Author's Notes. I received this review and I was slightly troubled about
it.
Actually it's my first pseudo flame, but on to more pressing matters, like my response.
From: Some rather upset H/G shippers (You don't even @ want to . know)
Have you ever heard of canon? You know, that set of rules that character's comply with? That includes being *in character*. Heard of that?
Yes, I have heard of Canon, which would be the first 5 books of the Harry Potter series. I have read them all. I have the Audio books as well that I have listened to on many occasions. This story was only a fantasy. I had been reading a book titled Under the Tuscan Sun at the time. Frances Mayes is a food and travel writer from San Francisco. In the book, she discusses food quite often. I was getting a little hungry and a little romantic at the same time. So, in my mind I conceived this little story about Harry and Ginny. It centered on Ginny having to cook for the family, which would include Harry.
Okay, we think Ginny had been dreaming of Harry at least for three years prior to what your fic says.
I mention in the story that Ginny is around 20 years old. Harry would be about 21. Since that is mentioned in the first paragraph of the short story, that would mean to me that Ginny had been interested in Harry since she was 10 years old. If canon and memory serve me correctly, she met Harry at King's Cross when she was 10 years old. I could be wrong, since according to you, I do not know Canon.
Secondly, who on earth says "Yummy?" I mean- come ON! Fangirls maybe... but then again, we don't have a very high opinion of them.
This was actually a throw back to when I was in High School. I had started dating my first serious boyfriend my sophomore year and ran in to him after he came off the football field. He only had on his undershirt and football pants. My first thought was, Yummy or I would love to have him on a silver platter. He was hot and sweaty, and terribly sexy at that moment. I thought that Ginny might have the same reaction to Harry as he stood there watching her.
And finally... Harry, dearie, does not randomly kiss girls cooking. Sorry. Maybe he ought to have a... dunno... thought process about what he was about to do?
"Harry gazed fixatedly as Ginny stuck a finger in to the sauce that she was making and she licked it off to taste it. Harry had become aroused watching Ginny work."
Maybe I am wrong in assuming that any thought process of the average male would have flown out the window at being aroused. Most men have only one thought at that moment, and talking or rational thought is not either of them. This whole thing comes down to desire. Ginny and Harry had been friends for a long time, so he wasn't kissing a random girl. This story is assuming that Voldemort is dead and that for the most part, Harry has had a normal life. He plays Quidditch, hangs out with his best friends, and enjoys the life he has. What is stopping him from going for it? Not a thing.
Okay. Now we must say, your vocabulary is excellent, and that's not something we say lightly.
Why, thank you. It's good to know that the money my father paid to send me to college was worth it.
The use of 'beating a tattoo' was great, except that it was the word "Yummy". (Shudders.) And your sentence structure is fine. You know, this did not start out too badly: we thought the summary was quite promising, and it has an okay premise. If you had forced the characters into doing things they wouldn't have done, or used some rather fan-girlish phrases, this would have been quite good.
As for Fan girlish phrases, I have no idea what you are talking about. I started writing fan fiction as a way to relax at something I love to do, which is write.
(Oh, and the canon problems, we forgot.) But this is an. Okay start. You just need some better material for your writing talents.
Yes, I am sure that my editor would agree with you on better material.
Good luck on your next venture! (If we didn't flame you too badly... does this even qualify as a flame? We said nice things too.)
If you want to check out some other stories I have written, just click my name.
Lastly, if you want to flame me in the future or you have something to say on the quality of my writing, I would prefer you at least identify yourself, but it seems that you didn't want me to know whom you are for what ever reason.
Actually it's my first pseudo flame, but on to more pressing matters, like my response.
From: Some rather upset H/G shippers (You don't even @ want to . know)
Have you ever heard of canon? You know, that set of rules that character's comply with? That includes being *in character*. Heard of that?
Yes, I have heard of Canon, which would be the first 5 books of the Harry Potter series. I have read them all. I have the Audio books as well that I have listened to on many occasions. This story was only a fantasy. I had been reading a book titled Under the Tuscan Sun at the time. Frances Mayes is a food and travel writer from San Francisco. In the book, she discusses food quite often. I was getting a little hungry and a little romantic at the same time. So, in my mind I conceived this little story about Harry and Ginny. It centered on Ginny having to cook for the family, which would include Harry.
Okay, we think Ginny had been dreaming of Harry at least for three years prior to what your fic says.
I mention in the story that Ginny is around 20 years old. Harry would be about 21. Since that is mentioned in the first paragraph of the short story, that would mean to me that Ginny had been interested in Harry since she was 10 years old. If canon and memory serve me correctly, she met Harry at King's Cross when she was 10 years old. I could be wrong, since according to you, I do not know Canon.
Secondly, who on earth says "Yummy?" I mean- come ON! Fangirls maybe... but then again, we don't have a very high opinion of them.
This was actually a throw back to when I was in High School. I had started dating my first serious boyfriend my sophomore year and ran in to him after he came off the football field. He only had on his undershirt and football pants. My first thought was, Yummy or I would love to have him on a silver platter. He was hot and sweaty, and terribly sexy at that moment. I thought that Ginny might have the same reaction to Harry as he stood there watching her.
And finally... Harry, dearie, does not randomly kiss girls cooking. Sorry. Maybe he ought to have a... dunno... thought process about what he was about to do?
"Harry gazed fixatedly as Ginny stuck a finger in to the sauce that she was making and she licked it off to taste it. Harry had become aroused watching Ginny work."
Maybe I am wrong in assuming that any thought process of the average male would have flown out the window at being aroused. Most men have only one thought at that moment, and talking or rational thought is not either of them. This whole thing comes down to desire. Ginny and Harry had been friends for a long time, so he wasn't kissing a random girl. This story is assuming that Voldemort is dead and that for the most part, Harry has had a normal life. He plays Quidditch, hangs out with his best friends, and enjoys the life he has. What is stopping him from going for it? Not a thing.
Okay. Now we must say, your vocabulary is excellent, and that's not something we say lightly.
Why, thank you. It's good to know that the money my father paid to send me to college was worth it.
The use of 'beating a tattoo' was great, except that it was the word "Yummy". (Shudders.) And your sentence structure is fine. You know, this did not start out too badly: we thought the summary was quite promising, and it has an okay premise. If you had forced the characters into doing things they wouldn't have done, or used some rather fan-girlish phrases, this would have been quite good.
As for Fan girlish phrases, I have no idea what you are talking about. I started writing fan fiction as a way to relax at something I love to do, which is write.
(Oh, and the canon problems, we forgot.) But this is an. Okay start. You just need some better material for your writing talents.
Yes, I am sure that my editor would agree with you on better material.
Good luck on your next venture! (If we didn't flame you too badly... does this even qualify as a flame? We said nice things too.)
If you want to check out some other stories I have written, just click my name.
Lastly, if you want to flame me in the future or you have something to say on the quality of my writing, I would prefer you at least identify yourself, but it seems that you didn't want me to know whom you are for what ever reason.