THE LEAGUE OF EXTRAIDIOTIC GENTLEMONKEYS
Author's Note: Serby's back, with a parody. Recently, I have seen the LXG movie, and was fascinated by it. I was implied that I must make a parody out of this one. None of the characters are mine. The idea of the League itself, I found out belong to America's Best Comics and Alan Moore, the characters themselves could be trace back to R.L. Stevenson, H.G. Wells, Bram Stoker and so on into the writers I don't even know. This has been done with some co-operation with my friend Kitty (who's not a member of Fanfiction.net). I don't want to make fun of Sean Connery because of his accent in the movie, but I must include it. Thank you for listening (damn, I sound boring!).
PG-13 for some swear words.
///////////////////
The league is sitting in some room, while Nemo shows them the device on the wall. It looks like a tracking device with water currents drawn on them.
'What are theesh thingsh that chashe (chase) each other?' Asks Quartermain towards the little tracking lights.
'Oh, these are just two flies stuck on the wall,' Says Nemo, taking them off, leaving just a map.
'So..it this the map to track them down?' Asks Jekyll.
'No! This is the world's first video game. Ah, look at how the sea currents change! Isn't this fun?' Nemo exclaims happily.
Suddenly, they receive a record, which they put on the gramophone. It is from M and Dorian!
'Just so to let you know,' says Dorian lazily,' I'm evil. And I joined M's side.'
'And you are going to suffer a very nasty death!' Squeaked in M.
'Alright, get ready, for I'm going to start to swear, and the noise is going to set off the bomb in your ship. HAHA! You little pieces of- BEEEEEEEEEEP!!!!!'
The track began to give off some horrible squeaking noise, making the bomb explode and the Nautilus starts to sink. While the rest of the league starts screaming, panicking and running around like little children, Hyde finally has a good idea.
'Look, will you just shut up and listen to me!' Growls Hyde in Jekyll's head.
Jekyll finally stops screaming, and thoughtfully listens to Hyde.
'We can save them! Just drink the potion!' Yells Hyde inside his head (what a horrible case of split personality).
'Eh...we could just die anyway, so...' Jekyll makes a death wish and drinks the potion.
He blows up again to become Hyde, and the ship is saved! How? Well, Hyde starts ripping the whole place apart, so the little pieces of the ship float to the surface, carrying the league with them.
'Yay! We are saved!' Squeals Tom Sawyer (why the hell the idiot didn't drown?).
'My beautiful ship! Ruined!' Sobs former Captain Nemo.
On one float, there is the Morse code machine. A letter is sent to them. Allen swims to the float, and reads the message.
'It'sh from Shkinner! He shays we should go to Mongolia!' Exclaims Quartermain.
'Great! Give us the message!' Mina tells him.
'I...er...ate it.' Allen says sheepishly.
Suddenly a new message comes up. Mina this time picks it up.
'Some wrong message. It says: "I have given birth to a son. I have named him Adolf. Please come home soon. Love, Klara Hitler."' Mina reads it out loud.
'Some name. Who could ever be called Adolf Hitler?' Tom Sawyer ponders out loud.
(Adolf Hitler was born in 1889.)
**********
(Somewhere in Mongolia..)
When the league finally floats to Mongolia, they are in the middle of a snowy desert. They walk over the mountains, and see...a huge chocolate factory!
'Let'sh shtay in the cave! The factory may be dangeroush!' Growls Quartermain.
So the league says in some stupidly small cave. Quartermain stays to guard outside, making himself furniture to collect dust-I mean snow. Suddenly, something moves in the distance. It is not the Siberian tiger, but a huge chocolate vampire bunny rabbit! The dreaded monster starts hopping towards Allen, smiling evilly, showing its fangs.
It wears a woollen jumper, with a motto written on it:' M's chocolate is the best, the shit is the rest.'
'Aaaah!' Screams Quartermain, and shoots it, blowing the creature into a thousand pieces.
Among the snow is also Skinner, who starts eating away the remains of the bunny rabbit.
'Shkinner! Do you know what you're eating?' Gasps Quartermain.
'I can't read the motto well.."M's chocolate is the best, the.." ' Skinner trails off.
'"..Shit".' Quartermain finishes off for him.
'No I can't really SIT now thank you,' Says Skinner.
'Shit! Shit!' Allen tries to explain him.
'Damn, you really have learn how to pronounce proper English,' Skinner grumble.
Skinner comes into the cave, is greeted by the rest of the league, and starts telling his story.
