[Disclaimer: this is probably one of the biggest copyright infringments in history. However, I'm not making any money off of this, so don't sue me if you happen to own any of the songs contained in the nest part of the story. Each song is noted as it's used to save space and my sanity.]
[Author's note: For the sake of making this scene less awkward to write and read, the rest will be done script-style. I'll note which song I'm parodying and character actions in brackets, the way I'm doing this note.]
["Tubthumping" by Chumbawumba]
Both:
We get knocked down, but we get up again!
You're never gonna keep us down!
We'll be singing when we're winning
We'll be singing…
[ALICE and MEGAVOLT stand back-to-back, their hands in a praying position. Song: "Come Sail Away" by Styx]
Alice:
I look to the sea.
Reflections in the waves spark my memory.
Some happy, some sad,
I think of childhood friends and the dreams we had.
[drum solo. ALICE and MEGAVOLT twirl around and resume position facing each other]
MEGAVOLT:
A gathering of light bulbs
Appeared above my head!
I listened to their words, whoa yeah,
And this is what they said:
BOTH:
They said, Come karaoke, come karaoke,
Sing along tonight!
Come karaoke, come karaoke,
Sing along tonight!!
[ad lib dance/acting thing going on. Song: "Ghostbusters"]
MEGAVOLT:
If there's something green in the neighborhood,
Who you gonna call?
ALICE:
Bushbusters!!
MEGAVOLT:
If there's something wet and it don't look good,
Who you gonna call?
ALICE:
Liquid-busters!!
[she cackles manically for effect. LIQUIDATOR shudders. Song: "I Don't Wanna Miss a Thing"]
MEGAVOLT: [as ALICE hums harmony in the background]
I've been kept awake just to hear you snoring!
[glares at QUACKY]
Hear you giggle when you're sleeping,
Wish I was far away, or dreaming.
I could spend my life to get you to surrender,
But you're lost to such logic forever!
Every moment away is a moment I treasure!
BOTH:
I wish I could close my eyes!
I wish I could fall asleep,
But you're noisy, duck!
And pretty soon you'll be out of luck!
'Cause even when I flee from you,
The thickest walls will never do,
You're still noisy, duck!
Pretty soon you'll be out of luck!
[ALICE runs off stage. The audience stares, shocked. Song: "I Will Survive"]
MEGAVOLT: [doing sarcastic dramatic motions]
At first I was afraid-I was petrified!
Kept thinkin' you could never live
Without me by your side.
But then I spent so many nights
Thinking how you did me wrong,
And I grew strong. I learned how to get along!
[ALICE runs back on. She is dressed to look like NEGADUCK and is dragging a wagon upon which three SCARECROWS are mounted, one for each of the audience members. The likeness is almost frightening. MEGAVOLT addresses NEGA-ALICE and the SCARECROWS]
Megavolt:
And so you're back from outer space!
I just walked in to find you here with those bored looks upon your faces.
I should have fried your stupid hat,
[zaps the QUACKY SCARECROW's hat]
I should have pruned your stupid roots
[zaps BUSHY SCARECROW's mount]
And as for water boy and Negs, I should have given you the boot!
[pretends to kick NEGA-ALICE. She takes the wagon and rushes off stage in mock fear]
You told me: Go! Walk out the door!
Just turn around now,
'Cause you're not welcome any more!
[ALICE returns in DARKWING costume]
Weren't you the one who tried to beat me? HA! Good-bye!
[takes out zapper gun. DARKWING ALICE cowers on the floor]
Did you think I'd crumble?
Did you think I'd lay down and die?
OH NO NOT I!!!
[DARKWING ALICE runs off stage]
I will survive!!!
As long as I know how to zap, I know I'll stay alive!
[what a dance he's doing!]
I've got all those banks to rob,
And then perhaps I'll get a job,
And I'll survive!
I will survive!
Hey hey!
