Okee-day, peeps. This is a B/A fic, and one of few fics I've actually
completed. Aren't you happy? I'm posting it! YAY!!! ^.^ anyways, its
that one episode in, what, season two? The one where angel and buffy. and
then angel. yeah. I didn't like the way joss whedon did it (and don't get
me wrong, the did is good), so I did it how I thought it would be good.
Only it didn't turn out quite the way I wanted it too. oh well.
Disclaimer: if you recognize it, it's not mine. if you DO recognize it, it IS mine. quite a simple concept, isn't it?
"Love Deserved"
Buffy and Angel slept peacefully in each other's arms as lightning flashed and thunder rolled outside in the night. Angel stirred slightly as a particularly loud crash of thunder sounded, growing in momentum as though signifying a drumroll of doom. He suddenly gasped, softly, and his face contorted in pain. He tried to get up, away from Buffy, not knowing what was happening, but he was too weak. Unneeded gasping breaths shuddered through Angel's lungs as the thunder outside and the pain inside built. As the storm released it's pent up tension in a fury of light and power, a light shone in Angel's eyes, and a last shuddering breath of pain escaped his lips, and was gone.
Now he had the strength to stand, but he saw no need. The pain was gone, and he was fully awake and in control of himself again. He turned his head to the delicate figure still sleeping peacefully beside him. A cruel smirk grew on his lips, but if Buffy had looked, she would have seen the love for her reflecting in his onyx eyes. A new rumble of thunder above them caused Buffy to stir slightly, though she did not wake; instead she rolled over, her back facing him. He scooted over to wrap his arms around her and bring her closer to him, and Buffy sank into his embrace. For a few moments he simply held her and breathed in the unique scent of her body, listened to her heart pump beneath his chest, felt her pulse beat against his bare skin next to hers.
After a few moments, he lowered his head to her neck and began to draw light kisses along the tender skin between her jaw and her shoulder. Buffy sighed and settled deeper into his arms. He brushed her blonde hair off her shoulder with his face, still pressing his lips softly against her neck. He stopped for a moment, waiting, then rested his forehead in the curve between her neck and her shoulder. With his face pressed lightly into Buffy's neck, he shifted to game face. He softly ran his fangs along the smooth tanned skin, searching for the perfect place to mark her. But, once he had found it, he hesitated.
Even now, he loved her. Even without his soul. Both the demon and the human had come to feel so strongly for this Slayer, and even as he hated her for making him feel that way, he knew that he would die before he hurt her or let someone else hurt her. No matter how much he wanted to bite her, kill her, Sire her and make her his Childe and Mate, he couldn't bear the thought that Buffy would probably hate him for it, and be sad that she had been killed, and miss her friends and family when they died of old age as she stayed his forever. The hate and the love battled in his mind, and the selfish love over the selfless love battled in the heart he'd forgotten he had. But an answer wasn't long in coming.
Buffy stirred in his arms, cocking her head slightly and causing her body beneath his vampire face to shift. She stilled after a second, and just when he thought she was fully asleep, she murmured something. At first he had to strain even his vampiric hearing to catch the words, but when his brain finally registered, he was almost shocked into dust. "Go on." Buffy whispered again. After a moment, in which his brain stood stock-still in mental mid-blow, she said, "I love you. Always, soul or no. No matter what you are, no matter what I am, no matter what happens, I will love you for eternity."
Slowly, almost not believing that it was real, Angelus sank his fangs into Buffy's neck, so softly and gently that Buffy, conditioned from so much pain in battle, hardly felt it. He sucked up a little of her blood, just a few drops that spilled out onto his tongue, and immediately the euphoria of her Slayer's blood flooded his mind, the power making him almost dizzy. But still he didn't begin to drain her. Finally, Buffy twined her fingers through his hand on her waist, and leaned further into his chest. The shift caused a few more drops of blood to seep into Angelus' mouth, as Buffy had intended, and at last he began to do what he had wanted to for so long, what his soul had stopped him from doing.
