The Sorting Hat Does Kink

By Ellipsis Black
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: They're not mine, i just like to pretend they are.
Warning: Slash, kink, really bad rhyming.
Pairing: Lucius/Harry 
Summary: The Sorting Hat reveals the truth of the proclivities of the various houses, 

and he has a little example.
Additional notes: *hangs head in shame* There was a Sorting Hat challenge on the HxL YahooML.

~~~~~

I am the Sorting Hat, so hi
To Hogwarts' new first-years.
I know you're all quite frightened,
But discard your youthful fears.

See, just wait a little while,
I promise you will see,
What our students certainly like more
Than learning wizardry.

We have four great houses here,
And each one has its traits
From a strong penchant for kink
To faith in romantic dates.

So perhaps you'll go to Slytherin,
Where looks are what can pay,
Monogamy is pointless;
There's an orgy every day!

You may end up in Gryffindor
And by year two, term four,
Have shagged all of your teachers,
`Cause your peers became a bore.

Or perhaps you'll go to Hufflepuff
And thus deserve a shove.
All those guys have to keep them warm
Is a foolish faith in `love'.

If you are in Ravenclaw,
They may seem all for books,
But what they really like to do
Takes leather, whips and hooks.

Why, let me tell a story
From a time not long before,
Of a very famous wizard
Who belonged to Gryffindor.

His name was Harry Potter
And he had a funny wish.
He wanted to shag Slytherins;
He thought they were delish.

He finally got to Draco,
The pale Serpent king.
But the boy just wasn't good enough
And Potter found a better thing.

He went for Draco's father
Who was evil through and through.
A true, dark, pureblood Slytherin,
And one fantastic screw.

Oh, it caused a huge uproar,
Broke the heart of every witch
When they found out that the Boy Who Lived
Was Lucius Malfoy's bitch.

And then there was this giant war;
They fought on different sides.
And when no one was looking,
Well, they both just up and died.

So little first-years listen,
To this mighty strange affair
And take from it this moral,
Love freely, if you dare.

You may think it's far safer,
And will save a lot of gore,
Just to stick with your own kind
And to look for nothing more.

But inter house relations
Can be a lot of fun.
Go, have your fling, just don't forget
To return when all is done:

To Three-way fun with Slytherin,
Straps and gags with Ravenclaw,
Candle-light with Hufflepuff,
Or `detention' with Gryffindor.