Chapter 1

            "I've got a man with a concussion in Curtain 3 can you take it I really need to go," Chen said in a rush, already pushing the chart into Carter's hands. It clattered to the floor between them. "John? You okay?"

            "Oh, um, yeah," Carter said, flashing her a smile. He picked up the chart and pretended to study it, but his mind was on other things.

            "Did you even hear a word I said?" Chen asked.

            "Of course I did. Man in Curtain three. Concussion. I got it."

            "Thanks, John. I really appreciate it. See you tomorrow?"

            "Yeah, sure. Bye Deb." She exited the lounge, and Carter was alone.

            He propped himself up again the wall and gazed at the chart, unseeing. I've got to pull myself together, he told himself. I'm gonna get fired if I keep spacing out like this at work.

            With a sigh, he headed out to see the man in Curtain three. Life still went on, even without her.

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            "Ready to go?" Susan asked, opening her locker.

            Carter assumed she was talking to someone else, then realized he was the only one in the room. "Me?" he asked, pointing a finger at his chest.

            "Who else?"

            "Ready to go where?"

            Susan gave him an angelic smile. "Double date, remember?" Seeing the look on his face, she said, "You promised."

            "No, I didn't," Carter said in an irritated tone. He knew he hadn't promised Susan any such thing; what was she trying to pull?

            "Aw, c'mon. If I have to go out with this guy again, the least you could do is keep me company," Susan whined.

            "Nobody make you accept. Why in the world should I have to spend an evening with a woman I barely even know just cause you didn't have the nerve to turn this jerk down?" Carter snapped.

            Susan stared at him, the smile sliding off her face. "You okay Carter?" she asked.

            "I'm fine," he responded.

            Susan was not convinced. "You wanna talk about it?"

            "There's nothing to talk about, okay?" He saw the hurt look on Susan's face and realized that he was biting her head off when she hadn't done anything. "I'm sorry, Susan. I've just been having a crappy day, but I shouldn't be taking it out on you." He paused, and looked down. "I guess I've been reminiscing a lot lately. It's been four years today."

            Susan was confused. "Four years since what?" she asked.

            "Four years since I ruined the best thing I ever had."

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            "Miss Bella? Miss Bella? Could I have another cup of juice?" asked Riley, holding up his empty tumbler.

            Miss Bella scowled down at the three year old. "One cup each. You already got your cup; go play."

            Riley's lip quivered. "But I'm thirsty," he said, lower lip quivering.

            "Get some water from the sink," said Miss Bella, reopening her newspaper. Riley began to cry.

            "You made my brother cry! I hate you," said Jill. She ran over to Miss Bella and kicked her in the shin.

            "Why, you little demon," said Miss Bella, hauling her huge behind from its comfortable home in the recliner. She grabbed both Jill and Riley by their wrists and dragged them to the corner. "You little brats can stay there until your mother gets here!" Miss Bella said triumphantly, returning to her recliner. Who had the last laugh now?

            As the other children of the daycare center ran wild around her, Miss Bella continued to read her newspaper. After all, the parents were only paying 45 dollars a week; what kind of care did they expect? In fact, she didn't look up from the newspaper until she heard an angry voice saying, "Why are my children in the corner?"

            Reluctantly, Miss Bella looked up from her newspaper. "Well Miss W., your little girl kicked me in my leg, right where my varicose veins are the worst." Miss Bella rubbed her nonexistent bruise. "I've a mind to sue."

            "They're three years old! You can't just leave them in a corner for an hour like that!"

            "How do you know it was an hour? You weren't here; for all you know they're lying." In actuality, Miss Bella had no idea how long they had been in the corner. She had been so engrossed in her newspaper, she had almost forgotten about them.

            Miss W. sighed and ran her fingers through her hair. "Look, I just don't want them being left in the corner that long, okay?" She hated to make peace with the lazy, spiteful woman, but this was the only daycare she could afford that hadn't gotten a failing grade from city inspectors.

            "Well, I'll thank you not to tell me how to run my daycare," Miss Bella huffed, reopening her newspaper. Who did this woman think she was, telling her how to treat those stupid brats? She was lucky she didn't leave them in the corner ALL day.

            Miss W. bit her lip. She needed someone to watch her children while she was at work, so she was doing her best not to piss Miss Bella off. She looked over at her son and daughter, who were in tears. It would be better to leave them home alone than to have them mistreated.   "I don't think it's fair for you to leave them in the corner like that for so long. Even if she kicked you, she's only a toddler."

            Miss Bella gasped in outrage, and hauled her fat behind out the chair for the second time that day. "You look here missy, this is my daycare. I'll run it however I please. You can just take your little demons and leave, Miss W., and don't you come back."

