Chapter One

Josh opened one eye, then the other. Blinking until he became accustomed to the light, he slowly sat up. Sitting at the end of the room was Sam, his glasses reflecting the light from the lamp beside him. Josh watched him for a while unsure if Sam was asleep in the chair that he had pulled up beside the bedroom window.

Eventually Josh heard a suppressed sigh then the sound of a page being turned and with the knowledge that Sam was awake he quietly asked, "What you doing?"

"Jesus, Josh!" Sam jumped and as he did so the book he had been holding flew out of his hand and landed on the end of the bed. Josh reached forward and picked it up.

"The Rights of Man by Thomas Paine," Josh looked back at Sam. "Are you punishing yourself?"

Sam walked over to the bed and took the book from Josh. Their hands touched briefly but Sam pulled away and returned to his chair. "I was trying to…"

"What?"

The sound of Sam sighing was, Josh realised, a sound that he had heard many times in the past few days. "Trying to what, Sam?"

"I was trying to send myself to sleep," Sam confessed.

"You were planning to go to sleep in a chair? What's wrong with the bed?"

"I tried it, it doesn't work." Sam slumped further down the chair and put his feet up on the windowsill.

"Come back to bed." Josh lay back down and pulled the covers over him. Sam didn't move. "Sam, come back to bed."

"Go back to sleep."

"Come back to bed and I'll go back to sleep," Josh reasoned but when Sam didn't reply he sat up again and this time switched on the bedside lamp. "Sam?"

"I can't sleep, Josh. I'm not sitting here looking out for shooting stars. I can't sleep."

"Okay, okay just…don't fall asleep in that chair."

"Yeah."

Josh switched off the lamp and shuffled back under the covers. "You want me to fetch the shotgun?"

"What?"

"You look like a homesteader guarding his land," Josh explained.

"Go to sleep, Josh."

"Okay." Josh rolled onto his side. "But promise you'll wake me if there's any trouble on the ranch."

A gentle snort from Sam was soon followed by a snore from Josh and that was followed by another sigh from Sam.

Josh woke before the alarm and fumbled groggily with the buttons to stop it going off. He yawned, stretched and rolled over to face Sam. The bed was empty. Josh listened for sounds coming from the bathroom or kitchen but there were none. It was then that he remembered when he had last seen Sam and wasn't surprised on sitting up to find Sam fast asleep in the chair, legs still propped on the windowsill.

Josh walked quietly over to him and shook him by his shoulder. When that didn't work he tried saying his name. When Sam still didn't respond he walked around to the other side of him and unceremoniously shoved his feet off the window. Sam woke with a start, his glasses and book falling from his lap.

He stretched, yawned and cursed the stiffness in his neck. Finally he opened his eyes fully to find Josh perched against the windowsill with his arms folded. "Are the cattle safe?"

Sam didn't have the slightest idea what Josh was talking about and started to rise from the chair, determined not to let him see how uncomfortable he was.

"You know," Josh continued, "scientists have proved that sleeping in an upright position does not produce the same benefits that sleeping lying down does. That's why even if you sleep for a whole flight, you still feel like crap when you get there."

Sam picked up his glasses and book and started to move away. He was stopped by a hand on his arm and a now very serious-faced Josh. "Hey, you can't spend the night in a chair, Sam. What's going on?"

"Nothing's going on. I just can't sleep. I'll get over it." Sam shrugged and walked towards the bathroom.

"Yeah, well, you look like shit you know, and seeing how I only love you for your looks you better do something about that." Sam turned and winked at Josh before shutting the bathroom door behind him.

Donna poked her head around Josh's door. "Was it Thursday for Matlock or Friday?"

"Thursday. Are you going to the Mess?" Josh asked without looking up.

"What do you want?"

"Anything, a sandwich, whatever, and can you get Sam something too?"

"No," Donna replied and Josh finally looked up. "He's sleeping."

"Fast-asleep?"

"Well I didn't attach probes to his head to measure his REM but he looked pretty fast-asleep to me. Should I wake him up?"

"No!" Josh shouted. "God no, just…let him sleep. He hasn't been sleeping very well recently. And apart from feeling crappy he's starting to be crappy, not to mention the fact that it's keeping me awake." Josh leant back in his chair but sprung forward again when he realised what he had just said. "That sounded like I know what Sam gets up to in the middle of the night, not that he gets up to anything…as far as I know, and I don't. I meant worrying keeps me up…you know…I worry that he can't sleep and then I can't get to sleep, not that I know if he's not sleeping, he just told me he wasn't, he could be sleeping fine…for all I know." Josh stopped talking, painfully aware that he was only making matters worse.

