I hope I didn't mess up with the characters much. This fic is a multi-parted fic, but it wont be very long. It's actually inspired on another fic, but I can't thank the author properly for the idea, nor apologize for ripping off her story, until it's over, because it'd spoil the surprise. I promise I will thank her in due time.
Another thing, if anyone's reading my CCS fic, I won't update until someone reviews. I think people must have gotten the wrong idea with that fic, and that's why it's a failure. I guess, if I ever finish it, I'll know for sure.
I hope you like, I hope you review, I hope this is not too long an a/n.
I don't own anything, not even my clothes.
Enjoy!
A DEVIL'S THRILL
It hurt. Every noise, every unsuspected movement of his head; everything just worsened the sting behind his eyes. He should haveknown better by now. Seventy years of pulling this stunt every week, knowing full well that Monday would be hell, and yet he kept doing it.
"Baka no Tsusuki." he whined/whispered.
Slow, carefully calculated steps led him through the Shokan division building's halls. Other Shinigami passed his way but he didn't acknowledge them. His primal concern was to get to his office undetected by Tatsumi, who'd probably give him hell... again.
His former partner knew him better than anyone, with the possible exception of Konoe, and he was sure he wouldn't be able to lie through his teeth as he did with Hisoka when he asked him- 'cause he knew he'd ask him- why he'd gotten himself drunk the night before.
Lying was becoming both a habit and absolutely useless at the same time. Everyone, including the people who didn't know him too well, knew what had happened in Kyoto. It wouldn't take a genius to put two and two together and figure out that he wasn't coping as well as he told everyone.
"Next time I try to off myself, I'll do it in private," he thought bitterly.
The fact that he thought there would be a next time wasn't comforting. Was there ever going to be a time when he didn't feel like this? So disgusting and unworthy of the affection everyone had for him? So dangerous?
It was a matter of time before they realised what a monster he was. The problem was that in Enmachou, people really seemed to take an awful lot of time before realising about anything.
"Just look at Watari and Tatsumi," he muttered with a smirk.
Oh, like he was one to talk.
But he didn't have time to let that thought develop. He opened the door to his office, after taking a minute or so to place that carefully designed mask of happiness on his face.
"Ohayou, Hisoka-kun!" he cheered.
Hisoka lifted his eyes from his paperwork and focused a severe, scolding glare on him.
"You're late, as usual."
Usually he wouldn't care about Hisoka doing all his paper work. Today, it was just another reminder of how much of a burden he really was. He slumped on his chair with a vague, apologetic smile.
"I'm sorry," he said softy, avoiding Hisoka's eyes. If he'd seen his partner's face, he'd seen the startled look he gave him.
"Tsusuki?"
The questioning tone of his partner helped his mood sink a few feet lower; now he'd managed to worry him. He managed to place the most infuriating smile on his face; the one that he knew would annoy Hisoka to death, and laughed.
"I just have a hangover. I guess I should stop drinking on Sunday, ne?"
Hisoka rolled his eyes.
"Drunk," the younger man muttered, focusing his attention back to the files.
Hisoka was at a loss. Ever since Kyoto, Tsusuki hadn't been the same. Or maybe he had, but it was just now that he could see through the lie. That said a lot about his empathic abilities, didn't it?
The worst part was that he couldn't just talk to him. Partly because he knew Tsusuki wouldn't open up; he was the kind of guy who thought that sharing his problems was passing them to others, and he didn't realise that attitude only helped worrying everyone even more. But Hisoka himself couldn't go pass his inability to express his feelings. He couldn't level with Tsusuki; tell him how worried he really was.
His thoughts were interrupted by the door opening. Hisoka looked up to greet the new comer, who this time happened to be Watari, wearing a cheerful smile.
"Konnichi wa Hisoka-kun, Tsusuki-san." the scientist bowed gracefully.
"Konnichi wa Watari-san," the younger of the three said, a smile creeping to his face.
Watari's cheerfulness was very contagious when it wasn't dangerous and, since last week the crazy scientist had turned Tatsumi into a cat for an entire day and all research was absolutely forbidden until further notice, Hisoka felt it was safe to be near the genki blond.
Tsusuki lazily waved hello from his desk and groaned. His face was buried in his folded arms.
"Partied too much last night, Tsusuki?" The mass of brown hair moved up and down slowly, so Hisoka, as well as Watari, assumed Tsusuki was nodding. "I have just the thing to cheer you up!"
In spite of the throbbing headache, Tsusuki couldn't help to rise his gaze in fear. Wasn't Watari supposed to be banned from the lab, therefore from creating anything that would "cheer him up"?
