he had been sitting, but his mother couldn't find him sitting in the same place he had been in when she had last left him. He didn't want to worry her anymore. He had been doing a good job of that so far.
She knocked softly before opening the door, "Simon, Honey, are you okay?"
He nodded and turned to look at her, a sad smile coming to his face as he saw the worry, "Fine," He said softly, trying not to sound to 'dead' as she had put it earlier, "How are the twins."
"Waiting for you to come down and eat. dinners ready," She said, but she didn't leave, she staid there, her head still stuck in the door, "Are you sure you're all right?"
"Yes, mom, thanks for getting me. I'll be down in a sec, let me clean up first."
He stiffly walked into the bathroom, glad that at the moment no one else happened to be in it. He didn't want to have to stand in the hallway, he didn't want to have to look at the sympathetic faces that would pass him. He locked the door behind him for some unknown reason and begant o wash his hands, avoiding looking at himself in the mirror.
It had to come though, he had to look at himself. He slowly raised his head and looked at his pitiful reflection. He looked like death warmed over. His eyes had sunken in, black circles under them the lack of sleep making him look like he had two black eyes. No wonder his mother was so worried about him, he's have to work harder on trying to act like he use to.
His eyes slipped down to his razor, which for some reason hadn't been put up earlier that day. He picked it up, looking at it's sharp edges. He touched it to the edge of his finger for a moment, taking in its unnoticed beauty. It could end everything, give everyone a couple of weeks and they would forget about him and o on with their normal lives. That's the way death worked. the pain it caused would soon be washed away. He slowly moved to his wrist, hoping for some kind of relief from this pain that filled his heart.
Then he threw the blade down, his hand shaking, he was so selfish. So fucking selfish. How could he think of doing such a thing? He would cause so much pain, he couldn't do that. He would screw up one of his family members life, who ever found him would be scarred, finding their brother lying in a pool of his?
He heard knocking on the door. or was it pounding? Maybe it was the pounding in his head? He turned and opened the door to see his father's worried face, Kevin behind him, "Simon, what' the matter?" He asked softly.
Simon looked at his father confused, "Nothing." he muttered looking down almost instantly.
"You were in there for thirty minutes!"
"I.I was cleaning up." He said, surprised that he was in there for that long, "I'm sorry."
Kevin walked away, understanding that this was not something he needed to be standing there for, "Talk to me Simon."
"It's nothing, dad." he lied, he seemed to be getting pretty good at that, "Just been thinking a lot. tomorrow is school and all."
---
Simon walked through the halls of school, his head down low, hands stuck in his pockets. Thankfully it was the end of school, he had made it through the day without very many disturbances if you don't call everyone there calling him a murderer. Which was the truth.
He sighed as he walked into the empty parking lot, he had waited until everyone was gone before walking out. He didn't know why but he had.
He slipped his keys into his car, his father had thought it a bad idea for him to drive because of his recent 'zoning out' acts. He knew he wouldn't be doing that anytime soon though, he was too busy watching his back.
Just as he slipped the keys into the door he felt something connect with his back, seems he wasn't doing too good of a job protecting his back. He fell to his knees from the strength, he glanced up but couldn't see his attackers faces, for looking up his face received a vicious kick. He let out a gasp as he was kicked in the stomach again and again, I couldn't get up, every time I tried whatever had hit me before slammed into my back. I could smell the beer on them. it made him gag.
He fell onto his stomach as his back was hit again, he wrapped his arms around his stomach, trying to protect it. The boots soon connected with his chest, he could feel the bones starting to break under the pressure.
He was about to beg them to stop when he heard them laugh then walk away, "Murdering ass hole," He heard someone say through his cloudy mind, "you don't deserve to live."
Then his world became black and he was thankful that he no longer had to feel any pain, physical or emotional.
---
Kevin looked at his father-in-law paced in front of the door, it was well past dark and Simon had yet to return. Everyone was worried about Simon, what if he had crashed? The hospital would know to call them but. what if., "I'm going to go look for him," Kevin said as he grabbed his keys off of the table.
"No. no he'll come home." The reverend said, trying to convince himself that his son was okay.
"I'm still going to look." Kevin said tired of waiting, if Simon wasn't hurt he would be when he got back.
As he opened the door he saw the familiar lights of Simon's car. Anne looked up form her seat, glad that she had put Ruthy and the twins in bed, she had a bad feeling that she didn't like.