Donna stared at him for a while before answering. "Okay, well I'm going to go get you a sandwich and one for Sam. Do you want to do any more manic rants before I go?"

"No, I think that's probably it." Josh waited until Donna was out of sight and then let his head fall onto his desk. The loud thump coincided with the boom of Toby's voice.

"Ginger, why have I come back to a deputy asleep on my sofa?"

Josh jumped out of his seat. "No, no, no," he muttered and raised his voice as he entered the bullpen. "Toby, don't wake him up." He arrived in time to find Toby standing over Sam, his hands on his hips.

"Oh hallelujah," Sam mumbled as he stood and walked past Josh, "I'm awake again."

Josh waited until Sam had left the office and then turned to Toby. "He isn't sleeping," Josh explained and then added, "I think," in order to avoid reliving his hellish conversation with Donna.

"I'm sorry to hear that but it's the State of the Union. He can sleep when we're done. I'll even tuck him in." Toby sat down and started to flip through a file on his desk, "I'll make sure he doesn't stay late."

Josh nodded and went back to his office.

That night Josh put plan B into operation. Plan A, hot milk and classical music, had failed but Josh hadn't been deterred. Tonight he was going to read Sam to sleep.

He watched as Sam came out of the bathroom and walked towards the bed. "You're really beginning to look like a zombie."

Sam climbed under the covers, leaned over and kissed Josh. "Why, you say the sweetest things."

Josh reached over and took the book away that Sam had picked up.

"What are you doing? I was going to read. Josh, I'm really not up to it tonight."

"Lie down," Josh ordered and too tired to argue Sam complied. "I'm going to read to you and the sound of my dulcet tones is going to lull you to sleep."

"Dulcet tones?" Sam sat up again.

"Just shut up and close your eyes." Smiling, Sam lay back on the pillow and waited for Josh to start.

Half an hour later Josh was still reading, Sam's eyes were closed and his breathing was slow and deep.

"It was not in the first moments that I saw all these things, though I saw more of them in the first moments than might be supposed. But I saw that everything within my view ought to be white had been white long ago..." Josh stopped reading, closed the book and carefully reached over to switch off the light.

"That's my favorite bit."

"Damn it Sam, you're meant to be asleep."

"Sorry, I tried. You'll have to think of something else." Sam rolled over and wrapped his arm around Josh. "It was a nice thought though."

Josh pulled Sam closer to him and tried to think of another way to get him to sleep. When Sam got out of bed an hour later and went and sat in the living room, Josh was still thinking.

Josh sat at his desk and rubbed at his eyes wearily. Plans A and B had failed and plan C, the purchase of a sound machine that recreated the sound of the ocean had just proved to be a waste of money. Sam and Josh had listened to the sound of the waves and occasional seagull until Sam had turned to Josh and said, "That's really annoying," and a relieved Josh had agreed and happily reached over to switch it off. Josh decided that he would try something else and then he would suggest that Sam see his doctor.

"Donna!" Josh waited until Donna appeared before asking, "Have you done with that report yet?"

"Well I'm going as quickly as I can but every time I start to read it I lapse into a coma so that slows things down a bit."

"You're meant to be pulling out the main points not reading it for pleasure. Wait, is it really that mind-numbing?" Donna nodded. "Give it to me."

And so plan D was born.

"What's that?" Sam asked as Josh held out his arm so that Sam could lie against him.

"It's The Global Core Common Data Report. It sent Donna to sleep so I thought it might work on you." Sam snuggled closer to Josh.

Josh waited until Sam was lying still and had closed his eyes. "Sam, you're stressed about The State of the Union right? I mean there's nothing else going on?"

"There's nothing else, it's just insomnia. I get like this sometimes. It starts because of one thing but then I end up getting so stressed about not being able to sleep that I forget what caused it in the first place which means of course that I can't get to sleep because I'm so wound up about not-"

"Okay, okay, you're proving the theory quite clearly there, Sam."

"Well okay then." Sam took a deep breath which was exhaled as a sigh. "Start reading."

Josh held the report under the lamp and gently stroked Sam's hand and started to read. "The philosophy of the core documentation is to collect common data and background information that can be shared among the countries requiring documentation, thus avoiding duplicate collection efforts and ensuring a coordinated approach to the analysis…"

Josh had fallen asleep three pages into the report. Now, two hours later, he woke to find the bed empty. He got up and wearily walked towards the sound of gentle tapping coming from the living room. Sam was sitting hunched over his laptop with a blanket around his shoulders. Josh went over and sat beside him, took the laptop away from Sam and pulled him into a hug.