Ever so slowly, Angelus sipped up the blood from Buffy's veins. He went so slowly that she had fallen asleep, almost immediately becoming used to the feeling of his fangs buried gently in her neck and the feeling of him softly sucking up her blood. Her heart slowed in his ears, slowed ever so gradually as she fell deeper and deeper into sleep, as she lost more and more blood. Just as the first rays of sunlight were striking the thick curtains drawn across the window, Buffy's heart stopped.
Angelus lay all day beside her, knowing her family and friends would be worried sick, but not caring at all. He was still floating in the power of her blood and the knowledge that she had let him drink it. He still couldn't understand how she could love him so much. Even with a soul, he hadn't thought he deserved anything so. beautiful. And now. he was content to wait here with her in his arms for the few days it would take her to turn. He was full of her blood, and would joyously wait beside her so that she could drink from him first of all vampires, and truly become his Childe. No demon could come after him, and no human but the one in his arms knew where he lived. They were safe for a long while.
~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~
About sixty hours later, Buffy jerked awake with a gasp. She didn't go very far, though, because she was still wrapped in Angel's arms. No. She thought as her memory picked up. Angelus. But still mine. She sighed, content, then chuckled as a new thought came to her. So what does that make me? Buffylus? But as she thought about it, she realized that she didn't feel like her soul was gone. She felt no different at all, well, except for the part about not breathing. She was about to go back to sleep in Angelus' arms, but just then he moved.
"Hey, babe." He whispered in her ear. Then he moved his head down and licked the still tender marks on her neck. She gasped as a wave of emotion crashed through her system. Angelus moved one arm from around her, and Buffy smelt blood. His wrist came around her body, one drop of red blood falling from the tooth-gash onto her cheek. She moved her hand to touch it and brought a finger to her nose. Immediately a bloodlust and a hunger came over her, as though she hadn't eaten for days. In a sense, she hadn't. Plus, being born takes a lot out of you. Almost without knowing what happened, she found herself in game face, her fangs pricking Angelus' skin as she sucked up the blood.
As soon as the first drop touched her lips, Buffy's mind burst with knowledge and feelings. She could feel Angelus' thoughts and emotions, sense his pleasure and pain at her fangs buried in his flesh. His nearness started a new kind of buzz in the back of her mind, apart from her Slayer- sense. It was a new Vampire-sense, only more. She could feel Angelus' unique presence, knew she could pick him out blindfolded from a crowd of a thousand vampires.
The feeling grew stronger as she fed on her Sire's blood, taking back half the blood he had drunk from her, mixed with his own to create a potent drug of life and power. After a while, Angelus pulled his arm away, stopping her from drinking much more. He pressed the still-bleeding gash to her shoulder, letting it heal. "That's enough for now." He murmured into her ear. "You can have more later. You'll need it." They lay in silence for a while. Buffy's mind drifted over the past days' events, through everything that happened with Angelus, and Angel- or are they the same person after all? - she mused. Back to the Judge, and the surprise party that Giles and her friends had.
"Oh, no." she whispered, horrified. Angel- Angelus, now. - shifted behind her.
"What is it, babe?" he asked, slight concern in his voice.
"Giles, my mom, Willow and Xander and the others. they don't know I'm still alive. They must be frantic!"
Angelus chuckled behind her. "Buff, you're dead. Well, undead is more exact, but." There was mirth in his tone, but underlying that was worry, concern, broodiness, love. all the emotions that had been so dominant in Angel. The soulless vampire was not so evil as he had once been. This is what was throwing Buffy off. She had known from the moment she woke that something was up, had perceived almost immediately the change in her lover. But that change wasn't appearing to be so drastic as she thought. Even though she knew she loved Angelus as much as Angel, she had been expecting some things different, and was having trouble distinguishing between the souled and soulless versions of the man she loved. "Angel." she said chidingly. Then sighed in frustration as she realized the slip of a tongue that was barely a slip.