[ALICE comes back and twirls to MEGAVOLT's side. Song: "Poetry in Motion" by Paul Kaufman/Mike Anthony]
ALICE:
When I see my Quacky, what do I see?
Poultry! Poultry in motion!
Poultry in motion prancing by my side!
Suspicious locomotion keeps my eyes open wide!
MEGAVOLT:
Poultry in motion, see the gentle sway
A fern out on a treetop would be Bushy's way.
I hate every movement, despise that rearranged
Duck in much need of improvement, Mr Bushy von Deranged!
[ALICE grabs two canes which are conveniently sitting nearby. She tosses one to MEGAVOLT and they dance with them. Song: "Mrs. Robinson" by Simon & Garfunkle]
BOTH:
Here's to you, Liquidator man.
Darkwing loves you more than you will know.
Whoa-whoa-whoa.
God bless your fleas, Liquidator man,
Heaven holds a place for them some day.
Hey-hey-hey… hey-hey-hey!
[MEGAVOLT pretends to be a drowning flea. BOTH toss their canes off stage. Song: "Show Me the Meaning of Being Lonely" by the Backstreet Boys]
ALICE:
Show me the meaning of being Quacky!
Is this the feeling of being wacky?
Tell me, just how old do you think you are??
Somewhere you missed something by far.
[Song: "The Sound of Silence" by Simon & Garfunkle]
MEGAVOLT:
Hello, Bushroot, my old friend.
Is fertilizer now a trend?
I see your leaves are turning slowly brown.
And did you think you'd take your date to town?
Just imagine, would your kids be white or green,
Or in between?
Would they know the sounds of Shakespeare?
[He poses and recites as ALICE keeps humming the music]
[spoken]
Hast thou not a green thumb, ye wily yak? And art thou not green everywhere else?
[he looks to QUACKY]
Dost thou not speak to thine own hand as if 'twere a Banana Head?
[and to LIQUIDATOR]
And thou fair fool! Thou art all wet!
[he proceeds to insult them in Shakespearian for several more minutes, then ALICE stops humming and he music changes! Song: "That Don't Impress Me Much" by Shaniah Twain]
ALICE:
I know a few guys who think they're pretty smart.
You all have idiocy down to an art.
MEGAVOLT:
You may think you're geniuses, but that ain't it at all!
Your regular incompetence just drives me up the wall!
BOTH:
Oh-oo-oh, you think you're special!
Oh-oo-oh, you think you're something else!
ALICE:
Okay, so you're supervillians.
That don't impress us much. [MEGAVOLT does the "ah-ah-awoo" thing]
So you've got the powers! Do you have the touch?
MEGAVOLT:
Now don't get us wrong, yeah we think you're all jerks.
But that won't keep you safe from the Darkwing Duck that lurks,
That don't impress us much!
BOTH:
Ah-ah-awoo!
[The music stops. ALICE and MEGAVOLT pose center stage with their arms crossed, quite literally looking down upon their audience. The latter is speechless, trying to decide what to make of the situation. The WRITER switches back to narrative style.]
Ah, that's better. Anyway… The sound of applause suddenly drifted from the back of the theatre. All eyes darted instinctively to the source of the sound. They were dismayed to see none other than Negaduck strolling down the center isle.
"Impressive! Very impressive!" he said, smiling devilishly. "What a splendid plan of revenge! You may make a good villain yet, Sparky." Negaduck hopped onto the stage. The audience now cowered before him. He glared at them, then pointed to the doors. "OUT!"
They were gone in a flash. Megavolt grabbed Alice's hand and was about to follow, but Negaduck stopped them. "Wait just a moment, Sparky!"
Megavolt turned, cringing with fear. "Yes, boss?" he said timidly.
"Aren't you going to introduce me to your lady friend?" He smiled at Alice.
"Oh! This is Alice Marten. She and I have been friends for a long time."
Negaduck took Alice's hand and kissed it. "Charmed," he said suavely. Alice nodded in return.
"A pleasure, I'm sure," she answered politely.
