AN: This idea has been done for several fandoms so far, but I'm unaware of anything for HP as of yet, so let me take a shot at it...I don't know if it has quite the same effect seeing as how the series hasn't yet been concluded, but I think it'll be alright, at the very least.
FANFICTION LOUNGE, HARRY POTTER
The scene opens in a large room, just a bit smaller than the Great Hall. There is an opening in the wall at the far end, obviously through which food and other random things can be passed, as one would find in a cafeteria. Through the opening can be seen various cooking apparatus, stoves, ovens, sinks, etc. On the wall of the giant room hangs an old banner, faded from years of use. "ROWLING CHARACTERS' UNION: Hogwarts Chapter, Harry Potter," reads the banner in loud letters. Various chairs and couches are scattered strategically around the room, with small coffee tables placed by them, some with abandoned games of exploding snap set up, some with games of Wizard's Chess left not-quite-finished.
Harry Potter and Ron Weasley are the first to enter, looking around the deserted room curiously. "I wonder where Hermione is?" Ron mused quietly. "Have you seen her?"
"About six hours ago," Harry replied. "She's on Time Turner duty. Again."
"I dunno...We had an NC-17 lined up before that. Various little things, you know?"
Harry rolled his eyes. "Oh, I know."
Hermione Granger chose that moment to stumble in through the doors, her body phasing dangerously in and out of existence, like a cloud fading from view. Her body looked weak, with various scratches and bruises all over. "Hey, guys. Any tea around here?" she asked brightly, seemingly unalarmed by her state of existence.
The doors burst open behind her and a much younger set of the Marauders - James, Sirius, Remus and Peter, as well as Lily, rushed in behind her. Remus and Sirius seemed to be going through the same phasing, just to a different degree.
"Um...In the back?" Harry answered her uncertainly, looking around at the new inhabitants of the room. "Are you alright?"
"What?" Hermione looked absently at him, then glanced down at herself. "Oh. That. Obviously you haven't seen me after my Time Turner incidents. Remus and I - and Sirius and all the rest of them - were just in some very twisted past. I'll be like this for a bit. Ron, would you mind terribly helping me with the tea? I'm not sure that I'm solid enough quite yet but I could really use some."
It was then that Severus Snape chose to make his entrance, holding a giant leatherbound green volume with golden edges. "Are you getting tea?" he asked, none of his usual scariness apparent.
Ron looked slightly terrified nonetheless, and Hermione smiled, tilting her head to one side. "Would you like some, Severus?"
"Please."
Eyes widening, Ron now reddened as he pulled Hermione into the back, no doubt to demand to know about this new first-name-basis Hermione seemed to be on and if she was in her right mind.
"Hey, watch it!" Hermione could be heard exclaiming, "you wouldn't want to..."
A loud thud resounded from the back and then a sigh, followed closely by Hermione's voice again: "I told you so. I'm in no state for you to be dragging me about right now, Ron. You're GOING to get hurt, if you aren't already."
"What? Someone hurt?" Poppy Pomfrey had slipped in as well, heading to the back. "Is it Mr. Weasley again? I don't know how many times he and Mr. Potter have been in the Hospital Wing this week. It's getting ridiculous." She shot an irritated glance at Severus as she bustled to the back. "And the same goes for you and Miss Granger. It's insane, really. You have to take better care of yourselves!"
"We've only been in the Hospital Wing once this week," protested Severus weakly. Pomfrey's eyebrow raised and she conceded.
"Alright, but that's just this week. How many times did I see you the week before, hmm?"
He looked away, and Harry's eyes widened with amazement. Poppy clucked and hurried into the back, with one last shake of her head at Severus.
Suddenly, Minerva McGonagall rushed in, the door slamming behind her and nearly breaking Albus Dumbledore's spectacles. She stomped into the kitchen, and Albus came in with a wary glance around. "Is it safe?"
"Yes, she's in the back," offered Lily kindly. "What happened?"
Albus winced. "I'm afraid that some crazy author got it into their head to write a fanfiction with the most ghastly pairings. I got Sybil," he frowned. "It was a match that, shall we say, was not exactly written in the stars. Minerva was upset for this entire past shift. It was terrible."
"Say," said Sirius, suddenly interested, "who DID she get?" As sort of an afterthought, he added, "I popped in at the end with Ron, Harry and Hermione."
"Minerva was, most unfortunately I can assure you, paired up with me."
Lily's eyes widened and she covered her mouth with her hands. James started snorting, and Sirius tried valiantly to hold in his laughter. It came out as sort of a half-cough, half-laugh, until he started simply laughing. His howls rang through the hall, and tears were streaming down his cheeks as he doubled over, stumbling over to a couch.