"What?" he retorted, not entirely joking. Then he asked, more seriously, "What's on your mind?"
"Two things." Buffy replied, sighing again. "One, I know you aren't cursed with a soul anymore, right?" He nodded, his cheek brushing against her skin, and she went on. "I'm having a difficult time telling the difference as of yet. When you were. when you had a soul, you went by Angel, and you told me that as an evil vampire you were called Angelus. But I'm not seeing the evil here, and-" Buffy stopped talking as her lover pressed a soft kiss to her still hyper-sensitive neck.
"I'm having trouble being my usual cruel self, anyways. Probably has something to do with my irrationally overwhelming love for a certain blonde Slayer I know. You keep right on calling me Angel." Buffy breathed deep, still in the habit of needing oxygen, relieved to get one troubling burden off her shoulders. Now for the other.
"The second thing is that, we left all my family and friends and my Watcher thinking the both of us are ash. Giles and the others might not spaz too much about all this, but my mom. she barely knows you exist. No way she'd accept, or even believe, everything that's happened in the last day."
"Three days, actually, give or take." Angel corrected. "And I think you should just let them think you're dead and we can skip town."
Buffy sighed. "I'd say you were being cruel, and I really, really don't like it, but I can't think of any other way of saving my mom some pain. I think she'd take it easier thinking I'd died mysteriously or maybe run away and maybe finding out that I'm the Slayer, than finding out I'm the Slayer and a vampire. I just want a way of making it all right for her- for everyone."
Angel imitated her sigh. "If you want, you can figure out a way to convince your mom you've just run away or something. Not right now, though. The sun's just coming up now, and it'll be a while before you get used to avoiding the daytime." He smirked a little, and even though she couldn't see him, Buffy could feel his amusement and joy- contentment was rolling off him in waves. But there was also something bothering him- she could tell, just by thinking. She sifted through the little part of her that was all Angel, and felt his concern, and a hint of sadness.
"What's on your mind?" She asked, taking her turn at comforting the one she loved.
"Can't fool you, huh, Childe?" Angel asked huskily, avoiding her question.
Buffy turned in his embrace, thumping a fist lightly on his bare chest. "As tempting as you know you are, you're not getting away that easily. Tell me what's wrong." She said, practically growling. Angel sighed once more and buried his face in the crook of her neck, resting his forehead on the tender scars that marked Buffy as his Childe.
"I love you." He whispered.
"And that's what's wrong?" Buffy asked.
"No." He replied mournfully. "What's wrong is that you don't love me." Buffy stiffened in his arms, and the part of him that was Buffy let him feel her anger and agitation, preparing to speak. "Don't say anything just yet. I know you loved the part of me that has a soul. I was underneath that soul the whole time, feeling that love you had for him, and his love for you, and I fell in love with you too. But he's not me. Despite what it looks like now, we're not the same, and you'll start to really see the differences if you let me stay free of my soul. What's wrong is that I know, deep down inside, that you don't love me as you loved him, can't love me as much, because I truly am a demon. And I know that you're mad at me for turning you this way, I know I'm selfish for keeping you to myself for eternity, and you'll hate me when that sinks in. You will live for eternity, and you will always be my Childe, and your family and friends will grow old and die while you watch from the shadows, and you'll never forgive me."
Buffy lay still and silent through this, one of the longest speeches he'd ever made to her, listening intently and feeling his emotions in her mind. And she did realize that what he said was true. She would live forever, and everyone she knew and cared for in Sunnydale would die and be long forgotten history while she went on beside Angel forever. But she realized something he didn't.