Negaduck straightened up, his attention turned to Megavolt. "This is one of the finest schemes I've seen you pull off, Sparky," he said, meaning every word but keeping a harsh tone. "Keep it up."
With that, he turned and marched right back out the way he came, presumably to continue chewing out the other three. When he had gone, Alice turned to Megavolt.
"**What** was that guy??" she demanded.
"Negaduck. Our boss."
"Eeeeewww… Thinks he's good with we females, doesn't he?"
Megavolt nodded. "I think he pays the ones that go with him."
"He'd have to," Alice agreed. They stood in silence a moment, the Alice said, chuckling, "That **was** a pretty good scheme we pulled off."
"Yeah. Did you see the look on Liquidator's face when we started singing about his fleas?? That was great!!" They both laughed, remembering the performance.
Alice glanced at her watch. "It's getting late," she said. "I'd better get back home, or that guy who lives across the hall from me will call my mother and tell her I'm out 'fooling around' again."
"Oh alright, but wait a minute, I've got one more song… **Our** song." Megavolt typed some instructions into the machine, and a familiar tune came flowing out in flute and piano. ["That's What Friends Are For"] Megavolt began: "And I never thought I'd feel this way, and as far as I'm concerned I'm glad I've had the chance to say that I do believe I love you."
Alice continued. "And if I should ever go away, well then close your eyes and try to feel the way I do today, and then if you can remember,"
Megavolt joined in, and they sang the chorus of their song together. "Keep smiling, keep shining, knowing you can always count on me. For sure. That's what friends are for. For good times, and bad times, I'll be on your side forever more. That's what friends are for!"
Alice hugged her friend as the music faded. "Sputterspark, you're somethin' else."
"Alice," he answered, "You are too. You're my best friend."
"And you're mine," she said. "Tales of Wonderland are told 'til the fire burns down to a sparky ember. But after your fairy tales grow old, I'll be the Alice to remember. Good night, Sputterspark."
"Good night, Alice." Megavolt watched as Alice grabbed her sketchbook from the top of the karaoke machine and scuttled out the door. Tomorrow, he thought to himself, was another night for scheming.
…end…
[Author's note: For the sake of making this scene less awkward to write and read, the rest will be done script-style. I'll note which song I'm parodying and character actions in brackets, the way I'm doing this note.]
["Tubthumping" by Chumbawumba]
Both:
We get knocked down, but we get up again!
You're never gonna keep us down!
We'll be singing when we're winning
We'll be singing…
[ALICE and MEGAVOLT stand back-to-back, their hands in a praying position. Song: "Come Sail Away" by Styx]
Alice:
I look to the sea.
Reflections in the waves spark my memory.
Some happy, some sad,
I think of childhood friends and the dreams we had.
[drum solo. ALICE and MEGAVOLT twirl around and resume position facing each other]
MEGAVOLT:
A gathering of light bulbs
Appeared above my head!
I listened to their words, whoa yeah,
And this is what they said:
BOTH:
They said, Come karaoke, come karaoke,
Sing along tonight!
Come karaoke, come karaoke,
Sing along tonight!!
[ad lib dance/acting thing going on. Song: "Ghostbusters"]
MEGAVOLT:
If there's something green in the neighborhood,
Who you gonna call?
ALICE:
Bushbusters!!
MEGAVOLT:
If there's something wet and it don't look good,
Who you gonna call?
ALICE:
Liquid-busters!!
[she cackles manically for effect. LIQUIDATOR shudders. Song: "I Don't Wanna Miss a Thing"]
MEGAVOLT: [as ALICE hums harmony in the background]
I've been kept awake just to hear you snoring!
[glares at QUACKY]
Hear you giggle when you're sleeping,
Wish I was far away, or dreaming.
I could spend my life to get you to surrender,
But you're lost to such logic forever!
Every moment away is a moment I treasure!
BOTH:
I wish I could close my eyes!
I wish I could fall asleep,
But you're noisy, duck!
And pretty soon you'll be out of luck!