"There, there, it's not really so funny," Lily said, following James, who followed Sirius to sit on the couch. "It must have been terrible." She looked with sympathy at Severus, then at Albus. Remus simply buried his face in his hands, and Sirius suddenly looked up.
"Say, Remus," he said, his newfound tendency to begin everything with the word "say" manifesting itself, "who did YOU get?"
Remus closed his eyes and Harry moved over to him, patting him on the back. "I'm afraid that Remus got...uh..." he paused, looking at the former DADA professor. "D'you want me to tell? Or d'you want to?"
Remus just shook his head and waved for Harry to continue.
"Remus was paired with Lockhart," blurted Harry, and Hermione and Ron, having finished getting the tea, came out at that very opportune moment.
"Oh, are you talking about THAT fanfic?" Hermione asked, no longer phasing in and out of existence but now with a height that fluctuated madly. She moved to Snape, handing him his tea, and saying something sotto voce to him, then giving him a small nod. He looked pained.
"I believe," he said stiffly, "that Miss Granger and I must depart for a short one-shot." He dropped the volume he'd been holding onto a coffee table with a thud, and gulped down his tea.
Hermione looked down. "Oh, the WIKTT Archives!" she squealed excitedly. "I've been looking for my copy for simply AGES! It should be in here." As she knelt by the table to search the pages, Ron looked surprised.
"They actually let you keep those? They must be worth a fortune!"
"Most expensive prop that fanfic has ever used," Hermione said proudly. "I read it in Hogwarts, A..."
"History?" Ron rolled his eyes.
"FANFICTION History," Hermione corrected him snippishly. "Have you read it yet?"
"Of course not!" chorused Ron, Harry and Sirius all at once.
"I could have told you that," said Severus, trying to read over Hermione's shoulder as she leafed through the thick book.
"Here it is," said Hermione. "It's our one-shot." She heaved it up and passed it to him, pointing. "See? It's really short."
"Another married-with-children?" Severus moaned and closed the book with a loud thwap, getting up and storming out of the room, robes billowing more dramatically than usual.
"You know, sometimes I really do wonder if he controls how much his robes billow..." Ron mused, as Hermione smiled indulgently.
"The WIKTTeers have been quite active recently," she said, and hurried after the Potions Master. "We should be back within the hour."
FANFICTION LOUNGE, HARRY POTTER
The scene opens in a large room, just a bit smaller than the Great Hall. There is an opening in the wall at the far end, obviously through which food and other random things can be passed, as one would find in a cafeteria. Through the opening can be seen various cooking apparatus, stoves, ovens, sinks, etc. On the wall of the giant room hangs an old banner, faded from years of use. "ROWLING CHARACTERS' UNION: Hogwarts Chapter, Harry Potter," reads the banner in loud letters. Various chairs and couches are scattered strategically around the room, with small coffee tables placed by them, some with abandoned games of exploding snap set up, some with games of Wizard's Chess left not-quite-finished.
Harry Potter and Ron Weasley are the first to enter, looking around the deserted room curiously. "I wonder where Hermione is?" Ron mused quietly. "Have you seen her?"
"About six hours ago," Harry replied. "She's on Time Turner duty. Again."
"I dunno...We had an NC-17 lined up before that. Various little things, you know?"
Harry rolled his eyes. "Oh, I know."
Hermione Granger chose that moment to stumble in through the doors, her body phasing dangerously in and out of existence, like a cloud fading from view. Her body looked weak, with various scratches and bruises all over. "Hey, guys. Any tea around here?" she asked brightly, seemingly unalarmed by her state of existence.
The doors burst open behind her and a much younger set of the Marauders - James, Sirius, Remus and Peter, as well as Lily, rushed in behind her. Remus and Sirius seemed to be going through the same phasing, just to a different degree.
"Um...In the back?" Harry answered her uncertainly, looking around at the new inhabitants of the room. "Are you alright?"
"What?" Hermione looked absently at him, then glanced down at herself. "Oh. That. Obviously you haven't seen me after my Time Turner incidents. Remus and I - and Sirius and all the rest of them - were just in some very twisted past. I'll be like this for a bit. Ron, would you mind terribly helping me with the tea? I'm not sure that I'm solid enough quite yet but I could really use some."
It was then that Severus Snape chose to make his entrance, holding a giant leatherbound green volume with golden edges. "Are you getting tea?" he asked, none of his usual scariness apparent.