"I love you." She whispered, softly, reaching up one hand to run it through his hair. He let out a breath, brushing the hair on her forehead, as she stroked his back with her other arm. "What will it take to get that through your head? Yes, I'm terribly sad about leaving them all behind, but I'm the Slayer. I was destined to die young anyway. Heck, I already have. I'll tell mom I'm running away, and tell Giles what really happened, and then I want to leave. With you."
Disclaimer: if you recognize it, it's not mine. if you DO recognize it, it IS mine. quite a simple concept, isn't it?
"Love Deserved"
Buffy and Angel slept peacefully in each other's arms as lightning flashed and thunder rolled outside in the night. Angel stirred slightly as a particularly loud crash of thunder sounded, growing in momentum as though signifying a drumroll of doom. He suddenly gasped, softly, and his face contorted in pain. He tried to get up, away from Buffy, not knowing what was happening, but he was too weak. Unneeded gasping breaths shuddered through Angel's lungs as the thunder outside and the pain inside built. As the storm released it's pent up tension in a fury of light and power, a light shone in Angel's eyes, and a last shuddering breath of pain escaped his lips, and was gone.
Now he had the strength to stand, but he saw no need. The pain was gone, and he was fully awake and in control of himself again. He turned his head to the delicate figure still sleeping peacefully beside him. A cruel smirk grew on his lips, but if Buffy had looked, she would have seen the love for her reflecting in his onyx eyes. A new rumble of thunder above them caused Buffy to stir slightly, though she did not wake; instead she rolled over, her back facing him. He scooted over to wrap his arms around her and bring her closer to him, and Buffy sank into his embrace. For a few moments he simply held her and breathed in the unique scent of her body, listened to her heart pump beneath his chest, felt her pulse beat against his bare skin next to hers.
After a few moments, he lowered his head to her neck and began to draw light kisses along the tender skin between her jaw and her shoulder. Buffy sighed and settled deeper into his arms. He brushed her blonde hair off her shoulder with his face, still pressing his lips softly against her neck. He stopped for a moment, waiting, then rested his forehead in the curve between her neck and her shoulder. With his face pressed lightly into Buffy's neck, he shifted to game face. He softly ran his fangs along the smooth tanned skin, searching for the perfect place to mark her. But, once he had found it, he hesitated.
Even now, he loved her. Even without his soul. Both the demon and the human had come to feel so strongly for this Slayer, and even as he hated her for making him feel that way, he knew that he would die before he hurt her or let someone else hurt her. No matter how much he wanted to bite her, kill her, Sire her and make her his Childe and Mate, he couldn't bear the thought that Buffy would probably hate him for it, and be sad that she had been killed, and miss her friends and family when they died of old age as she stayed his forever. The hate and the love battled in his mind, and the selfish love over the selfless love battled in the heart he'd forgotten he had. But an answer wasn't long in coming.
Buffy stirred in his arms, cocking her head slightly and causing her body beneath his vampire face to shift. She stilled after a second, and just when he thought she was fully asleep, she murmured something. At first he had to strain even his vampiric hearing to catch the words, but when his brain finally registered, he was almost shocked into dust. "Go on." Buffy whispered again. After a moment, in which his brain stood stock-still in mental mid-blow, she said, "I love you. Always, soul or no. No matter what you are, no matter what I am, no matter what happens, I will love you for eternity."
Slowly, almost not believing that it was real, Angelus sank his fangs into Buffy's neck, so softly and gently that Buffy, conditioned from so much pain in battle, hardly felt it. He sucked up a little of her blood, just a few drops that spilled out onto his tongue, and immediately the euphoria of her Slayer's blood flooded his mind, the power making him almost dizzy. But still he didn't begin to drain her. Finally, Buffy twined her fingers through his hand on her waist, and leaned further into his chest. The shift caused a few more drops of blood to seep into Angelus' mouth, as Buffy had intended, and at last he began to do what he had wanted to for so long, what his soul had stopped him from doing.
