DISCLAIMER: STARGATE SG-1 doesn't belong to me, I didn't make it, I didn't make the characters, I didn't come up with the smart wormhole physics technobabble, hell I didn't even design the funky aliens…but I'm sure MGM & the Sci-fi Channel will let me borrow em for a couple of chapters to entertain u guys!

NAME: The Pineapple Incident

SEASON: 7

SPOILERS: All seasons in general

PAIRINGS: Sam/Jack, Daniel/Janet, Daniel/Other

SUMMARY: SG-12 bring back a strange object and Daniel must investigate. Meanwhile SG-5 bring back a Teal'c, Sam & Kawalsky from an Alternate Reality – how do the two things link? And who on Earth set it all up?

CHAPTER ONE

~*~*~*~*~*~

"UNAUTHORISED GATE ACTIVATION!"

"Yeah, yeah," Colonel Jack O'Neill sighed, looking over at his second-in-command Major Samantha Carter who was fiddling with some…object. "We know…"

"We should probably get down there, sir," Sam ignored his sarcasm.

Jack didn't want this moment interrupted. He happened to like sitting around in Sam's office watching her doing complicated scientist things he didn't understand. He didn't want to go out and find that the Tok'ra or something had contacted them with bad news. He was quite happy were he was.

"Do we have to?" he whined.

Sam smiled. "Yes, sir."

Jack groaned and pulled himself up off his chair. Sam put away her trinkets and then walked out of her lab, Jack following. They reached the Control Room which overlooked the Stargate. SG-12 was plodding through the gate.

"Oh, so no excitement then," Jack said, turning around to leave.

"Look, they've got something," Dr Daniel Jackson exclaimed, coming up behind them. "I wonder what it is."

Jack rolled his eyes and turned to Sam…but she'd already followed Daniel.

"Damnit," he mumbled, following them out of the control room.

Where was Teal'c when you needed him? Now he was all alone with two scientist. He reluctantly wandered into the gate room where Daniel was already all over the object SG-12 had just brought through the gate.

"What is it?" Sam asked.

"We're not sure, ma'am," Captain Peters replied. "We thought we'd leave that up to Dr Jackson to decipher."

Daniel looked up and raised his eyebrows. "What sort of society did you get this from?"

"Uh…" Captain Peters looked at his second-in-command for help.

She smiled and stepped forward. "It was some kind ancient Mayan civilisation as far as I could tell."

"Lieutenant, would you be able to meet me in my office later so we can discuss it further?" Daniel asked, still staring at the item he held in his hands.

"Sure thing, Dr," she replied, then she turned to Hammond. "Permission to clean up before debriefing sir?"

Hammond nodded. "Granted."

Jack turned to Sam and grinned to himself. She looked at him suspiciously.

"What're you smiling at?" she asked as Daniel and Lieutenant Shaw walked out of the Gateroom, still discussing the artefact.

"I wonder if Daniel has any idea how big a crush Lieutenant Shaw has had on him since the day she walked into this facility," Jack mused.

"She does?" Sam asked, looking after the two archaeologist. "You never told me that…"

Jack's grin spread. "Didn't I? I guess I figured you'd probably tell Frasier and we wouldn't want the good doctor getting jealous now would we?"

"What do you mean Janet would get jealous?" Sam defended her best friend. "Janet wouldn't care…"

"Ah, that's what you think Carter, I think you need to have a little talk to the Doc," Jack grinned, heading out of the Gateroom.

Sam was left standing alone, looking rather confused. Jack was halfway out of the room when he stopped and turned around.

"By the way Carter….well you know how Teal'c's away with SG-5 and how we're on downtime, was wondering if you wanted to leave your precious scientific work for a couple of days and accompany me fishing in Minnesota," Jack cringed, that sentence had dragged on far too much.

Sam smiled slightly to herself and looked at the floor. "You know I can't…"

"Why not?" Jack tried to play dumb.

"Colonel…you know…plus I can't now, not with the new artefact – Daniel might need my help to figure out what it's supposed to do," Sam said.

"I'm sure Daniel has all the help that he needs," Jack said.

"I'm sorry Colonel," Sam said, walking past him and out of the Gateroom.

Damnit, Jack thought to himself. He didn't know why he kept asking, he knew the answer would be no, he knew she couldn't say yes. But he'd dreamed about it so many times…and maybe one day she'd say yes.

Just then the Gate started dialling and the sirens went off again.

"UNAUTHORISED OFFWORLD ACTIVATION!"

"That's getting so old," Jack muttered, walking out of the Gateroom just in case it was some kind of Goa'uld attack.

The wormhole established and Walter Davies informed them that it was SG-5's IDC.

"Open the iris," Hammond said.

Jack decided he'd ask Teal'c to come fishing with him. Although the chances of him accepting yet again were even lower than Sam excepting for the first time. The iris opened and SG-5 and Teal'c stepped through. The only thing was that they had with them three other figures. Jack blinked and rubbed his eyes. Unless he was imagining things SG-5 had brought back two Teal'c's, a Kawalsky and a Carter.