            Her face still covered with tears, Jill walked up to the woman and said, "Her name's not Miss W., it's Miss W-Y-C-Z-E-N-S-K-I!"

            Miss W. took the hands of her son and daughter. "I'm never coming back to this place. I'd rather leave my kids home alone than have you mistreat them." She stomped out of the door, leaving Miss Bella flabbergasted.

            "Does that mean we don't have to go there anymore?" Jill asked as soon as they had left the house.

            "No, you don't have to go there anymore," she confirmed, but she was worried. What was she going to do about her kids? She couldn't really leave them home alone; they were only three!

            Well, at least she was working the night shift tomorrow. That would give her an extra day to find another daycare. She didn't feel great about leaving her kids alone at night, but it was better than leaving them home alone during the day.

            "Yay! No more daycare! Can we come to work with you, Mommy?" Riley asked cheerfully.

            "No, honey, I'm gonna have to find you a new daycare."

            Jill made a face. "I don't want to go back to daycare! That lady was mean!"

            "I'll find a nice daycare this time," she promised, but she had no idea how she was going to afford it. The daycare they had been going to had taxed her finances to the max; she couldn't afford a better one.

            "I'll think of something," she encouraged herself aloud.

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            She had just gotten Riley and Jill out of bed the next morning when her pager started beeping. "Beep, beep, beep!" the twins chimed in. She sighed and looked at the pager. Sure enough, it was work.

            "Mommy's gotta go to work guys," she told them. "Since I haven't had a chance to find a new daycare, you'll have to come with me."

            "Can we go to the playroom again?" Riley asked eagerly. She nodded. "Yay!" the twins cheered.

            They arrived at the hospital in a few minutes. "I got a page; what's happening?"

            "Sorry Abby, but you know Glenn and Miranda are both out sick," said Emma, the desk clerk. "We've got twelve deliveries and only three nurses. Can you cover?"

            "And to think I quit working in the ER so I wouldn't be on call," Abby scoffed, putting on her I.D. badge. "Can you take the twins down to the playroom?"

            "I sure can." She grabbed each of their hands. "Hey guys, did you know that we got a new game on the Playstation?"

            "Really? What is it?"

            As their voices trailed off down the hall, Abby was reminded of that day so many years ago when she had played Playstation games with Luka. That seemed like such a distant memory. It had been so long since she had really had any fun. Raising twins was hard, and she worked every extra minute she could because she needed the money.

            Sighing, she turned to the board. She had a long day ahead of her.

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            Carter groaned as the dresser slowly but surely scraped its way across the floor. His shoulder muscles cried out in protest, and it seemed like the dresser was fighting back. He didn't remember moving furniture being this hard before. Why had he decided that he needed to rearrange his house today?

            With the dresser finally in place, he picked up a box from the closet. His fingers were slippery with sweat from exertion, and the box fell on his toes. "Ouch!" he cried out. His voice seemed to echo through the large, empty Carter mansion.

            This house is really too big for one person, he reflected. So many bedrooms, closets, and bathrooms that I never use. What a waste. I really should sell this place.

            But he couldn't bring himself to. He had started to so many times, especially right after Gamma died, but somehow, it just didn't seem right. This was the Carter house, and there should always be a Carter living here. So he stayed here. Alone.

            I shouldn't be here alone, he realized. She should be here with me.

            He opened the box and found just what he knew was in it: pictures. He brushed the dust off the cover of a photo album and opened it. Ah, so many memories. There, one of the gang at County General. Here, Carol and Doug and a party. There, Pratt and Deb sneaking a kiss. He flipped through the pictures angrily. Why did he have so many happy couple pictures?

            His fingers stopped when he got to the picture he was looking for. The one happy couple picture that he never got tired of looking at. He and Abby, holding cans of soda, smiling into the camera. He could see Abby's fingers snaking up behind him to plant rabbit ears behind his head, but she hadn't been fast enough to get them in the picture. He sighed as he remembered that day. It had been a long time since he had had that much fun. He really missed her.

            His head suddenly snapped upwards. "What am I doing?" he asked himself. "It's been four years since Abby left. I need to get on with my life."

            For the most part, he had. It was just times like this, times when he felt down and started to reminisce, that he wished he could have Abby back.

            It would have been bad enough if they had just broken up, but knowing that her leaving was entirely his fault made him feel awful. He could still remember the look on her face when she found him...

            No, he couldn't think about that. Abby was gone now, and she had made it quite clear that she didn't want to have anything to do with him. Maybe it was time for him to move on. With a sigh, he placed the photo album back in its box. It was going to be a long day.