Ever so slowly, Angelus sipped up the blood from Buffy's veins. He went so slowly that she had fallen asleep, almost immediately becoming used to the feeling of his fangs buried gently in her neck and the feeling of him softly sucking up her blood. Her heart slowed in his ears, slowed ever so gradually as she fell deeper and deeper into sleep, as she lost more and more blood. Just as the first rays of sunlight were striking the thick curtains drawn across the window, Buffy's heart stopped.
Angelus lay all day beside her, knowing her family and friends would be worried sick, but not caring at all. He was still floating in the power of her blood and the knowledge that she had let him drink it. He still couldn't understand how she could love him so much. Even with a soul, he hadn't thought he deserved anything so. beautiful. And now. he was content to wait here with her in his arms for the few days it would take her to turn. He was full of her blood, and would joyously wait beside her so that she could drink from him first of all vampires, and truly become his Childe. No demon could come after him, and no human but the one in his arms knew where he lived. They were safe for a long while.
~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~
About sixty hours later, Buffy jerked awake with a gasp. She didn't go very far, though, because she was still wrapped in Angel's arms. No. She thought as her memory picked up. Angelus. But still mine. She sighed, content, then chuckled as a new thought came to her. So what does that make me? Buffylus? But as she thought about it, she realized that she didn't feel like her soul was gone. She felt no different at all, well, except for the part about not breathing. She was about to go back to sleep in Angelus' arms, but just then he moved.
"Hey, babe." He whispered in her ear. Then he moved his head down and licked the still tender marks on her neck. She gasped as a wave of emotion crashed through her system. Angelus moved one arm from around her, and Buffy smelt blood. His wrist came around her body, one drop of red blood falling from the tooth-gash onto her cheek. She moved her hand to touch it and brought a finger to her nose. Immediately a bloodlust and a hunger came over her, as though she hadn't eaten for days. In a sense, she hadn't. Plus, being born takes a lot out of you. Almost without knowing what happened, she found herself in game face, her fangs pricking Angelus' skin as she sucked up the blood.
As soon as the first drop touched her lips, Buffy's mind burst with knowledge and feelings. She could feel Angelus' thoughts and emotions, sense his pleasure and pain at her fangs buried in his flesh. His nearness started a new kind of buzz in the back of her mind, apart from her Slayer- sense. It was a new Vampire-sense, only more. She could feel Angelus' unique presence, knew she could pick him out blindfolded from a crowd of a thousand vampires.
The feeling grew stronger as she fed on her Sire's blood, taking back half the blood he had drunk from her, mixed with his own to create a potent drug of life and power. After a while, Angelus pulled his arm away, stopping her from drinking much more. He pressed the still-bleeding gash to her shoulder, letting it heal. "That's enough for now." He murmured into her ear. "You can have more later. You'll need it." They lay in silence for a while. Buffy's mind drifted over the past days' events, through everything that happened with Angelus, and Angel- or are they the same person after all? - she mused. Back to the Judge, and the surprise party that Giles and her friends had.
"Oh, no." she whispered, horrified. Angel- Angelus, now. - shifted behind her.
"What is it, babe?" he asked, slight concern in his voice.
"Giles, my mom, Willow and Xander and the others. they don't know I'm still alive. They must be frantic!"
Angelus chuckled behind her. "Buff, you're dead. Well, undead is more exact, but." There was mirth in his tone, but underlying that was worry, concern, broodiness, love. all the emotions that had been so dominant in Angel. The soulless vampire was not so evil as he had once been. This is what was throwing Buffy off. She had known from the moment she woke that something was up, had perceived almost immediately the change in her lover. But that change wasn't appearing to be so drastic as she thought. Even though she knew she loved Angelus as much as Angel, she had been expecting some things different, and was having trouble distinguishing between the souled and soulless versions of the man she loved. "Angel." she said chidingly. Then sighed in frustration as she realized the slip of a tongue that was barely a slip.
"What?" he retorted, not entirely joking. Then he asked, more seriously, "What's on your mind?"
