He Never Understood
~Hiei's POV~
"Kurama!" I cried out in my sleep and grasped for something outside my reach. Damn. I've been dreaming of that fool for days now. Next thing you know, it'll be years before I can erase him from my mind. But maybe, just maybe, I don't want to forget him.
?
~Kurama's POV~
Our little group had finished our battles and won our wars, and we went back to our normal lives. We, Yusuke, Kuwabara, Hiei and I grew closer during our journey. I'm glad peace is made in Makai and Ningenkai, but my heart rests unsettled. There's always this gnawing sensation that makes me feel like I'm missing something. My mother is fine, my family, the people I would die to protect are all okay. So why do I feel so empty inside? My heart aches every time I think back on those days when we were together. Something lays undone. I'm missing a very part of myself, but what?
I can't understand. It's only been a few days since I last saw them, frolicking on the sands by a beautiful sunset. I knew it was the end, but I felt happy that it was over and we were safe again. So why do I feel differently now? I'd much rather be in peril everyday with them than to be safe, and alone.
?
~Hiei's POV~
"Friends are a crutch for the weak, so damn it Hiei, stop thinking about them!" I shouted angrily to myself. Here I was again, back at that god forbidden tree where I last saw them together, under that ridiculous sunset. I'm alone again. None of them ever needed me. Yusuke has his mother and that silly girl. Yukina is safe with Genkai and the idiot.so maybe not entirely safe, but who am I to her anyway? She never knew, and telling her would only hurt the two of us. They're all fine. Kurama has his human family to look after. I like being alone. So why do I feel different now? There seems to be something I left unsaid that day.
"What are you staring at?" I growled a child who seemed to find me amusing to look at. Hn. The idiocy of this human world is getting to me. Kurama may have melted the ice off my heart, but this is certainly freezing me up again. Disgusted, I settle where I can think undisturbed. What was it about Kurama that makes me feel this way? I hate everybody. I only became partners with him so I didn't have to fight him, I assured myself. But no, he's not the same. No one has ever made me tingle inside like this. I don't know how to describe this.it's not hatred, so what can it be?
Sigh* I closed my eyes and fell back into the rhythm of a time not long passed, but already forgotten. Against my own wishes, I relived the last few moments.
?
~Kurama's POV~
"Shuuichi?" A voice snaps me out of my daydream. Immediately I think of Hiei and the others, mostly Hiei, but this tender voice belonged to my mother.
"Yes Mother?" I call back sweetly, deceiving once again. Oh well. Like she'd know what was troubling me.
"Oh Shuuichi. You look so sad these days. I never see you smile anymore, what happened?" She rested her gentle hands on my shoulders, the scars on her arms always reminding me of what I was tied down to.
"It's nothing you should concern yourself about." I lied, trying to seem calm, but there was a slight quiver in my voice.
"My boy, tell me what's the matter." She sat down besides me and held me in her arms, rocking like she used to long ago.
"I feel.different. There's something missing inside of me, ever since my um, friends left." I stammered.
"Oh Shuuichi, one of them must have been special to you." She ran her fingers through my hair. "When there's someone special to you, and you part, it always hurts. But in time, the hurt goes away."
"It hurts too much to bear. I used to never mind being lonely, but it's aching inside my very heart and soul."
"Did you tell them how you really felt? Or did you two leave, neither one understanding the bond you two had?"
"I never told him how I felt. He wouldn't have understood." I shook my head. Mother definitely did not understand Hiei.
"But if you had, at least you would leave with a sense of completeness. At least you would leave knowing that he knew too, whether he felt the same or not." She paused, noticing the pained expression on my face. "That's the problem isn't it? You weren't sure if he felt the same way back."
"It doesn't matter anymore, does it?" I snapped angrily, feeling the Youki inside of me burning up.
"Well Shuuichi, I only tried to help." She held me even closer. "I don't want you to grieve forever. If you can, tell him in any way possible how you feel. Don't be afraid. At least you will have gotten it out, and you will feel better."
"I can't."
"Then." She seemed uncomfortable.
"What? You want me to seem like nothing happened?" I tried to remain calm, this was my mother, the woman I vowed to make happy. A little part of her died to see me in pain, and when she was unhappy, I felt hurt inside.
"No. You must act like that on the outside, so you don't deteriorate. But in your heart, you must never forget him. If someone made you this sad just breaking away, then they really meant something, and you can never forget that." She smiled sadly. "Feel better my boy, ok?"
"I will. Don't worry mother." I forced a smile back. Flopping down on my bed I closed my eyes and envisioned the sunset once again. Once again I traveled back to that time.
