deus ex machina
the first day of divinity school they told lucy camden god has all the answers. just like that, simple as a prayer. what with lucy's father being a reverend, you might think that she knew this already but in the camden house they must ask different questions. lucy's mom taught her a long time ago that babies are the answer to any question known to man. it works like this:
blessed is the fruit of thy womb
1. you are nineteen, you lack direction. get pregnant. (matt)
2. your husband suggests you get a job. get pregnant. (mary)
3. your sister has a baby, your parents pay too much attention to her. get pregnant. (lucy)
4. you catch your husband looking at other women. get pregnant. (simon)
5. you get careless. get pregnant. (ruthie)
6. & 7. you disown children, need replacements. get pregnant. (sam & david)
8. you're insecure about menopause. adopt. (robbie)
9. you're bored. adopt. (ben)
10. your husband needs surgery. adopt. (kevin)
as it was, so shall it be, forever and ever amen.
so there you are, lucy camden, and you're bored and lonely and scared, and you don't know what to do. if you were anyone else you could drink, do drugs, drive too fast in your car, say mean things to people, cut yourself.
bless me father for I have sinned it has been thirty seconds since my last confession
but you are who you are and you're not even smart enough to want to be someone else. so you go to your so-wise father to ask him for advice.
our father who art in heaven hallowed be thy name
and he tells you you're acting like a fool, what wouldn't he give to have your chances, and you ask your husband and he tells you he didn't marry you to listen to you talk and you hate your school and you hate your future and most of all you hate yourself and finally you ask your mother and she says lucy camden what have I always told you a woman has a certain destiny and it is this:
get married. (check) please your husband. (check) have babies ( )blessusolordandthesethygiftswhichweareabouttoreceivethroughthybountyandchristourlordamen.