'This is M' s factory. He wants to make millions and millions of evil chocolate bunny rabbits to take over the world! Oh, and also something unimportant such as making clones of you.' Sinner adds as an afterthought.
'Bashtard! We musht shtop him!' Yells Quartermain.
'Skinner, how did you lose your clothes?' asks casually Nemo.
'Oh, I played strip poker with the giant stripper squid. He's a good player, but doesn't have any clothes. He took my greasepaint, hat, coat and even my invisible knickers when I lost! But don't worry, I ate the squid with macaroni and cheese. Seafood is delicious.' Smirked Skinner.
***********
( In the factory...)
M has finally shaved off this stupid moustache and looks a great deal handsomer. He is sitting down, smoking a hookah and eating chocolates in his drugged state. Next to him is Dorian Gay- I mean Gray, knitting more wool jumpers for the vampire rabbits.
'Now, now, M, you know this is bad for you.' Says Dorian in his knocking chair.
'Be quiet, dear. You know I have your painting.' Retorts M.
'No! Not the one where I was six and eating cockroaches!' Gasps Dorian.
'Exactly that one, and the one where you look really ugly, and it rots every New Year.' M threatens.
'Oh, THAT painting...alright. ' Says Dorian simply.
********
The league arrives somehow into the factory, after defeating some vampire bunnies. Mina goes and meets up with Dorian in his room. They give some crappy dialogue, they fight, but keep healing. Finally, Mina pins him to the wall.
'Now you shall see what you really are!' She yells, uncovering the portrait.
The portrait is Dorian at the age of six, eating cockroaches!
'NOOOOO!!!' Screams Dorian, dies of horror and shame of his youth portrait, and turns into dust.
'What? This painting?' Mina bewilderedly looks at it,' Oh, well, at least he's dead.'
Down where Hyde and Nemo were fighting, millions of bunnies were being destroyed. But one of M's henchmen, who looks like a Nazi pirate(with the eye patch), drinks the whole formula from the barrel. Instead of becoming another Hyde, for he is already evil, he becomes something worse: Barney!
'I love you, you love me..' Yells the purple mutant.
Useless is Nemo's plastic sword, which bounces off the creature's thick sponge skin, and Barney is way bigger than Hyde.
Hyde finally turns back to sweet Dr. Jekyll, with the pants falling over his waist. Barney starts to run towards Nemo. Nemo screams like a kid, and jumps into Jekyll's hands. Both of them start screaming and running to a small room, where icicles hang.
Barney bounds after them, screaming his stupid song, causing the icicles to fall, and stab the dinosaur to death. Nemo and Jekyll are saved!
Skinner is going around the factory, planting bombs, and getting his ass burnt by the fire.
Quartermain meets up with M, and is almost ready to shoot him.
'I know your shecret! You are Moriarty!' Roars Allen, shocking the audience.
'And who are you? Sherlock Holmes?' Snorts Moriarty, taking off his helmet.
Quartermain spots the reflection on the helmet where Tom is held captive by fake Skinner. Allen whips around and shoots the fake Skinner.
'Wow! Thanks for saving me!' Cries Tom Sawyer.
'I wash aiming for you!' Growled Allen.
Moriarty jumps out of the window, but it is way too high above the ground, so he falls down and breaks his neck. Tom runs after him, and shoots the already still, dead body of the villain.
'Look! I didn't miss! I shot him dead! I pierced his appendix!' Struts Tom around proudly.
'Oh, Matilda! We are saved!' Quartermain kisses the gun.
BANG! His beloved gun Matilda blew his head off. Tom starts crying his eyes out, beating up the gun.
***********
(Somewhere in the Terra Incognito, Africa in other words...)
The league is packed around the grave, boogies running down their noses, and sobbing. Nemo gives some speech about the league sticking together, when no one is even listening to him. Tom sticks Matilda upright , stabbing the gun into the grave.
'Ow! Watchsh it!' Exclaims a familiar voice from inside the grave.
'How could you Matilda?' Cries Tom, not noticing the voice,' He loved you, but you kill him. It's like you are made of iron!'
The league silently leaves, while some black man is dancing crazily around the grave, singing,' Happy deathday to you...' in a strong African accent.
Suddenly, the grave starts to shake, and some storm clouds come up. The gun, stuck into the grave, is shaking.
'You shtupid unfaithful tart!' Growls the familiar voice at the gun,' Get outsh of my grave!'
THE END?
Author's Note: Finally, this is finished. Sorry for taking so long. What do you think of the ending and the bunny vampires? I simply HAD to mention Hitler. It is a point that no one mentions that happened at those times. Oh well, please review!