She gasped as he son walked to the door
---
Simon pulled himself out of his car slowly, trying not to aggravate the bruises on his back or his chest. He hurt so bad, all he wanted to do was go lay down in his bed and sleep for ever. He stumbled to the front door to see Kevin, dad, mom, and Lucy standing there looking at him. He tugged at the edges of his coat making sure it covered him, trying to hide the bruises that covered him. He looked down before they could see the bruise covering his jaw line, he knew as soon as he stepped into the house they would see it, but he couldn't help but try to hide it form them.
As soon as he stepped intot he house his mother ran up to him and hugged him, squeezing him tightly. He tried to hold back the gasp that wanted to leave his mouth. God, he hurt. Pleas, God, make it stop! He begged. He did a pretty good job, only a hiss came out, "What happended?" She asked, her hand going to his chin, tears in her eyes.
"I." he began trying to gather his thoughts, everything was so blurry, his mind was a jumbled mess.
"Who attacked you?" Kevin asked coming behind him, trying to get Simon to talk as soon as he realized that Simon was going to say anything.
Simon turned to look at Kevin, his eyes glazed over with confusion and. something else.., "I want to go to bed.." He mumbled as he tried to push past his mother.
He took one step before he fell to his knees. Now, the floor is closer. he thought dazely. "I'm taking him to the hospital," Kevin said as he began to pick Simon up.
What? Simon thought, "No." He mumbled, "I don't need to go there."
He was back on his feet now, everything was spinning again, worse then last time. He pushed himself away from Kevin only to lose his balance and fall down, hitting his head on to end table. He was so glad that the blackness had taken him again, he was tired of hurting. So tired.
Tired.
Well, I'm in a good mood so I decided to right some angst. and since I'm stuck on my other stories here goes. yes I know I'm weird. Nad if anyone cares to know why I'm in a good mood, I'm going to the Good Charlotte concert on the 9th!
Oh yes, and this happens to be a What If he goes back to school. Completely Simon centric.
----
Simon starred out of his bedroom window as the rain poured down, it was raining so hard outside. He use to hate when it would rain, but now. now it seemed to be something that might wash away some of the self-hatred he felt. It never did though, probably never would but he still liked the rain.
He was seated on the edge of his bed, he had been sitting that exact position for more then just a few hours. His back was stiff, his feet cried out for movement, but still he sat, watching the storm continue on.
He vaguely realized that someone was calling his name, but he pushed that in to the back of his mind with all of his other thoughts. The voice continued though, and while bringing him back to a conscious state it also brought back his thoughts.
School started tomorrow, he would have to face everyone. And everyone hated him, even himself. He had killed someone, he couldn't fathom why his father still looked at him, he had killed! He had killed!
He had killed someone, had asked for forgiveness form God, but he truly did not expect it. How could He forgive him if he could not forgive himself.
The voice kept calling his name, and he recognized that it was his mother's voice. He pushed himself to his feet quickly and his whole world spun, he had stood up way to quickly for the amount of time he had been sitting, but his mother couldn't find him sitting in the same place he had been in when she had last left him. He didn't want to worry her anymore. He had been doing a good job of that so far.
She knocked softly before opening the door, "Simon, Honey, are you okay?"
He nodded and turned to look at her, a sad smile coming to his face as he saw the worry, "Fine," He said softly, trying not to sound to 'dead' as she had put it earlier, "How are the twins."
"Waiting for you to come down and eat. dinners ready," She said, but she didn't leave, she staid there, her head still stuck in the door, "Are you sure you're all right?"
"Yes, mom, thanks for getting me. I'll be down in a sec, let me clean up first."
He stiffly walked into the bathroom, glad that at the moment no one else happened to be in it. He didn't want to have to stand in the hallway, he didn't want to have to look at the sympathetic faces that would pass him. He locked the door behind him for some unknown reason and begant o wash his hands, avoiding looking at himself in the mirror.
It had to come though, he had to look at himself. He slowly raised his head and looked at his pitiful reflection. He looked like death warmed over. His eyes had sunken in, black circles under them the lack of sleep making him look like he had two black eyes. No wonder his mother was so worried about him, he's have to work harder on trying to act like he use to.
His eyes slipped down to his razor, which for some reason hadn't been put up earlier that day. He picked it up, looking at it's sharp edges. He touched it to the edge of his finger for a moment, taking in its unnoticed beauty. It could end everything, give everyone a couple of weeks and they would forget about him and o on with their normal lives. That's the way death worked. the pain it caused would soon be washed away. He slowly moved to his wrist, hoping for some kind of relief from this pain that filled his heart.