Ron looked slightly terrified nonetheless, and Hermione smiled, tilting her head to one side. "Would you like some, Severus?"
"Please."
Eyes widening, Ron now reddened as he pulled Hermione into the back, no doubt to demand to know about this new first-name-basis Hermione seemed to be on and if she was in her right mind.
"Hey, watch it!" Hermione could be heard exclaiming, "you wouldn't want to..."
A loud thud resounded from the back and then a sigh, followed closely by Hermione's voice again: "I told you so. I'm in no state for you to be dragging me about right now, Ron. You're GOING to get hurt, if you aren't already."
"What? Someone hurt?" Poppy Pomfrey had slipped in as well, heading to the back. "Is it Mr. Weasley again? I don't know how many times he and Mr. Potter have been in the Hospital Wing this week. It's getting ridiculous." She shot an irritated glance at Severus as she bustled to the back. "And the same goes for you and Miss Granger. It's insane, really. You have to take better care of yourselves!"
"We've only been in the Hospital Wing once this week," protested Severus weakly. Pomfrey's eyebrow raised and she conceded.
"Alright, but that's just this week. How many times did I see you the week before, hmm?"
He looked away, and Harry's eyes widened with amazement. Poppy clucked and hurried into the back, with one last shake of her head at Severus.
Suddenly, Minerva McGonagall rushed in, the door slamming behind her and nearly breaking Albus Dumbledore's spectacles. She stomped into the kitchen, and Albus came in with a wary glance around. "Is it safe?"
"Yes, she's in the back," offered Lily kindly. "What happened?"
Albus winced. "I'm afraid that some crazy author got it into their head to write a fanfiction with the most ghastly pairings. I got Sybil," he frowned. "It was a match that, shall we say, was not exactly written in the stars. Minerva was upset for this entire past shift. It was terrible."
"Say," said Sirius, suddenly interested, "who DID she get?" As sort of an afterthought, he added, "I popped in at the end with Ron, Harry and Hermione."
"Minerva was, most unfortunately I can assure you, paired up with me."
Lily's eyes widened and she covered her mouth with her hands. James started snorting, and Sirius tried valiantly to hold in his laughter. It came out as sort of a half-cough, half-laugh, until he started simply laughing. His howls rang through the hall, and tears were streaming down his cheeks as he doubled over, stumbling over to a couch.
"There, there, it's not really so funny," Lily said, following James, who followed Sirius to sit on the couch. "It must have been terrible." She looked with sympathy at Severus, then at Albus. Remus simply buried his face in his hands, and Sirius suddenly looked up.
"Say, Remus," he said, his newfound tendency to begin everything with the word "say" manifesting itself, "who did YOU get?"
Remus closed his eyes and Harry moved over to him, patting him on the back. "I'm afraid that Remus got...uh..." he paused, looking at the former DADA professor. "D'you want me to tell? Or d'you want to?"
Remus just shook his head and waved for Harry to continue.
"Remus was paired with Lockhart," blurted Harry, and Hermione and Ron, having finished getting the tea, came out at that very opportune moment.
"Oh, are you talking about THAT fanfic?" Hermione asked, no longer phasing in and out of existence but now with a height that fluctuated madly. She moved to Snape, handing him his tea, and saying something sotto voce to him, then giving him a small nod. He looked pained.
"I believe," he said stiffly, "that Miss Granger and I must depart for a short one-shot." He dropped the volume he'd been holding onto a coffee table with a thud, and gulped down his tea.
Hermione looked down. "Oh, the WIKTT Archives!" she squealed excitedly. "I've been looking for my copy for simply AGES! It should be in here." As she knelt by the table to search the pages, Ron looked surprised.
"They actually let you keep those? They must be worth a fortune!"
"Most expensive prop that fanfic has ever used," Hermione said proudly. "I read it in Hogwarts, A..."
"History?" Ron rolled his eyes.
"FANFICTION History," Hermione corrected him snippishly. "Have you read it yet?"
"Of course not!" chorused Ron, Harry and Sirius all at once.
"I could have told you that," said Severus, trying to read over Hermione's shoulder as she leafed through the thick book.
"Here it is," said Hermione. "It's our one-shot." She heaved it up and passed it to him, pointing. "See? It's really short."
"Another married-with-children?" Severus moaned and closed the book with a loud thwap, getting up and storming out of the room, robes billowing more dramatically than usual.
"You know, sometimes I really do wonder if he controls how much his robes billow..." Ron mused, as Hermione smiled indulgently.
"The WIKTTeers have been quite active recently," she said, and hurried after the Potions Master. "We should be back within the hour."