Author's Note: Serby's back, with a parody. Recently, I have seen the LXG movie, and was fascinated by it. I was implied that I must make a parody out of this one. None of the characters are mine. The idea of the League itself, I found out belong to America's Best Comics and Alan Moore, the characters themselves could be trace back to R.L. Stevenson, H.G. Wells, Bram Stoker and so on into the writers I don't even know. This has been done with some co-operation with my friend Kitty (who's not a member of Fanfiction.net). I don't want to make fun of Sean Connery because of his accent in the movie, but I must include it. Thank you for listening (damn, I sound boring!).
PG-13 for some swear words.
///////////////////
The league is sitting in some room, while Nemo shows them the device on the wall. It looks like a tracking device with water currents drawn on them.
'What are theesh thingsh that chashe (chase) each other?' Asks Quartermain towards the little tracking lights.
'Oh, these are just two flies stuck on the wall,' Says Nemo, taking them off, leaving just a map.
'So..it this the map to track them down?' Asks Jekyll.
'No! This is the world's first video game. Ah, look at how the sea currents change! Isn't this fun?' Nemo exclaims happily.
Suddenly, they receive a record, which they put on the gramophone. It is from M and Dorian!
'Just so to let you know,' says Dorian lazily,' I'm evil. And I joined M's side.'
'And you are going to suffer a very nasty death!' Squeaked in M.
'Alright, get ready, for I'm going to start to swear, and the noise is going to set off the bomb in your ship. HAHA! You little pieces of- BEEEEEEEEEEP!!!!!'
The track began to give off some horrible squeaking noise, making the bomb explode and the Nautilus starts to sink. While the rest of the league starts screaming, panicking and running around like little children, Hyde finally has a good idea.
'Look, will you just shut up and listen to me!' Growls Hyde in Jekyll's head.
Jekyll finally stops screaming, and thoughtfully listens to Hyde.
'We can save them! Just drink the potion!' Yells Hyde inside his head (what a horrible case of split personality).
'Eh...we could just die anyway, so...' Jekyll makes a death wish and drinks the potion.
He blows up again to become Hyde, and the ship is saved! How? Well, Hyde starts ripping the whole place apart, so the little pieces of the ship float to the surface, carrying the league with them.
'Yay! We are saved!' Squeals Tom Sawyer (why the hell the idiot didn't drown?).
'My beautiful ship! Ruined!' Sobs former Captain Nemo.
On one float, there is the Morse code machine. A letter is sent to them. Allen swims to the float, and reads the message.
'It'sh from Shkinner! He shays we should go to Mongolia!' Exclaims Quartermain.
'Great! Give us the message!' Mina tells him.
'I...er...ate it.' Allen says sheepishly.
Suddenly a new message comes up. Mina this time picks it up.
'Some wrong message. It says: "I have given birth to a son. I have named him Adolf. Please come home soon. Love, Klara Hitler."' Mina reads it out loud.
'Some name. Who could ever be called Adolf Hitler?' Tom Sawyer ponders out loud.
(Adolf Hitler was born in 1889.)
**********
(Somewhere in Mongolia..)
When the league finally floats to Mongolia, they are in the middle of a snowy desert. They walk over the mountains, and see...a huge chocolate factory!
'Let'sh shtay in the cave! The factory may be dangeroush!' Growls Quartermain.
So the league says in some stupidly small cave. Quartermain stays to guard outside, making himself furniture to collect dust-I mean snow. Suddenly, something moves in the distance. It is not the Siberian tiger, but a huge chocolate vampire bunny rabbit! The dreaded monster starts hopping towards Allen, smiling evilly, showing its fangs.
It wears a woollen jumper, with a motto written on it:' M's chocolate is the best, the shit is the rest.'
'Aaaah!' Screams Quartermain, and shoots it, blowing the creature into a thousand pieces.
Among the snow is also Skinner, who starts eating away the remains of the bunny rabbit.
'Shkinner! Do you know what you're eating?' Gasps Quartermain.
'I can't read the motto well.."M's chocolate is the best, the.." ' Skinner trails off.
'"..Shit".' Quartermain finishes off for him.
'No I can't really SIT now thank you,' Says Skinner.
'Shit! Shit!' Allen tries to explain him.
'Damn, you really have learn how to pronounce proper English,' Skinner grumble.
Skinner comes into the cave, is greeted by the rest of the league, and starts telling his story.
'This is M' s factory. He wants to make millions and millions of evil chocolate bunny rabbits to take over the world! Oh, and also something unimportant such as making clones of you.' Sinner adds as an afterthought.