~Hiei's POV~
"Kurama!" I cried out in my sleep and grasped for something outside my reach. Damn. I've been dreaming of that fool for days now. Next thing you know, it'll be years before I can erase him from my mind. But maybe, just maybe, I don't want to forget him.
?
~Kurama's POV~
Our little group had finished our battles and won our wars, and we went back to our normal lives. We, Yusuke, Kuwabara, Hiei and I grew closer during our journey. I'm glad peace is made in Makai and Ningenkai, but my heart rests unsettled. There's always this gnawing sensation that makes me feel like I'm missing something. My mother is fine, my family, the people I would die to protect are all okay. So why do I feel so empty inside? My heart aches every time I think back on those days when we were together. Something lays undone. I'm missing a very part of myself, but what?
I can't understand. It's only been a few days since I last saw them, frolicking on the sands by a beautiful sunset. I knew it was the end, but I felt happy that it was over and we were safe again. So why do I feel differently now? I'd much rather be in peril everyday with them than to be safe, and alone.
?
~Hiei's POV~
"Friends are a crutch for the weak, so damn it Hiei, stop thinking about them!" I shouted angrily to myself. Here I was again, back at that god forbidden tree where I last saw them together, under that ridiculous sunset. I'm alone again. None of them ever needed me. Yusuke has his mother and that silly girl. Yukina is safe with Genkai and the idiot.so maybe not entirely safe, but who am I to her anyway? She never knew, and telling her would only hurt the two of us. They're all fine. Kurama has his human family to look after. I like being alone. So why do I feel different now? There seems to be something I left unsaid that day.
"What are you staring at?" I growled a child who seemed to find me amusing to look at. Hn. The idiocy of this human world is getting to me. Kurama may have melted the ice off my heart, but this is certainly freezing me up again. Disgusted, I settle where I can think undisturbed. What was it about Kurama that makes me feel this way? I hate everybody. I only became partners with him so I didn't have to fight him, I assured myself. But no, he's not the same. No one has ever made me tingle inside like this. I don't know how to describe this.it's not hatred, so what can it be?
Sigh* I closed my eyes and fell back into the rhythm of a time not long passed, but already forgotten. Against my own wishes, I relived the last few moments.
?
~Kurama's POV~
"Shuuichi?" A voice snaps me out of my daydream. Immediately I think of Hiei and the others, mostly Hiei, but this tender voice belonged to my mother.
"Yes Mother?" I call back sweetly, deceiving once again. Oh well. Like she'd know what was troubling me.
"Oh Shuuichi. You look so sad these days. I never see you smile anymore, what happened?" She rested her gentle hands on my shoulders, the scars on her arms always reminding me of what I was tied down to.
"It's nothing you should concern yourself about." I lied, trying to seem calm, but there was a slight quiver in my voice.
"My boy, tell me what's the matter." She sat down besides me and held me in her arms, rocking like she used to long ago.
"I feel.different. There's something missing inside of me, ever since my um, friends left." I stammered.
"Oh Shuuichi, one of them must have been special to you." She ran her fingers through my hair. "When there's someone special to you, and you part, it always hurts. But in time, the hurt goes away."
"It hurts too much to bear. I used to never mind being lonely, but it's aching inside my very heart and soul."
"Did you tell them how you really felt? Or did you two leave, neither one understanding the bond you two had?"
"I never told him how I felt. He wouldn't have understood." I shook my head. Mother definitely did not understand Hiei.
"But if you had, at least you would leave with a sense of completeness. At least you would leave knowing that he knew too, whether he felt the same or not." She paused, noticing the pained expression on my face. "That's the problem isn't it? You weren't sure if he felt the same way back."
"It doesn't matter anymore, does it?" I snapped angrily, feeling the Youki inside of me burning up.
"Well Shuuichi, I only tried to help." She held me even closer. "I don't want you to grieve forever. If you can, tell him in any way possible how you feel. Don't be afraid. At least you will have gotten it out, and you will feel better."
"I can't."
"Then." She seemed uncomfortable.
"What? You want me to seem like nothing happened?" I tried to remain calm, this was my mother, the woman I vowed to make happy. A little part of her died to see me in pain, and when she was unhappy, I felt hurt inside.
"No. You must act like that on the outside, so you don't deteriorate. But in your heart, you must never forget him. If someone made you this sad just breaking away, then they really meant something, and you can never forget that." She smiled sadly. "Feel better my boy, ok?"
"I will. Don't worry mother." I forced a smile back. Flopping down on my bed I closed my eyes and envisioned the sunset once again. Once again I traveled back to that time.