'Cause even when I flee from you,
The thickest walls will never do,
You're still noisy, duck!
Pretty soon you'll be out of luck!
[ALICE runs off stage. The audience stares, shocked. Song: "I Will Survive"]
MEGAVOLT: [doing sarcastic dramatic motions]
At first I was afraid-I was petrified!
Kept thinkin' you could never live
Without me by your side.
But then I spent so many nights
Thinking how you did me wrong,
And I grew strong. I learned how to get along!
[ALICE runs back on. She is dressed to look like NEGADUCK and is dragging a wagon upon which three SCARECROWS are mounted, one for each of the audience members. The likeness is almost frightening. MEGAVOLT addresses NEGA-ALICE and the SCARECROWS]
Megavolt:
And so you're back from outer space!
I just walked in to find you here with those bored looks upon your faces.
I should have fried your stupid hat,
[zaps the QUACKY SCARECROW's hat]
I should have pruned your stupid roots
[zaps BUSHY SCARECROW's mount]
And as for water boy and Negs, I should have given you the boot!
[pretends to kick NEGA-ALICE. She takes the wagon and rushes off stage in mock fear]
You told me: Go! Walk out the door!
Just turn around now,
'Cause you're not welcome any more!
[ALICE returns in DARKWING costume]
Weren't you the one who tried to beat me? HA! Good-bye!
[takes out zapper gun. DARKWING ALICE cowers on the floor]
Did you think I'd crumble?
Did you think I'd lay down and die?
OH NO NOT I!!!
[DARKWING ALICE runs off stage]
I will survive!!!
As long as I know how to zap, I know I'll stay alive!
[what a dance he's doing!]
I've got all those banks to rob,
And then perhaps I'll get a job,
And I'll survive!
I will survive!
Hey hey!
[ALICE comes back and twirls to MEGAVOLT's side. Song: "Poetry in Motion" by Paul Kaufman/Mike Anthony]
ALICE:
When I see my Quacky, what do I see?
Poultry! Poultry in motion!
Poultry in motion prancing by my side!
Suspicious locomotion keeps my eyes open wide!
MEGAVOLT:
Poultry in motion, see the gentle sway
A fern out on a treetop would be Bushy's way.
I hate every movement, despise that rearranged
Duck in much need of improvement, Mr Bushy von Deranged!
[ALICE grabs two canes which are conveniently sitting nearby. She tosses one to MEGAVOLT and they dance with them. Song: "Mrs. Robinson" by Simon & Garfunkle]
BOTH:
Here's to you, Liquidator man.
Darkwing loves you more than you will know.
Whoa-whoa-whoa.
God bless your fleas, Liquidator man,
Heaven holds a place for them some day.
Hey-hey-hey… hey-hey-hey!
[MEGAVOLT pretends to be a drowning flea. BOTH toss their canes off stage. Song: "Show Me the Meaning of Being Lonely" by the Backstreet Boys]
ALICE:
Show me the meaning of being Quacky!
Is this the feeling of being wacky?
Tell me, just how old do you think you are??
Somewhere you missed something by far.
[Song: "The Sound of Silence" by Simon & Garfunkle]
MEGAVOLT:
Hello, Bushroot, my old friend.
Is fertilizer now a trend?
I see your leaves are turning slowly brown.
And did you think you'd take your date to town?
Just imagine, would your kids be white or green,
Or in between?
Would they know the sounds of Shakespeare?
[He poses and recites as ALICE keeps humming the music]
[spoken]
Hast thou not a green thumb, ye wily yak? And art thou not green everywhere else?
[he looks to QUACKY]
Dost thou not speak to thine own hand as if 'twere a Banana Head?
[and to LIQUIDATOR]
And thou fair fool! Thou art all wet!
[he proceeds to insult them in Shakespearian for several more minutes, then ALICE stops humming and he music changes! Song: "That Don't Impress Me Much" by Shaniah Twain]
ALICE:
I know a few guys who think they're pretty smart.
