Topaz: Hi, everyone. Okay, look. Here I am, senior year of high school, and let's just say I've bitten off way more than I can chew. With school, looking for a job, and a butt-load of activities that mark my desperate attempt to get college scholarships, I haven't had much time for writing. This songfic is just an idea I had which refused to go away, so I thought I would go ahead and post it, just to show I haven't abandoned you all. …And to break the record for the most flames. ^.^

The original song is "Special Fred," by Steven Lynch…regardless of how his name is spelled. My version is "Special Link," sung by Navi. So…have fun. **

** In a corner of Hyrule Castle Town, children gather delightedly around a traveling Hylian bard who looks suspiciously like a pointy-eared Steven Lynch. He decides on a tune, begins plucking the intro on his mandolin, but before he could open his mouth to sing, a disgruntled bottled fairy in the audience beat him to it with her tragic, musical story.

Special Link by Navi

"When I was a fairy gal,

I had a very best pal.

Link was kind, don't get me wrong,

But just a bit light in the noggin.

Oh, Special Link

Hit his head on the kitchen sink!

Now he's not so bright, I think

He's a little bit special. (Just a little bit.)"

All the children now listened with interest to the bottled fairy's story. Chuckling, the bard continued to play along.

"We'd catch Poes, and he'd get hurt.

I'd plant beans and he'd eat dirt.

I liked finding the Spiritual Stones, Three;

Link liked talking to the Deku Tree!

Oh, Special Link

Hit his head on the kitchen sink!

Now he bathes in writing ink,

'Coz he's a little bit special. (Just a little bit.)"

As though this were a planned part of the act, the bard picked up the fairy's bottle and set it next to his open mandolin case, which the audience throws loose rupees in. The fairy continues.

"I flew through the temple halls;

Link ran into the temple walls.

I had friends, and tiny clothes;

Link made best friends with his nose.

Oh, Special Link

Hit his head on the kitchen sink!

Now he wears a dress of pink,

'Coz he's a little bit special. (Just a little bit.)"

Our traveling musician breaks into the song bridge.

"One day, talking to Special Link

He stuffed me in a bottle of his drink.

And as the booze kicked in, that's when I knew

That Special Link just made me 'special,' too.

Now I can't tell up from down.

I married a circus clown.

Now Link's on 'a higher page.'

Yeah, he's a friggin' Hyrule sage!

Oh, Special Link and me!

Now we're just two stoo-pid finks, you see.

Now we're not so bright, I think

We're a little bit special!

Just a little bit special!

That bastard Link made me special!

Just a little bit special."

The song ends, and the audience disperse. Collecting his rupees, mandolin, and new sensational singing fairy lead act, the bard continues on his lonely travels.

~Fin

Topaz: …… Aw, c'mon, gimme a break! It's hard to come up with 50 words that rhyme with "Link"!

Anyway, feel free to review. Or don't, whatever. I realize this was stupid. That's the point. If you flame me, I've done my job. So, yeah. Bye!