He glanced at Hisoka, who was wearing a preoccupied frown. The younger man returned the glance equally scared.
"N-nani?" Tsusuki stammered.
Watari beamed.
"I have wonderful news!" the scientist gracefully and somewhat suggestively sat himself on Tsusuki's desk and crossed his legs. He then proceeded to lower his face mere inches away from Tsusuki's. "You have a visitor!" he whispered.
This was unacceptable. It was down right outrageous!
Tatsumi was pissed.
A human... human, on Meifuu; and for a social visit?! Maybe Konoe was going senile. Could shinigamis go senile?
Well, he thought, it wasn't that bad. The boy had already been there once and Tatsumi had no reasons to mistrust him. Besides, it may be just what Tsusuki needed to feel better.
Hadn't it been Hijiri the one to help him last time he had let himself fall into depression? This was a little different; worse, but the shadow master didn't think it could hurt to give it a try. Still, if Konoe was senile that would mean a juicy raiseto his pay check when he got the promotion. Maybe he should still suggest to Enma to retire the old man.
Hijiri had said he was there to visit Kazusa, but one look at the boy's face when Watari suggested he'd pay a visit to Tsusuki had been enough to guess his real reasons. Not that he blamed him; Tsusuki could be quite the charmer. He shook the memories of a certain dark haired man in a certain hot spring and opened the door to Watari's lab. He was thereto make sure there were no experiments in process and, while he was at it, pay a visit to the blond man. Instead of his cheerful friend, hewas welcomedby a pair of round, inquiring eyes.
"Don't look at me like that," he whispered. "It wasn't my fault I attacked you. Blame your master."
003 still sported a bandaged wing and Tatsumi thanked for the thousand time he still had both his eyes and couldn't remember anything from his death match with the owl a week before. He sat on a chair, purposely ignoring the bird'sunfriendly stare as he waited for Watari. Tatsumi, out of having anything better to do, began to study his surroundings. Watari wasn't what one could call organized, exactly. Actually, everything was quite messy; but Tatsumi had to admit the mess was not unpleasant, it was almost feminine; delicate and most definitively Watari-like. He wasn't sure what was more surprising, that a room could say so much about someone, or that he knew Watari well enough to recognise him in his laboratory.
The man in question walked in and, far from being his usual cheerful self, Tatsumi noted helooked quiteworried.
"Watari-san," he greeted the other man, standing up and bowing slightly.
The blond man seemed startled upon hearing his voice, which confirmed to Tatsumi that his friend was indeed worried, because he hadn't seen him sitting there as soon as he had entered.
"Oh, Tatsumi-san! You scared me!" Watari laughed with a hand close to his heart.
Tatsumi wondered if it was a condition to become a shinigami to be able to hide one's feelings. God only knew how good he'd got at it through the years.
"Gomen, Watari. I was just doing my daily inspection and I thought I'd wait for you to see how things had gone with Tsusuki..." he paused and looked down. "I guess it didn't go well?"
Watari waved him off with a smile.
"No, it was ok. Hijiri-kun and Tsusuki-san are talking outside as we speak." He shook his head and motioned at his stuff. "And, as you can see, I've been a good boy. You may wanna consider an early release?"
Tatsumi snorted.
"Maybe; and maybe it'll snow in hell."
"Oh." Watari pouted.
Tatsumi shook his head, amused.
"Now, now..." he patted Watari's back. "So..." He sobered up a little and looked at his friend with a concerned expression. "...uhm... How was Tsusuki-san this morning?"
Watari sighed and took off his glasses to clean them.
"Same as yesterday, and the day before that, and the day before that..." The scientist looked at the door of the lab with a wistful expression. "And Hisoka doesn't seem to be helping," he said rather frustrated.
Tatsumi raised an eyebrow.
"What do you mean? Hisoka has tried to help him as much as he could. Everyone has!"
With a weary smile, Watari shook his head.
"I know that. But I also know he needs more than that. He needs someone to show him that he's loved and that he deserves it. Maybe I..." Watari's face saddened a little. "...maybe I'm wrong in assuming Hisoka is the one for the job though. Maybe you..."
For some reason, Tatsumi felt a lump forming in his throat. He couldn't lie to Watari and tell him that he didn't love Tsusuki. He did, and had loved the other man for a long time, but having Watari next to him, with that look on his face that he so much wanted to believe it meant something, Tsusuki was the last thing on his mind. Acting on impulse- something he very rarely did- Tatsumi tucked a lock of the beautiful blond hair behind Watari's ear. The blond man looked up, shocked, and locked eyes with him.
Tatsumi shook himself from his dazed state and smile sheepishly, walking towards the door.