'Bashtard! We musht shtop him!' Yells Quartermain.
'Skinner, how did you lose your clothes?' asks casually Nemo.
'Oh, I played strip poker with the giant stripper squid. He's a good player, but doesn't have any clothes. He took my greasepaint, hat, coat and even my invisible knickers when I lost! But don't worry, I ate the squid with macaroni and cheese. Seafood is delicious.' Smirked Skinner.
***********
( In the factory...)
M has finally shaved off this stupid moustache and looks a great deal handsomer. He is sitting down, smoking a hookah and eating chocolates in his drugged state. Next to him is Dorian Gay- I mean Gray, knitting more wool jumpers for the vampire rabbits.
'Now, now, M, you know this is bad for you.' Says Dorian in his knocking chair.
'Be quiet, dear. You know I have your painting.' Retorts M.
'No! Not the one where I was six and eating cockroaches!' Gasps Dorian.
'Exactly that one, and the one where you look really ugly, and it rots every New Year.' M threatens.
'Oh, THAT painting...alright. ' Says Dorian simply.
********
The league arrives somehow into the factory, after defeating some vampire bunnies. Mina goes and meets up with Dorian in his room. They give some crappy dialogue, they fight, but keep healing. Finally, Mina pins him to the wall.
'Now you shall see what you really are!' She yells, uncovering the portrait.
The portrait is Dorian at the age of six, eating cockroaches!
'NOOOOO!!!' Screams Dorian, dies of horror and shame of his youth portrait, and turns into dust.
'What? This painting?' Mina bewilderedly looks at it,' Oh, well, at least he's dead.'
Down where Hyde and Nemo were fighting, millions of bunnies were being destroyed. But one of M's henchmen, who looks like a Nazi pirate(with the eye patch), drinks the whole formula from the barrel. Instead of becoming another Hyde, for he is already evil, he becomes something worse: Barney!
'I love you, you love me..' Yells the purple mutant.
Useless is Nemo's plastic sword, which bounces off the creature's thick sponge skin, and Barney is way bigger than Hyde.
Hyde finally turns back to sweet Dr. Jekyll, with the pants falling over his waist. Barney starts to run towards Nemo. Nemo screams like a kid, and jumps into Jekyll's hands. Both of them start screaming and running to a small room, where icicles hang.
Barney bounds after them, screaming his stupid song, causing the icicles to fall, and stab the dinosaur to death. Nemo and Jekyll are saved!
Skinner is going around the factory, planting bombs, and getting his ass burnt by the fire.
Quartermain meets up with M, and is almost ready to shoot him.
'I know your shecret! You are Moriarty!' Roars Allen, shocking the audience.
'And who are you? Sherlock Holmes?' Snorts Moriarty, taking off his helmet.
Quartermain spots the reflection on the helmet where Tom is held captive by fake Skinner. Allen whips around and shoots the fake Skinner.
'Wow! Thanks for saving me!' Cries Tom Sawyer.
'I wash aiming for you!' Growled Allen.
Moriarty jumps out of the window, but it is way too high above the ground, so he falls down and breaks his neck. Tom runs after him, and shoots the already still, dead body of the villain.
'Look! I didn't miss! I shot him dead! I pierced his appendix!' Struts Tom around proudly.
'Oh, Matilda! We are saved!' Quartermain kisses the gun.
BANG! His beloved gun Matilda blew his head off. Tom starts crying his eyes out, beating up the gun.
***********
(Somewhere in the Terra Incognito, Africa in other words...)
The league is packed around the grave, boogies running down their noses, and sobbing. Nemo gives some speech about the league sticking together, when no one is even listening to him. Tom sticks Matilda upright , stabbing the gun into the grave.
'Ow! Watchsh it!' Exclaims a familiar voice from inside the grave.
'How could you Matilda?' Cries Tom, not noticing the voice,' He loved you, but you kill him. It's like you are made of iron!'
The league silently leaves, while some black man is dancing crazily around the grave, singing,' Happy deathday to you...' in a strong African accent.
Suddenly, the grave starts to shake, and some storm clouds come up. The gun, stuck into the grave, is shaking.
'You shtupid unfaithful tart!' Growls the familiar voice at the gun,' Get outsh of my grave!'
THE END?
Author's Note: Finally, this is finished. Sorry for taking so long. What do you think of the ending and the bunny vampires? I simply HAD to mention Hitler. It is a point that no one mentions that happened at those times. Oh well, please review!