"Two things." Buffy replied, sighing again. "One, I know you aren't cursed with a soul anymore, right?" He nodded, his cheek brushing against her skin, and she went on. "I'm having a difficult time telling the difference as of yet. When you were. when you had a soul, you went by Angel, and you told me that as an evil vampire you were called Angelus. But I'm not seeing the evil here, and-" Buffy stopped talking as her lover pressed a soft kiss to her still hyper-sensitive neck.
"I'm having trouble being my usual cruel self, anyways. Probably has something to do with my irrationally overwhelming love for a certain blonde Slayer I know. You keep right on calling me Angel." Buffy breathed deep, still in the habit of needing oxygen, relieved to get one troubling burden off her shoulders. Now for the other.
"The second thing is that, we left all my family and friends and my Watcher thinking the both of us are ash. Giles and the others might not spaz too much about all this, but my mom. she barely knows you exist. No way she'd accept, or even believe, everything that's happened in the last day."
"Three days, actually, give or take." Angel corrected. "And I think you should just let them think you're dead and we can skip town."
Buffy sighed. "I'd say you were being cruel, and I really, really don't like it, but I can't think of any other way of saving my mom some pain. I think she'd take it easier thinking I'd died mysteriously or maybe run away and maybe finding out that I'm the Slayer, than finding out I'm the Slayer and a vampire. I just want a way of making it all right for her- for everyone."
Angel imitated her sigh. "If you want, you can figure out a way to convince your mom you've just run away or something. Not right now, though. The sun's just coming up now, and it'll be a while before you get used to avoiding the daytime." He smirked a little, and even though she couldn't see him, Buffy could feel his amusement and joy- contentment was rolling off him in waves. But there was also something bothering him- she could tell, just by thinking. She sifted through the little part of her that was all Angel, and felt his concern, and a hint of sadness.
"What's on your mind?" She asked, taking her turn at comforting the one she loved.
"Can't fool you, huh, Childe?" Angel asked huskily, avoiding her question.
Buffy turned in his embrace, thumping a fist lightly on his bare chest. "As tempting as you know you are, you're not getting away that easily. Tell me what's wrong." She said, practically growling. Angel sighed once more and buried his face in the crook of her neck, resting his forehead on the tender scars that marked Buffy as his Childe.
"I love you." He whispered.
"And that's what's wrong?" Buffy asked.
"No." He replied mournfully. "What's wrong is that you don't love me." Buffy stiffened in his arms, and the part of him that was Buffy let him feel her anger and agitation, preparing to speak. "Don't say anything just yet. I know you loved the part of me that has a soul. I was underneath that soul the whole time, feeling that love you had for him, and his love for you, and I fell in love with you too. But he's not me. Despite what it looks like now, we're not the same, and you'll start to really see the differences if you let me stay free of my soul. What's wrong is that I know, deep down inside, that you don't love me as you loved him, can't love me as much, because I truly am a demon. And I know that you're mad at me for turning you this way, I know I'm selfish for keeping you to myself for eternity, and you'll hate me when that sinks in. You will live for eternity, and you will always be my Childe, and your family and friends will grow old and die while you watch from the shadows, and you'll never forgive me."
Buffy lay still and silent through this, one of the longest speeches he'd ever made to her, listening intently and feeling his emotions in her mind. And she did realize that what he said was true. She would live forever, and everyone she knew and cared for in Sunnydale would die and be long forgotten history while she went on beside Angel forever. But she realized something he didn't.
"I love you." She whispered, softly, reaching up one hand to run it through his hair. He let out a breath, brushing the hair on her forehead, as she stroked his back with her other arm. "What will it take to get that through your head? Yes, I'm terribly sad about leaving them all behind, but I'm the Slayer. I was destined to die young anyway. Heck, I already have. I'll tell mom I'm running away, and tell Giles what really happened, and then I want to leave. With you."