"Well, I have work to do. Remember to stay away from any chemicals until I tell you otherwise."
Watari gave him his brightest smile.
"I don't know why you're so angry. You were so cute as a kitten!"
The shadow master would have blushed, if he had been able to, and decided to leave as fast as he could, before Watari said something that would embarrass him further.
The Sakura petals flowed softly around them, perfuming the air of that eternal spring that was Meifuu. Hijiri and Tsusuki had walked in comfortable silence for a while, but the younger man wanted to know why his friend looked so gloomy so, as much as it seemed wrong to break that silence, he spoke.
"You don't look so good," he said, not really passing judgement or inquiring, just stating a truth.
Tsusuki looked at him smiling slightly.
"I was wondering when you were going to ask."
"What do you mean?" Hijiri asked curiously.
"I know why you came. I'm not stupid. A human on Meifuu, for a social visit? Tell me, did you have a hard time finding the entrance?"
There was the slightest hint of spite in Tsusuki's voice, as well as a healthy dose of sarcasm,that caused Hijiri tofrown.
"Kazusa sent for me. Of course I couldn't have come here on my own, but since I was here I thought I'd pay you a visit. Am I bothering you?"
Hijiri heard Tsusuki sigh. He noticed for the first time that the older man had not looked at him directly in the eye once in all the time they been together and started to wonder if there wasn't something seriously wrong with him. The little time they'd spent together before that dayhad been enough for Hijiri to learn how sensitive Tsusuki was, in spite his carefree appearance.
"Of course you're not bothering me," Tsusuki said softly. "I just don't like being tricked. I wouldn't have minded if you'd been honest with me. You could have told me why they'd sent for you."
The younger man stopped and took hold of Tsusuki's arm, forcing him to face him.
"Apparently you seem to think there's another reason for me to be here. Unfortunately I ignore it. Why don't you tell me why I'm here?"
Tsusuki's shoulders slumped. He had done it. 'Good for you, baka!' he thought. Not only he'd been rude to his friend, now he'd have to explain where all that load of crap had come from. He could tell now that Hijiri didn't know what he was talking about. He sighed again and motioned to the nearest tree so they could sit down and talk. Maybe it would be a good thing. He'd meant to talk to someone for a while, but no one in the Shokan division could really hear what he wanted to say.
They both sat under the protective shadow of an old tree; Tsusuki purposely avoiding Hijiri's concerned stare. Those green eyes filled with worry and affection; he wanted to see that so much; that same face, those same eyes, but another soul, and he couldn't bare the similarity.
"So, you don't know?" Tsusuki whispered. Hijiri seemed to sense the seriousness of the topic, because he just nodded, compelling him to continue and took his hand in his. The older man cleared his throat. "I... I tried to kill myself a while back and..." Tsusuki winced when he heard the sharp intake of breath coming from his companion.
"Why?" Hijiri asked. His voice was filled with hurt and a quiet desperation.
"That's not important," the shinigami said hastily. "It's just that...now everyone treats me like I'm going to break and..."
"Do you still want to... to die?" Hijiri averted his eyes from his friend's face, afraid of hearingthe answer. His fears apparently, were well founded.
"Yes," Tsusuki answered, determined. He then shrugged and smiled. "But I'm not going to do anything. I promised Hisoka I wouldn't."
Relief washed over Hijiri.
"Oh, that's good. You need to find something to cling to, I guess... I don't know."
Tsusuki's face saddened. It was now or never. He had to tell someone or he'd go mad.
"I just don't think it's fair," he whispered. Hijiri frowned.
"What isn't?"
"Me, having to stay here, when I'm so tired of this; of living, out of a promise I made to someonewho hates me."
Hijiri shook his head fervently.
"He doesn't hate you! Why would you think that? I remember the way he almost dies to get you off that demon's claws!"
Tsusuki snorted.
"He certainly seems determined to keep me here, that's for sure; but he doesn't even like me! He thinks I'm useless, a drunk, an idiot!" Tsusuki's voice was starting to falter. "The worst of it is that he's right."
Before he had time to protest, Tsusuki found himself trapped in a firm embrace. The arms weren't that strong, but not because of that the embrace was any less comforting, and he buried his face on the younger man's chest, wondering why the tears wouldn't come out.
"I don't care what you think, what anyone thinks, I love you. Please don't leave me." Hijiri whispered pleadingly into his ear, comfortingly stroking his hair. Tsusuki tightened the embrace, circling Hijiri's waist with his arms as if he was his life line. He was, in a way, Tsusuki mused.
A few feet away, behind one of the trees near them, a pair of green eyes had witnessed the scene, and now they were clouded with tears.
TBC