"You need to see your doctor. I've tried everything I can think of. You just need to go get some sleeping pills or som-"

"No," Sam interrupted, "no pills. I've been down that road before and I don't want to get so I can't sleep without them again."

"Well what then? You can't go on like this."

"It will pass. It always does. When the speech is done I can spend all day in bed and you can read to me," Sam kissed Josh on his forehead, "and lull me to sleep with your," he kissed his cheek, "dulcet tones." He leaned further towards Josh as he finally landed a kiss on his lips. Josh pulled the comforter around them both and returned the kiss. They stayed like that for a while until Sam pulled away. "Go back to bed. Just because I can't sleep doesn't mean you shouldn't. Anyway it's adding to my stress knowing that I'm stopping you from sleeping as well."

"Come back with me." Josh said as he rose from the sofa.

"I'm actually getting some good work done here and I-"

"Just come and lie down at least. That way you'll be resting, you're just making yourself even more tired sitting doing this."

"At least I'm doing something. I can't lie staring at the ceil-"

"So close your eyes. Come on Sam you need to get some rest, besides you said you were getting stressed about me not sleeping and the sound of you tapping on that keyboard is going to keep me awake so you should-"

"Well cover your head with a fucking pillow then!" Sam shouted.

Josh took a step away and held up his hands in surrender. "Okay, okay! I'm going to bed now Mr Sudden Temper Flare-up, where apparently I've got to put a pillow over my head." Josh walked back over to the sofa and kissed Sam's head. "I can make myself an air hole though right, you don't actually want me to suffocate?"

Sam grabbed Josh's hand as he began to walk away. "I'll do this and then I'll come and lie in a horizontal position next to you and stare at the ceiling."

"Okay," Josh smiled and squeezed Sam's hand before letting go and walking back to the bedroom.

Toby waited as patiently as he could for the President to finish talking. He looked at Sam for some support but was unable to catch his eye, as his head was bent downwards looking at the folder in his lap.

"You say you don't want to use the word and then give me ten reasons why we should!" Toby challenged.

"It's not the word, it's the sentiment that bothers you. We can sit here and play virtual-scrabble, Toby, or we can get to the point- which is that you still think I shouldn't even mention them in the first place."

Toby cast another glance at Sam. He knew he agreed with him on this and couldn't understand why he wasn't joining in with the debate. He watched as Sam's head slipped even further downwards.

At this point, and prompted by a look from Leo, Josh decided it was time to step in, "Why can't we include them and admon-" Josh stopped as he felt Sam's head suddenly roll onto his shoulder. The warm room, endless conversation, comfortable sofa and knowledge that apart from Toby's quibbling the State of the Union was done, had all combined to create a perfect recipe for sleep. Josh didn't move. Part of him aware that falling asleep in the Oval office was almost as bad as shouting in it, but part of him relieved that Sam had finally managed to fall asleep at all. CJ, Toby, Leo and the President stared at Sam in various expressions of amusement and annoyance but before anyone could do or say anything Sam broke the silence that had fallen on the room.

"I'd like an apple, please," he mumbled sleepily.

Josh ignored CJ's snort of laughter and started to shake Sam's shoulder. In response Sam merely leaned further towards Josh.

"Wake up, buddy," Josh was careful to say buddy and not baby.

Sam slipped an arm across Josh's chest and moaned. "Five more minutes. we never sleep in anymore, Josh."

Josh was now frozen still. His hand was still on Sam's shoulder. This wasn't too bad, he told himself, they could explain this away.

Sam's arm that had been wrapped around Josh's chest now dropped down and encircled his waist, he burrowed his head beneath Josh's and let out a contented sigh. "Let me sleep, Josh," and the way Sam's head fit perfectly beneath Josh's left no doubt in anyone in the room that this was not a case of mistaken identity. Sam had definitely woken 'there' before.

Sam sensed something was not right. Josh was tense in his arms and he could hear his heart pounding furiously. Sam opened his eyes and tried to focus on the two black shiny objects that met his view, one of which was tapping up and down. Sam's eyes soon adjusted and told his brain he was looking at a pair of shoes. Sam's brain told him that was impossible because Sam's feet were not over there and neither were Josh's. Sam's eyes then told his brain that the shoes were resting on a thick blue carpet with an Eagle in its center. Again Sam's brain told him that this was impossible because there was only one room- Sam's brain finally yelled at him to move away from Josh as quickly as he could. He jerked upwards and the top of his head collided with Josh's jaw causing both men to gasp then moan.