You all have idiocy down to an art.
MEGAVOLT:
You may think you're geniuses, but that ain't it at all!
Your regular incompetence just drives me up the wall!
BOTH:
Oh-oo-oh, you think you're special!
Oh-oo-oh, you think you're something else!
ALICE:
Okay, so you're supervillians.
That don't impress us much. [MEGAVOLT does the "ah-ah-awoo" thing]
So you've got the powers! Do you have the touch?
MEGAVOLT:
Now don't get us wrong, yeah we think you're all jerks.
But that won't keep you safe from the Darkwing Duck that lurks,
That don't impress us much!
BOTH:
Ah-ah-awoo!
[The music stops. ALICE and MEGAVOLT pose center stage with their arms crossed, quite literally looking down upon their audience. The latter is speechless, trying to decide what to make of the situation. The WRITER switches back to narrative style.]
Ah, that's better. Anyway… The sound of applause suddenly drifted from the back of the theatre. All eyes darted instinctively to the source of the sound. They were dismayed to see none other than Negaduck strolling down the center isle.
"Impressive! Very impressive!" he said, smiling devilishly. "What a splendid plan of revenge! You may make a good villain yet, Sparky." Negaduck hopped onto the stage. The audience now cowered before him. He glared at them, then pointed to the doors. "OUT!"
They were gone in a flash. Megavolt grabbed Alice's hand and was about to follow, but Negaduck stopped them. "Wait just a moment, Sparky!"
Megavolt turned, cringing with fear. "Yes, boss?" he said timidly.
"Aren't you going to introduce me to your lady friend?" He smiled at Alice.
"Oh! This is Alice Marten. She and I have been friends for a long time."
Negaduck took Alice's hand and kissed it. "Charmed," he said suavely. Alice nodded in return.
"A pleasure, I'm sure," she answered politely.
Negaduck straightened up, his attention turned to Megavolt. "This is one of the finest schemes I've seen you pull off, Sparky," he said, meaning every word but keeping a harsh tone. "Keep it up."
With that, he turned and marched right back out the way he came, presumably to continue chewing out the other three. When he had gone, Alice turned to Megavolt.
"**What** was that guy??" she demanded.
"Negaduck. Our boss."
"Eeeeewww… Thinks he's good with we females, doesn't he?"
Megavolt nodded. "I think he pays the ones that go with him."
"He'd have to," Alice agreed. They stood in silence a moment, the Alice said, chuckling, "That **was** a pretty good scheme we pulled off."
"Yeah. Did you see the look on Liquidator's face when we started singing about his fleas?? That was great!!" They both laughed, remembering the performance.
Alice glanced at her watch. "It's getting late," she said. "I'd better get back home, or that guy who lives across the hall from me will call my mother and tell her I'm out 'fooling around' again."
"Oh alright, but wait a minute, I've got one more song… **Our** song." Megavolt typed some instructions into the machine, and a familiar tune came flowing out in flute and piano. ["That's What Friends Are For"] Megavolt began: "And I never thought I'd feel this way, and as far as I'm concerned I'm glad I've had the chance to say that I do believe I love you."
Alice continued. "And if I should ever go away, well then close your eyes and try to feel the way I do today, and then if you can remember,"
Megavolt joined in, and they sang the chorus of their song together. "Keep smiling, keep shining, knowing you can always count on me. For sure. That's what friends are for. For good times, and bad times, I'll be on your side forever more. That's what friends are for!"
Alice hugged her friend as the music faded. "Sputterspark, you're somethin' else."
"Alice," he answered, "You are too. You're my best friend."
"And you're mine," she said. "Tales of Wonderland are told 'til the fire burns down to a sparky ember. But after your fairy tales grow old, I'll be the Alice to remember. Good night, Sputterspark."
"Good night, Alice." Megavolt watched as Alice grabbed her sketchbook from the top of the karaoke machine and scuttled out the door. Tomorrow, he thought to himself, was another night for scheming.
…end…