Then he threw the blade down, his hand shaking, he was so selfish. So fucking selfish. How could he think of doing such a thing? He would cause so much pain, he couldn't do that. He would screw up one of his family members life, who ever found him would be scarred, finding their brother lying in a pool of his?
He heard knocking on the door. or was it pounding? Maybe it was the pounding in his head? He turned and opened the door to see his father's worried face, Kevin behind him, "Simon, what' the matter?" He asked softly.
Simon looked at his father confused, "Nothing." he muttered looking down almost instantly.
"You were in there for thirty minutes!"
"I.I was cleaning up." He said, surprised that he was in there for that long, "I'm sorry."
Kevin walked away, understanding that this was not something he needed to be standing there for, "Talk to me Simon."
"It's nothing, dad." he lied, he seemed to be getting pretty good at that, "Just been thinking a lot. tomorrow is school and all."
---
Simon walked through the halls of school, his head down low, hands stuck in his pockets. Thankfully it was the end of school, he had made it through the day without very many disturbances if you don't call everyone there calling him a murderer. Which was the truth.
He sighed as he walked into the empty parking lot, he had waited until everyone was gone before walking out. He didn't know why but he had.
He slipped his keys into his car, his father had thought it a bad idea for him to drive because of his recent 'zoning out' acts. He knew he wouldn't be doing that anytime soon though, he was too busy watching his back.
Just as he slipped the keys into the door he felt something connect with his back, seems he wasn't doing too good of a job protecting his back. He fell to his knees from the strength, he glanced up but couldn't see his attackers faces, for looking up his face received a vicious kick. He let out a gasp as he was kicked in the stomach again and again, I couldn't get up, every time I tried whatever had hit me before slammed into my back. I could smell the beer on them. it made him gag.
He fell onto his stomach as his back was hit again, he wrapped his arms around his stomach, trying to protect it. The boots soon connected with his chest, he could feel the bones starting to break under the pressure.
He was about to beg them to stop when he heard them laugh then walk away, "Murdering ass hole," He heard someone say through his cloudy mind, "you don't deserve to live."
Then his world became black and he was thankful that he no longer had to feel any pain, physical or emotional.
---
Kevin looked at his father-in-law paced in front of the door, it was well past dark and Simon had yet to return. Everyone was worried about Simon, what if he had crashed? The hospital would know to call them but. what if., "I'm going to go look for him," Kevin said as he grabbed his keys off of the table.
"No. no he'll come home." The reverend said, trying to convince himself that his son was okay.
"I'm still going to look." Kevin said tired of waiting, if Simon wasn't hurt he would be when he got back.
As he opened the door he saw the familiar lights of Simon's car. Anne looked up form her seat, glad that she had put Ruthy and the twins in bed, she had a bad feeling that she didn't like.
She gasped as he son walked to the door
---
Simon pulled himself out of his car slowly, trying not to aggravate the bruises on his back or his chest. He hurt so bad, all he wanted to do was go lay down in his bed and sleep for ever. He stumbled to the front door to see Kevin, dad, mom, and Lucy standing there looking at him. He tugged at the edges of his coat making sure it covered him, trying to hide the bruises that covered him. He looked down before they could see the bruise covering his jaw line, he knew as soon as he stepped into the house they would see it, but he couldn't help but try to hide it form them.
As soon as he stepped intot he house his mother ran up to him and hugged him, squeezing him tightly. He tried to hold back the gasp that wanted to leave his mouth. God, he hurt. Pleas, God, make it stop! He begged. He did a pretty good job, only a hiss came out, "What happended?" She asked, her hand going to his chin, tears in her eyes.
"I." he began trying to gather his thoughts, everything was so blurry, his mind was a jumbled mess.
"Who attacked you?" Kevin asked coming behind him, trying to get Simon to talk as soon as he realized that Simon was going to say anything.
Simon turned to look at Kevin, his eyes glazed over with confusion and. something else.., "I want to go to bed.." He mumbled as he tried to push past his mother.
He took one step before he fell to his knees. Now, the floor is closer. he thought dazely. "I'm taking him to the hospital," Kevin said as he began to pick Simon up.
What? Simon thought, "No." He mumbled, "I don't need to go there."
He was back on his feet now, everything was spinning again, worse then last time. He pushed himself away from Kevin only to lose his balance and fall down, hitting his head on to end table. He was so glad that the blackness had taken him again, he was tired of hurting. So tired.
Tired.