It was the President who spoke first. "Sam?" he waited until Sam was looking at him, "Did you want an apple or were you just thinking out loud?"

Leo turned towards Bartlet. He couldn't believe he was reacting so calmly to what they had just witnessed. "Sir, would you like me to talk to Sam and Josh in my office?"

The President ignored him and walked towards Sam and Josh. "It's a fact that many of you know that the Eagle's head on this seal faces towards peace and not towards conflict," he paused and put his hands in his pockets. "I wonder if there's a rug with it facing something else when someone outs themselves in the Oval Office."

Leo sprung out of his seat. "Okay, I'm going to talk to Josh and Sam in my office."

Bartlet gestured for him to sit. "I'm going to the Residence why don't you all stay here and let Josh and Sam tell you all something that I've known for quite some time." He collected some files, yelled for Charlie and then left the room leaving its stunned occupants staring at the door as it closed behind him.

Toby stood up and walked around the two sofas. He rubbed at his forehead as he paced but returned to his seat without saying anything. CJ simply sat staring at Sam and Josh and shook her head and smiled. Leo didn't move, his gaze switched between the two men sitting in front of him and his anger was palpable.

After what seemed like perpetuity he leaned forward. "Please, for the love of all that is sane in this world, tell me that the President knows something freaky about you and apples, Sam."

"It's not about apples, Leo," Sam said and was pleased to find his voice sounded almost normal.

"Just so we're all straight-" Toby began but was cut off by CJ's burst of laughter. One look from Toby silenced her immediately.

"Just so we're all…clear on this, we are all talking about what I think we're talking about?"

"Well that depends what it is you're talking about, Toby, because if everybody starts adapting their vocabulary in order to discuss it I don't think we're going to get very far!" Josh said.

"I think we all know what we're talking about here," Leo said.

"And it's not apples," Sam added.

Josh closed his eyes and sighed before sitting back down next to Sam.

"How long?" Toby asked.

"Since 1998 off and on…more off than on…but for the past eight months we've been more on than off," Sam explained.

CJ counted back the months and tried to work out what had been going on eight months ago. When she had the month the rest fell into place. "When you found out about the MS."

"Well, when Sam found out if you want to be precise," Josh said.

"Who knows?" Leo asked.

"My family, Josh's family, Matt Skinner, mine and Josh's closest friends, oh, and a vending machine repair man in North Carolina, but we probably don't need to worry about him."

"And evidently the President," CJ added. "We probably do want to worry about him. How does he know anyway?"

Josh shook his head, it was a mystery to him as well but not as much as it was a shock discovering that he didn't seem to mind. He looked at Leo who was staring at the floor, deep in thought. Toby had returned to pacing and Josh sat back and waited for the next question.

"So what are we going to do?" Toby asked. "It's out now, so what are we going to do about it?"

"How is it out? Three more of our close friends know, that's all, are you seriously suggesting someone here is going to leak it?"

"Will you stop looking at this from Josh Lyman's point of view and look at it from the administration's? You kept this from us and up until today it if it had become a story it would have been about you two lying to us. Now the story is the administration keeping this a secret or deciding that this should be a secret." Toby stopped pacing and looked to Leo for support.

"Hold on," Josh jumped out of his seat. "We didn't lie-"

"I don't think Toby meant-" Leo began.

"No, we didn't lie and how the hell did we get to discussing damage control?"

"Because this could be damaging and we need to control it!" Toby shouted.

Leo glanced up at Josh's tense jaw and decided to turn the conversation to Sam. "How does Matt Skinner know?"

Josh tried to calm down as he waited for Sam to answer.

"Sam?" Leo prompted.

"He knows…he met…it was through Josh really," Sam sighed deeply and fell back against the sofa. "I can't do this now. I can't string a sentence together let alone think straight."

Josh immediately sat down and studied Sam. Without taking his eyes off him he announced, "We're going home. Sam's going to sleep then we'll come back." He grabbed hold of Sam's arm and pulled him up. "Toby, you wonder how you failed to notice that there was more to me and Sam than friendship and yet you hadn't noticed that for the past few days you've been working with the walking dead. Sam hasn't slept well for the past week and not at all for the past three nights so if you want my strategy here it is: I'm taking Sam home, he's going to sleep, we'll come back and then we'll talk." With that, Josh pulled at Sam and ushered him out of the room.